Page 17 of Body Language (Mind, Body, & Soul #2)

Niveah

I woke up smiling like somebody had dropped a stack of hundreds under my pillow. Not because of a dream, but because I fell asleep with Kendrix in my ear.

That man had me on the phone all damn night, talking about everything and nothing. The type of shit that make you forget the time. By the time I looked up, the sun was peeking through my blinds and his ass was boarding his flight back.

I found myself wishing time would speed the hell up so I could see him at the club later. But first, family.

I stretched, pulled my bonnet off, and rolled out the bed. Heidi was already in the kitchen, legs swinging at the bar stool, eating cereal. Hux was sitting across from her with that same sour ass look he’d been rocking the last two days.

I leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “What’s the problem now?”

He just shrugged, stabbing at his eggs.

I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t play with me, Hux. You got two options. Fix your face, or I fix it for you.”

He sucked his teeth. “I’m straight.”

“Mhm.” I grabbed a mug and poured some coffee. “Keep on with that attitude, and Ima call Coach. Have you running suicides until you throwing up at practice.”

His fork froze mid-air. He cut his eyes at me, then muttered, “That’s foul.”

“That’s sisterhood,” I shot back, sipping my coffee. “Now finish your food.”

Over the last few days, I’d taken them to the movies, let them loose in the mall, even let Heidi spend a good thirty minutes in Claire’s shopping. I loved every minute, but Lord, Hux’s mood swings were about to test my salvation.

Heidi, on the other hand, was grinning at me with milk on her chin. “Can we get ice cream after school and my practice today?”

I slid my keys into my bag. “Rita’s taking you to practice today, superstar. I gotta go practice with Ms. Ty.”

Her little face lit up. “Tell Ty I miss her! And tell her I want her to come paint my nails again.”

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I will. And I’ll tell her to bring the sparkly polish, because I know what you like.”

She giggled, swinging her legs.

I glanced over at Hux, who was slouched in his chair, eyes glued to his phone. Same blank look he’d had all week.

I walked over, slipped my arms around his tall-ass shoulders, even though I knew he didn’t want it. He stiffened for a second, then let out a sigh.

“You love annoying me,” he muttered.

“Yup,” I whispered against his ear. “And I’m never gonna stop. Now, tell me what’s really up.”

He set his phone down slow, finally looking at me. And just for a second, that hard shell cracked.

“I’m good, sis,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I just… got a lot on my mind. Trying to balance school, practice, games… everything.”

I cupped his cheek, forcing him to look me dead in the eye. “Listen to me. You got this. And you got me. You hear?”

His lips curved into the smallest smile. “Yeah. I hear you.”

“Good.” I straightened up, grabbing my bag. “Now eat, baby boy.”

He groaned, rolling his eyes, but his smile stayed.

As I headed for the door, I called back, “I’m going to check on Ma since it’s been a few days.”

“Keep me updated,” Hux said, finally sounding like himself.

“I will.” I blew them both a kiss. “Love y’all!”

“Love you too!” they yelled in unison.

I pulled up to Gun Hill slow, and the porch politicians were everywhere. Old heads and hustlers, sitting around like they ran the block when all they really ran was their mouths.

“Well, well, well,” one of them yelled out. “Look who decided to grace us with her fine ass today.”

“Boy, shut up before I call yo wife and tell her where you at,” I shot back, locking my car.

Another one squinted, pointing. “Hey, Niv… who was that you brought ‘round here the other day in that big-ass truck? Nigga looked like a steak dinner in the middle of the projects. Had us ready to run down on him until we saw you hop out.”

I smirked, tilting my head. “Yeah, he good. Touch him and I’ll kill you myself.”

The whole porch cracked up, one old head slapping his knee.

“See, that’s why don’t nobody mess with you, Niv. You got that mean pretty. Fine as hell but dangerous as a pit bull.”

“Better believe it,” I said, stepping past them. “Now stay out my business before y’all end up on a t-shirt.”

“Girl, you still savage as hell,” one called after me.

“Savage pays the bills,” I tossed over my shoulder.

I made it to Ma’s stairwell and Zejah was sitting on the bottom step, bag of Hot Cheetos in her lap, earphones in, phone propped up on her knee while she scrolled through YouTube.

“Zejah,” I called.

She looked up quick, wiping her fingers on her shorts. “Hey, Niv.”

I dropped down on the step next to her. “How’s Ma been?”

She shrugged. “Haven’t really seen her. She ain’t came out… unless she did when I was sleep.” She popped another Cheeto in her mouth. “My mama started making me come in early though. Says I gotta clean up before she heads out.”

“Head out where?” I asked, already knowing I wasn’t gonna like the answer.

“The casino,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Talking about she gone catch her a man. Whatever that means.”

“It means she out here looking for somebody old enough to get an AARP check but dumb enough to give her all of it.”

Zejah covered her mouth, trying not to laugh with a mouth full of chips.

I reached over and rubbed her knee. “Thank you, baby. For always keeping an eye out.”

She looked at me like she wanted to argue that it wasn’t a big deal, but I cut her off. “If you need anything, call me. I don’t care what time it is.”

“Thank you. I will.”

“Good girl.” I kissed the top of her head before standing.

I adjusted my bag on my shoulder, took a deep breath, and started climbing the stairs. I didn’t know which version of Ma I was about to get. The wild one ready to curse me out, or the ghost who barely remembered I existed.

When I pushed the door open, I almost turned right back around.

“This can’t be the right house,” I said under my breath.

The smell of old smoke and yesterday’s liquor was gone.

Instead, I caught a faint whiff of… Febreze.

The carpet was clean, vacuum lines still fresh like somebody gave a damn.

A brand-new couch sat where the lumpy, cigarette-burned one used to be.

A flat-screen TV was on the wall, still with the little sticker in the corner to show that it was new.

I set my bag down slow and started moving through the living room. My eyes scanned everything. The new couch, spotless carpet, even the damn TV remote neatly sitting on the armrest.

“Hell no,” I said, opening the kitchen cabinets. Stocked. The fridge was full. I damn near wanted to cry, seeing milk that wasn’t expired and fruit that didn’t look like it had been through slavery.

It wasn’t adding up. Did the city sneak somebody else in here behind my back and ship my mama’s ass off? I was halfway ready to cuss the housing authority out when I walked down the hall toward the bathroom. Just as I reached the door, it cracked open and my mama stepped out

She looked… clean.

Hair brushed, skin still damp like she just showered, wearing one of her old satin robes. Not a full transformation, but compared to what I was used to? Shit, it was the glow up of the decade.

Her hand was pressed against her stomach.

“What are you doing?” I asked, brow raised.

She smirked faintly, leaning against the doorframe. “Layin’ down. Been a few days, I wasn’t feeling too hot. Head hurting. Stomach been actin’ up.” She gave a short laugh. “Shittin’ all over myself too. Child, I ain’t took this many baths in years.”

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. A new bed. Clean sheets. Even some wall decor.

“Ma…” I said slowly, stepping inside. “Where the hell all this come from?”

She smiled, proud like she’d done it herself. “Couple days ago, somebody came knocking. Said they was sent here to do all this for me. Next thing I know, whole place spotless. New furniture, groceries, everything.”

I narrowed my eyes. “And who exactly is this mysterious somebody?”

Her grin widened, and she leaned closer like she had a secret.

“That fine young man you brought through here the other day. Mmm.” She shook her head like she was replaying it in her mind.

“Baby, I ain’t wanted to leave since. And this TV?

” She pointed. “I been sitting here watching old movies back-to-back. Forgot how much I missed that.”

I shook my head, staring around at the house again, my mind spinning. Kendrix. I knew it.

“How Hux and Heidi been doing?”

I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms. “They good. Heidi has ballet after school today. Hux acting like the world on his shoulders, but he handling it.”

Her lips trembled into a soft smile. “When can I see Heidi? Hux said… she starting to look more and more like her daddy.”

I smiled to myself. “Yeah… she is.”

Ma blinked, and tears started sliding down her cheeks. “I miss him so much.” She sniffled. “When can I see Heidi?”

I locked eyes with her. “When you clean yourself up.”

Her face crumpled. “But… Hux comes by sometimes.” Her voice broke. “He comes and sees me.”

I inhaled through my nose, steadying myself. “Hux is older, Ma. He lived through a lot of this. And whether you realize it or not, it scarred him in ways you still don’t understand. I’m not doing that to Heidi.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, tears streaming harder now.

“As far as Heidi knows, her mom is sick. Sick, and getting help. That’s the story I gave her. The rest is on you.” My throat tightened, but I pushed through it. “It’s up to you to get the help.”

“I’m trying…” she sobbed. “I swear, I’m trying.”

“Then try harder.” My voice cracked on the words, and before I could stop myself, a tear slid down my cheek.

I stepped closer and pulled her into a hug, my arms wrapping around her fragile frame. She smelled like soap and smoke, and for a second, I felt like I was holding the woman I used to know.

“This is a good step, Ma,” I whispered against her hair. “Don’t stop here.”

She nodded weakly against my shoulder.

I pulled back, wiping my face fast. “I gotta go to practice. Let Zejah know if you need me, okay?”

She sniffled again and nodded, clutching her robe tighter.

I kissed her temple before heading for the door, swallowing hard. No matter how tough I tried to be, it never got easier walking away.

By the time I made it back down the stairs, my chest felt so damn heavy. I kept my chin high as I walked past the old heads on the porch, even managed to toss out a quick, “Kiss my ass, fools,” when one of them called after me.

The minute I shut the door to my car, the world went quiet and I broke.

Hot tears slid down my face before I even knew they were coming.

I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel, trying to breathe through it, but the sobs came anyway.

The kind of crying you pray nobody ever hears.

I hated that shit. I hated crying. I hated feeling like that little girl again, standing in the middle of a messy-ass living room while my mama chose a high over me.

I wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand, but more tears kept coming. I thought about Hux trying to be strong when he shouldn’t have to. About Heidi smiling, not knowing the half of it. About Ma saying she was trying. Trying?? How many times had I heard that before?

I slammed my fist against the steering wheel. I was so damn tired of being the one holding everyone together when I barely had the pieces of myself in place. And still… I couldn’t stop because if I let go, who would catch them?

“God… why?!” I yelled, pounding the wheel once, twice, three times. Tears blurred my vision. “Why you give me this life?”

“I don’t deserve this shit! I been good to people who didn’t deserve it, I been strong when I was breaking inside, I been raising babies that ain’t even mine like they mine.” My throat burned as the words tumbled out, messy and desperate.

“I’m tired, God. I’m so tired.”

I screamed until my voice was raw, tears streaming down so heavy I could barely see. I wiped them with the heel of my hand, but they just kept coming. The more I fought, the harder they fell.

My phone lit up on the passenger seat.

Kendrix.

I stared at it. No. I couldn’t answer. Not with my face streaked in tears and my soul hanging out raw. It stopped ringing. Then it lit up again.

I sniffled, swiped my sleeve across my face, and hit answer. “Hello?”

“Pretty… what’s wrong?”

That question broke me all over again. My lips trembled. “I don’t know… I just… I feel like…”

The tears started harder, almost choking me. I could hear the panic in my own breathing.

“Hey,” he said softly.. “Breathe. You hear me? In… and out. That’s it. Don’t fight it. Let it out. I got you.”

I did what he said. His voice wrapped around me like a blanket I didn’t know I needed.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “I’m right here. You safe, Pretty. Ain’t nobody watching but me. Let it go.”

I cried harder. Ugly, snotty, soul-deep cries. The kind I never let anyone see. But I couldn’t hold it with him.

He didn’t flinch, rush me, or tell me to “be strong.” He just… listened.

“I don’t ever… I don’t ever do this. Not with anyone.”

“I know,” he said. “And I ain’t anyone.”

“But listen, if them tears don’t stop falling, Pretty, I’m gone need that pussy to start raining down on me the same way.”

Through my tears, a laugh slipped out. “You are stupid as hell.”

“Stupid and serious,” he shot back, playful. “So go ahead and cry it out. Ima collect later.”

I shook my head, half laughing, half crying, wiping my face. “You’re really something else.”

I leaned back against the seat. “Thank you. For… for everything. And not just this.” My voice softened. “I know it was you. The house. Ma’s house.”

He was quiet, then said, “You can’t expect somebody to get clean living in filth. She’ll get there when she ready, but her surroundings matter. I just wanted to lighten your load a little.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” he said. “Just let me keep doing it.”

I let out a shaky breath.

“Can I pick you up tonight?” he asked. “I’m going to the club and I want you riding with me.”

I snorted. “You know your bitch, Arlette, gonna have a heart attack.”

“I don’t give a fuck about Arlette,” he said. “The ambulance will come get her when she passes out.”

“I got practice now, but… yeah. You can come get me later.”

“Bet,” he said.

“Alright. I gotta go.”

“Pretty?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever feel like you have to hide that side from me again.”

I didn’t respond right away, but the smile on my face said enough.

“See you later, Pretty,” he said.

“See you later, Kendrix.”