Page 45 of Boomer (SEAL Team Tier 1, #7)

She shivered from the power of his penetrating gaze.

He pulled out of her with a jerk of his hips and a soft groan, his mouth capturing hers in another crazy, wet, hot kiss.

She was a complete mess. He pulled the covers over them, sent his thigh between hers as he pulled her into the curve of his body.

Burying his face against her throat, he tightened his hold.

“You make me helpless, Taylor. I-I-...yes…to something more…yes to something real,” he choked out, his chest heaving.

She cupped his face and for a moment, she rubbed her thumb against his strong, bristly jaw.

Tenderness washed through her, but he didn’t raise his head.

She said softly, “Look at me.” He resisted and she slipped her hands around his head, and he looked at her, staring at her for an instant longer, then he closed his eyes in an expression of immense hope, and Taylor closed her eyes against a wrenching surge of emotion as his arms came around her in a desperate, crushing embrace.

Holding onto him with every ounce of strength, he dropped his forehead to hers, choking back tears.

She waited for him to feel the measure of her love…

because she loved him, beyond reason, beyond measure.

He was the one who taught her about trust, and need and want, and that control was only a barrier to being free to give what she had inside her…

to this man…this magnificent , devastating sexy man.

Caving in around her, Boomer tightened his hold and tucked his head against hers, and she felt him give into those emotions. “I never thought I would get to have this. I never thought, a fucking beautiful woman who could have anyone she wanted would choose…me.”

“It was the easiest and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You made a safe space for me to learn the truth about myself. How can you not know how worthy you are, not only to me…Oh, Gott , Boomer, to your team. They love you, but what you don’t know is that I love you more.”

He went dead still and stared at her, the pulse in his temple suddenly beating double time. “What?” He rolled on top of her, crushed her to the mattress, cupped her face and demanded in a tone that was wrecked. “Fucking say that again…darlin’”

“I love you . I love you. I love you,” she whispered, her eyes filling. She flattened her hand against his nape, holding onto him while her world tilted off its axis.

He watched her with an intensity that made her heart climb up her throat. Finally, he hauled in a deep, uneven breath and grasped her face between his hands, the look in his eyes fierce with emotion. “I’m drowning in you. I don’t know how this happened, but I’m lost, so lost.”

He stared at her for an instant longer, closing his eyes and hauling her into his arms, his unchecked strength nearly crushing her. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, just held on to her as if he couldn’t let her go, and Taylor clung to him, fear mixing with hope.

Finally, he let the air out of his lungs, and with unsteady fingers, he swept her hair back from her face. “Just listen for a minute,” he said, his voice rough and unsteady. “You need to think about this, darlin’. Don’t do something you’ll regret later.”

“I thought?—”

“I fucking do!” he said fiercely. “I just don’t…

can’t have you suffer because of me.” He hugged her closer, tightening his hold.

“I’m not putting you off.” He inhaled roughly and slid his fingers around the back of her head.

“I just want you to be sure this is what you really want.” He took another deep breath, then continued, his voice so strained, so thick with emotion that she could barely hear him.

“If you commit to me…Taylor, I'm tangled up inside. I want you to know that I'm damaged. Maybe not beyond repair. But I’m trying to be the kind of man you would want me to be.”

A thousand feelings washed through her, and she sagged against him, her face pressed to his neck.

Boomer stroked her head with his big, cupped palm, molding her closer, his touch firm and reassuring.

“We’re in the thick of this mission right now.

So, take your time, and when it’s over, we’ll know where we stand. ”

She tightened her arms around his neck and nodded, focusing on the warm scent of him, the weight of his arms around her.

Those were real, solid and secure. He held her for a long time.

Gazing down at her, his expression taut and solemn, he bent his head and kissed her, one of those long, wet, open-mouthed kisses that made her senses swim and her body go weak.

Taylor sank into it, tears seeping out from beneath her lashes, not sure where they were going to go, but trusting in Boomer so deeply, her fear turning to hope.

He rolled away from her, then snuggled her against him, and she lay in his arms, as her eyes drooped and she slept pressed to him.

He shivered in his sleep, a deep tremble, and then shifted.

Taylor opened her eyes. It was still dark.

Boomer was breathing strangely, like he was running a mile instead of laying in her bed.

When she raised herself up on her elbow, she saw he was covered in sweat, and with surprise that rumbled like a shockwave through her, she saw that his green eyes were open, his whole naked body rigid.

In a broken voice, he kept repeating. “No, Mike, no….” Over and over again.

She snapped on the light, but he made no indication that it registered. He didn’t flinch or blink or look at her.

He looked worse and worse by the minute. His chest heaved, sweat running in rivulets off him. He closed his eyes tightly and whimpered, then cried out in torment. The sounds he made were like an animal in pain.

Thinking that waking him up would be the best thing that she could do, she shook him.

Without thinking about her safety, her heart so wrapped around Boomer’s, she couldn’t lie there and watch this. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “Boomer! It’s a nightmare. Wake up!”

His eyes went wild, and he looked at her like she was the most hideous monster on the planet. He was shaking and dry heaving, moaning.

“Carter,” she said softly. His face crumpled and his painful cries tore at her. She took a deep breath and pressed her body against him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she buried her face into the hollow of his throat.

He sagged and then she felt the change in him.

“Taylor,” he said, his tone confused and shaky, his voice hoarse.

“You had a nightmare,” she said, but when she raised her face to his, his eyes filled with tenderness.

Cupping his jaw, she brushed a kiss against his mouth; then she eased back and looked at him.

His face was ravaged by strain, with lines of soul-deep weariness around his eyes and mouth, but what made her heart contract was the bruised, tormented look in his eyes, as if he was so raw, he simply couldn’t handle much more.

She realized Boomer had never been vulnerable like this, and that only made her heart hurt even more.

Desperate to soothe that horror off his face and in his eyes, she placed soft, tender kisses on his temples, brushing her lips against his forehead, the hollow of his cheeks, and his mouth. He stirred and pressed his mouth against hers.

“Darlin’ Red,” his voice choked with the rawest kind of emotion. He kissed her on the mouth, and she pressed her hands against his wide chest.

Drawing in a deep, painful breath, she slid her hand up the back of his neck, cradling his head against her with infinite tenderness.

Boomer shuddered and tried to get out from under her, but she held on to him, trapped by her weight.

He turned his head away and massaged his eyes, but she had already seen the glimmer of moisture along his lashes.

Her own face wet, she caught his wrist and tried to drag his hand away, the compassion she felt for him so big, so consuming, it was unbearable.

“Don’t,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“Don’t hide your feelings from me, Boomer. I’m here for you completely.”

He shuddered as if she’d touched an aching nerve, but he yielded to her and lowered his hand, his gaze dark and tormented. He tried to speak, but his voice gave out on him. His face contorted in agony as he shut his eyes tightly.

He was raw and hurting, but she’d be damned if he withdrew from her. He had every right to her compassion.

“Red,” he whispered, his hold on her tightening convulsively. “I’m so sorry.” He met her eyes. “Sometimes I have nightmares about the things I’ve seen, the battles I’ve fought, the brothers…I’ve lost.”

She closed her eyes, waiting for the ache of emotion to ease a little, then she stroked his head and pressed an infinitely tender kiss against his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m sticking with you through it all. I’m not leaving you.”

Boomer’s chest expanded raggedly. He dragged his hand over his face, a wild gleam of pain in his eyes from his intense and terrifying nightmare. At first, her hands were on him, drifting over his chest, rubbing the back of his neck, kissing his jaw as a way to soothe him.

Closing her eyes, she slowly smoothed her hands up his torso, savoring the damp texture of his skin and the denseness of the underlying muscles.

His chest expanded, and he twisted and dragged her under him, covering her mouth with a fierce kiss.

She opened her mouth for him, and he tightened his hold on her face, his mouth soft and searching as he deepened the kiss.

With the same infinite gentleness, he stroked his thumb along her jaw and reluctantly lifted his head.

Taylor couldn’t speak, her throat was so thick. Trying to will away the emotion that clogged her throat, she touched his face, her voice breaking. “I don’t have words for what just happened between us.”

He pressed his thumb across her mouth, his tone husky as he whispered, “We don’t need them. We don’t have to define it.”