Page 51 of Better Than Gelato (Ciao Bella #1)

“If not apologies, at least explanations.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Coming home was a hard transition for me.”

“I get it. The switch from bisteca milanese to ramen noodles was a rough one for me.”

“I was failing my classes.”

I look at him, shocked. Jake’s the smartest guy I know. He looks straight ahead and keeps talking.

“I was sleeping less than five hours a night, barely eating anything, and failing three of my classes. Everything was harder than I expected. My research in Milan was great, but it didn’t prepare me for med school.

I’d gotten lazy, forgotten how to take notes, how to prepare for an exam.

My advisor called me in and told me I needed to make some big changes, or I wouldn’t make it through my first year. ”

We walk in silence as I mentally search through all our phone conversations, looking for signs he was failing.

“But you made it through,” I say finally.

“I did. I stayed at Columbia over Thanksgiving and Christmas to get in extra work time. A resident took me under his wing and helped me out. By spring, I was in better shape.”

“I had no idea,” I say.

“I was too embarrassed to tell you. I felt like a complete failure. And…well, it’s hard to love someone else when you don’t love yourself. If I could go back, I would do a lot of things differently.”

I’m not sure what to do with this information.

“Well, not to brag, but I killed it my first semester back,” I say.

“Did you?”

“Yep. When you’re heartbroken and depressed, you don’t party on the weekends. You study and get straight A’s.”

“Were you heartbroken and depressed?”

His voice is full of tenderness and to my absolute mortification, I feel tears coming to my eyes. I cough and wave off his question.

“It was a long time ago. And we both made it through.”

“I tried calling and emailing, but you never responded.”

“I know.”

I don’t apologize or explain. I needed him completely out of my life so I could heal. But now…Maybe now things could be different.

“I’m dating someone,” Jake says.

I walk into a fire hydrant.

“Ow! Holy monkeys that hurt.” I rub my shin and turn my head away from Jake.

“Want me to take a look?” he asks.

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll be okay.” We keep walking. I only limp a little.

“So you’re dating someone,” I say lightly. I shouldn't be surprised. This is Jake. He loves having a girlfriend.

“Yeah, it’s pretty early. We’ll see. How about you?”

“Work. I mean, I’m not dating anyone. I’ve been working a lot. I mean there were some people. Men. There just aren’t any right now.” Sweet mother of Moses, stop talking, Juliet .

I ask Jake about his plans for after med school, and he tells me he’s specializing in cardiothoracic surgery, so he’s got three more years of training. He’s already been accepted to the program at Columbia.

“Good for you. That sounds really cool,” I say.

I’ve got to call it a night. At a certain point, this becomes masochistic . And yet the pull to be near him is so strong I can’t bring myself to cut the night short. The rain makes my decision for me. What starts as a trickle turns into a downpour. We take cover under a restaurant awning.

“I’d better go,” I say.

“Of course,” he says. “You must be exhausted from traveling. Let me get a cab for you. What hotel are you at?”

“The airport Marriott.”

He hails a cab, tells the driver my hotel and pays.

“You didn’t need to pay for my cab,” I tell him. The insecure part of me wants to tell him how much money I make now, but I don’t.

“It’s my pleasure.” I lean in to kiss his cheek, and he pulls me into a hug. Muscle memory kicks in, and I melt against him. It feels so good tears well up in my eyes. We stand there, getting soaked by the rain, neither one letting go. Finally, I take a step back.

“It was so great to see you,” Jake says.

“Yeah! Totally. Always good to catch up with an old friend.” My voice is over the top casual. Jake looks like he wants to say something else, but I pretend I don’t notice and jump in the cab. I give my best happiest smile and wave as we pull away from the curb.

Adrenaline courses through me, and my breath comes out ragged. I squeeze my hands into fists and then rub them into my eyes. Then I whip out my phone and text Paolo.

He’s dating someone.

I don’t elaborate. Paolo will know it’s Jake. Just like he knew I would call him.

His text comes in when I’m back at the hotel crawling into bed.

I didn’t think that would make a difference.

And it shouldn’t. It was dinner with an old friend. No big deal. So why do I feel like such a mess?

* * *

I don’t sleep well. I stare at the ceiling. I curse Paolo for giving me Jake’s number. I curse myself for calling. I curse Jake for answering.

Being with him has stirred up all the things I’ve been so careful to leave undisturbed. And now I have to face the truth. That Jake is every bit as wonderful as I remember. And being with him feels just as good as I remember. And being without him feels just as terrible as I remember.

Around 4 a.m., I give up on sleep. I shower and stand under the hot water for a long time.

When my skin has turned a scalded pink I get out and get dressed.

I wear my traveling clothes. Black wrap dress, black sandals, black sweater.

It’s early, the sky’s just barely turning pink, and we don’t need to be at the airport for another hour, but I can’t keep staring at the same four walls.

I check that I have everything from my room, then wheel my carry-on downstairs to the lobby.

My phone’s dead, and I look for a place to charge it while I wait for Henry.

That’s when I see Jake.

He’s asleep in a red armchair by the door. His head’s bent at a funny angle, and his brown hair has fallen into his eyes. My heart is pounding, and I’m not sure what to do.

“Jake?” I put a hand to his shoulder, and his head snaps up.

“Juliet!”

“What are you doing here?”

He rubs his eyes and then blinks at me.

“I wanted to see you again. I called but you didn’t pick up.”

“My phone died.”

“I didn’t know what time your flight left, but I knew it was early, and I didn’t want to miss you, so I just came here and waited.”

“You never went home last night?”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to miss this chance…” He glances at a businessman giving us a curious look, then takes my arm and leads me to a couch farther away.

“I’ve thought about you a lot, Juls. Even when I tried not to.

I told myself that I’d embellished what we had.

That Italy made things seem special, even when they were ordinary.

But seeing you last night. Walking the city together.

I know I’ve been lying to myself. It wasn’t Italy.

It was you. My memories of you are not embellished.

In fact, they don’t do you justice. Being with you is even better than I remember. ”

I try to take this all in and make sense of his words.

“You’re dating someone,” I say.

“A perfectly nice girl. For someone else. I let her know last night.”

He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head.

“The truth is, I’d forgotten I could feel this way. And if this connection still exists, I can’t settle for anything else.”

He takes my hand in his. His palm is damp with sweat. “I know this is fast, and I know we just spent one evening together…”

He looks at me, soft brown eyes lit with intensity. “I asked Paolo for your number for years, but he’d never give it to me. He told me you were happy. He didn’t want me to ruin it. He said maybe you would call me when you were ready.

“And then yesterday you called. And I guess…I guess I’m wondering, are you ready?”

My brain races to process his words and interpret their meaning. My thoughts are all scrambled. I don’t know what to say.

But my body knows what to do. I lean in and touch my lips to his. Tentatively at first, my hand trembling as I press it against his chest. His arm reaches around my waist, pulling me close to him, and all the nerves in my body wake up for the first time in years.

This. This overwhelming feeling of rightness is what I’ve been trying to forget for years. And I know, with everything in me, that I’ll never find anything like it, no matter how long I look.

When we come apart, I’m not scared, or nervous or uneasy. I look into Jake’s eyes, and I’m sure.

“I’m ready,” I say.

* * *

Thank you for reading! Did you enjoy? Please add your review because nothing helps an author more and encourages readers to take a chance on a book than a review.