Page 23

Blade

We made it to the bedroom sometime before dawn, when it got so cold Bella was shivering in my arms, her teeth chattering.

Despite the magic of the past few weeks that we spent together, and all the love I could ever hope for, her chattering teeth took me right back in time, to her many failed attempts to get off the horse.

And all the insanity, heartbreak and sadness that followed.

Once we were in bed, she fell asleep immediately, ceased shivering, her teeth no longer chattering, but I couldn’t.

Once the morning light became too piercing I got up, and made myself some instant coffee using the stuff that’s been here since my uncle went into the nursing home.

Long expired, in other words. Just as I thought Bella and I were. And maybe we still are.

Even watching her walk towards me, wearing my shirt and nothing else, the smile on her face telling me she’d very much like me to take that off too, doesn’t cheer me up. The chasm of my darkness, the darkness that was all while we were apart, is too deep this morning.

She slips into my lap, finding just enough space between my abs and the table, and rests her head on my shoulder.

“You’re in one of your brooding moods,” she observes.

I just nod my head, because why bother her with it. Eventually it’ll pass.

“Why?” she asks and I shrug. I don’t actually have a good answer for her.

“Are we moving too fast?”

“Funny you should say that.” I put a lot of emphasis on the word you . Seeing as she has always moved fast and never actually admitted it might be too much.

She pushes the table back, so she has more space, but doesn’t vacate my lap. Instead, she takes my cup of coffee and finishes it.

“Making love is great and all, but maybe we should talk,” she says, looking at me pointedly, her hair tickling my bare chest.

The sea outside the windows is reflecting all the glaringly bright light of the morning sun, making it impossible to look at. But I do anyway.

“You’re like the sun to me,” I say. “Too bright and too hot sometimes.”

“But?” she says, smiling at me. Clearly my broodiness has not killed her good mood. It rarely does. Just another way we’ve always complemented each other.

But her eyes are sad. Sadder than I’ve ever seen them. And worried. Fearful even. I have never known Bella to be afraid of much. The way she just got into that psycho’s car to try and save me is just one example of it.

“But I love it,” I say. “Because without you in my life everything is very cold and dark.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear,” she says, but her eyes are still fearful as she waits if there’s any more buts.

“My life’s pretty dark and cold without you in it too,” she says quietly when she realizes I’m not gonna speak. “For what it’s worth.”

“It’s worth a lot,” I say. “You’re worth everything. Even if you decide to leave me again.”

She gasps and stiffens in my arms. “Is that what we need to talk about?”

I shrug because I really don’t know. “Maybe.”

“I thought I was doing all of you a favor by leaving,” she says. “You most of all. Dante was still after me, my family… they might’ve come back to finish the job they started. And I had no friends at your MC. You know that. I still don’t. But most of all, I wanted you to be safe.”

“I can take care of myself,” I say. “And I would’ve taken care of you too. If you’d just let me.”

The fearful sadness returns to her eyes, her sun growing dimmer and dimmer.

“I was gonna get clean, let some time pass and then come back. But it all just spiraled out of my control. And before I knew it, ten years had passed, and I figured you wouldn’t be so happy to see me anymore. I thought you’d moved on.”

“But you didn’t think to check?” I ask.

This time she shrugs. “I was getting up the nerve. But I’d hurt you badly, I knew that, in more ways that one… I figured staying away was for the better. Especially since you didn’t come looking for me either.”

I look at her very closely, to see if she’s just saying that to argue, passing the ball to me, as it were. But her eyes are still sad and there’s nothing but truth in her face.

“Maybe I should’ve… no, not maybe… I should’ve,” I say. “Because my life’s not a lot of fun without you.”

“Because you love me?” she asks, smiling faintly.

“Always and forever,” I say and wrap my arms around her.

“Yeah, me too, always and forever.” She leans against me once more.

And I know the truth of all that through how we just had this whole heavy conversation with neither of us wanting to leave each other’s arms. I think that speaks volumes. I don’t think any words beyond that are actually needed.

“Maybe we could just stay here for a while,” she says. “Get reacquainted some more. Talk some more. Or whatever.”

“Yeah,” I say and stroke her hair. Its softness has always been one of my favorite things to feel against my skin.

But it’s a lie. We don’t have a lot of time to just be together. Too much trouble is brewing. If I were a better man, I’d tell her so right away. But I’m weak. I want to be happy, I want her happy, I want to stay just like this, with her in my arms, thinking good thoughts for just a little longer.

“But you don’t think we can,” she says after a while, reading me correctly like only she can.

“There’s a lot of shit going on,” I say. “I’m needed back home.”

“Shit because of me? Because of Moretti?”

“That and other stuff,” I say. “But it’s nothing for you to worry about.”

I’ve never been big on empty promises and cliché platitudes, but look at me go now.

“Of course I’m worried,” she says, emerging from my embrace again, stiff as before. At least her eyes are more angry than sad now, though. “This is the whole reason I left in the first place happening all over again.”

I shake my head. “It’s not you. In fact, we’ve had no indication that Moretti or any of them know you’re back yet. This is something else. It started before you got here. And now we have to find a way to end it. But it’s not looking promising.”

“But it has to do with Moretti?” she asks and I nod.

I think she’s trying to catch me in a lie but I’m telling the truth. This isn’t about her.

“We thwarted some people, lost them a lot of money, and we didn’t end them,” I say. “There’s a lot of them. They’re well connected. And yeah, Moretti is one of those connections.”

“And when he finds out I’m here too, he’ll make that fight personal.”

She explained that particular nuance so much better than Rogue could when we last spoke. But that’s mostly because I didn’t want to hear it.

“Your brother’s working for him now,” I say. Something I should’ve done sooner.

“Matteo?” she asks. “But that’s OK then, he won’t let him hurt me. He’ll convince him to leave me be. He’s always been on my side.”

Her voice started out excited, but that faded as she watched my face while speaking.

“He doesn’t seem to be in a position to look out for you in any way,” I say. “It looks like he’s there as some sort of punishment.”

“What does that mean? What does that even look like?” she asks breathlessly, but then her face changes. “Oh, he’s still being punished because of me… because of us.”

It’s the one realization I didn’t want her to have. A knowing I wanted to spare her. That was a fool’s wish from the start.

“We’ll figure it out, OK?” I say. “Together.”

“I should call him,” she says and starts climbing from my lap.

With every nerve in my body I want to stop her. But I let her go.

“It’s not a good idea right now, Bella,” I say as I follow her into the bedroom where she’s rummaging through her bag to find her phone.

“I promise I’ll fix it,” I add.

She’s clutching the phone as she looks at me, her hand shaking. “How? And why would you help him? He hurt you so bad.”

“Because I love you,” I say as I walk up to her and take the phone from her hand. She lets me. Thankfully. Because I didn’t want to have to say that there’s nothing she can do for her brother. Revealing herself will probably get him into even deeper shit with Moretti.

She hugs me tight, tighter than she ever has. And she’s shaking again. Not from the cold this time.

“Thank you, Blade,” she says. “For everything.”

I hold her, don’t tell her that there’s nothing to thank me for yet.

That we’re nowhere near out of the woods yet, and that there might be nothing we can do for her brother.

That we might have to face him in a battle we intend for him and his side to lose.

That there might be no other way to keep her safe.

That we’re in this so deep we might never be safe again. Or alive for long.