Page 17 of Bitter Queen (Advantage Play 4)

“You cooked?” The question slips out of me before I can stop it.

Keep your mouth shut, Q! a tiny voice inside of me yells.

But for some reason, Diece seems to make the one thing I learned when in captivity surprisingly difficult. Actually, he makes a lot of things difficult. Like forcing me to acknowledge my pain so that one day I can try to heal from it instead of letting myself drown in it.

And I’m tired of fighting to keep my head above water.

“Nah,” he returns before running his fingers through his dark, wavy hair, completely oblivious to my inner dialogue. “The housekeeper has a bunch of frozen food prepared in the freezer. I just have to put it in the oven.”

“Oh.”

“You should come downstairs and eat.”

Look at that. Another command.

On your knees and open your mouth. You bite me, I cut out your tongue.

I dig my teeth into the inside of my cheek until the tang of blood seeps onto my taste buds. With a slow, deliberate blink, I obey Diece’s command and step into the hallway with my attention glued to the carpet. His big, burly body stops me in my tracks.

“Stop.”

I freeze.

“I’m not your prison guard, Q.”

Sure, you’re not, I think to myself, but I don’t say a word.

“Look at me.”

I drag my gaze from the floor and meet his intense stare. He has handsome eyes. They’re framed with dark lashes, but the color is something else. Like melted chocolate with a few swirls of caramel. But it’s the warmth that really does me in.

“I don’t own you,” he growls. “You could walk out that door right now if you wanted, and I wouldn’t stop you.”

The warmth dissipates as I’m reminded, yet again, where I land on the damn totem pole.

At the very bottom.

My eyes burn with hatred, but I bite my tongue to keep from arguing with him. Still, the bastard can read me like a book. “I’m serious, Q. You’re here because you saved our asses during Burlone’s tournament. I’ve already told you this. We’re trying to protect you. But if you’re unhappy and think you’d have more luck at surviving on your own, then I won’t make you stay. Understand?”

With my lips pulled into a thin line, I don’t bother to reply but wait for his next request. Because they always want more from me.

His Adam’s apple bobs up and down before another growl of frustration slips out of him. “I’m not the enemy, Q.”

“Sure, you’re not,” I seethe, losing the battle against my own self-control.

Jaw clenching and nostrils flaring, he takes a deep breath and searches for an ounce of patience. “Do you want to talk about it? Is that what you want? Do you want me to leave you alone? Do you want me to drop you off somewhere? Deliver your food to your room? What. Do. You. Want?” His breath fans across my face as I find myself standing chest to chest with the bear in front of me.

“You wanna know what I want?” I spit.

“Yeah. I do.”

“Fine. I want to think for myself. I want to not be broken. I want to know what it’s like to have someone touch me without feeling like spiders are crawling along my skin. I want to be the girl I was before I was kidnapped. I want to be strong. I want to be fearless. And I want to disappear because I know I’ll never get any of those things back. Sei took them from me. All of it. And now, I’m just a shell of a human being, yet you’re asking me to be more than that.”

“I’m asking you to face your fears,” he counters.

“And if I can’t do that?”

“Then you can stay in your room and let what’s left of your life pass you by.”