Page 15

15

GAIDA

The weight of tomorrow night sits heavy on my shoulders as I pace the length of Luke’s office. Every few steps, I catch him watching me, his ancient eyes tracking my movements with a patience I can’t fathom. How many times has he faced the end of the world? How many rituals, sacrifices, and near-death experiences has he witnessed in his fifteen centuries?

“You’re going to wear a path in my floor,” he says finally, his voice gentle despite the words.

I stop abruptly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. Just tell me what’s troubling you.”

“What isn’t? Felix is going to die tomorrow night. Then I have to turn him—if I can. If the sword doesn’t decide to be difficult. If nothing goes wrong. If, if, if.”

Luke rises from behind his desk, approaching me with measured steps. “Felix is strong. His magick will help sustain him through the transition.”

“But what if I fail? What if I can’t bring him back?”

“Then I will step in,” he says simply. “Though I believe Dante has already offered his services as well.”

“It’s not the same,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around myself. “Felix should be my responsibility.”

“He is.” Luke’s hand comes to rest on my shoulder, cool and solid. “But you’re not alone in this, Gaida. You have allies. People who care about both of you.”

The genuine concern in his voice makes something warm unfurl in my chest.

“I know,” I sigh, leaning into his touch slightly. “But Felix might die because of me.”

“Because of Mashtar,” Luke corrects gently. “And because Felix made a choice. A brave one.”

I move away, resuming my pacing. “I need to feed him my blood tonight. To prepare him.”

Luke’s expression shifts subtly, a flicker of something primal crossing his features before his usual composure returns. “Yes. It would be wise to do so before tomorrow.”

“He’s going to hate it.”

“It will be different. Try not to take it personally.”

I snort. “Yeah, sure.”

He chuckles and pulls me into a tight hug.

“I feel like a horrible bitch for not asking before now, but the ferals that were contained… are they okay? Did you fix them as well?”

He shakes his head. “No, they are still as they were.”

“Do you think once Mashtar is gone, they will be fixed, or will they die as well?”

“It’s hard to say. I’ve never known anything like this before.”

“I want to go and see them.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, you have responsibilities that aren’t all about me. This academy still needs you, the other students still need you. You’ve been focused on me and this shitshow. People will start noticing.”

He shrugs, but I can see that it gives him pause. “Are you sure you want to go alone?”

“I think it would be better.”

He nods and presses his lips to my forehead before he steps back and lets me go.

Leaving his office, I take the scenic route, meandering outside in the cool, crisp winter air. The snow has melted away, leaving a soggy lawn and a wet, muddy courtyard. The mist swirls around me heavier and higher than of late, which has been a tentative wisp at our feet. Maybe it feels what we are about to do. I sit on a bench, debating my decision to go and see the ferals. As the Blood Queen, it might be a bad move, but I feel so responsible for all of this, I need to check on them.

Several times, I try to stand up, but I can’t. I’m rooted to this spot, starting to get cold, and damp as it starts to drizzle. That kind of rain that soaks you through to the bone.

“You did it.”

I turn to the side to see Constantine standing in the rain, still looking perfect despite his damp hair and suit. “Did what? Create this mess?”

“Sired him to you.”

“Oh. I had no choice.”

“I was on my way back. Shit hit the fan in my world. I apologise for my tardiness.”

“Everything okay in your world?”

“No,” he says with pursed lips. “But I won’t bore you with the details. Want to talk about it?”

“No. I won’t bore you with the details.”

He sits next to me, and I resist the urge to slide over to the edge. His power is immense and different from what I’m used to. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Yet you say you had no choice, like you resent it.”

“I don’t resent it. I resent the entire situation, but I don’t resent Luke or having to sire him to save him from a worse being.”

“Me?” he asks with a snort.

“Mashtar. A lot has happened since you left.”

“Okay, you win. I won’t ask.”

“Thanks.”

“Have you ever sired someone before?”

“Nope. But I’m about to add to the list.”

“Again, I will refrain from asking.”

“Probably wise.”

“You are a strong woman, Gaida. And I don’t say that lightly. I’ve known strong women before, I’m married to one of them, so I know what I’m talking about. You’ve got this.”

“You think?”

“I think you love Luke more than anything. He needs that. He deserves it after what he has been through.”

“Yeah, about that… why did you let Lucius treat him so badly?” I glare at him, and his lips quirk up into a smile.

“It’s complicated and not really my business.”

“He broke him.”

“We’ve all been broken, Gaida. And if you are lucky enough to have escaped it thus far, you won’t escape it forever. Strength isn’t about living through being broken. It’s about how you pick up the pieces afterwards. Luke has done okay, wouldn’t you say?”

“That’s a very jaded point of view.”

“I am very jaded. I have lived a very long time.”

“Nearly three thousand years.”

“Correct.”

“I turn twenty-two in a month.”

“I can barely remember being that age.”

“Barely is still impressive. How does it work in your world? The vampires, I mean. You are an original vampire, or whatever you call it. Were you born? Made?”

“Made. When I was twenty.”

“Who were you as a human?”

“A Roman soldier.”

“Wow, okay. That puts the timeline into perspective.”

He chuckles again. “The concept of vampires being born is new to my world. My daughter was the first one, twenty-five years ago.”

I give him a look of disbelief. “Seriously?”

He nods. “And that is only because of my wife.”

“She must be pretty special.”

“She is. She is everything.”

“How long have you known her?”

“Over a thousand years. I turned her.”

“That’s a long time to be together.”

“Oh, we haven’t always been together. Circumstances. Life. Her ability to piss me off and definitely vice-versa.”

“Sounds like epic love that you always find your way back together.”

“It is. But we didn’t for a while,” he admits, eyes focused on some distant memory. “And it nearly destroyed us both.”

I consider his words, feeling something profound in them that resonates with my current situation. “How do you know when it’s worth fighting for?”

“When the thought of eternity without them feels like a punishment rather than a gift.” His voice softens. “When your soul recognises theirs across time and space.”

“That’s poetic.”

“That’s the truth. When you’ve lived as long as I have, you learn to recognise the difference between passing desire and soul-deep connection.” He glances at me. “What you have with Luke is rare.”

I sigh, running a hand through my damp hair. “Is it wrong to love more than one person?”

“In my experience, the heart doesn’t follow rules. It simply loves where it will.” He stands, offering me his hand. “My wife has another two husbands, and a complicated relationship with her… sire.”

“I thought you were her sire.”

“Long story,” he says with a world-weary sigh.

“Yeah, I hear you. I won’t ask.”

He chuckles. “I quite enjoy our chats.”

“Me too,” I say with a smile. “I’ll miss you when you don’t come around anymore.”

“Who says I won’t?”

“Luke is no longer your grand-charge, or whatever.”

“I have still known him his entire life. I will check on him.”

“That’s really sweet of you,” I say, and I mean it. “I’m going to go and see the ferals.”

Constantine’s expression shifts to concern. “Is that wise? In your condition?”

“What condition?”

He raises an eyebrow, and then his face goes completely impassive. That, right there, is an art I will never be able to learn. “Wet and cold.”

“I’ll live,” I say with a wry smile.

“True, but you will also be miserable. Life is too short.”

“Say the man who has lived since dawn began.”

“Not quite. Sadly, I knew the creature who did.” His sour expression makes me laugh.

“You sound glad they are past tense.”

“You have no idea. Meddling bitch,” he adds under his breath.

“You are making it very difficult to stick to the don’t ask, don’t tell rule we’ve got going on.”

He beams. “My wife tells me I am infuriating.”

“She is not wrong. I’d like to meet her. She sounds pretty amazing.”

“She is. But you need to go and be amazing, Gaida. This world, all the worlds, need you right now. Don’t let us down.”

“Wow, big words. Thanks for the fucking reminder.”

“I told you, you’ve got this.”

“You’d better hope so, or we are all up shit creek.”

“Indeed.”

I stand up and face him. “Thanks for the talk. And you’re right. I’ve got this.”

“I know you do.” Constantine nods, and I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what comes next.

The walk to the holding cells is longer than I remember, or maybe my thoughts are weighing me down.

The ferals are kept in the lower levels of the academy, behind reinforced doors.

The door slides open with a hiss, and I enter the lab where I can see some of the ferals through the glass wall that separates it. Eliza, Chloe, Victor, and all the rest are just sitting, staring into space, occasionally letting out a soft wail or pained moan. I sit down on a stool, the weight of all the worlds smothering me like a wet cloak.