Page 11 of Bourbon Wishes (Wine Country Alphas #3)

"No, it's not that." I frown at her, which makes her giggle.

I doubt awkward is even in Bastian's vocabulary.

Nothing about him is uncomfortable or unsure.

He was probably born good at everything.

He's definitely not bad at sex, that's for sure.

I still can't feel my toes. "It wasn't awkward at all.

It was amazing. It's just…I don't know!"

"You're freaking out," she guesses.

I nod. "Big time. I was convinced he hated me. And then he kissed me, and I figured, okay, he wants to sleep with me. But then he dropped the V-card bomb, and it threw me for a loop." I stare at her with wide eyes. "He literally told me I was worth the wait."

"Wow," she whispers. "Bastian actually has game. Who knew?”

My lips pull down into a frown. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Talk about him like…like he's a foreign species or something," I grumble, offended on his behalf. "All of you guys treat him like he's not normal, but there's nothing wrong with him. He's a good guy, and he works his ass off for all of you."

Haven stares at me for a long moment, just grinning. "You have it so bad."

"I'm serious!"

Her expression softens. "We don't treat him like a foreign species, Constance.

We all love Bastian, and we're all grateful as hell for everything he does around here.

None of us could do what he does. But we also know that he works too hard, and he forgot how to have fun a long time ago.

Maybe we tease him because we're worried that he'll forget what it's like to relax once in a while if we don't." She shrugs.

"We worry about him. No one should work as hard as he does. "

"Sorry," I sigh, guilt whispering through me. I know they all love Bastian. I’m pretty sure they’d take a bullet for him without hesitation. I’m just spiraling.

We had sex. Multiple times.

"What if we end up hating each other?" I ask, my voice whisper quiet. What if I'm just something he wants to conquer and control?

"You're spiraling."

"Clearly." I scrub my hands down my face. "He's so closed off and…bossy. I guess I just figured he probably had all kinds of experience. But he doesn't. He waited this long, then gave it up to me." I stare at her like she has any answers for me. "I get on his damn nerves every day. Why me?"

I know why I said yes to him. I've been wild about him for months. I guess I'm having a hard time believing he's felt the same way when he's had a stick up his butt and a permanent glower the whole damn time I've worked here.

"You know what it's like growing up around here?

" Haven asks softly. "I mean, my cousins and siblings aside, people always treated us like we were cattle on the block or something.

Like, as soon as they found out who we were, you could see the wheels start turning.

Most of us never really dated because it was never about us.

It was about our family or the vineyard.

People never wanted to date Haven or Bastian or Jax or Liam; they wanted to date a Goodson or a Grayson.

We were interchangeable to them, and I mean that literally.

They didn't care which of us they dated, just so long as they got to say they were dating one of us.

Miriam dated a boy in high school. As soon as she broke up with him, he tried to date Mika, her own twin.

When Mika told him to get lost, he tried to get with Hermione. "

"What a dick."

"It happened a lot," she mutters. "Girls at school would concoct entire schemes to try to get with one of my cousins and then throw fits when they never took the bait.

It's why most of us still don't date. So I'm not surprised Bastian was a virgin.

And I'm not surprised he picked you. You actually see us as people.

You know how good that feels after a lifetime of being treated like a prize to be won or a potential payday? "

I see the longing in her gaze, and fall silent, not sure how to respond.

Her life is not like mine, for sure. I can't even imagine being treated like a prize to be won because my family is wildly successful.

In fact, it was always the opposite for me.

We never went without, but we never had extra, either.

And I was someone to avoid because of my brother.

He was so overprotective that I didn't even have my first kiss until college.

And the two that followed it weren't any better than that one.

But when Bastian kissed me, there were fireworks. There was a heavenly choir. So yeah, I'm freaking out. How can I not?

I do not want to fuck this up, but most days, I want to strangle the man. Most days, he wants to spank me into submission. He's my boss. If ever there was the potential for disaster and devastation, this is it. But a big part of me—a terrifyingly large part—wants to risk it anyway.

And I'm not entirely sure where he stands. Obviously, he's serious enough to sleep with me after holding that part of himself in reserve all his life. But…that doesn't mean he loves me. I'm not even convinced it means he likes me. Does he or am I just something he wants to conquer?

Bastian doesn’t break the rules. And I guess maybe that made me feel safe, like I could feel how I do without rocking the boat or risking anything because he’d never go for it. Now, he has.

My safe place is all out of order, and I don’t know what to think. I need rules, and order, and boundaries to put it back together again before I end up losing more than I can afford.

Like him.

"Relationships are so complicated," I groan.

"Yep." Haven grins at me, climbing to her feet. "But at least there's sex. That's probably worth the trade-off."

"Probably?" I quirk a brow at her.

"Maybe Bastian isn't the only one waiting for someone worth it," she mumbles, a blush climbing up her cheeks.

"You'll find him," I say, reaching across my desk to squeeze her hand.

She shoots me a grateful smile and then laughs softly. "Well, if he's out there, he needs to hurry. Watching everyone else fall in love is no fun, especially when you guys are having sex all over the property. See you at lunch?"

I jerk my chin in a nod, watching as she slips through the door into the hallway, and then I glance down at my desk, sighing. Is that what's happening here? I'm falling for Bastian?

Oh, who am I kidding? I think I was falling for him months ago. And that's what has me freaking out. I can't afford to fall any deeper, not when I don't even know what his endgame is here.

He feels like home to me. If I’m just fun to him, it’s going to destroy everything.

My phone pings with an incoming message.

Apparently, the devil really does know when you're thinking about him.

The message is a video from Bastian of Trystan drumming on the steering wheel, singing Sweet Child of Mine at the top of his lungs.

He doesn't sound terrible. I mean, he doesn't sound great, but I've heard worse.

Mostly when I'm in the shower, freestyling lyrics because I can't remember the real ones to save my life.

But I'll die before I admit that out loud.

A text immediately follows the video.

Bastian: I would rather be waterboarded than listen to him sing the entire way home.

I read it, smiling. I bet he's scowling right now. Ugh. Why is that damn scowl so sexy to me?

Me: Aww, poor baby. Do your little ears hurt?

Bastian: That's two.

Me: What? No, it isn't.

Bastian: It is. One more and you'll be bent over my desk, choking on your panties.

Me: We are NOT having sex at work, Bastian Grayson.

Bastian: We'll see.

Me: BASTIAN!

Bastian: Damn. Even over text, you make my cock hard when you're shouting my name.

Oh my god. He is such a…

Me: Working for the literal devil would be preferable to dealing with you, do you know that?

Bastian: If this is you asking me to roleplay, I have terms.

"What the hell?" I mutter.

Me: That was not me requesting to roleplay.

Me: What are your terms?

Bastian: You'll see when I get back to the office. We'll be there around 1:30.

"Shit," I mumble, glancing at the clock as my heart thuds against my ribcage hard enough to feel like an electric shock. That means I have a little over an hour to bolster my defenses and convince myself to stand strong in the face of a seriously intimidating offense.

If I were a gambling girl, I would not be betting on me right now. Not a chance.

Me: See you then.

Bastian: Can't wait, baby.

I run my finger over the words, my heart fluttering.

God, I am in so far over my head with him. But if this is what drowning feels like…well, maybe I don't want to learn to swim.

I nearly jump out of my chair an hour later when my desk phone rings while I'm trying to upload all of the photos and videos Bastian sent me to turn them into something usable.

I shared the first part of the printer saga this morning, and it's actually performing really well. As suspected, it's relatable and funny.

Everyone feels for Jax…or wants to feel him up. There have been a few comments asking about Haven, too. I've been deleting all the gross ones. Who knew there were so many creeps on social media?

I'm not sure why that still surprises me, but it always does.

I snatch the receiver off the base like my life depends on it.

"Hello?"

"My office. Two minutes," Bastian growls in my ear.

"Give me ten. I'm working on something."

"Two minutes, Constance."

"Jesus, Bastian. Have you ever heard the word please ?" I ask. "I believe it's in the dictionary a few pages after no ." I'm also reasonably sure it's right after plea and right before pleasure , but I leave that part out.

"That's three."