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E veryone sat around looking at each other, hoping the next person broke the ice. The apartment that used to feel so big to Siasia felt tight and cramped. Not only had all of Qamar’s siblings shown up but their children as well. The walls, once adorned with laughter and warmth, now echoed with the weight of unspoken grief of vile words and a broken family.
Siasia cleared her throat and picked at the hem of her dress, trying to gather her thoughts amidst the tension that hung in the air. “Well—” she began, but before she could finish, Stephanie shot her a look, raising her hand as if to physically block whatever was about to come out of Siasia's mouth.
“Uh un,” Stephanie said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. “Not you.” She pointed decisively at Siasia. “You.” She glared at Qamar, who was leaned back against the couch, his long legs crossed at a perfect right angle, exuding an air of casual defiance.
“Oop.” Siasia snapped her mouth shut, a nervous giggle escaping her lips, which made everyone else chuckle as well, breaking the ice just a little. The laughter felt like a fragile thread connecting them, but when Qamar didn’t open his mouth, Siasia elbowed him in the side, urging him to speak.
His brown eyes flicked to hers for a brief moment before shifting to Solar, who sat with her arms crossed, a stony expression on her face. “Man,” Qamar finally said, running a hand over his mouth, the weight of the moment settling on his shoulders. “Um, first let me just say, I love all y’all.”
“But?” Luna interjected, sitting up straight, her eyes narrowing as she prepared for whatever Qamar was about to unleash.
“Let him cook, baby,” Javen whispered, wrapping his arm around her as if to ground her. Luna kissed her teeth in annoyance but settled back into her husband’s embrace, her body language still tense.
Qamar stared at Luna for a few seconds, the silence stretching uncomfortably before he turned his gaze back to Solar. The tension in the room thickened as he spoke again. “Solar, I’m sorry for that shit I said to you. I was out of line, and I know it don’t mean nothing right now, but I really didn’t mean it. I was pissed and already in a fucked-up headspace and took that shit out on you.” Qamar’s words not only put a damper on their relationship but also caused a rift in the one she shared with French.
“Mhm,” Solar responded, her head nodding but her leg bouncing nervously, a clear sign that she was still grappling with her own emotions.
“Now, Solar,” Stephanie interjected, trying to play the mediator in this emotional tug-of-war, careful not to take a side.
Solar’s head swung to Siasia, her expression shifting. “My only apology is to you. I don’t know you from a can of paint and judged you when like my brother said, I didn’t have any room to do so. If you’re open, I would like to get to know you since it seems you’re going to be around,” she said, her voice steady yet laced with an underlying vulnerability.
The room fell silent again, the weight of Solar’s words hanging in the air like an uninvited guest. Siasia felt the sting of that statement, the sharpness of it cutting through the layers of grief that had settled over them all. The flicker of pain in Solar’s eyes was a reflection of the chaos swirling beneath the surface.
“It's okay,” Siasia finally said, her voice softer than she intended, trying to bridge the gap that had formed. “We’re all just trying to figure this out together.” The words felt like a balm, a small attempt to soothe the raw edges of their fractured relationships.
As the kids continued to run around, oblivious to the adult drama unfolding, Siasia realized that this was not just about apologies; it was about healing, about finding a way to move forward together despite the weight of their shared grief. In that moment, she hoped that maybe, just maybe, they could start to mend the rifts that had formed, one conversation at a time.
“And I think Qamar has more to say,” she spoke up again. Since the death of her mother, Siasia realized life was just too damn short to let ill feelings harbor. There was so much she’d wished she had said to Cynthia when she had the time. There had been so many missed opportunities for her to just bond with the only mother she was ever going to get.
The way her eyes pierced the side of his face, Qamar knew he needed to say something before Siasia put him in the doghouse. The wrong side of her love wasn’t a place he wanted to get familiar with.
“Even when I’m wrong, I still love the fuck out of you. We’ve been going at it since I was old enough to verbally spar with you, Solar. And I know that ain’t no excuse but I ain’t me without you. I ain’t tough. I ain’t charming. I ain’t that nigga on that field because when everyone else had other plans for me, you always told me to do something to stand out—something that could be mine and mine alone. You watched The World Cup with me, learned the game so you could teach me.” His chest tightened, thinking about life with his Solar—the beautifully flawed girl with mommy and daddy issues. “You always been my partner in crime, my fuckin’ keeper.” Qamar sucked in air, trying to keep his shit together. “You was my brother and sister,” he confessed, making Solar laugh as she wiped at her face. Memories of his time running around The Jig with Solar, covered him and made his mental smile.
Solar’s lips cracked open, betraying the smile she was fighting to contain, a glimmer of mischief dancing in her eyes. “Keep going,” she urged, her voice lilting with playful challenge, igniting laughter and howls from their family.
Standing to his full height, Qamar stepped to Solar with his arms outstretched like a bridge that would reconnect their hearts. Memories flooded back—how she had once been twice his size, effortlessly carrying him on her hip through the vibrant chaos of The Jig, her laughter a melody that still played in his mind. In that moment, he enveloped her in his embrace, their bodies molding together as if they were two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly, silencing the shadows of their earlier argument.
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice thick with sincerity, the weight of their shared history hanging in the air.
“To the moon, baby,” she replied, craning her neck to meet his gaze, her smile now breaking free like the sun bursting through clouds. The room filled with coos and chuckles. Their bond was a testament to the complex love that defined their sibling relationship—a dance of rivalry and unwavering support. It had never spiraled into anything irreparable; like everything in their family, even the toughest moments were woven into the fabric of their connection.
“Now, let’s talk about you getting kicked out of school and losing an offer to be drafted,” Luna interjected, her neck rolling playfully, the commanding presence of the real mother figure in their lives. She had raised them with a fierce love that rivaled any queen, and though they were grateful for Stephanie, it was Luna who wore the crown, her authority softened by the warmth of her nurturing spirit.
“Now that’s the shit I came to talk about,” Javen agreed, ready to tear into Qamar like only a big brother could do. He’d been hard on him but just maybe he started to slack off too soon.
Maverick agreed. “You fuckin’ up the family’s track record,” he jested, loving the place they allowed him to be a part of Lunar’s world.
Qamar looked at French, pleading with his eyes for him to chastise him—say something because French’s opinion of him held more weight than either of the men talking to him. Theirs was appreciated but French’s was needed .
“Please say something to your son.” Javen placed his hand on French’s back, slightly pushing him up, knowing Qamar needed to hear him say something. Anything .
Siasia held her breath knowing what Qamar’ s heart needed. Noodle plopped beside her, feeling the tension in the air, looking up at Qamar. Ready to determine her like of French on whatever Qamar’s eyes said.
French stepped up with an unreadable expression. He had his own shit that needed to be hashed out but he could never not love Qamar. Qamar had a piece of his heart just like his children did. His love ran so deep for the kid he claimed as his first son that no matter how his feelings felt, he would always put the needs of his kids before his own.
Face to face, French kissed Qamar’s forehead before embracing him in a hug that almost broke the dam on both of their tears. The two months they’d gone without one another was far too long and felt like a decade.
“Damn, man,” Javen fussed, swiping away his own tears.
Luna, Javen, Solar, Tiny, French, and Qamar had all been through some shit. Their struggle and resilience to push through bonded them. The hardships of being unloved and overlooked kids in The Jig—created them.
“I’ll break your fuckin’ nose if you ever do that shit again,” French whispered in Qamar’s ear so only he could hear.
Javen scoffed. “French always trying to have side relationships with Qamar.”
“You jealous, baby?” Luna lifted on her tip toes to pinch Javen’s cheek.
“Hell yea,” he confessed without shame. “You know I got attachment issues.”
“You my favorite.” Solar wrapped her small arms around Javen. Her eyes tangled with Siasia. “Get yo’ good coochie ass over here.” She opened her arm for Siasia to join in on her hug with Javen and Luna. “I know it’s good. That’s the only way a nigga check his family about his girl.”
Siasia couldn’t do anything but shake her head with a knowing smirk on her face. Solar seemed like a good time and hoped she got to know all of his family since they seemed to all be so close.
Stephanie cozied up beside Griff with Malaysia on her side. “Play To The Moon !” she hollered.
“Ma, you loud and wrong.” Solar playfully cut her eyes. “Play our theme music, Aku,” she directed her oldest daughter.
“They ‘bout to start crying,” Little Lunar commented, leaning against the couch near Noodle. “You know the song?” His handsome little dimples deepened every time he talked. He was the spitting image of his deceased father, Lunar.
Noodle shook her head. “Who it’s by?”
“Beyonce.” He huffed as if Beyonce wasn’t the greatest artist alive.
Snickering, Noodle leaned back, crossing her legs. “I like her.”
“I knew you would… girls.” He sighed heavily, shaking his head.
As the horns of the music blared, everyone yelled in unison with Siasia laughing at how amped they all became.
“How many people you know can take it this far,” Stephanie sung off key.
“Please let Luna be the singer.” Malaysia cackled, dodging Stephanie’s playful slap.
“We gone take it to the moon, take it to the stars!” everyone sung in unison, jumping around the living room.
Qamar yanked Siasia into his arms while he rapped every verse word for word. She had no idea how a song could mend a family so easily but it worked.
“T-minus fifteen seconds,” Luna and Javen’s daughter, Jaci, mimicked word for word.
“Lift off,” Solar and French’s son yelled, tossing his tiny arms into the sky with a big smile on his face.
Esmeray climbed into Noodle’s lap to watch the production. She was used to it and would never get enough of it.
As the music faded out, Luna looked around at everyone with a content smile on her face. “You need to get a bigger house, Qamar. Where all us gone sleep at?”
“Better make a pallet like old times. Don’t act like you ain’t from the struggle,” Qamar teased her, still rocking Siasia in his arms.
Luna’s hand went into the air to silence the brief moment of happiness. By the look on her face everyone stopped moving.
“Hello?” she answered the phone on speaker.
“Hey, Luna,” Barbie greeted with dread of the news she was about to deliver in her voice.
Javen’s eyes doubled. He hated the way Luna and Barbie were cordial enough to have one another’s number. Barbie was an unofficial ex of his and was still a sore spot since he hated how she seemed to build a relationship with his wife.
“Talk to me, Barbie, because I know you didn’t call me to ask me how I was doing,” Luna directed the conversation, knowing nothing good was going to come from the impromptu phone call. It never did.
Barbie sighed before revealing the reason for her call. “You know my fans stay on me about not posting enough bad stuff about y’all… so, I just wanted to give you a heads-up that I was sent the video of Qamar and the college brawl that took place as well as a video of the girl it was about dancing on the pole.”
Everyone’s eyes seemed to dart towards Siasia who shrank under their judgment.
“I don’t give a fuck,” Qamar declared, already shutting down any negative talk about Siasia. He didn’t care about her past and didn’t want his family or the world judging her.
Smacking her lips, Barbie continued, “This is too good for me not to post it. Now, I know we have this unspoken bond so I’m just calling you to give you a heads-up.”
“How much time?” Luna asked.
“Tomorrow.”
“And this why you should’ve whooped her ass when you had the chance.” Stephanie wagged her finger, pissed that Barbie was going to post bad things about her baby.
“It ain’t too late.” Solar sniffed with her fist balled at her side. She was fuming because her little brother didn’t deserve the bad press. Siasia either. People online liked to pretend their shit was perfect when it was usually the complete opposite.
Luna took a deep breath, her eyes narrowing as she stared at the phone. “Barbie, you know this is going to cause a lot of trouble. Is it really worth it?”
Barbie hesitated, the silence on the other end of the line stretching out uncomfortably. “I don’t want to do this, Luna. But you know how it is. My followers expect this kind of content.”
“Your followers can wait!” Luna snapped. “This isn’t just some gossip. This is our lives. Our family.”
Siasia’s eyes welled up with tears, her body trembling. Qamar wrapped his arm around her protectively, his jaw clenched.
“Luna, please,” Barbie’s voice softened. “I’m giving you a chance to prepare. That’s more than I’ve ever done for anyone else.”
Luna’s gaze shifted to Siasia, who was struggling to hold herself together. She knew what she had to do. “Fine, Barbie. Post it if you must. But know this – if you come for my family again, there will be consequences.”
Barbie sighed, a long, weary sound. “Well, let me get off the phone because I ain’t trying to go there with y’all. I always look out but I can’t ignore this one. I have a business to run.”
The call ended, and the room fell into a heavy silence. Luna turned to face her family; her expression hard but her eyes filled with determination.
“That’s why you shouldn’t have paid for her schooling just for her to not even finish,” Javen pointed out the obvious.
If looks could kill, Javen would be dead from the look Luna gave him. “Shut the fuck up.”
“I ain’t worried ‘bout that shit, man.” Qamar waved it off, ready to put it behind him.
“You might not but any team that was thinking about signing you will care,” Siasia reminded him. “I mean, I can lay low to let it all die down.”
“Hell no! You too pretty to hide from the world,” Qamar fussed, his statement making her swoon. “Matter of fact, I’m taking you out tomorrow just to show niggas they ain’t stopping shit. It’s us, mama,” he said, pulling her into him and kissing her lips. “Besides, I owe you about twenty years’ worth of fancy ass dates filled with fancy ass drinks.”
That’s my baby right there… being a real man,” Stephanie cheered, lightening the mood of the just tense room.
Noodle sat close to the big window that offered an unobstructed view of the vast night sky, a canvas painted in deep indigos and blacks, dotted with shimmering stars that twinkled like tiny diamonds scattered across velvet. The dark waters of the ocean stretched endlessly before her, the gentle rhythm of the waves crashing against the shore, creating a soothing symphony that filled the room with a sense of peace. She loved the view in Qamar’s living room; it felt like a secret world where time stood still, allowing her to lose herself in the beauty of the moment. As a Lynn Beach native, it was astonishing to her that she’d never been able to wake up and watch the ocean waves dance in the early morning light, a simple pleasure that felt just out of reach.
After a day filled with laughter and love, where the air had been thick with joy and the warmth of family, she felt a strange guilt settle in her chest. The echoes of their laughter still rang in her ears, the playful teasing and shared stories weaving a tapestry of connection that she cherished. Yet, beneath the surface of that happiness, there was an undercurrent of sorrow that refused to be silenced. She tried to compartmentalize her grief, to lock it away in a box marked “Deal with Later,” but no matter how tightly she pressed her lips together in a smile or how brightly her laughter rang out, her heart still ached with the weight of unspoken words and unprocessed feelings.
With her little notepad and pen, Noodle hummed out a rhythm and jotted down some words. She continued the soul cleansing exercise, pouring out her young feelings leaving no room for fear on the paper. The floor creaked, pulling her eyes to Luna who almost blended in with the dark.
“Hey,” Luna whispered, easing her way closer to Noodle. She’d watched the pretty little girl all day, catching small glimpses of her big and loving personality that paired well with a smile that stretched across her face and reddened her button nose.
Noodle smiled back. “Am I bothering you?” Her eyes swept across the open floor plan that housed a ton of blow-up mattresses covered in bodies.
Luna shook her head. “You okay, though?”
Skeptically, Noodle eyed Luna, trying to decipher if she was a friend or foe. Knowing that anyone Qamar loved had to be a friend, she decided to be open. “Is it okay, if I’m not?”
Squatting down, Luna sat beside her on the floor. “I think you’re entitled to not feel okay. Does your sister know you’re a little sad?”
“I try no too be sad because I know if I’m sad it’ll make SiSi sadder. And I don’t want her to be sad. I just want her to be happy because— because I want to believe that being happy is real. The bones in her shoulders exposed by the pink tank top she wore lifted in the air before falling down.
“What makes you think happiness isn’t real?” Luna tried to keep a neutral expression but inside, her heart was breaking for Noodle. No child should need to see examples of happiness to know its real and attainable.
Her big eyes sparkled from the moisture sitting in her tear ducts. “My mama and daddy. They wasn’t happy. He yelled and she cried. But Qamar makes my sister happy. Me too.” She finally found something to smile about.
“Anything else make you happy?”
Her head bobbed, looking too heavy for her slim neck. “Music.” She cheesed.
Teasingly, Luna pursed her lips to the side. “What you know about music, Noodle?”
“I know you’re Moonlight,” she said with adoration in her adolescent voice. “I want to do music like you when I grow up.”
Luna looked at the notepad in Noodles hand. “That’s what you were doing when I heard you humming?”
Noodle nodded.
“It sounded so pretty,” she confessed. The sound of Noodle’s beautiful melody. “Can you sing too?”
Again, her head bounced this time with more excitement. “My sister taught me music,” Noodle revealed before humming so beautifully. “I write songs just for her. I ain’t never let her hear them but one day, I’ll write a whole album and dedicate it to my hero. Siasia is the best parts of the world. At least that’s what my mama said,” Noodle confessed, talking well beyond her years. An old soul live inside her.
Luna was captivated by the tiny version of herself. “Hopefully, one day I can show you how to record some music.”
Her eyes expanded. “Really?”
“Of course. You can be my little protege.” Luna gasped from the big hug Noodle gave her. And as she hugged her back, she heard the sniffles come from the little girl that felt so personal.
“I know you don’t know me, but thank you for loving Qamar.”
Luna sucked in as much air as possible to contain what bubbled in her stomach.
“Because if you didn’t love him, then he wouldn’t know how to love me and my sister. So, thank you, Luna.” Noodle squeezed her tighter as they both cried silently.