Page 5
ALEC
The evening sky was turning dark when I found out that a text I’d received from Mum that had confused me would be the one that changed my life.
It was my turn to close up the garage, and I was alone, which wasn’t good because it left me alone with my thoughts. I’m not sure what happened the night that Bren arrived at the Queens Wraiths Clubhouse. But I’d got weird vibes off Sam in the months that followed. Where we’d spoken nearly every day since I’d met him, now if we texted once a week, it was a lot and it was always me that reached out. I missed my best friend; when I’d said as much to Cash and Lizzie, they’d both called me an idiot, and I’m not sure why. It was like they all knew the joke and I was the punchline.
I kept out of everyone’s way and threw myself into learning as much as I could over the next few months. I wanted to get home; everything was off-kilter. Not only was Sam being weird, but ever since Bren had got back to the UK, my mum and Gunny were acting strange too.
The amount of information that Mum had sent me about Bren’s baby had been odd, but something had made me save the text with the picture she’d sent just on a month ago. It was a picture of Bren, not long after she’d given birth, proudly holding her baby girl up.
It had hit me when I’d looked at that picture how beautiful Bren truly was. Even tired from having just given birth, she was smiling a wide, proud smile and holding her little girl up towards the camera. Mum and Abby had been standing on either side of her bed. In the background, Gunny and Reaper were both smiling proud smiles.
Taking my phone from my pocket, I once again stared at the text thread from my mother, trying to decipher what she meant.
Mum – Bren and baby Alexandra (Lexi) Abigail Crow. Weighing 7lb 5oz. Mum and baby are doing well and we’re so happy to welcome her to the family. The baby is gorgeous, Alec.
Me – Tell Bren congratulations for me.
Mum – Okay. Is that all you want to say?
Frowning at the text bubble, I shoved my hand into my pocket and curled my fingers around the earring that I kept in there. A month later and I still didn’t know what she meant. What else did Mum think I had to say?
“What has you frowning like that?” Cash asks, knocking against my shoulder with his as he comes to a stop next to me in the garage, Maestro following him in.
“Mum sent me a text when Bren had her baby, and she asked me if I wanted to say anything other than congratulations? I mean, what else am I meant to say?” I ask my brother in confusion.
Maestro and Cash exchange a look that I can’t explain. “I don’t know what to say, Alec, other than you’re an idiot, and I pray that one day you don’t wake up and regret losing out on one of the biggest gifts you could be given.”
Throwing my hands up in the air in frustration, I throw my head back and let out a growl before pointing my finger at my brother. “You see that comment right there. I’ve been getting a lot of that, but nobody will explain them. It’s like I’m in some weird joke and I’m the punchline, but I have no fucking clue why. What do you fucking mean, Cash? What the fuck is going on?”
Cash shakes his head at me and shrugs, “Not up to me to say anything, Alec. You’ve been given lots of hints and you’re still not connecting the dots.
“But you’re my little brother so I’ll try and help. Let’s break down the last few months and see if you finally get it. Tell me, little brother, when is the last time you fucked someone? Because when you first got here, you had a different woman every night. I’ve noticed that hasn’t happened in the last months.”
He's right; I haven’t slept with anyone, not when my hard-on disappears as soon as I have a woman in my bed. It’s easier to jack myself off than go through wondering what is wrong with me. Thinking back over the last few months, the last time I slept with anyone was when I was in Dallas. ‘Fuck me,’ it’s been over nine months.
“It’s been a long time,” I mutter, “not since Dallas, so maybe ten or so months.”
Maestro and Cash share a look again. “Huhuh,” Maestro nods, “and what happened in Dallas?”
Shoving my hand back into my pocket, my fingers curl around the earring as I think hard, casting my mind back to the weekend in Dallas, “There was the convention, I met Bren for dinner and drinks, we went to a nightclub to do some dancing. I must have picked up my one-night stand there, and that’s the last I remember.”
“Jesus, this is a fucking car crash. How can you be so dense?” Cash groans, rubbing his hands over his face as if frustrated with me.
Now I’m getting angry. I’ve worked hard to keep a lid on my temper, knowing what our biological father was like, and I never wanted to be like him. But the last few months have been stressful, and I feel like everyone is against me, and I’ve got no fucking clue why. They obviously all know something and are keeping it from me, and it’s pissing me off.
“Fucking tell me, Cash. I’m sick of all the comments, weird texts, my best friend not talking to me,” I shout. Throwing out my arm, I punch the oil drum that we brought in earlier, grimacing as pain radiates over my knuckles and up my arm. Better the oil drum than my brother, though.
“Okay, you two need to calm down,” Maestro rumbles, his eyes ping-ponging between the two of us. “Cash, just tell him. He deserves to know so he can decide what he wants to do. We both know that if it was us, we’d want to know. I think he’ll surprise you.”
My gaze flits between the two of them. What could be so bad that they don’t want me to know?
“Fuck,” Cash grinds out, “Lizzie’s going to kill me.”
With a deep, heartfelt sigh, he turns to me, gripping my shoulder, “Alec, you really need to think about that night. For some reason, you’re blocking it out, and I’ve a good idea why. Now, out of all the women you know, who are the ones that are off-limits when it comes to fucking around?”
With no hesitation, I reply, “Old Ladies and sisters.”
Cash nods, “And out of your friends, who has a sister that’s never hidden she has feelings for you? I also think you have feelings for her, but for some reason, you hide it and drown it out with strange pussy. So, little brother, who, if you had the chance of a relationship with, would you choose?”
At his words, my heart both wants to sink to the pit of my stomach and make its way up my throat. I start to sweat as in my mind’s eye I see a face on the blonde that’s been haunting me for months, and it’s Bren’s.
“Fuck,” I whisper, feeling sick to my stomach, “fuck, Cash. I’m just like Dad, like you. I didn’t want kids, not with his blood running through my veins.”
Cash cups the back of my neck and pulls me towards him, his forehead to mine, “You listen to me, Alec. We are nothing like our father, okay? He was an evil motherfucker, and you aren’t. You have a dad, and he’s a fucking amazing dad. Blood doesn’t mean shit. Do you think I’m a bad dad to my kids? And I’m not including Sam in this scenario because he was a different case; I’m talking about my kids with Lizzie. Do you think I’m a bad dad?”
Shaking my head, I reply to his question, “No, you’re a great dad.” Wiping my hand over my suddenly dry mouth as it hits me why Mum sent that picture, “Holy fuck, Cash! I’m a dad!” I laugh slightly, and if it’s a little choked up, neither Maestro nor Cash says anything. Cash hugs me tightly, pounding my back. “Yes, you are, little brother. Now you have decisions to make.”
Now that I know, something settles in me; I’m still angry, though. Pushing away from Cash, I grind out angrily, “Why didn’t she tell me? She should have told me.”
“Before you go off angry and half-cocked, Alec, I want you to think back to the night she arrived and what you said to the whore that was rubbing up against you. It was one of the last nights before I got rid of them all,” Maestro orders me.
Grinding my teeth, I hold my tongue and do as he suggests, thinking back to that night. The shock at seeing Bren with a small round belly, looking as beautiful as ever with her long blonde hair and big blue eyes. She always looked so soft, but under all that softness was a core of steel. My thoughts flashed to the hurt and anger in her eyes when she threw my words back at me after the comment I made about children when the whore had questioned me on having them.
“Don’t you want kids?” the whore standing next to me behind the bars asked curiously.
“Fuck no,” I remembered stating loudly and adamantly. “I’m too young to be a dad. Plus, I make sure I wrap up, and I only use my own condoms; there’s no way I’m getting trapped by a baby mama.”
And at the time, I didn’t want any children. I never had.
Not with who my father was. Even though I’d been brought up by people to whom blood meant nothing, the fact that I had HIS blood in my veins always made me feel sick to my stomach. Why would I want to punish an innocent child with my tainted blood? Nope, I never intended to have children.
My shoulders drooped as my words came back to me, and the vitriol she’d thrown at me after that stupid comment—I can remember being shocked when she’d sprouted them off, wondering how she knew what I’d said so often that it came off as rote now.
The anger in her tone as she snorted out a short laugh, shaking her head in disbelief when I’d asked if she wasn’t going to make him at least pay child support hit me differently now that I knew it had really been me she was talking about, not some strange she’d slept with when she’d informed me rather coldly, “No, Alec, he’s exactly like you, not interested in anything but loose pussy. When he finally got me, that was it; no more interest. And before you ask, yes, we used protection, but it’s not always a hundred percent, as I found out. So no, I’d rather the guy that slapped my arse and told me thanks for the night and that there was money for my cab wasn’t around my child. She and I will be perfectly fine on our own, thank you.”
Everything made sense now. I also knew that after her childhood with a father that didn’t give a shit and what it had done to them all, she’d never put her child through being treated that way.
“Fuck, I’m a selfish idiot,” I lift my head to look at Cash and Maestro, who had both stood waiting for me to think over the conversation I’d had so long ago.
“A little bit,” Cash teases me, “but you can change that. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going home,” I say, pulling my hand from my pocket and staring at the small emerald earring. Now that my head was out of my arse, I recognised it for one that Bren had worn ever since she’d received them. “I understand why she didn’t want to tell me, but I don’t understand why you didn’t?”
“She didn’t want you to feel pressured, but she also said she’d never keep it a secret if people asked, and she hasn’t. The only thing that she insisted on was that everyone leave you alone. Gunny and Abby have had a hard time keeping Reaper and Beverly in the UK. They were ready to come beat your ass,” Cash sniggers. “Your mum is massively pissed at you.”
“Fuck,” I mutter, running my hand over my head. I’m still angry, but my heart is slowly softening that even though I’ve been an absolute arse, Bren still protected me when she should have been insisting I step up and help. Well, there was one thing I could do. Turning to Cash, I tell him, “I need you to take some of my money and set up a trust fund for Lexi.”
Cash nods, “I can do that. What else are you going to do?”
My jaw hardens in determination, “I’m going to go home and somehow make Bren see I’m good enough for both of them.”
Maestro and Cash grin at me proudly. Cash claps me on the shoulder, then pushes me towards the doors, “Come on, little brother, let’s go wet that baby’s head and welcome you to the joys of fatherhood.”
Maestro and Cash waste no time in getting us to the clubhouse. It was late that night when I stumbled to my room and fell into bed. I didn’t pass out, though. No. I had one more thing I had to do. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I scroll until I find Bren’s name.
Me – Lexi is gorgeous, Bren. Just like her mum xxx
Smiling, I went to sleep with no plan but determined that I would do my best to win her back and step up as a father. I knew I’d have my work cut out for me; Bren may be soft, but she was stubborn, and she had someone she would be protecting, so it would be even harder. I’d show her, though, that I was good enough to be hers.