Page 145 of Blackwood

I should leave.

I should really leave.

But I don’t.

I stay rooted to the shadowed balcony of Carrington Row, one hand gripping the iron railing, knuckles white, watching them like a fucking creeper.

Lex must be done with Knox now because he looks like a man on a mission. His eyes locked on her like she’s the only person at this party who exists. I see it before she does. One second, she’s laughing with Ellie and Haley near the edge of the pool. The next, Lex is behind her. He grabs her wrist and pulls her up. She spins into him, smiling like she already knows what’s coming. Like she’s been waiting for it.

He leans down, says something only she can hear and she nods. And then he’s pulling her, again. Right past the crowd. Past the stage. Straight into one of the white-draped poolside cabanas.

The lights inside are low. Just enough to see silhouettes.

Just enough to watch.

Lex doesn’t waste a second, neither does she. He presses her against the support beam, mouth crashing to hers. She rips his shirt over his head in response.

Buzz. Buzz.

ELLIE:Why are you torturing yourself?

ME:What are you talking about?

ELLIE:I can fucking seeyou, Cade. You’re not as stealthy as you think.

I glance down at the pool just in time to catch Ellie waving at me like she’s about to drag my ass down there herself.

ELLIE:Just come down here.

ME:No, I can’t and do not tell anyone I’m here.

ELLIE:Ugh! You are so dramatic.

ME:I’m dramatic? El, have you met yourself?

ELLIE:OMG Cade. Look. I know this whole thing has been hard on you. But it’s officially been too long. Plus, it’s been hard on all of us. And I get it, you’re hurting. But we all love you. And we all love them too.

ME:I know.

Dots, dots, and more dots.

Great, she’s writing a book.

ELLIE:No, you don’t.You’re acting like you’re the only one who’s ever been gutted by love. But here’s the thing, big brother… you’ve always loved her. Since you were sixteen. You were just too chicken shit to admit it.

ELLIE:Don’t even try to deny it. I remember you coming into my room after that party in Philly, pacing like a maniac because you had to go pick our drunk asses up. You were fuming… and then quiet. You sat on my bed and kept asking me how she was.

ELLIE:You’ve been hooked ever since. You just never had the balls to act on it. Not really. Until Lex.

ME:Don’t bring him into this.

ELLIE:Why not? At least he shows up. At least he*s fighting for her. You? You hiding like a little bitch on the goddamn balcony while the girl you’ve always loved thinks you don’t even want her anymore.

ME:El…

ELLIE:She’s miserable without you, Cade.She tries to act fine. God, you know how good she is at pretending… but she’s not. She talks about you all the time.Keeps finding reasons to bring you up like she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.

ME:She looks happy.