Page 5

Chapter five

Declan

T oday, I’d planned on tooling around with my battery project at home.

Instead, I’d arrived at Rory’s birthday party, and I already regretted my life choices.

Come to my party, he said. It’ll be small, he said.

My brother was a lying liar full of lies. I shoved my hands into my pockets and squared my shoulders as I headed up the walkway to the house Rory rented with his coworker, August. Based on the cars jam-packed on the street around the property, Rory and I had different ideas of small. With the exception of our family affairs, I considered three people a larger gathering than I wanted to deal with.

We celebrated with a family dinner yesterday, so why he needed a whole different party was unfathomable to me, but here we were. If it grew too noisy, too buzzy, I’d check out. Thankfully, my family never questioned my need to evacuate social situations .

The hum of chatter and music drifted through the front door. My skin broke into a sweat, and the urge to retreat rose something fierce. This would be short.

I opened the door, and Aislin skidded right in front of it. “Declan!” Her cheeks were rosy, and guessing by her extra loudness, she was trashed. Her hair was up in double buns, enough messy strands poking out that I couldn’t look at them anymore. “You made it!”

“Apparently.” I entered the house. The kitchen teemed with people to the right, and to the left, the living room…also teemed with people. Ugh. At least the left route contained a quick exit to the back porch, where I could find some peace.

“Where’s our brother?” I asked. The living room was crammed with family members. Felix and Cor lounged on the couch with Ollie, and Liam sitting between his legs. A few of Rory’s heavily tattooed friends from Alchemy Ink were chatting, which was enough to dissuade me from going over to say hi. The furniture and wall fixtures were barely visible with this many in a small room. Peopling was the worst.

“Rory’s in the kitchen with August, doling out shots.” Aislin rocked back and forth on her heels. “I had…this many.” She held up four fingers, which said plenty for her levels of inebriation. I didn’t mind a drink to unwind every once in a while, but getting drunk had never been for me. Saying I was a control freak put things lightly.

Right. Maybe if I hit the kitchen and said hello, I could dodge out right after. I’d rather clean between the tiles of my shower with a toothbrush than attend a house party. Maybe I could do that once I left.

Aislin slid an arm through mine and all but dragged me to the kitchen. Already, the reverberations of sound started to make my brain buzz. I hung by the doorway as Aislin pranced forward. Rory sat on the countertop with a beer in hand and shirtless, though I didn’t question why with him. August stood next to him, along with another guy I didn’t know, also in the younger and tattooed range. However, my gaze latched onto one person.

Noah fucking Langston.

He was dressed down in a gray tee that clung to his shoulders and a backward black cap, his blond hair escaping in tufts. It matched his black jeans capped off by black work boots. His eyes glittered, and the damned smile was on his face, as infuriating as always. My skin prickled, and combined with the response from the noise, I fast teetered into overload.

“What are you doing at Rory’s party?” I asked him.

Noah’s grin grew wider. “Well, hello to you too, Dec.”

“Holy shit, you made it.” Rory hopped off from the counter. “Jer here was just going to do a shot off my stomach.”

“Categorize that under the things I never needed to know,” I muttered. “Is the backyard less crowded?”

Rory slung an arm around me and gave it a squeeze. “Yeah. Grab a beer and go turn into a werewolf or some shit.”

I arched a brow. “A werewolf?”

“Since you’ll be guaranteed stargazing, and it’s a full moon tonight.” He let out a loud awoo , and I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll give you a full moon,” Aislin called out, starting to pull up her shirt, which missed the point entirely.

“Fuck right off, Ais.” Rory returned to his perch on the countertop.

The last thing I needed was to see either of my siblings strip down. I lifted two fingers in a halfhearted salute and moved to the fridge. Once I snagged a cider, I made my escape. Noah stood right by the hallway that led to the backyard, which meant I had to pass by him to leave. Bully for me .

In the past week and a half, I’d seen Noah more than I had in years. And his constant appearances were fucking with me in the worst way. I should’ve been running far and fast from him, yet instead, my feet seemed to have a mind of their own and kept veering in his direction. Except this time, it was to escape the chaos of Rory’s overly full apartment. My siblings would give me shit for not saying hi later, but for now, I needed space to breathe. If I tossed myself in the middle of that, I’d most likely go full nonverbal.

I slipped past Noah, and my shoulder accidentally brushed him. My whole body went on alert as if I’d gotten zapped rather than a simple brush. I zipped past him and clutched my cider a little harder. Even though I didn’t go to Rory and August’s place much, I knew the best route to getting outside.

The door to the backyard was within sight. Thank fuck.

Ollie stepped right in my way.

Goddamnit.

“Liam and I had a going bet on whether you’d show. Now he’s gotta pay up.” Ollie crossed his arms, and a huge grin spread on his face.

“My sense of familial obligation is decreasing by the second. If Rory stays in the kitchen, I’m afraid he’s going to end up naked and slathered in butter.”

“Your family is weird as shit.” Liam came up next to Ollie and looped an arm around his waist. They were as affectionate as they’d always been, so the transition from friends to dating hadn’t been much to get used to.

“I’m not going to refute that.” My pulse had calmed down, but I wove past Ollie and grabbed the handle for the back door anyway.

“How was your date last week?” Ollie asked, bulldozing in like usual. I regretted every instance I mentioned my attempts at dating to my family, yet I continued to do it over and over. Maybe I had untapped masochistic tendencies.

“Well, she didn’t throw my beer in my face,” I said. My gut twisted. While she hadn’t been a right fit, I found something soul-wearying and exhausting about throwing myself out there. The longer the search went on, the more I felt like the failed project was me, not dating.

When I was with my family, I simply existed. I didn’t have to paste on extra smiles or try to figure out why someone was pissed about a straightforward answer. They were all as clear with communicating as me—or at least attempted with me.

The outside world, though? Detrimental to my health some days.

Ollie wrinkled his nose. “I’m sorry, man. One of these days, one of those girls is going to see your worth.”

“Or I could spend more time with my projects,” I responded.

“Next, you’ll be bringing home a bionic girlfriend,” Liam teased.

“You joke, but the idea sounds brilliant to me.” I lifted my cider with one hand and twisted the knob with the other. “I’m escaping outside.”

I slipped outside without interruption and sucked in a long, slow breath of the cool, crisp air. Rory had a gorgeous backyard, with a sprawling lawn and several trees framing the way. The full moon shone radiantly, with a lunar halo that grabbed my attention. Humans spent all this time focused on fighting each other, launching war after war, when we could be out there.

Exploring the vast beauty, creation, and destruction.

Not for the first time, the itch to be working in a different field crept under my veins. Truth be told, I’d always wanted employment in a job that would further the exploration into space, but when I graduated, I went with the place I’d interned at. The familiar was a terrible tug for me, and in a way, sometimes it held me captive .

I settled into one of the outdoor chairs and sipped at my cider. The burst of sweetness traveled down my throat, and I savored it. At least tonight offered clearer skies than normal. My mind had quieted, the hum under my skin soothing.

The door creaked, and Noah crept out. My shoulders tensed, but then I noticed the phone held up to his ear. He walked past me a few paces and stood in the grass. He must not have realized I’d come out here.

“Emily, if you think the baggie he left in your bathroom is a stash of coke, flush it down the toilet.” Noah’s voice deepened. “No, don’t test it out.” He heaved a sigh. “Don’t call him to pick it up either. I don’t care if you guys shared a friendship yam or a sweet potato of kindness. For the love of all that’s holy, delete his number and flush the substance.”

I took another sip of the cider. His family had always been as needy as mine, and Emily seemed of the age to be making bad decisions. Rory had never left that phase, so I could relate. Noah always had a lot of people making demands on his time, but the shift and subsequent divide in high school left bitterness swilling in my gut.

“Okay.” He paced back and forth on the grass. “Go visit Mom in the morning. She’s been needing a bit extra attention.” He heaved out another sigh. “Yeah, I’m at a party right now.” A pause stretched out, and curiosity pulsed through me. “Love you too, Em. Stay out of trouble.”

With that, he ended the call and slipped the phone into his pocket. His gaze landed on me.

My heart thumped a little harder.

“Fuck, how much of that did you hear?” Noah squeezed his nape.

“Does it matter?” I wouldn’t judge him for talking to family. “I’m more concerned with you stalking me. ”

“Okay, you, of all people, know how insistent Rory is. And I was at the shop setting up an appointment with August when they both started hounding me to come.” Noah leaned against the wall beside me. His proximity made goose bumps emerge on my skin, and I still wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“There’s this beautiful word called no,” I said. “I like to exercise it often and indiscriminately.”

He snorted. “God, if only. I know my family needs me, but the constant demands from everyone get a little loud sometimes.” I cast him a sharp glance. He’d never shared that. When we were kids, we’d run together in one rampant mass through the neighborhood, but as we grew up, cliques formed, circles that sometimes felt impenetrable.

“Then it’s even more important to tell them no.” I took another sip from my drink. “Your family’s not going to shatter because you set some boundaries. And if it does, how stable was it to begin with?”

Noah blinked at me, not saying anything. Then he let out a slow, helpless laugh. “Jesus, Declan, you’re brutal.”

Right, I’d let my inside voice out to play again. I scratched my nape. This was how I always ended up pushing people away, even though I wasn’t trying to. Anyone but my family, at least. Noah used to be able to read me the best, but we had over a decade’s divide between us, and a handful of chance encounters in a short span of time wouldn’t stitch that together again.

Noah plunked down in the seat beside me. “Maybe you can tell people no, but I’ve never mastered the art form. Probably because of the aforementioned knife to the heart.”

“I wasn’t trying to be cruel.” I chewed on my lip.

“I know.” Noah knocked his foot against mine. The motion sent a frisson of something through me, like my body was in flight mode. “Doesn’t mean the truth is easy to digest. ”

“Maybe eat it with some more sodium bicarbonate.” I swished my beer back and forth. His foot still rested against mine, and I was pretty sure I would combust. “That’s how they originally pitched the digestive biscuits.”

“Mmm, pretty sure you’re the one who’s going to have to start packing digestive elements to those truth bombs you lob.” A goofy grin spread on his lips. The familiarity struck me for a moment, but the pressure of his foot against mine, the way it made my whole body aware, was too different to ignore.

“Right, I’ll start on those Truth Digestives at once. Who needs my other projects when people’s stomachs aren’t at ease.”

“You joke, but if you sold something called a Truth Digestive, I’m pretty sure it would blow up. People would start whipping them out in arguments. It’d be a whole ass thing.”

“I’d much rather leave marketing to someone else. Clearly, the Truth Digestive wouldn’t be necessary if I could read people worth a damn.” I tipped back a little more of my cider and stared up at the sky, if only to avoid the pressure of Noah’s gaze on me. My skin prickled from it, and part of me wanted to rush home.

The other part of me refused to leave.

“Reading people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Noah said with a groan. “If I could zap out my ability to read disappointment, that’d be dandy.”

“Who the hell would be disappointed in you? You were a star football player, you’re well liked around town, and your family keeps you in constant demand. None of that spells out disappointing.”

“Well, you are, for one,” he said, his voice going a bit funny.

I dared a glance in his direction, and my throat tightened. The serious look in his eyes, the way he stared at me with an intensity I’d never faced from anyone else—fuck, I didn’t know what to do. It sent an immediate signal flare to run, but I was frozen in the moment with him.

Noah’s lips were glossy from his beer, and the moonlight did him favors, turning his blond strands silver and deepening the sharpness of his features, the blue of his eyes.

“I’m a given.” I pushed through. “I’m disappointed with everyone on a regular basis. It’s a load-bearing part of my personality.”

Noah snorted, and his eyes softened. “You’re fucking ridiculous, Dec.”

“And yet you’re the one still engaging with me. I came out here to look at the stars.”

“How’s the sky tonight?” he asked.

I stared up, the canvas above soothing me. The pinpricks of light spanned before me like diamonds I could grasp, and the majesty of how expansive, how much existed up there right in our eyesight always took me out at the knees. “It’s clearer. You can see Mars tonight.”

Noah craned his neck as he followed my line of sight. “Oh, there it is.”

We both lapsed into silence, but for the first time in a very long while, the quiet wasn’t fraught with tension. We stared at the stars, letting the night sky wash over us. Like this, a peace existed that I fought to claim whenever possible.

It was only when I took another sip of my beer that I realized he’d never moved his foot.

And I hadn’t moved mine either.