Page 65 of Better Run

He lifts his lip in a half smile like he’s amused by the question. He looks so beautiful when he smiles.

“I don’t know. I was young and wanted to save the world. I didn’t realize that saving the world still doesn’t help you save yourself.”

I glare at the floor.

“Why did you become an influencer?” His voice sounds bigger in the small room.

“For fun.” I wrap my arms around my legs against a breeze that comes through the window. He glances at me.

“It gets cold in here, but the birds don’t mind.”

At that moment, a finch lands on the windowsill, its wings and the scrape of its feet loud. Jayden sees my small jump and chuckles quietly. “Easy kitten. No one’s going to hurt you.”

The bird seems unconcerned with us being there and pecks away.

“You already have,” I mutter under my breath.

The mood grows dark. The bird flies away, and I grow uncomfortable with the silence. I ask, “Why’d you leave? Being a cop.”

He looks at me again. He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it up. He takes a long draw, then hands it to me.

I wave him off.

He exhales the cloud of smoke, blowing it away from me, and finally answers. “Got tired of all the bullshit. Tired of the hours. Tired of the people. Someone tried to kill me one night, and I shot him. That was the beginning of the end for me.”

I stare at his side profile. He looks unaffected, pulling on the cigarette. I can’t help myself; I look down at his waistband. He didn’t bring the gun today. That I can see.

“Tell me,” he says. “Why did you date Kyle?”

The room grows silent.

“What?” I sputter.

“You knew he could never make you happy. He bored you, even. And yet you stayed. Why?”

My mouth drops open. “I loved him!” I correct myself, “Love him.”

His dark eyes flash to me. “Loved? Do you even know what love is?”

I cross my arms, anger flashing through me. “Doyou?”

He takes another draw, letting the smoke out slowly. “No. I suppose I don’t.”

Another bird drops on the windowsill, pecking at the food, spreading it on the floor. We watch in silence.

Eventually, he speaks again. “He’s not worth it, you know.”

“Why? Because you’re jealous?” I hold out my hand for the cigarette. It’s almost done. He hands it to me. It’s been a long time since I’ve smoked, but I need something.

“Just trust me.”

I laugh, then cough around my lungful of smoke. I grind out the butt on the floor. “I don’t think you need me to explain how rich that is coming from you.”

He doesn’t respond. I sit, tense. Eventually, when he doesn’t ask any more questions, I relax. Birds swing by, eating at the food until all that’s left are husks and sunflower seed shells.

Jayden stands. I follow him back out of the house and climb up behind him on the bike again. We go back to the cabin. Cole isn’t there.

Jayden keeps the ATV keys on him and rearms the front door. “Changed the code, kitten. You’d make it thirty feet down the driveway before I’m balls deep in you.”