Page 25

TWENTY-FIVE

ROSALIE

I f I was asked to describe my feelings, I wouldn’t know what to say. Lifeless was the first thought to come to mind. This place had a way of making you question your sanity—your own thoughts. Things have happened that I never would have even thought about doing before. Falling into Archer’s arms, letting him touch me? What the hell was wrong with me? This wasn’t who I was. But this place felt like a prison. There were only so many places you could go, so many things you could do.

My fingers trembled as I held onto the crayon, forcing the utensil across the page before me. This had become one of my favorite pastimes, mostly because there wasn’t anything else to do. The sweet ache between my thighs reminded me of my evening spent with Seven and Archer followed by what happened during visitation. Warmth spread through my veins at the memory. I wasn’t sure whether I should be turned on or repulsed. Maybe both.

A knock at my door had my shoulders drawing tight and my finger stilled despite the small tremors running through my body. If it was one of those assholes demanding they babysit me, I was going to lose my shit.

“Come in,” I called out from my perch on the floor.

The door creaked open, and I was fully prepared to go the hell off on one of the guys, but my words got stuck in my throat. Cheyanne shot me a sheepish smile as she ventured into my room, casting a small glance around before closing the door behind her.

“Hey.” She lowered herself to the floor, crossing one leg over the other and glanced down at the coloring book sprawled out before me.

“Hi,” I replied with a note of skepticism. When I sat at her table with her and her friends, things didn’t go the best. Shay clearly didn’t like me, and I wasn’t sure how Cheyanne felt about it all. Did she agree with Shaylynn? Did she think I was risking their safety with my own bad decisions pertaining to Jordan and his friends?

Cheyanne’s long, rainbow-colored hair was loose around her shoulders, a stitch forming between her brows like she wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to. Making friends had never been difficult for me before, but the people here were much different than any I’d ever encountered. Everyone already knew each other and had their own little cliques formed.

“Was there something you wanted?” I asked, setting the crayon down and closing the coloring book. Resentment bubbled up within me from the memory of what was said in the cafeteria that day.

Cheyanne pressed her lips together before blowing out a ragged breath. “I wanted to apologize for Shay’s behavior.” She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “What she said wasn’t cool, and not to defend her, but I don’t think she meant to come off as bitchy as she did.”

I snorted in response. “You’re either blindly loyal to your friend, or just… really na?ve.” I heard Shay loud and clear. That wasn’t from a place of genuine concern, even if I thought it could have been at first. It was from a place of jealousy and callousness.

“Maybe,” she agreed.

Neither one of us said anything for a few moments, letting the silence wrap around us in a tension-filled cocoon. I was so sick of mind games, of not knowing what was real and what wasn’t. Life was too short for unwarranted toxicity, and if they truly believed that my decisions were affecting them , then they weren’t people I wanted to associate myself with anyway.

Before I ended up here, I’d mostly gotten along with everyone. It also helped that I was a bit of a people pleaser, and maybe even a social butterfly. But this place was different. It was darker, and like Jordan said, tainted.

There was no room for innocence in a place like this. You either adapted, or you faded away.

Cheyanne’s voice sliced through my thoughts again. “You seem… different,” she commented. “Not in a bad way,” she rushed to add. “Just more sure of yourself.”

My gaze flicked to hers, my head twisting and churning with the assortment of thoughts racing through it.

She’s judging you

She’s judging us.

She thinks she’s better than we are.

I winced, sucking in a deep breath before letting it back out again. Us?

Indeed. We are you, and you are we.

Voices… just like Jordan. Did his voices cause him to snap and murder his own family, or was that his paranoia? Was it something else altogether? Was I destined to do something just as vile? They sounded so real—like actual voices echoing through my skull, distorted by only the distance between us.

“Rosalie?” she pressed with a nervous tilt to her words. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

She shifted uncomfortably, her dark eyes darting between me and the door as if she were contemplating making a break for it. She was scared of me, but I didn’t know why.

“Like you’re pondering my murder.”

I released a breath of laughter and shook my head. “Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts. I do have a question, though.”

Murder… that sounds nice.

Don’t you want to know what it feels like to squeeze the life out of someone?

She trusts you. It would be so easy. Just like Daisy.

My stomach twisted painfully. This couldn’t be normal. It was getting worse. They usually weren’t this vocal. Until now, it had only been a few sentences, and they never told me to murder anyone.

“Sure, what is it?” Her posture was relaxed now, and she was looking at me with expectant eyes.

I did my best to block the voices out, though it didn’t help much. They were still there in the back of my mind. Blowing out a breath, I attempted to keep my voice as steady as possible. “Why are you guys so threatened by Jordan and his friends?” I finally asked.

Cheyanne reeled back in surprise. “I’ve told you already. He’s a murderer, Rosalie. He killed his pregnant mom after raping her while he made his father watch. That’s sick.” She shook her head. “Archer killed someone too. He stalked a girl from school and then killed her when she freaked out about it. Seven killed his girlfriend by cutting her up too deeply and had sex with her dying body.”

I hummed in response, the voices growing louder and louder again, but this time… it was Daisy’s voice that stood out the most.

Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

We all fall down, indeed, I silently agreed.

“You hang out with Ryder,” I pointed out. “He’s a serial rapist.”

Cheyanne narrowed her eyes at me. “And you know this how?” There was a hint of accusation to her tone, and I didn’t like it at all.

Deciding to ignore her on that subject, I went on. “Tyler set a school on fire and killed a bunch of people. Or did he blow it up? I can’t remember.”

Her jaw ticked with frustration. “That was different. He didn’t even mean to do it. He thought it was empty.”

“And Archer didn’t mean to kill that girl,” I snarled. “Just like I doubt that Seven meant to kill his girlfriend. Just like I didn’t mean to kill my own fucking sister.” My heart was racing now, anger swimming through my veins. “Don’t you get it? We’ve all done fucked up shit. We are all bad people.”

Cheyanne froze. “I thought your stepfather killed her?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “So did I.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” she added wearily, a sorrowful look washing over her features.

End her now.

She never would have accepted you.

She’s just as guilty.

My teeth scraped against one another as I silently willed the voices to shut the hell up. After a few moments, they faded again, but not without effort.

“Yeah. Maybe,” I gritted out. “Go be a judgmental bitch somewhere else.”

She scoffed. “Why are you defending them?”

She still didn’t get it. “I’m not. It has nothing to do with them. It’s the fact that your reasoning for despising them is the same reasoning you use to justify your friends’ behavior. It’s hypocritical.” I stood up, kicking the coloring book away before turning on my heels and heading toward my bed.

For the longest time I thought that Jordan, Seven, and Archer were monsters. But weren’t we all? Darkness lurked inside each and every one of us, and it was only a matter of time before it consumed us whole. I understood that now. Maybe finding out about Alex was what really helped to open my eyes. He used to be so perfect to me. He was someone I’d always envied because of his self-restraint. I thought that if he could do it, then that meant it was possible for me, too. Little did I know.

I lowered myself on the edge of my bed, turning my head to look at Cheyanne who still hadn’t moved. “We’re all here for a reason,” I continued, my voice coming out much calmer than it had moments before. “We’re all fucked up.”

You’re not innocent.

You killed her.

Daisy died because of you. If you weren’t so fucking useless, none of it would have happened.

It should have been you.

Night had fallen and I’d managed to keep my distance from everyone throughout most of the day, but the voices had only become more and more persistent. What was happening to me? Why were they so loud all of a sudden? Sometimes they weren’t that bad. But when they started talking about killing people or about Daisy… I couldn’t handle it.

Your own mom can’t even stand to see you.

She hates you too. She knows you for the monster you are.

“Stop it,” I growled.

I was huddled in the corner of my bed with my knees drawn to my chest, rocking back and forth as I urged the voices to stop. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even fucking think.

Just do everyone a favor and end it all.

I scoffed in response. Like I hadn’t tried that already.

If that was an attempt, it was a tragic one. If you really want to die, make it happen. You know exactly how to.

“I don’t want to die anymore.”

Ah yes. Because you found out what an orgasm felt like, and it made you want to live. The voice sounded amused, and that only pissed me off more. That wasn’t why I wanted to live. I wasn’t sure I ever truly wanted to die in the first place.

My hands tore through my blonde hair, messing it up in the process—not that it wasn’t already in disarray.

The entire room was shrouded in darkness, and for once, I was thankful for it. The less I could see, the better, because if my dead sister made another random appearance, I might just lose it once and for all.

The voices continued, growing louder and louder with every passing moment until they were all merging together. It was all so overwhelming. Heat built behind my eyes until tears blurred my vision. I just wanted it to stop. Why wouldn’t it stop?

“Jordan hears voices.”

That’s what Archer had said. Maybe he’d know how to work through this. But what if he told Dr. Blake? I’d be stuck here forever, just like him.

Maybe the risk was worth it.

My heart pounded against my ribcage ferociously as I scrambled off of my bed. We weren’t supposed to be out after curfew, but Mr. Mike usually didn’t care. I’d only seen him a few times while passing and he never said anything.

Slipping on my shoes, I hurried across my room and jerked open the door. Light encased me instantly, blinding me for a moment as my eyes worked to adjust to the sudden change. The hallway was empty as expected, causing my shoulders to ease just a fraction.

Careful. You don’t want to run into Alina or Rachel, one of the voices taunted.

My breath caught in my throat, and I quickened my pace, gently closing the door behind me before I practically bolted toward Jordan’s room. I didn’t bother to knock, opting to jerk it open instead. To my surprise, his light was on, but he was sprawled out on his bed with his arm tucked beneath his head. His eyes were closed and his chest moved up and down evenly, letting me know he was fast asleep.

My mouth went dry instantly as I took him in. He was dressed in a pair of sweatpants, but his shirt had been long forgotten. Tattoos littered his skin, but I couldn’t even think of focusing on them. My head was spinning with all the thoughts swirling through it.

I knew this was a bad idea, but what else was I supposed to do? A current of dread snaked through me, reminding me that he was no hero. He could just as easily kill me if he wanted, and he’s threatened me enough that I believed he’d actually do it.

Then again, if he didn’t kill me, these voices just might.

Slowly, I closed the distance between us, climbing on top of his bed alongside him. He looked so peaceful when he slept. His dark blonde hair was swept across his forehead, one arm resting over his ribs.

“Jordan,” I whispered.

A crease formed between his brows, but he didn’t stir otherwise.

“Jordan,” I tried again, a little louder this time. Still… nothing.

Blowing out a breath, I reached out, placing a hand to his shoulder. His skin was hot beneath my palm, but I was too desperate to contemplate that much, either. Instead, I slowly shook him, making the bed creak beneath our weight. My heart rate spiked even more when his dark lashes fluttered, moving the shadows over his cheekbones.

Why was he so breathtaking? It wasn’t fair.

He could never want someone like you.

He’ll betray you just like Alex did.

You’ll never be enough, not even for the looney ones.

Where’s Archer? He’s already tiring of you.

I sucked in a ragged breath. It didn’t matter if Jordan wanted me, because I certainly didn’t want him. We barely even knew each other. It was just a physical attraction—anyone with eyes could see he was good to look at.

Still… even as I thought the words, they seemed to hold no merit.

Sighing, I shook him with more force this time. There was barely any time to register anything once his eyes snapped open. One moment, I was sitting at his side with my hand on his hard bicep, and the next, I was on my back beneath him. My lips parted in surprise on a silent gasp as I peered up at him with wide eyes. A snarl curled his lips as his gaze bored through my own, his blonde hair falling in front of his eyes ever-so-slightly.

“What are you doing here?” he growled, not seeming to even realize that his hips were pinning mine to the mattress, and his bulge was quite prominent through his sweats, even if he wasn’t hard.

A whimper tumbled past my defenses, fear sparking deep within me. The voices had calmed some, but they were still there.

“Answer me,” he demanded with a harsh edge to his tone.

I shifted beneath him, trying to will some air back into my lungs. Fire rapidly spread throughout my veins when the movement only caused him to brush against my center through the skirt I wore. If he noticed it, he didn’t let on.

“I-I needed to see you,” I stammered.

He didn’t seem convinced, even as the sleep ebbed from his features. “Why?”

Averting my gaze, I focused my attention on the wall near the back of the room. “They won’t stop,” I whispered. “I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can barely remember to breathe sometimes.” My tongue darted out, swiping over my lower lip as the anticipation built.

Jordan dropped his gaze to my mouth, a stitch forming between his brows. “What won’t stop?” he demanded again.

“Sometimes I see things,” I continued in a low murmur. “I hear things. They tell me to do things to people—to hurt them—sometimes I really want to listen.”

He lowered his chest to mine, dropping his nose into the crook of my neck as he released a shaky breath. The warmth from his body seared through my clothing and I could feel every hard ridge of him through my thin shirt.

“Do you hear them now?” he asked.

I swallowed thickly, anxiety prickling through my veins along with something else—desire. “Yes,” I muttered, doing my best to keep my tone even.

“What are they saying?”

My eyes fluttered closed for a moment, my heart pounding within my chest. “That if I don’t kill you, you’ll kill me.”

He said nothing, his hot breath feathering against my neck, eliciting a series of goosebumps. He shifted on top of me, dragging his groin over mine through our clothing, allowing me to feel his hardening length. I bit back the whimper threatening to spill from my lips and laid there motionless and confused with my hands balled into fists at my sides.

What was he doing?

I thought he didn’t want anything to do with me?

Why was he still on top of me?

He’s using you.

He’s taking pity on you.

Don’t fall for it.

My teeth scraped together in frustration, annoyance tumbling through me like a tidal wave. I just wanted them to stop.

“I can make them go away,” he murmured. “At least for a little while.” He nipped my earlobe, dragging it between his teeth. He didn’t need to elaborate.

“Please,” I rasped, my voice trembling slightly from both fear, desire, and desperation.

His mouth dropped back down to the side of my neck, his lips trailing over the sensitive skin there as he left open-mouthed kisses that ignited my body from the inside out. He continued moving his hips, grinding against me with every shift of his body. My head spun with desire, the voices growing fainter and fainter as I gave myself to the feel of him.

My hands trailed up the sides of his arms, moving to cup his head and drift through his dark blonde hair. His teeth scraped against my throat, forcing a gasp from me as I tightened my grip on him in return. It wasn’t long before he was sucking along my neck, sending sparks of desire flooding through me. His movements became more erratic and desperate.

“Jordan,” I whimpered, tightening my legs around his hips as I sought out the friction my body craved.

“This is a one-time thing,” he muttered, easing off me slightly so he could hook his fingers in the waistband of my skirt. Slowly, he started to jerk it down my body, straining once it reached my knees.

It’s a pity-fuck, one of the voices taunted, a hint of a smile in their tone.

He straightened, pulling away from me so he could tug it off the rest of the way. I helped him along once it reached my calves, and kicked it off, letting it tumble to the floor. Next, he grabbed the strap of my thong and ripped it from my body, forcing another gasp from my throat. My hip burned where it had split, but he wasn’t finished. He did the same to the other side and jerked, tearing it away in one fluid motion. My shoes came off next, followed by the long stockings my mom had packed countless pairs of. As soon as I sat up, moving my hands to reach for the buttons on my shirt, Jordan fisted the front of it, stopping me. Before I could process that, he was tearing it down the middle. Buttons flew in multiple directions, a breeze settling over my chest from the contrast.

“Was that necessary?” I demanded.

His lips kicked up into a smirk. “No. But it was fun.” He wrenched the fabric from my body leaving me completely bare before him since I didn’t make a habit of sleeping in my bra and I’d already taken it off for the night. His heated gaze roamed over every inch of me, his pupils dilating.

He jerked his pants down his impressive thighs, my gaze following the movement shamelessly. The bulge was potent beneath his black boxers, and I desperately wanted to reach out and touch it. But this wasn’t just about that.

I swallowed thickly once he tugged his underwear off too, letting them fall to the floor with all of the other clothes. My eyes roamed over the tattoo decorating his cock and I squinted, trying to make sense of what it was. When I finally managed to read it, a snort lodged in my throat.

“Your bitch was here.”

My thoughts came to an abrupt halt when he reached out, running his fingers down my slit to test how aroused I was. Slowly, he eased a finger in, forcing a choked noise to tumble from my mouth. He pumped it in and out a few times, heat building more and more with every movement. I could feel myself getting wetter by the second, my pussy clamping down around his finger. My breathing grew erratic with every pump of his finger, my hand snapping out to grip his forearm.

Before I knew it, my hips were bucking up to meet his hand, silently begging for more. His jaw tightened with restraint as he eased a second finger inside, twisting them so that they hooked, brushing against that sweet spot that had my body trembling instinctively. He rubbed circles against my clit with his thumb while simultaneously sliding his other two fingers in and out.

A cry tumbled from my lips, my heart thudding so loudly I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it. Electricity zipped through me, my head muddling with the fog of lust that threatened to take over and consume me whole.

“P-please,” I stammered, the words coming out more choked than anything.

His eyes were hooded with desire and when his gaze flicked to mine again, I saw it. He was into this just as much as I was, even if he wouldn’t verbally admit it. “Please what?” he asked, his voice much deeper than usual.

Oh fuck. He was really going to make me say it, wasn’t he?

“More.” I breathed out, digging my nails into his arm.

His deep chuckle resounded throughout the room, eliciting a series of goosebumps that sprinkled across my skin. Normally, that sound would have terrified me. This time, it only made me want him more. After a few moments, he withdrew his fingers, causing my aching pussy to throb in protest. To my complete and utter relief, he positioned himself over me and carefully lined himself up, bracing himself on his forearm. He searched my gaze for a long moment, his jaw popping with something I couldn’t quite decipher. Slowly, he jerked his hips forward and entered me.

My eyes rolled back from the stretch, my body welcoming him instantly. I felt him slide into me inch by inch until he was fully seated, making me feel insanely full. He was so fucking big and thick that it burned, but not necessarily in a bad way. His breath stuttered out as I throbbed against him, trying to milk him for everything he was worth. He rotated his hips, slamming into me again. My body jostled beneath his, and another cry fled my defenses. He didn’t slow down there. No. He kept fucking me hard, deep, fast, and ruthless. The sound of his skin slapping against mine reverberated around us, echoing through the room. Heat pooled in the depths of my stomach, my nails raking down his back. I moved my hips in tandem with his, causing a deep growl to emanate from his chest.

Not long ago, he’d said he had no interest in fucking me. So, what the hell was this?

He eased back on his knees, shallowing his thrusts as he placed a hand beneath my thigh and pushed so that my knee came up to my chest. The new position allowed him to go even deeper and a slew of moans and intelligible words spilled from my lips. He gripped my hip with his other hand roughly, using it to drive me down on his hard cock while simultaneously thrusting into me.

“Oh fuck,” I cried out, absentmindedly gripping his arms.

My eyes fluttered closed as I gave myself to the pleasure of it all. My stomach was tightening with that familiar feeling, and I could feel my juices running down my thighs and ass.

“Eyes on me,” He growled, not bothering to slow his pacing.

My heart galloped within my chest, and I pried my eyes open, only to be met with his blazing blue ones. A sheen was forming on his skin, making him glisten under the bright lights.

Everything about this moment was rough, carnal, and desperate. Jordan was someone I never would have considered giving myself to before, regardless of his looks. There was more to him. I knew there was. Nobody was just evil for the sake of being evil, right? His gaze softened as he lost himself to the pleasure of my body, and it was almost enough to have me coming undone. In this moment, he looked more human than I think I’d ever seen him.

My eyes dropped to his parted lips. I wanted to reach out and brush my fingers along them; I wanted to kiss him, to know what his tongue felt like against mine, but the new position we were in created too much distance between us, making it impossible. His breathing grew louder as his arms strained around me. There was a crease between his brows, followed by a sexy groan. He slowed his movements, opting for shallow thrusts instead. His shoulders rose and fell in rapid succession, but he didn’t cum. Not yet at least.

“What’s wrong?” I asked through heavy breaths.

Jordan shook his head, and panic shot through my veins at the thoughts that had started to form. Could he not get off? Was this not good enough for him? Did he not like me?

“We can stop if you want,” I assured him. My chest tightened as soon as the words fled my mouth, but what good was sex if only one person was enjoying it?

He shot me an incredulous look. “What?” he snapped.

I glanced down to where our bodies connected before meeting his eyes again, unwilling to say the words aloud.

It took him a few moments, but then he huffed a laugh and shook his head again. “I didn’t slow down because I was struggling to get off.” He snorted in amusement, like the mere thought was hilarious. “I slowed down so I wouldn’t get off.”

My eyebrows dipped in confusion. “Oh,” I replied, not sure what else to say. It took a few moments longer for me to wrap my head around. That meant he wanted it to last longer. Hope swelled within my chest, but I quickly shut it down.

Jordan released my leg, allowing me to extend it again before he lowered his body on mine again, pressing his warm chest against my breasts. The feel of his skin against me felt better than it should have. He eased back slightly before driving into me in one brutal thrust, forcing a gasp from lungs. He was fast, coordinated, skillful, and exact—hitting the one spot that would have me coming undone soon. Heat pooled within my stomach and my words were unintelligible curses, cries, and needy little moans. I turned my head, feeling his breath feather against my lips. It was so warm and smelled of mint, which was surprising since I’d woken him from what appeared to be a deep slumber.

“Don’t,” he choked out, before I could even think about kissing him.

“What?” I hadn’t even made a move, done anything, or said anything, and he was already telling me “Don’t” .

“I know that look,” he panted, thrusting hard inside of me, causing my back to bow at a weird angle. A whimper escaped my defenses as pleasure swarmed every crevice of my body. “I’m not Archer. If you want to kiss someone, let it be him.”

My stomach twisted at his words. It was my own fault, really. I’d gotten way too caught up in whatever this was. Clearly, it didn’t mean anything to him. It certainly didn’t mean anything to me. Right?

“Maybe I was just admiring your face,” I lied, hoping he wouldn’t see through my bullshit. It was humiliating enough that I’d been rejected before even having made a move.

He snorted in response and rolled his eyes, beads of sweat dotting his hairline. His amusement swiftly turned to pleasure, his lips parting in satisfaction as he pumped in and out of me rapidly. “Fucking shit.” He groaned, his eyes fluttering.

Seeing him come undone for me was the hottest thing in the world. Just like watching it happen with Seven and Archer. My pussy clamped down around him as my body began to convulse, unable to hold on as ripples of pleasure shot through my core and exploded, forcing me to shatter around him. I cried out, my body trembling uncontrollably.

Jordan thrusted into me a few more times before he quickly pulled out, pumping himself up and down a few times. My body was still riddled with tremors as my heart worked to steady itself. Within seconds, he was coating my pussy with his warm release.

He fell on the mattress beside me, staring up at the ceiling. His chest moved up and down quickly, accompanied by fast breathing.

Neither one of us bothered to say anything. Why would we? Jordan made it abundantly clear that this was nothing more than a booty call. Even if somewhere deep down, I hoped it could have been more. That was just the hopeless romantic within me, and someone needed to put that bitch down before she made me do anything else remotely stupid.

“I should probably go,” I muttered, pushing myself into a sitting position.

Jordan shoved a hand through his hair, pushing it back. “You don’t have to.” He reached out, wrapping his fingers around one of my wrists before tugging. Reluctantly, I allowed him to pull me back down, confusion swirling through my skull. “I find that the voices aren’t as loud when I’m in bed with someone,” he admitted. “It makes it easier to sleep.”

Right. This was all about the voices.

“Okay,” I relented. “I’ll stay.”