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“ B ut you at the party making fuckin’ kissy faces with some bitch that ain't me!” In typical Janay fashion, her voice was raised right along with her tiny arms. When it came to giving Qamar a hard time, she was the leader of the pack. So much so that he always expected her to find an issue with something he did.
Like last night. She didn’t like the idea of her fake friends running to tell her that her baby daddy was on some girl that none of them really knew. The claims and calls created more speculation about their lack of a relationship and Janay was tired of defending it.
“I ain’t here to fuss with you. You said you have an appointment so let’s get going.” Qamar slipped his feet into a pair of designer sneakers that were more comfortable than they looked. He could’ve dressed down but he’d been taught to always show up dressed to impress.
Even back when his big sister, Luna, couldn’t afford to buy him and his sister, Solar, the newest sneakers, she always made sure they wore clean clothes and their shoes weren’t busted. Luna was so selfless that she went without while always making sure her siblings had everything they needed and sometimes wanted. Some things stuck with him. Anything Luna taught him, he held close to the chest.
“Nigga, whatever. You think having a conversation is considered an argument.” Janay snaked her neck. “Thanks for reminding me that you are still a fuckin’ child.”
Small things like that got under his skin. Janay knew it, too. It was the low she hit when she felt like Qamar wasn’t engaging with her in the way she wanted. It was the constant reminder that he was having a baby with someone who he felt nothing deep for. Someone he barely knew and often didn’t even like.
Qamar knew he was just as much to blame for his situation as Janay. However, sometimes he felt it was more of his fault than hers. He had already brought a baby home at sixteen. Now, he was doing it again. No matter how much he wanted to fuss or be mad about it, he had to admit, he’d made his bed and now he had to lay in it. That came with biting his tongue so much, there was an indent at the tip of his tongue from his teeth digging into it.
Qamar’s downturned cognac brown eyes dragged across the room until they got to her. “You ready?”
Her lips smacked in exhaustion. Janay wanted him to say more. It was the only way she knew she meant something to him. Under his gaze, she often felt unseen. It wasn’t always like that. Or maybe it was. They were never really an item but shortly after meeting, she found herself pregnant. The time it took to get to know someone was bypassed because they were about to be someone’s parents.
College was supposed to be filled with everything but pregnancy. Too bad she couldn’t rewrite their history. If she could, she would always end up carrying his child but maybe, she’d give them some time to get to know each other—give him time to love her fully. Pouting, Janay stomped past him as he stepped to the side for her to walk out first. He could only shake his head when his eyes connected to her plump backside. His baby gave Janay the extra ass she always wanted.
In the beginning, she was a petite thing. Short, small waist, and ass but her breasts were big and full. Her light skin was always moisturized and smelled divine. She was pretty. Simply put. Long locs that hung down her back was a feature that drew him to her. Too bad, the surface wasn’t an indication to what she had inside. Inside, Janay was just the average girl from an upper middle-class family that thought her shit didn’t stink because she had light skin and a good skincare routine.
Now, she was mean, moody, and thicker than a king-sized candy bar.
Janay twisted her body with every step she took. She knew Qamar had his eyes on her, and she never missed an opportunity to remind him on what he’d been missing. Lately, their interactions only consisted of her begging him for his time and him only showing up when it was about their unborn daughter. Qamar also took great care of her, and his sister paid for her college tuition. To most that was a win but to Janay, she didn’t feel like a winner.
“Stop trying to do too much,” Qamar fussed as his hand rested on the small of her back and he helped her ease into his low sports car.
There was once a time when Janay loved riding shotgun in his car but with a huge belly, sitting low was a feat. “Thank you,” she mumbled, still in her feelings.
Qamar chuckled to himself as he reached over her to buckle her seat belt. During the walk over to his driver’s side, he remembered his night with Siasia. The way she reached over to open his door played on his mind like his favorite movie. Since that night, he hadn’t seen her in the physical. In his mind, she was there every night.
Before he pulled off, he faced Janay. “Look, I ain't trying to argue with you every time we see each other. I know you pregnant and don’t like the way it looks when I’m in another girl’s face. I’ll be mindful.”
“The way it looks?” Janay’s eyes bucked at his wording. “I don’t like the way it feels. I’m carrying your baby, and we should be trying to make our relationship work.”
Frustratedly, he ran his hand down her face, tugging on his beard. “I can’t change the situation we’re in but I ain’t pressed for pretending we’re something we ain't. I’ll always have love for you but I ain’t in love with you, Janay.”
“Why won’t you just try, though?” Janay’s voice cracked. Even without the pregnancy hormones, she was a bag of water.
Instead of explaining himself for the what felt like millionth time, Qamar turned the music up and headed to the doctor’s appointment. The whole ride over, Janay huffed and puffed while scrolling on her phone. She often vented to her mother who wasn’t the biggest fan of Qamar. Renata, Janay’s mother, didn’t care about the wealth of Qamar or his promising professional soccer career. She was pissed that her daughter would be a single mother. She wasn’t trying to hear Janay say they could be a family. Renata knew Qamar wasn’t in love with her baby. He was already a father to one. That was all she needed to know.
Qamar pulled into the overpriced OB’s office with one thing on his mind. He didn’t want Janay to hate him, and he tried his best to treat her right. His sisters and mama would have his head if they found out he was being a dog.
“On some real shit, Janay, I’m sorry and I will try to be more mindful of your feelings.”
“Sorry for what, Qamar?” Janay looked up from her phone.
“For not loving you the way you need.” Pushing his door open, he turned before he got out. “I’ll always treat you with respect because you’re my daughter’s mother.”
His panty wetting smile, forced her lips to curl and her heart to ache. “Thank you,” Janay pushed out, trying to hold back her second set of tears for the day. She understood what he said but all she heard was, I will treat you the same way I treat my other baby mama—you’re not special . And that reality hurt way more than him smiling in the next bitch’s face. At this point, Janay was only a player on the team. She wasn’t a star nor the coach’s favorite. If she wanted to be the franchise player, she was going to have to practice harder and show him why she was the best because being a baby mama was beneath her.
“Two parties in a row? Janay must be nagging you hard?” Drake jested to Qamar as they sat a table in the corner of a local strip club.
It was Qamar’s first time there and it didn’t take much convincing for his friend to get him there. After Janay’s doctor appointment, he spent a few days with her in between his classes and practice. Since he was a father, his family paid for him to have his own apartment not far from campus. Technically, he was supposed to stay on campus but with money and his star power, his coach made an exception for him.
“Man, you have no idea.” Qamar chortled.
“Two kids, two mamas. I don’t want to be you on my worst day.”
Qamar cut his eyes at Drake. “And I don’t want to be your Keith Sweat ass either. Always begging for the pussy.”
“But you was paying for the pussy,” Drake shot back, quick on his toes. The two of them died laughing. They were both high and feeling good after a long day of practice.
“Y’all want a picture?” the voice quieted Qamar’s laughter.
Siasia knew what she was doing. From the moment they walked in, she was plotting how she was going to get next to him. Dressed like one of the dancers, she left little to the imagination. Shaped like a coke bottle, Siasia was what you called sexy. Her name had to be in the example part of the dictionary under sex appeal.
Qamar straightened his back. “Sia,” he hummed, licking his lips at her nipples pebbling.
Siasia wanted to cover herself, knowing her arousal of him was on full display. “Do you want a picture?”
“Since when photographers started taking pictures dressed like that?” Qamar inquired.
“When bitches learned to hustle,” she challenged him with her eyes, daring him to say the wrong thing. “Do you want a picture? It’s almost time for my set.”
“Hell yea.” Drake stood, ready to pose. He was higher than he should’ve been and couldn’t tell the question was directed at Qamar and Qamar only.
Stretching his hand out to stop his partner, Qamar stood instead. Sexily, he bit into his lip while circling around Siasia. The sound of him growling once his eyes were on her backside caused bumps to pierce her glistening skin. Her body shivered when his face was at the crook of her neck and his arms were around her juicy body.
“I want a selfie.” Qamar’s voice made her pussy juice up.
Siasia knew the thin material on her cheaply made thong wouldn’t stand a chance at the tsunami he created between her legs. “Professionals don’t take selfies.” She smirked, stretching her arm out to get the perfect angle of the two of them.
Her camera snapped a few times, with him going between having a straight face to burying his face further into her neck to him sealing it with a kiss on her cheek. Siasia’s skin flushed with heat.
Clearing her throat, she created distance between them. “These are on the house since I owe you. I’m up next.” Her vanilla scent lingered as she walked away after passing him his photos.
“She needs to be in jail for all that wagon she’s dragging.” Drake whistled, hypnotized by the shake of her ass.
Qamar popped him upside the head. “Chill nigga.”
“So you calling dibs?”
He smirked. That was a clear indication that he was indeed calling dibs. It was their bro code. If you didn’t want to share or wanted to take things further with a girl, you had to let it be known from jump. That way, your boy wouldn’t be inappropriate.
Drake shook his head. “As if you don’t already have enough on your plate.”
Qamar couldn’t agree more. However, Siasia seemed worth the headache he was sure he was going to endure by pursuing her. She felt comfortable. Familiar. She reminded him of home and that feeling he only felt when he was tucked tightly between his family.
Slow music started to play as the DJ hyped up the next line up of dancers. The lights in the club were low. As the smoke from the many blunts in rotation mixed into the air, it gave off a hazy look.
Jhene Aiko’s soft voice filled the club as Siasia’s twisted and turned her body to the sway of the music. “It’s whatever you want. I want to please you more. Whatever turns you on, just let me know.” Siasia’s lips moved to the lyrics. It was an oldie but a goodie. Not many new artist were making music that resonated like the 2020s.
Qamar’s eyes found hers like two magnets. She was so confident and sure of herself. He saw through it though. Her eyes held a look that reminded him of his big sister. The way Luna’s smile never met her eyes on the days when she was overworked and too damn young to be carrying him and everyone else around. Siasia’s slanted eyes told a story most would miss. Not Qamar, though. His feet had a mind of their own as he found himself in front of the stage, watching her with intensity.
His light brown eyes were intimidating but Siasia would never let anyone fuck up her money. Moving away from him, she twirled her body in front of an older guy who liked the show and tossed her a few dollars. She bent over to hold onto her ankles, making her ass clap together, gaining her more money from another man who liked the performance as well.
Siasia didn’t make a ton of money working in the club but dancing coupled with her wonky photography business and her side ventures was enough to often pay for a semester in school and help with stuff around the house. Anything extra, she used to thrift and take care of Noodle with. It wasn’t the ideal life of a twenty-year-old, still it was better than nothing, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
She wrapped up her performance as the song faded out, signaling another dancer to make her way up there. Before she could exit the stage, Qamar’s hands were back on her damp skin like she was his.
“Come fuck with me.” He glared into her eyes, bypassing everything that sat at the surface.
“Okay, let me go change and pay out. Give me like thirty minutes.” Siasia didn’t need much convincing. Plus, he’d already paid for her time the other night and she was fair even in her line of business.
Rushing to the back, she had never been more ready to spend time with a boy. If she searched her memory rolodex, she’d find she had never been so eager. The newness of it all gave her anxiety ridden butterflies. In the back, Siasia grabbed her bag from the corner of the room that held her sweat suit. The club she worked in wasn’t fancy and didn’t have lockers like the clubs she saw on TV. Good thing no one had sticky fingers and pretty much stayed to themselves. The door was pushed open as she counted out her payout for the night. The club took twenty percent of all her earnings which included anything she made taking pictures.
“So, you ‘bout to leave with Qamar again?” Ally sat on the bench across from her. “That nigga is fine as hell. I will give him that.”
“But?” Siasia waited for her friend to tell her all the reasons he wasn’t worth a damn.
Sighing, Ally’s shoulders slouched. She wanted the best for her friend and believed she could achieve happiness. Where the issues and caution came in was when Siasia thought happiness came unrealistically. Qamar was out of her friend’s league. He came from a well-to-do family and seemed to only fuck with girls from similar backgrounds. Siasia didn’t fit that aesthetic. “Just be careful. That nigga got a baby and one on the way.”
“What that got to do with me, though?”
“Um, you keep running every time he calls.”
Siasia cocked her head to the side. “You mean I’m treating him like a paying customer?”
“When was the last time you had a paying customer? Since he showed you some interest, you’ve slacked off with that.”
“Bitch it’s been a few days. Can I let my pussy breath?” Siasia couldn’t believe what her friend was accusing her of.
Did she think about Qamar every minute of every day since she’d left him in that parking garage? Yes, but Ally didn’t know that because she’d kept it to herself. Saying it out loud made her feel stupid, and her life was stupid enough; she didn’t need to add anymore.
Siasia wasn’t a ditzy little girl dreaming of fairytales and being saved by some rich man. It was quite the opposite because she knew a girl like her would never ride off into the sunset with a boy like Qamar. That didn’t mean she shouldn’t have her fun, though.
“I know you’re only looking out for me and I appreciate that, but I was doing this long before I even knew you. I got this, Ally.”
“If you say so. Just know I will tell you I told you so when the time comes,” Ally said lackadaisically.
“That time will never come. I’m willing to bet on that.” Siasia handed a neat pile of money to her. “Can you take this to Brian? I need to go change so I can meet Qamar outside.”
“I guess.” Ally rolled her eyes. “I can’t wait to hear all about your night. I want every damn detail.”
Siasia snickered. “Bitch, bye.”
Ally laughed as she stood to walk out the dressing room door. She’d heard all about Qamar and how his charm slid the panties off anything walking. She knew it wouldn’t take all that for Siasia since she was always on a mission.
Siasia shook her head while watching her friend leave the room. Ally meant well but often came off a little too judgmental for her. Still, she wouldn’t hold it against her because if she was being honest, she did have a sliver of hope that Qamar could be more than a customer. There was something about him that made her mind explore endless possibilities. Then, there was him being a father to multiple kids.
Get out your head, she thought.
Siasia believed she needed to shake out of the doomful pit Ally had her in. He was just a boy and she was a girl. The attraction was clear but that was where it all started and ended. She’d never overthought situations before so there was no reason for her to start. She was a bad bitch, and bad bitches got approached by men all the time—no need to make it more than what it was.
Once Siasia was freshened up and she was out of her work outfit, she slipped into her sweatsuit, grabbed her things, and made her way out the club. As she passed some of her regulars, she spoke and smiled but didn’t stop to chat. She was on a mission to see Qamar.
“You gone already?” Brian asked, standing at the door talking to one of his bouncers.
Siasia nodded. “Mhm. Ally gave that to you?”
“You know she did. That girl is loyal to the soil. Oh yea, one of my partners was looking for a photographer to shoot his girl’s headshots for real estate. I gave him your number. Hope that’s cool.”
“You know it is. I appreciate that, Brian.” Siasia gave him a side hug.
Brian wasn’t your typical sleezy club owner. He was kind and respectful. He never tripped on them not working nor did he require them to do anything they weren’t comfortable doing. She appreciated him for that.
He hugged her back. “It ain’t nothing. Be safe, tonight.”
Her head bounced in acknowledgment.
Siasia slowed her stride and her heart skipped a beat as she spotted Qamar leaning against his car, a striking figure reminiscent of that unforgettable first night they met. This time, his locs were gathered into a messy bun, giving him a carefree charm that only amplified his allure. His eyes were low and red, hinting at a night spent in deep thought or perhaps a little too much fun. He was dressed down in designer sweats that hugged his frame just right, exuding an effortless sex appeal that screamed big dick and long money.
As she approached, the diamond chain around his neck caught the light, sparkling like it was made from the stars themselves—definitely worth more than every car in the parking lot combined. When he smiled, revealing his diamond bottom grill, Siasia felt a rush of heat flood her cheeks. She pushed her tongue into her cheek, trying to suppress the wave of desire that threatened to overwhelm her. As she got closer, he smiled, showing off his diamond bottom grill. Siasia pushed her tongued into her cheek to calm herself from getting turned on.
“How you look even better in sweatpants?” Qamar flirted without having to try hard. Charming the ladies came easy to him. Probably because he was raised by girls and the men in his life were real life lover boys. They stayed on him when it came to having respect for women.
“Don’t try to gas me up,” she shot back, though her blush betrayed her.
Before she could process what was happening, Qamar swept her into his arms, his warmth enveloping her like a soft blanket.
“You always smell so good,” he murmured in her ear, swaying them gently, and Siasia couldn’t help but close her eyes, savoring the moment. It felt so warm, safe, and calming—everything she didn’t want to get used to.
Clearing her throat, she reminded him he was crossing a line. “What, you don’t like physical touch?” His thick brows arched in playful inquiry, and she shrugged, trying to play it cool.
“Not really.” She shrugged. “Where we going?”
“You drove?” Qamar asked just as his phone chimed with a message. It was from Janay telling him she was staying at her mom’s house for the next few weeks since she was so close to her due date. Her mama missed her and wanted to be close just in case she had the baby. But in that moment, all that mattered was the heat of Qamar’s body against hers and the spark that ignited between them.
“I always drive,” she replied, rubbing her arms in hopes of warming up. The night air was cool with occasional gusts of wind. Although Lynn Beach didn’t get snow, to the locals it got cold enough to need a jacket and boots.
Qamar replied to Janay before looking up from his phone. “You trying to come chill with me at my place?”
“Um, I don’t know if I feel like being in some jock’s shared apartment with a bunch of nosey ass boys.”
“I live by myself, Siasia.” Qamar laughed.
The way he said her name—no one would ever be able to make her heart skip a beat just from saying the name she’d heard all of her life. Only Qamar. She could already tell he was one of one. “Yea, I’ll follow you.”
“Cool.” Qamar stepped to her. “Where you parked? I can drive you to your car.”
“I can walk. It’s just in the back.”
“Get in the car. I’m taking you round there. Plus, I gotta make sure you don’t disappear on me.”
“Oh lord.” Her head rolled dramatically. “I guess.” She faked annoyed.
“Girl stop acting like you don’t like me,” Qamar teased her as he pulled the passenger door open for her to get in. “You gone love it here.”
“I’m here for a good time, not a long time.”
An amused expression quirked up the sides of his mouth but he continued his stride to his side of the car. Like the last time, she’d leaned over to push the door open for him. “You here for as long as I say you are. Put your seatbelt on.”