Page 12 of Better Than Baby (Better Than Stories #9)

I watched their interaction for a moment, aggressively pushing aside my own angst at this unexpected encounter to study Aaron.

Objectively, I understood that Cassie wasn’t solely responsible for withdrawing the adoption last December, but I doubted that she realized those wounds hadn’t healed for us yet…

or that there was a chance they never would.

I didn’t want Aaron to get hurt again.

But he seemed utterly serene and composed, more concerned for Cassie’s welfare than he was for his own peace of mind.

He kneeled beside her and rubbed our dog’s tummy. “This is Murphy. He’s a love sponge.”

“He’s gorgeous. What kind of dog is he?”

“A fox red Lab,” he replied, slowly straightening. Cassie stood too, eyes still fixed on the goofy pup wiggling from side to side on the grass. He waited for her gaze to shift to us to continue. “How are you, Cassie?”

Not what are you doing here, forty-five minutes away from the city? Or did you follow us? Or what the fuck are you up to? Or what possessed you to show up out of the blue? Or even a simple…why now?

No, Aaron was innately kind and from Cassie’s ghostly pallor and alarmingly thin frame, it was obvious that she was in worse shape than either of us.

She sighed softly, curling her lips in an imitation of nonchalance that came across as unbearably weary. “I’ve been better. Okay…not great.”

I moved into Aaron’s space and placed my hand on his shoulder in a show of solidarity. “I’m sorry to hear that. You’re far from home. Is this a coincidence, or were you looking for us?”

“I looked you up and followed you here,” she admitted.

Aaron’s expression easily translated to, Ew, creepy alert.

However, he schooled his features and gently prodded, “Why?”

Cassie squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her chin, her chest heaving with the effort to draw a jagged breath.

“I-I think about you all the t-time, and I’m so so sorry,” she sobbed.

“Hey, shh .” Aaron hugged her, casting a wide-eyed look my way. Unfortunately, I was as confused as he was.

She composed herself with a sniff and reached into her purse for a tissue. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this is hard. You’re good people, and you got screwed because of me, and I just…I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for saying that.” I wrapped Murphy’s leash around my hand absently, wishing we were anywhere but here.

The ensuing silence was awkward, but I just hoped like hell she didn’t talk about the baby and that Aaron didn’t ask.

“Is he…” Aaron hedged.

“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Leave it, Aar.”

“You’re right. I…never mind.” He bit his bottom lip, slipping his arm through mine. “How’s school going?”

She blew her nose. “I had to take time off. I hope I can go back in January. I don’t know how, though.

I have grant money that needs to be used, so I guess I’m ready, but also…

not. None of that is your problem. I’m not here to dump anything on you.

I just wanted to apologize in person. I know that everything went wrong, and it was my fault.

I’m paying the consequences, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. ”

I should have let it go, but someone who sounded a lot like me spoke up. “What consequences?”

“A baby.” Her eyes welled again. “Cole left for California last week. He got into a PhD program at UCLA and…he wasn’t around much, anyway. His parents aren’t either. We see them every other week, tops. So it’s just me and?—”

“Don’t. Please,” I intercepted.

Cassie sniffled but nodded. “Okay. I understand.”

Aaron’s Adam’s apple slid in his throat. “Is he here? With you?”

“No, he’s with my neighbor, Angie. She has the day off.” Cassie covered her face and broke into another sob. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make this weird. I know how much I hurt you both. I wish things were different, and I wish…I wish he had better.”

“ Shh .” Aaron soothed. “Please don’t punish yourself. We’re fine. We’re actually…having a baby through a surrogate.”

She dabbed at the corner of her eyes. “You are? Oh. Wow, that’s great.”

“Thank you. We’re excited,” I replied.

“Overjoyed,” Aaron added. “And we have Murphy now. He’s keeping us busy too.”

We all took the opportunity to stare at the adorable red dog snoozing at my feet, his head propped on my sneakers.

Cassie flashed an authentic grin. “He’s so cute. I’m glad you have him and each other and good luck with your b-baby. I…”

She didn’t finish her sentence, nor did she seem to be in any hurry, but I got the impression she had more to say.

“Was there something else?”

“I…no. I was going to ask if…never mind.” Cassie wiped her nose in a businesslike fashion, tucking her used tissue in her bag.

“What?”

“It’s nothing. I’m happy for you. Really, really happy.” Her smile wobbled, but her tone was unmistakably sincere as she bowed her head and speed-walked toward the parking lot.

We didn’t say a word. We watched Cassie get into the same beat-up old Prius her grandmother had bequeathed to her in her will ten years ago. Or eleven now. When the taillights faded from sight, we headed for our own car in silence and let the quiet linger all the way home.

“What did you make of that?”

“I don’t know, but it felt heavy. Too heavy.” I bounced a tennis ball on the deck, then tossed it across the yard for Murphy. “She’s not doing well.”

“Understatement. She’s miserable.” Aaron gnawed on his lip thoughtfully. “I wonder what’s wrong and?—”

“Aar…stop. Hey, I think the apology was nice, but let’s be honest, it also sucked.

We cannot be pulled into whatever dysfunction she’s dealing with.

We can’t. It’s not healthy or good for us.

I know that might sound heartless, but it’s called staying sane.

We have our own worries and our own battles to fight.

We’re not taking on hers. Especially not now.

We’re finally where we want to be with every legal seal of approval in place.

The baby Lena is carrying is one thousand percent ours.

He or she is our family, and we have to protect our peace. ”

He inclined his head in acquiescence. “You’re right. Observation…you’re fierce, Matty. I’m getting major daddy vibes.”

“Very funny.” I tickled his sides and pulled him into my arms.

We swayed, holding each other through what felt like the aftermath of a fierce storm.

Dramatic, maybe, but it fit. We’d done our best to put our failed adoption behind us and today had kicked up some rough memories.

I couldn’t help thinking it might have been easier if Cassie had seemed to be thriving instead of in over her head and on her way to drowning.

I wasn’t an asshole, nor was I immune. Her angst and sorrow had bled through every word and everything she hadn’t said.

She wished she made other choices, but if she had, we might not have Murphy and we certainly wouldn’t be expecting a baby.

I had to believe we were on our current path for a reason.

And though it was painful, we had to sever that tie to her to grow. It was a somber and sober reckoning.