Page 37 of Between Broomsticks and Beating Wings (Love X Magic #3)

“I should have told you sooner,” I said, unstrapping my sword and leaning it against the wall. The double axes secured to my back came off next. I didn’t want to have this conversation strapped to the chin in weapons.

“You didn’t tell me at all. Hel did.” Kari ground her teeth. “You tell me nothing. You never have. And you wonder why I keep my distance, why I have such strong walls. You built them! They’re there for you and you alone.”

“I know.” I swallowed, running my fingers through the loose strands of my hair. This white hair of mine had gotten me out of so many confrontations over the years, I’d forgotten what it was like to have to work for what I wanted with words, to be the one expected to grovel.

“That’s it? You know? Great. Iguess this is all worked out then.” Kari laughed bitterly, throwing her hand up in the air. Tove came out of nowhere and hissed at me as he trotted by to use his human’s leg to scratch his sides on.

“It’s not worked out, seeress. Far from it,” I said, wanting badly to reach forward and grab her, but I wouldn’t until she begged it of me.

“I take responsibility for those walls, and I’m sorry for giving you a reason to build them.

My intention was never to hurt you, though I understand intention means very little when the outcome is harmful all the same. ”

Kari crossed her arms, fighting an eye roll as she said, “So tell me then. Would you have confessed the truth?”

“I would have,” I admitted. “I was waiting for the perfect time, but I realized there was no perfect time far too late. I wasn’t holding back out of malice, but I was trying to spare you grief.

You’d already had far too much of it for someone your age.

For anyone, really. You’ve lost so much, had so much taken from you, and I didn’t want to take that option away from you too.

I figured if you chose another path, that would have truly meant something.

You wouldn’t have just chosen it just because Midgard wasn’t an option.

And selfishly, I was worried you might have chosen Midgard anyway so you could have been taken to Helheim to be with your family prematurely. ”

Kari stood before me, her arms by her sides, showing me she was hiding nothing. She was open, expecting me to do the same. “You selfishly didn’t want me to leave you.”

“Yes,” I sighed, admitting just one of my many hidden truths.

I removed my boots, one at a time, never taking my eyes from her.

“It was selfish, yes, but not entirely so. Kari, you don’t deserve to be here just because I took you to Valhalla.

At the time, I didn’t realize I wouldn’t be able to bring you back.

I never meant to steal the mortal realm from you. ”

“When did you find out I wouldn’t be able to return? And what if I’d chosen Midgard? What would you have done then?”

“Bodil told me. The, uh, healer. You may not remember her, but it was your second night in Valhalla. If you had chosen to go to Midgard, I would have done everything in my power to ensure you survived once there. I would have gone to the gods, struck a deal, anything.”

Kari remained silent for a while before she retreated to the sitting room by the windows, her shoulders slumping with notable fatigue.

“As soon as we walked through those gates, I could tell I wasn’t ready to be here.

I feel Hel’s seidr so strongly here, it calls to me like never before.

I feel it scraping its way under my skin, trying to crawl back to her, like it was never truly mine to begin with.

I can’t stand the feeling, and I will go anywhere to get away from it.

It seems like anywhere I go, her gift follows me, but being on Asgard was the best I’ve felt in my entire life, even with a hole in my shoulder.

” She gave a bitter laugh, as though her heart wasn’t truly in it, and that, I could understand.

“You’re happy to return to Asgard? Truly? Not because it’s just the better of two options?”

“Truly.” Kari nodded with a crooked smile. “And maybe working under Freyja, being her attendant, will be the best thing for me. She’s the goddess of seidr, after all. Who better to learn from?”

I slowly nodded my head as I came to sit with her. I kept my distance so as not to spook her, but I didn’t want to pace the room or hover either. “Seeress, I have so many things I need to tell you. More apologies, more veiled truths.”

“I wasn’t sure if I’d ever hear the words I’ve been yearning to.

I’m still not,” she said, shifting her weight so more of her was sitting on her seat.

She rested her elbow on the arm rest and stared down at her nails, as if what I was about to tell her was of no importance, like she hadn’t screamed at me to tell her my secrets.

We were in Helheim now, and I couldn’t keep this knowledge from her any longer.

If her family saw me, they’d know my face.

I’d tried to be careful on so many nights in those early days, but spirits have a funny way of sneaking up on you, and there were five of them I’d been trying to keep my involvement hidden from.

I should’ve known Haddy would find me lurking around their longhouse eventually.

She was even more curious than Kari, always wandering around the longhouse, never spending much time within it.

She was quiet, kept to herself, and seemed to enjoy my presence instead of being scared by it.

I’d told her not to tell the others, and she’d agreed not to if I’d promised her one thing.

Haddy and I played hide and seek every three moons. She would be the one to hide, and Apple and I would wander through the forest to catch her. I’d let Apple find her most of the time, and Haddy would fall to the dirt laughing her little butt off as soon as she was caught.

Staring at Kari now, I could see as clear as day what she would have looked like at Haddy’s age.

My heart twisted, and Kari’s expression did as well, as if she was reading my mind, though her imagination would have never been able to fabricate these memories.

I needed to start talking before she got up and walked away from me, but gods, the words on my tongue had grown so heavy over the weeks.

“I will tell you everything you yearn for and more. Anything you want, seeress. Not to appease you, but to finally give you what you’ve long deserved.”

“How long?” Kari asked, her chin pointing up and her elbow falling off the armrest. “How long did you watch me before you swooped in and took me to Valhalla?”

“Two years.”

“Two years… So you…” She shuddered. “You were there that night? The night of the raid.”

“I was. It hadn’t been the first time I’d been to Stormheim, but it had been the first time I saw you.” I thought back at the memory, pain spreading through my chest like a wildfire. “I was sent to see if any of the souls taken in the raid were worth bringing back to Valhalla with me and?—”

Kari ground her teeth before interrupting me. “You went back empty-handed.”

“I did. In truth, I’d been annoyed Odin had sent me at all and not one of my younger sisters.

It was a small raid led by rouge raiders, and only a handful of people were killed.

I hadn’t understood why he would send me, of all valkyries.

I’d lingered longer than I should have, trying to understand what my purpose was in your little village. And then, I saw you.”

Kari’s eyes widened, her hands on her chest. I wanted to skip this next part, to spare her of it, but I couldn’t lie any longer. Keeping it to myself wouldn’t help her. I truly believed the only thing she wanted from me now was my truth, so I’d give it to her, untainted.

“I watched as you found their bodies. Your mom, dad, three sisters, and Tove. I hadn’t believed there’d been any survivors.

I thought you were merely a neighbor coming by to see what all the fuss had been about, but when you fell to your knees, I knew otherwise.

I didn’t take any of their souls, and I stopped all valkyries who came by each time from taking them either.

I wanted to give you more time. I promised Haddy I would give it to you. ”

“Haddy? You spoke with her?” Kari slid to the edge of her seat, and, as if her unrest called Tove forth, he jumped up onto her lap. I told Kari about my time with her youngest sister, the conversations we would have about Kari and what was going on inside the longhouse I couldn’t see.

“It wasn’t until Haddy told me about what your other sisters had done that I decided it was time for someone from the Helheim sect to collect them. Haddy asked to go first. She didn’t want to watch the others go.”

Kari let out a soft sob, and all I wanted to do was pull her into my lap. My hands twitched and balled into fists so I wouldn’t reach out and disrespect her wishes. There was nothing I could do to comfort her except tell her all about the good moments too.

“She loved Apple. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see her. The two of them always got along so well, and oftentimes, I had Apple distract her after too many rounds of hide and go seek so I could see what you were up to. It was wrong of me, I know, but…”

“You played with her? Haddy? You kept her company?” Kari asked with a sob of release.

“I did. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I didn’t know how to explain how I even met her, or why I was at your longhouse,” I said. “She’s sweet. I look forward to seeing her again.”

“Thank you,” Kari whispered.

“Why are you thanking me, seeress?”

“Thank you for keeping her company when it was too painful for me to do so. She deserved, still deserves, to be happy, and you helped give that to her until her time on Midgard was over. I know she’s playing around here somewhere, collecting flowers that poke out from beneath the snow, but I just wish she could’ve grown up first, you know?

I guess I never will either—grow old with someone, and… I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“Far from it. When Odin brought me to Valhalla, I was eighteen. After my first decade in Valhalla, I stopped aging all together, other than my hair, of course. My face has remained the same for so many years, and it can be unsettling seeing the face of a twenty-eight year old when you’ve been alive for over six centuries.

We expect to grow old someday, to have the people around us grow grey and wrinkly too. ”

Kari looked over at me and gave me a weird, hiccup-y laugh. “I guess all my favorite people,” she hugged Tove tighter, “and creatures won't be aging with me.”

Favorite people? Surely, she couldn’t mean me.

Her eyes lingered on me for a long time, and then she finally said, “I’ve had a few weeks now to sit with the knowledge that you’ve been watching me.

We both know this isn’t news, just new that you’re admitting it.

Truth be told, I sensed someone watching me long before I met you.

There was always a strange presence in the forest at night that I could tell wasn’t a spirit.

Sometimes, it was an odd thump on my roof, or a flash of white after I’d woken from a horrible vision. ”

I shifted in my seat, exhaling as I began unfastening my armor.

My heart was hidden under far too many layers, and this woman before me deserved to have it close to the surface, raw and bleeding for her.

Kari watched me as I went, but I didn’t rush what I was going to say next.

I didn’t wait to tell her, only to butcher it now.

“After discovering Hel had been seeing through your eyes, I’m ashamed to admit, she wasn’t the only one watching.

The months after your family was taken to Helheim, you were so alone.

I was the only one there to know you were laughing at Tove and not the bloodflies.

I was the only one dabbing the sweat off your brow when your visions took hold of you.

I was the only one there to see you falling to your knees and breaking down on the 8th of every lunar cycle. ”

Kari’s mouth opened then shut, and she pushed her curly, strawberry hair over her shoulder.

“I always felt so alone, like no one understood me. No one saw me,” she choked out. “But you did, didn’t you?”

Dry tears remained under her eyes, and the salt in them sparkled like crushed crystals in the candlelight.

Nine realms, she was beautiful. I wanted to kiss away those tears and savor the taste of them.

It was a privilege to have her raw like this in my presence.

It was an honor to sit here with her, even if I’d been the one to pull forth those tears, even if there was someone else she’d rather be sitting with.

I nodded, my gaze burning into hers.

I made a promise to myself long ago that I would protect her, and my will to do so had only ever grown. She could despise me, she could fear me, but I would never give up on her, my sweet mortal.