Page 34 of Born into Madness

Once we’re back in Sav’s room with a large cheese pizza between us, my phone starts buzzing. I groan because Sav and my mom are the only people to text me. I’m watching one of them take an enormous bite of pizza, so I know it can only be the other that’s blowing up my phone.

Before I look, I point a finger at my best friend and say, “You’re going to make some guy very happy one day. Anyone who can deep-throat a piece of pizza like that is going to be a natural at oral sex.”

Her muffled “Oh my god” makes me laugh, but it dies on my lips when I see it’s not my mom who’s texting me. It’s my stepdad.

“What is it?” Sav asks, immediately picking up on my mood change.

“Billy.” The one word answer is enough to have her growing pissed on my behalf.

“What does that bastard want?”

“To tell me I’m being a giant bitch for ignoring my mom,” I say, quickly reading through his angry rant of a text thread.

“You’re kidding me. He actually said that?” Sav reaches a hand out, so I give her my phone.

I watch as her jaw drops when she reads theyou’re acting like a little bitchtext my stepdad was kind enough to send. Sav is the sweetest person alive, and her big heart means she’s super protective of those she cares about. I’ve always been incrediblygrateful that I’m a part of that group, but I also don’t want her worrying.

“He’s just being an ass,” I tell her.

She hands me back my phone and says, “When isn’t he being one?”

I try to make her smile by saying, “Well, he’s a much smaller one now that he’s stopped drinking.”

Sav’s still pissed, but she doesn’t look like she’s about to go kick anyone in the nuts, so I guess that’s progress. Wanting to change the subject, I ask, “So how’s Kappa life? Is Ben still drooling over you every chance he gets like an eager little puppy?”

She groans and grabs another slice of pizza. “He was waiting for me on the sidewalk this morning. He tried to play it off like we just happened to be leaving at the same time, but I’m pretty sure he was waiting so we could walk together.”

“He’s not taking the hint.” I toss my empty plate aside and lean back. “I know you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you might have to be blunt at some point.”

She stops chewing to say, “Maybe, but it’s possible he just wants to be friends. I’ve never once led him on or made him think there was something there that wasn’t.”

“He does not just want to be friends,” I say with a laugh. “He wants you naked as quickly as possible.”

Sav laughs and shakes her head. “Not going to happen. I’m waiting for fireworks, and Ben doesn’t even count as a sparkler. There’s just nothing there, not even a tiny spark.”

“He’ll figure it out eventually,” I say, “and you’ll meet the right guy, the one that’s going to cause the kind of fireworks that’ll light your pants on fire.”

She gives me a big smile and laughs. “God, I hope so.”

“You will, of course you will,” I tell her.

“And you, too,” she says. “Your pants have to be on fire, too.”

I don’t tell her they already are, because that’s crazy, and I don’t want my best friend thinking I’ve lost my mind. Instead, I close my eyes and say, “I hope so.”

I feel the bed dip as she lays down beside me. “Still haven’t heard anything from you know who?”

“No.”

Even though I try to make that one word sound carefree, she picks up on my true feelings easily and scoots closer so her head is resting next to mine on the pillow.

“I know that night was traumatizing, and I know he saved you, but he killed three people, Cindy. This is not a guy you want to show back up in your life.”

I keep my eyes shut when I say, “I know, but I swear I feel him watching me sometimes.” Shame heats my cheeks when I add, “I don’t hate that feeling, those moments when I swear I can feel his eyes on me.”

She sighs and reaches down to squeeze my hand. “You’re so fucked in the head.”

Her words pull a laugh from me, just like she knew they would, so she keeps going.