Page 218 of Bitten & Burned

3 Vony, Year 810

I was lyingin my bed, exactly where Anton had left me, when I heard a timid knock on the door. Fig’s ears pricked up, and he jumped down off my bed, a littlemrrpescaping as he bounded to my bedroom door. I thought briefly about getting up and answering it, but then thought better of it and simply called, “Come in, it’s open!”

The door opened just as timidly as it had been knocked upon. Fig bolted from the room, down the hall, and then he was gone. Possibly to beg for scraps in the kitchen. Possibly to go on any number of adventures, he got up to around here. Which didn’t matter, because the one who poked his head in stole all my attention.

“Are you up for a visitor?” Vael asked, his honey-gold eyes wide and unassuming.

“Are you the visitor?” I asked, smiling warmly.

“Perhaps, if you’ll have me,” he said with a soft grin, steppingin and closing the door behind him. He had the books I’d asked for cradled in his arms. “Where would you like these?”

“Over there,” I said, pointing to the table nearby.

He took them there and stacked them neatly. And then he just…looked around. Like he was out of place. His gaze darted to the ceiling, the wallpaper, anywhere but at me.

“Vael,” I murmured. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing… I…” He snapped his mouth closed. “I just… can’t stop thinking about what I said.”

“Before I left for Blackthorn?” I asked, tilting my head and trying to remember. “You were adequately worried, I think. And rightfully so. I don’t think there was anything wrong with what you said.”

“No, not… not then. After the bonding ceremony. When I…” he trailed off. “When I threw you to the ground.”

“You didn’t throw me,” I corrected, “You dropped me.”

“It’s the same.”

“It’s not, Vael.”

“What if I told you that Iwouldhave thrown you?”

“Why would you say that, when we both know it isn’t true?”

He paused, pressing his lips together briefly before speaking. “I was so angry with you for ruining the thing I’d spent so much time planning and perfecting that it never occurred to me that the whole reason I was doing it at all was because of you. Not me, you. I would be content to be at your side for all eternity, but I wanted you to have the security of knowing I meant it, in addition to the other benefits it would afford you. So I planned the ceremony to within an inch of its life, and I… blew up when it didn’t go according to my plans… I ruined my relationship with you, and for what? My own compulsions?” He dropped his arms. “You’d be right never to speak to me again, never to even look at me.”

“You’re being dramatic,” I whispered.

“I’m not being anything. Iamdramatic,” he countered, huffingout a laugh.

“Even foryou, you’re being dramatic.”

“And for you? Am I too dramatic for you?” he asked, holding his breath.

“No, Vael. You’re not.”

“You’re being too kind… I deserved to have that door closed in my face then, and I deserve it now.”

I sighed heavily. “I was angry when I did that. It’s not my proudest moment. I’m sorry.”

“It was needed.Ineeded it. You are… gods, you’re everything, Rowena. And I… was too much of a coward to tell you that. Too cruel to give you what I should have given you. Instead, I punished you for something that wasn’t your fault.” He looked so broken. Forlorn. “If you were to say it again—to tell me again how you felt—I would respond in a way more befitting and deserving of the sentiment.”

Say it again… I knew what he was referring to: that I loved him.

“You would?” I asked, tilting my head. “Would you like me to say it again now?”

“No,” he said quickly. “Not until I’ve… not until I’ve earned it.”

“You don’t have to?—”