Page 32 of Blade (The Dark Angel’s MC #1)

Luna – Three Days Later

I bite my bottom lip as I stare at myself in the mirror, feeling conflicted. I seem to always have this feeling at the moment. Honestly, it’s better than the feeling of no longer wanting to be alive.

Right?

I tilt my head and eye my facial features.

For years, I boycotted looking in the mirror.

I used to hate what I saw, always wanting to smash the thing but then I met a man who wanted a little bit of fun, giving me the confidence to find myself again.

He helped me understand that I can love, that I am capable of it and now as I look in the mirror, I see no bags underneath my eyes.

They no longer look traumatized and I’m not skin and bones. I actually have curves coming along.

I can already see my cheeks filling out. I’m starting to look healthy and it has only been a few days.

I’m still conflicted, though. Shouldn’t I be in a corner screaming and crying at the ghost of the man I killed?

I should be feeling sick. I should be having nightmares and struggling to eat. I thought after what I did, I’d feel, I don’t know, suicidal? I guess, but I don’t. I don’t feel guilty. I just feel at peace for the first time in years, and I don’t know how to cope with that.

I mean, I wasn’t exactly quick with killing him, was I?

I was brutal, and yet I don’t seem to care.

I’m safe. I made myself safe by killing the evil that destroyed my childhood, that destroyed my teenage years, and the love that I had for my family before they took his side and before my admissions in that basement, my future looked to be on the rise.

My future that I didn’t think I would have.

Leo wanted to see that my adulthood was going to be everything that I ever wanted and now, for the first time in years, I want to live and that is a scary thought.

I sigh and look down at my jeans and a check flannel shirt. Am I too casual for this?

I’m supposed to be going to my brother’s club today to discuss everything, something Leo encouraged after he brought it to my attention that Axe wants to have everything out along with his mama, who has been watching me at a little distance since I resurfaced from Leo’s room after killing Brock.

Is it weird that I still don’t feel anything other than peace after killing him so brutally?

Am I broken?

Is Leo going to leave me?

Wait, are we even together?

I shake my head, turn away from Leo’s bathroom mirror, and walk into his bedroom, my eyes going to the photo of me at the diner, grinning at him on his light gray bedside table that makes my heart race.

His words make me feel like we’re together, and some of his actions as well before my admission regarding Drew and my trauma.

But after I killed him , I don’t feel like it as much, and my heart cracks at the thought that he’s pulling away.

I mean, he hasn’t let me out of his sight, meaning I’ve been staying at his home on club property while he has been staying on the couch, though I’m pretty sure his arm has been wrapped around me during the night, then when I wake in the mornings, I’m on my own, and the side I thought he was on was still made immaculately.

Maybe subconsciously, I want him there. I just don’t know how to ask him. He’s been distant the past few days, only speaking to me in passing and spending most of his time at the clubhouse, and I have to admit, it hurts more than I thought it would, and it’s making me think we aren’t together.

I knew he wasn’t happy about the whole Drew situation, and I knew I had some groveling to do. I know he’s pulling away from me, but we’re not a couple—or at least I don’t think we are or were, even though for the first time ever, I want to be.

He accused me of being a patch chaser, of being a whore. Dammit, he threatened to kill me, though at the time I would have welcomed it, but it is not the point.

He shouldn’t be mad at me about Drew, and yeah, okay, he never touched the clubwhore. He was just saying it to hurt me because I never told him who I actually was, but it’s not like I slept with the guy, is it?

I was doing what I had to do to survive, so I didn’t end up committed again because that crap was hard in itself.

I twitch my nose, hoping the stinging in my eyes stopped. I don’t want to cry. I’m done crying, and I also don’t want to worry Leo because despite him pulling away, he still shows concern.

Maybe I should call him Blade again to see his reaction?

I shake my head, walk over to the bedside table, and grab my phone.

His mama has also been watching me, so I’m sure she’s been informing her son about what I’m getting up to.

We haven’t spoken about her punch or her accusations.

She’s more interested in bringing me food and then leaving after making sure I don’t need anything else.

We need to speak, and hopefully, soon, we will. Well, that is if Leo doesn’t kick me out beforehand, which is the only way I’ll leave because I have a feeling there is more to her reaction to me than she's letting on.

He’s become my safe place, my home, and the only way I’ll walk away is if he physically tells me to go, and even then, it’ll be a fight.

I’ve never been in love before, but I know what I feel for him is something I want to hold on to.

“You look beautiful,” the man who has buried himself deep inside my heart says, and I turn, my stomach tightening, to see him leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed. Wow…

His black t-shirt stretches across his muscular chest, and I have to admit my mouth waters.

Nearly seven months without feeling him, and I am struggling, a feeling I never thought I would have, but yet here it is, just for him.

Would it be bad if I climb him like a mountain and beg him to take me or is that too forward?

“Thank you,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say without making my thoughts known.

Leo got some of his brothers to collect my things.

The brother who went, retrieved the photo of my father, it sits nicely on the fireplace in Leo’s living area.

His mama also bought me a wardrobe full of clothes, trashing what I had because, in her words, “They are old and warn it’s time for a change,” meaning they were the clothes I wore whenever he attacked me.

They’re being nice, and I’m grateful. I just don’t want to get used to it in case this man before me decides I’m not worth the hassle, though like I said, it’ll be a fight if he thinks I’d leave easily.

“You don’t need to thank me for telling you how it is, princess,” he says as he pushes himself off the wall and walks my way he reminds me, “I love you.”

Damn, even now, hearing the words… They do something to me. my heart skips, and my stomach flutters, making me think maybe everything is in my head, but his actions contradict his words.

He’s barely spoken to me since my admission, since I killed him .

“How can you go from wanting to screw me for a month to get me out of your system to loving me?” I ask, perplexed still, and he chuckles, gently gripping my hips as his eyes take in my features.

I haven’t said it back, mainly because I’m scared out of my mind that he’ll leave me, that he’ll come to his senses. He’s already acting off, so what if I tell him how I feel, and he laughs and says, “Sike?”

I lied to him about who my family was or omitted the truth anyway while a war was brewing.

What if this is his revenge? Make me feel comfortable, loved even, and then kicks me out.

Leo chuckles lightly and mumbles, “Because you’re fucking addicting,” and I raise a brow at his cop-out.

He smiles and admits, “Because, princess, you buried yourself deep inside me,” his eyes race between mine, “You captivated me instantly, and I kept telling myself we weren’t going to go any further, I was adamant a woman in my future was never going to happen but you, fuck, as soon as we locked eyes I knew you were mine,” his eyes race between mine, “You were sweet, kind and despite the hell you went through, despite the pain I could see every day on your face you still held a smile. You entranced me, princess.”

I swallow hard and step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I place my head against his chest, hearing his heart, the beat soothing me. He wraps his arms around me tight, giving me a sense of safety and warmth.

I want to believe his words. I really do, but he hasn’t been near me in three days, and I’m eighty-five percent sure I’m imagining him holding me at night, the fifteen wanting to believe otherwise.

How can he love me when I’m broken?

“Are you ready?” Leo mumbles as he touches my forehead with his lips, his words pulling me from my crazy thoughts.

I think therapy is the way to go for me again.

“If I say I’m not?” I ask with a whisper, and he sighs, pulling back. Instantly, I miss his warmth, but he cups my cheek, and his eyes race between mine.

“I won’t force you to do something you don’t want, princess.

As far as I’m concerned, I never want you to step on their property again.

I’d rather you get ready for school again and stay here where you are safe from the memories,” my eyes tear up, “But baby, if you don’t do this, then what you did to Brock will be for nothing,” he gently rubs his thumb along my jaw and whispers, “You need closure, princess.”

“Hey Luna,” Trinket says as he meets Leo and me by the clubhouse wooden door, and I swallow hard.

“Hi,” I say quietly, already regretting being here.

For the thirty-five-minute drive here, I wanted Leo to turn the truck around and take me back, but I knew this was something I needed to do.

These people called me a liar, accused me of trying to ruin a good man’s life, and said I was jealous of the attention he was giving others. Heck, some of the brothers, including the one standing before me looking guilty, believed I had a crush on Brock.