Page 48 of Birthright (Sinners of New Orleans #4)

FORTY-SEVEN

Sam

I pour another glass of bourbon, watching the amber liquid swirl against the crystal. The bottle's nearly empty. I can't count how many I've had since yesterday, since I left her.

"You're free." The words tasted like poison.

The look on her face when I told her we were done haunts me.

She was devastated. That's my fault too.

I forced her to be here, to be with me, even when she begged me to let her go.

I gave her some kind of sick addiction to me when I'm the worst thing for her.

Worse than cigarettes or this bourbon that fills my glass. She's better off without me.

I take another sip, the alcohol no longer burning on its way now. I'm somehow both numb and feeling too much. This must be what purgatory is.

My men are out celebrating. The war is over and the Costellos own New Orleans again. Victory should feel better than this. The Serpents scattered like roaches when the lights came on. Axel is dead. The only missing piece is Kade, still on the run.

We won. So why does it feel like I lost everything?

I down the rest of my bourbon in one gulp. The glass slips from my fingers, rolling across the carpet. I don't bother picking it up.

The door to my office bangs open. John stands there, Adrian and Naz behind him.

"Jesus Christ," John mutters, taking in the disaster zone I've created. Broken glass. Overturned furniture. Papers scattered everywhere.

"Get out." My voice sounds strange even to me. Rough. Hollow.

Adrian steps forward, kicking an empty bottle out of his path. "You look like shit."

"Didn't ask for your opinion." I reach for the bourbon again, but Naz moves faster, snatching it away.

"This isn't helping anyone," Naz says. "Especially not you."

John crosses the room, yanking open the curtains. Sunlight floods in, stabbing my eyes. "Enough of this. You're the head of this family. Act like it."

"She almost died." The words tear from my throat. "And Roman's dead because of me ."

Adrian sits across from me, leaning forward. "She killed Axel herself. She's stronger than you think."

"That's not the point." I press my palms against my eyes. "Every person I care about ends up dead or broken. My mother. My father. Now I almost got her killed too."

"So your solution is to drink yourself to death?" John's voice cuts through my self-pity.

"What do you want from me?" I snap.

"Pull yourself together!" John shouts, stomping over until he's leaning over me. "Get up, cugino."

I stare up at him. "You giving orders now?"

"Someone has to. Come on, I have a gift for you."

I let them drag me across town to one of our warehouses. Between the three of them, John is lucky he's my cousin and Adrian and Naz are lucky they're dating my cousins. Because right now, I want to kill the lot of them.

But I wouldn't do that to my family.

My real family, the ones who love me, unlike my aunts and uncles who don't care.

I know they're just looking out for me, but I want nothing more than to hide in the darkness of my home and drink until I can no longer feel the sorrow that's burrowed into my chest.

Naz opens the garage door and John pulls the car through.

I step out to the sound of muffled screaming.

There's someone strapped to the metal table that's bolted to the floor.

Tan and inked skin is on display, and it takes a few blinks for me to realize he's naked. A few more, and I realize who he is.

The bourbon buzz slowly subsides as the pieces come together.

Kade Marcellus.

"How'd you find him?" I ask, my eyes still focused on the fucker.

Naz shrugs. "Leo has some connections."

Leo De Santis, the illegitimate brother of the Colombo family boss.

He and I have grown to be friends, or at least acquaintances who trade favors.

Naz grew close to him during his time in New York city, which was the favor I cashed in in turn for helping Leo with a problem he had with his brother.

Leo then helped Adrian get me released from prison, so at this point, I'm not sure who owes who.

"You didn't get to kill Axel," John says, slapping a hand on my shoulder. "So we thought this might help."

I walk up to the table, taking in the MC leader, who’s bound with a ball gag in his mouth. "Kinky." I chuckle as he tries to shout around the object. "You fucked up," I tell him. "You should have come to an agreement with me when you had the chance. Now? You're going to die."

John comes up beside me, handing me a large knife. I test the object’s weight in my hands, liking the feeling of it. Guns are used too frequently in my line of work, but this kill is up close and personal.

"This is for my mother," I growl, raising the knife and slamming it down into his chest, being sure to miss his heart. I don't want this to end too quickly. He screams around the gag, and his body shakes, trying to get free.

I pull the blade from his body, causing him to scream and shake again, before thrusting it down into a new spot. "That's for disrespecting me."

Once more, I pull the blade from his body.

Kade is losing blood, and I know I won't have much more time to play before he passes out on me, so I decide to make this one worth it.

"And this…this is for sending your men after my girl.

" I slam the blade down, piercing his heart.

It's only seconds before the light in his eyes dims, his life leaving him.

"Better?" John asks behind me.

"Better," I reply. I feel lighter, like somehow justice has been served.

Naz cracks open waters, not my first choice in beverage, since I'd much rather have something stronger. But I take one and settle in one of the rickety lawn chairs that are set out on the concrete.

"You need to go to her." Adrian is the first one to speak.

I laugh bitterly. "What's the point?"

Naz sits across from me, leaning forward. "The point is, you're still alive. And so is she."

"She's better off without me."

Adrian scoffs. "Is that the bullshit you're telling yourself? Did she say she wanted you to leave, or did you just leave?"

I purse my lips. Since when does he have the balls to talk to me like this?

"What do you want me to say? That I'm in love with her? Fine. I love her. And that's exactly why I let her go."

Naz shakes his head, muttering, "For someone so smart, you can be a real idiot sometimes."

"Excuse me?" I glare at him.

He looks up, speaking clearly this time. "You think you're protecting her by pushing her away? That's bullshit, and you know it."

Adrian leans forward. "Sam, we've all been there. Thinking we're cursed. That loving us is a death sentence."

"It is," I insist. "Look at my mother, my father. Everyone close to me ends up dead."

Naz looks frustrated with me when he speaks again. "I almost lost Lana because I was too afraid to fight for her. You remember that? Her father was going to marry her off to that psychopath, and I nearly let it happen because I thought staying away was protecting her."

"That's different?—"

"Is it?" John interrupts. "I almost lost Zoe. Marcus was going to kill her, do you remember that? I'd give anything to go back in time and keep her from being trapped in that shipping container. But I can't. And it doesn't matter, because she's safe now. "

Adrian's quiet voice cuts through. "I spent years planning my revenge against your family. Years. And when Madi was in danger, I threw it all away in a heartbeat." He meets my eyes. "Some things are worth the risk, Sam."

I rub my face, feeling the stubble against my palms. "And what if I lose her? What if next time, I'm not fast enough? What if?—"

"What if you waste the best thing that's ever happened to you because you're too scared to try?" Naz challenges.

The room falls silent. I stare at the plastic bottle gripped in my hands, thinking of Olivia's face when I walked away.

"Love isn't safe," Naz says quietly. "It never has been. But it's the only thing worth fighting for."

I look at these men, my family, who have all risked everything for love. Who have all nearly lost everything for love. And somehow, they're still standing.

Maybe I am being stupid.