Page 26 of Bite Back
DELILAH
Later on, Claude finds me sitting on a bench outside, hamburger juices dripping down my fingers. I lick them clean as he settles beside me.
“Human food already, huh?”
“Asher.”
“I'm sure. He did the same to me. That first time, the only time I saw him after, he brought me cookies. Chocolate chip, my favorite.” Claude stares off, eyes distant.
“Were they good?”
He places both palms on his legs and turns to face me. “Yeah, actually, they were. His mom’s recipe, apparently. Super soft and gooey.”
My mouth waters, and, for a moment, I picture the scene. Asher wearing a little apron. The aroma of fresh baked cookies wafting through the loft. Gooey chocolate splashing across my taste buds. Normalcy. Everything I want and everything I’m not sure I can have. At least not with Asher.
“How has it been for you? Really.” Asher told me the Academy’s liability insurance covers all of Claude’s expenses. But money only fixes so many problems.
Claude pauses for a moment. A smile quirks across his lips. “Hard, but also not as hard as I thought it would be.”
“What’s made it easier for you?” Because that’s what I want. Something to make all of this feel less impossible.
“I’m not going to lie and tell you there’s a cheat code.
There were a lot of days when I woke up in the morning and didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.
But I kept on waking up. I couldn’t make the big things better, so I focused on the little things, the stuff I could control and improve.
Got a sound machine to block out all the noise when I’m trying to sleep.
Started bringing noise-canceling headphones with me when I left the house.
Cologne constantly to cover up other smells.
I started seeing a therapist. Kept on eating three meals a day because even if my body doesn’t need them anymore my mind does.
Basically, I thought being a vampire meant I had to change everything.
And, yeah, I’m different now. But I’ve been changing small things, so I can keep doing the big things I care about. ”
“I want that for myself.”
“I want that for you too.”
I believe him.
“So Asher, huh?”
“I’m a source. For a case he’s working on.” I’m not sure how much I should say, how much I should reveal. Claude and Asher go way back, but, right now, things are still fresh and tentative between them. Maybe not too different from Asher and me.
“A source. Sure.” He injects an almost comical amount of skepticism into the final word.
“I like you together. I get that there are complications, you being a vampire and all. But I hope it works out.” He laughs.
“I should probably give you some sort of speech about not breaking my best friend’s heart.
Mostly though, I hope he doesn’t break yours.
He’s the best, but he’s sometimes also the worst.”
“I’m the same way, honestly.”
“A perfect match then.”
I smile. Can we really push past everything that might come between us? Can we really build something out of our broken pieces? Will I be okay if we can’t? There’s attraction, sure. But how can I risk falling in love, when I’m already falling apart?