Page 44 of Bitten By Desire (Crooked Point #1)

Tuesday

“Tell me how you died.” I ran my thumb down the scar again.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“Please.”

“Just give me a minute.” He walked out of the bedroom leaving me naked on his floor.

I hadn’t expected him to walk away. I grabbed the borrowed shirt off the ground and pulled it on. It was probably more appropriate to be wearing clothes during this conversation. I buttoned it up and waited.

And waited.

I sat down on the edge of his bed. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have let it go.

I grabbed my camera out of my purse and scrolled through my recent pictures.

Photography usually calmed me down, but my heart was racing.

I stopped on the picture of Callum’s license plate number.

It was probably the closest I’d ever get to having a picture of him.

It seemed cruel that my favorite things were Callum and photography.

And I’d never be able to photograph him.

What else did being a vampire entail exactly? I was na?ve to think I’d just be giving up my love for cheese. I eyed the handcuffs on Callum’s bed, lifted my camera, and took a shot.

Changing would mean giving up my ability to have control over all my choices. Control over my life. But what was a life without Callum? And there was no life for me if he accidentally slipped.

I wanted to photograph Callum’s scar. I wanted to know what had happened. How badly it had hurt. I just wanted…more. And yet, maybe it would be better to stay in the dark.

Callum cleared his throat. He was leaning against the doorjamb studying me.

I stepped away from the handcuffs on his bed. Like I’d been caught red-handed. Even though I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“Come with me.” He put his hand out for me.

I closed the distance between us and grabbed his hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to press it.”

He didn’t reply. He just walked us over to the closest door and slid a key into the lock. It clicked open, but he waited to push the door open the rest of the way.

He sighed and looked down at me. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Crazier than a girl who tried and failed to stalk you for ten years? Highly unlikely.”

He didn’t look that amused. “I’ve lived and lost, Emma. I’ve lost so much. And when I want to remember something important….something vital…I have the means to do so.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. “The means to do what exactly?”

He sighed. “This.” He pushed the door open the rest of the way.

And it was like I was standing in his office ten years ago.

Back at that gothic mansion when we first met.

The loveseat he’d taken pictures of me on.

The same loveseat he’d taken me on. The expensive wooden desk.

Even the rug was the same. I’d remembered being scared to touch anything because it all looked so delicate.

“You recreated the room where we met?” I looked up at him.

“I wanted to make sure I remembered every second. It was important to me. You’re important to me.” He was staring at me like he was worried I’d freak out and run away.

This was…a lot. But I wasn’t creeped out like he’d imagined.

The last few days had been insane. This was less insane than him being a vampire though.

And honestly, I found it romantic. “You’re important to me too.

” I swallowed hard. I hadn’t saved a whole room, but…

“I did save those pictures of us from that night. Or rather, the pictures of me. I know I told you I deleted them at my interview. But I didn’t.

I couldn’t possibly. That night meant everything to me. ”

His smile had finally returned. But it fell away just as quickly as it had come. “You asked me how I turned.”

I looked around the room again. “I don’t understand.”

He walked over to the desk and opened one of the drawers.

He pulled out a long, sharp metal object and tossed it onto the desk.

It clanged, echoing in the silence. And then he pulled out a medal with faded ribbon.

He placed it down, his fingers splaying across the desk as he leaned forward.

And he just stared at me. Like somehow all of this would suddenly make sense.

I walked over to the desk and stared down at the metal object.

It almost looked like a knife, but I’d never seen anything like it before.

I picked up the medal with the ribbon. “What is this?” I still had my camera in my hand, and I was so tempted to snap a photo.

It felt like I was staring history in the face.

“It belonged to the general that killed me.”

“The general?”

“I was in the war.”

The war? I tried to think of what was going on in the 1700s. “What war?”

“The United States War of Independence.”

“You mean…the Revolutionary War?”

Callum nodded. “I was stabbed by this bayonet.” He pointed to the object on his desk that looked like a knife. “Right here.” He gestured to the top of his scar. “I was on a horse. And I…I fell backward.” He shook his head. “The scar ends halfway down my thigh.”

Jesus. I couldn’t even imagine falling off a horse. Let alone having a knife running down my thigh as I fell.

“He left me for dead.” Callum lowered his eyebrows, the memory haunting him. “I’d never felt pain like that. It was unbearable. And then…I woke up. And I wasn’t me anymore. End of story.”

That did not at all sound like the end of the story. There were a lot of missing pieces there. “How did you turn?”

“All I remember is pain. Like my veins were burning. I never truly died. That’s not how it works. You have to have complete control to change someone. You have to drain their blood until just a little is left. If you take all of it…the person dies.”

Complete control. Something I wasn’t sure Callum really had. If he agreed to change me, would he be able to stop sucking my blood in time? Was it possible ?

It was like he knew where my mind had wandered. “I’m not changing you,” he said firmly. “I don’t want you to experience that pain.”

But part of that pain was from his actual wound. He’d been dying from an awful, bloody gash. And a vampire had been able to control himself around all that blood. “So there was a vampire lurking around the battle?” That made sense. There must have been so much blood.

“All I know is that I wasn’t dead yet. But the fire in my veins felt like death. Someone saved me. I have no idea why. And I have no idea who.”

“Maybe because the vampire didn’t need to kill anyone else. Because there was already death all around him. Or…maybe he had a heart of gold like yours.”

Callum shook his head.

“You do.”

“I changed into a vampire in a field of dead bodies, Emma. I never even got a chance to try and control myself. There was so much blood. I…I couldn’t…

” his voice trailed off. “I was out of control. I followed the battles. Lurking in the shadows. I preyed on the dead. So much blood.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“That doesn’t make you bad, Callum. It was good that you were feasting on dead bodies instead of living ones.”

“At first.” He looked down at the medal.

The medal that belonged to the general who had ended Callum’s mortal life.

“Don’t you want to know why I have this? And the bayonet?”

“I figured the bayonet was sticking out of your leg or something. ”

Callum shook his head. “No. It took me a while to find him again. But when I did, I stole his rifle and stabbed him where he stabbed me. With his own bayonet. And I drank every ounce of his blood.”

“And then stole his honorary medal?”

Callum just stared at me.

“You’re waiting for me to call you a monster.

And it’s not going to happen. I think that general deserved it.

And I don’t think you should punish yourself for your past when you’re trying to be better now.

” If I could forgive him for everything he’d done…

he had to be able to forgive himself too, right?

“I’ve given you every reason not to love me.”

I smiled. He’d tried to scare me off. He pretended I meant nothing. He’d been cruel. But he’d done all of it to keep me safe. “And yet…here I am.”

“I don’t want to lose you too, Emma.”

Lose me too. “Were you married? Before you changed?”

Callum shook his head. He turned toward a painting behind him. He pulled it away from the wall to reveal a safe behind it.

He put in a code and the door hissed open. There was a large painting leaning against the metal wall. And as far as I could tell, it was the only thing in the safe.

He pulled it out and set it down on top of his desk.

It was a portrait, but it looked older than the one of him from his gothic mansion. And it wasn’t a portrait of just one person. It was a whole family.

“That’s me,” he said and pointed to the younger boy in the picture.

He looked like him. An adorable mini version. I stared at what must be his older brother. And two younger sisters. And his parents. He looked just like his father.

“I had to watch them all die,” he said. “And I kept living. Even though I was the one that should have died.”

I walked around the desk and hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Callum.”

He rested his chin on the top of my head.

“But I don’t believe for a second that you should have died. I think you’re meant to be here. Right here, right now with me.”

He leaned back to cradle my face in my hands. “I’m so sick of death, Emma.”

He was sick of killing. And watching loved ones die. So why wouldn’t he change me?

“You have this whole room to remember me,” I said. “Why do you keep this painting locked up?”

“Because I still had a chance of seeing you again.”

He didn’t want a daily reminder of what he lost. I got that. But he was holding on to the hope of being with me one day. And I was determined to make one day turn into forever.

I looked up at him. “Thank you. For telling me what happened. And for showing me all this.”

“And now you know why I won’t change you.”

“Actually, I feel more convinced of the opposite.”

He lowered his eyebrows. “It’s horrible watching everyone you love die. It’s horrible killing. It’s painful. I would never subject anyone to this willingly.”

“But the flip side of that is that I love you . And I don’t want to lose you . And I won’t be on a battlefield when I change. I’ll be in your arms. I never even have to kill someone. I’ll only ever know animal blood. And if you recall correctly, I like a little pain.”

“Emma…”

“You’ve bitten my neck before, remember?”

He shook his head.

“If you don’t change me, you’ll have to feel that pain of losing someone again when I grow old and die. And I won’t let you experience that. Not when I don’t have to.”

“You don’t understand…”

“I do understand. My veins will feel like fire. I’ll thirst for blood. I’ll have to watch my friends age while I don’t. I’ll lose them.” I thought about Zoey. And my heart hurt. But…wasn’t love worth the pain? “And I like when you bite me.”

Callum lowered his eyebrows.

I shoved my camera into his hands. “Let’s recreate our first night together. And this time…you’ll bite me for real.” I sat down on the loveseat he’d saved. “Like this, right?” I arched my back the way he’d instructed me to do it ten years ago.

But when I stared at him, he wasn’t looking at me. He was running his thumb along the cord of my camera. Where I’d knotted it back together after he ripped it. Because I wanted to remember that moment forever too.

And I wondered if he was thinking that one day he’d have that cord locked in his safe.

I didn’t want him to be sad. I wanted him to pick up where we’d left off a few minutes ago. I wanted him . Forever. I wanted to be the one that made him happy. I never wanted to see that tortured look in his eyes ever again. He’d bettered himself for me. And now he deserved happiness too.

“Callum?”

He was still staring at the cord.

“When you came into this room when we were apart…did you think of that night?” I ran my fingers up my thigh.

He finally lifted his gaze. And when his eyes met mine, his eyebrows lowered.

“Did you picture me on this loveseat? Just like this?” I pushed the hem of the shirt higher.

His Adam’s apple rose and then fell.

“Did you wrap your hand around your cock as you pictured me?”

He walked up to the loveseat and undid one of the top buttons of my shirt. And then the next. And the next. Until he was pushing the shirt off my shoulders.

“Spread your legs.” His voice was low and raspy.

I followed his instructions.

“Trail your fingers higher.”

I moved my hand higher.

“That’s how I pictured you when I fucked my hand. Just like that.”

God.

“And now I’ll finally have the photos I wanted.” He lifted the camera and snapped a photo. “So I really can remember this forever.”

Forever? Did that mean… “You’re going to change me?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But… ”

“Touch yourself, Emma. Show me what you did when you thought about me over the years. And then I’ll show you everything I’ve been dying to do to you.”