Page 15 of Beyond the Rainbow (Pride Camp 2025 #11)

The Boy Who Would Not Look Up

J oshua drew in a steadying breath as he stepped into the intake room at Rainier Clinic.

His eyes immediately found the boy in the corner: Alex Mayfield.

Twelve years old. Scared, silent, eyes on the floor.

His shoulders curved inward and his hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of his oversized hoodie, as if he longed to make himself small enough to disappear.

Beside him, the second candidate for Camp Pride, a wiry fifteen-year-old named DeShawn Mitchell, was a stark contrast: watchful but not withdrawn. DeShawn’s sharp eyes assessed the room, pausing on Joshua for a beat before moving to Miranda Estavira, Rainier’s director.

“Alex, DeShawn,” Miranda said gently, “you remember Joshua Campbell-Abrams, our Camp Pride coordinator.”

DeShawn nodded, arms crossed. Alex didn’t move or speak, eyes still fixed on the floor.

Striving to keep his tone light, Joshua forced down the rush of emotion tightening his throat. “Hey, guys. It’s really nice to see you both again.”

DeShawn gave a curt nod. Alex did not look up.

Joshua warned himself not to push. Let them come to you, not the other way around.

He sat down on a low chair, putting himself at their level.

“Camp Pride’s special. You’ll meet kids from all kinds of backgrounds—some who’ve had it easy, some who haven’t.

” He paused to let that sink in. “It’s not a place where you have to prove anything.

It’s a place where you’re safe to be yourself, make friends, and enjoy lots of fun activities. ”

DeShawn glanced at him again, more interested this time. Alex curled more tightly into himself, his knuckles going white where they clutched the sleeves of his hoodie. His breaths came faster, shallower ... panic creeping in at the edges.

Not good, Joshua thought.

Joshua shifted slightly toward him, feeling his heart flutter.

“Alex, I know this is a lot. And I know you don’t know me.

But it’s really important to me that you know how much I—” he could hear the eagerness in his voice.

The over -eagerness. The raised volume. He noticed that he had unconsciously leaned closer to Alex. And then he saw it …

Alex flinched.

It was slight—a barely-there movement. But for Joshua, it was a gut punch, and he froze, his heart hammering in his chest. I scared him .

Miranda stepped in smoothly, giving Joshua a sharp look.

She pressed a button on the phone, and within seconds, an attendant had entered the room.

“Boys, why don’t you go with Lucy into the next room and help yourself to lunch and treats.

She’ll stay with you and show you how to work the television. We’ll rejoin you in a few minutes.”

DeShawn hesitated, then moved to where Lucy stood. He glanced at Alex, his expression edged with concern. Lucy held out her hand. “Alex, would you like to come with us and have some lunch?”

As Lucy escorted the boys to the next room, Miranda motioned Joshua into her office. She shut the door behind them and pointed to a chair. “Sit.”

Joshua sat—more out of habit than obedience. He’d known Miranda for years. They were good, close friends. But at this moment, he felt like a kid about to be chewed out by the principal.

Miranda’s gaze was sharp. “Joshua, do you realize how badly you just frightened that boy?”

His stomach dropped. “You’re right, Miranda. I was?—”

“I know what you were doing.” Her voice softened—but only slightly.

“And in a way, that’s the problem. I know how much you want to connect with this kid, Josh.

And I know why. But in that room just now, you were so focused on what you needed that you didn’t stop to think about what your patient needed.

You were trying to be his friend when what he needed you to be was his therapist ! ”

Joshua swallowed hard, his throat tight. “God, Miranda. I know you’re right. It’s just that I—I—” He swiped a hand across his eyes. “I look at that boy, and I see myself. My agony. My loneliness.”

“I know you do.” Miranda leaned forward, her expression gentle.

“But Alex isn’t you, Joshua. He’s not ready for that kind of intense connection.

He can’t handle it yet. And even if he could, you can’t give him what he needs until you remove yourself from the equation.

And more than that ...” She exhaled. “He’s scared of men—especially men who feel too much.

Right now, that’s you. You know this, Joshua. It’s Psychology 101.”

Joshua tightened his fists, gazing down at the floor, unable to speak.

“You’re an amazing therapist, Joshua. Deeply gifted and compassionate.

But you’re not that boy’s savior. Keep pushing him like this, and you’ll scare him off before he even has a chance to trust you.

” She moved to Joshua’s side and rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Go home. Get some rest. You’ve been driving yourself too hard.

You can try again with Alex when you’re able to approach him with professional detachment. ”

Joshua nodded and rose, feeling the bitter taste of failure in his mouth.

He stumbled back to his office and fell into a chair.

Alex’s flinch replayed over and over in his mind, an endless loop of rejection.

His voice—too eager, too much—still echoed in his ears.

The truth of Miranda’s words cut deep. He’s scared of men—especially men who feel too much.

Joshua exhaled slowly, pressing his hands to his face.

He wasn’t angry at Miranda. Every word she’d said was not only true , it was what he needed to hear.

But that realization didn’t make it any easier to bear the pain of his mistake.

He’d pushed too hard. And now Alex might never be ready … not with him.

Colin knew something was wrong the moment Joshua walked through the door. His husband was quiet. Withdrawn. He moved through their evening routine on autopilot—not sulking, not angry, just … not there .

Colin let it slide at first, giving Joshua the space he seemed to need. But when Joshua barely touched his food and then tried to retreat to their bedroom without a word, Colin decided enough was enough. He caught his wrist, turning Joshua to face him. “OK, bud. What the fuck is going on?”

Joshua sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I—I … Nothing. I just?—”

“Bullshit!”

That got a glimpse of something real—dismay at first, and then sadness bordering on grief.

He tightened his grip, tugging Joshua to the couch. “Ok, Josh. I’m done with this. Talk to me right fucking now.”

Joshua hesitated. Then the words came. Halting and reluctant at first. But finally, and on the verge of tears, Joshua told him everything.

The meeting. Alex’s reaction. Miranda’s words.

It all came tumbling out in a rush of agonized regret.

“I scared him, Colin.” Joshua’s voice was raw, choked with sorrow and something dangerously close to self-loathing.

“I made it personal, and I scared him.” Joshua sucked in a shuddering breath, his hands curling into fists.

“I saw myself in him, and I pushed too damn hard. Now he may never trust me!”

Colin was silent for a long moment. Then, he exhaled and slid his fingers into Joshua’s hair. “You made a mistake.” He shrugged and kissed Joshua’s cheek. “It happens, my darling. Even to the near-perfect among us. But Josh—you’re not the first person who’s tried too hard.”

Joshua allowed a small smile to touch his lips.

“You’ve told me ten thousand times that we’re all imperfect beings, every single one of us. But you’ve also reminded me that good people strive to be better than they are. We are good people, Joshua. And we’re going to make this better.”

Joshua blinked at him. “ How ?”

“You came at him as Joshua Campbell-Abrams, Camp Pride Coordinator. That didn’t work.” Colin’s arms tightened around him. “Let’s try again. But this time, I’ll make first contact”

Joshua frowned. “How would that?—”

“Let me try to talk to him,” Colin said, drawing Joshua closer.

“I spent a decade as a campus cop talking to young people every single day, often in the midst of some tough situations. If I can get him to warm up to me , we may have another shot at getting him to trust you . This time, as my husband—not as someone trying too hard to help.”

Joshua stared at him. “You really think that could work?”

“ I don’t know.” Colin held his gaze. “What I do know is this: I trust you with my life, Joshua. If you tell me this kid is worth fighting for, then we fight for him.”

Joshua nodded, his throat aching, and reached to caress Colin’s cheek. “God, I love you.”

Colin smiled and pulled him close in his arms, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “C’mon, bud. Have you ever known anyone that I couldn’t charm? We’ve got this.”

Joshua sighed against him, feeling the heavy weight in his chest start to lighten.

The next day, Joshua stood at an open window in Rainier Clinic’s group therapy room.

He watched his husband outside on the lawn toss a softball into the air and catch it.

Colin seemed totally preoccupied with his solo game of catch, not even glancing at the young man who sat on the clinic steps watching him intently.

Colin flipped the ball into the air once again, but this time, the baseball went just out of his reach and rolled nearly to the young man’s feet.

He grinned at the youth and moved a half step closer to where Alex sat.

“Hey buddy, could you do a guy a favor?” He held up his glove, eyebrows raised in question.

Alex glanced down at the ball, then up at Colin, then back to the ball. He hesitated, then stood, moved an inch closer to the ball, then hesitated again.

Colin didn’t push. He simply waited, his stance easy, glove still raised, expression expectant but patient.