Page 20

Chapter Twenty

Jasalyn

W HEN I WAKE AGAIN, I ’M in a small bedroom, and the sun outside the window is low in the sky. I don’t know how long I slept, and I’m too disoriented to tell if it’s rising or setting.

I sit up and stretch, letting my sheets pool at my waist.

“Thank the gods,” Kendrick whispers behind me, and I turn to see him sitting in a lounge chair on the opposite side of the bed. His throat bobs as he swallows. He looks me over. “How do you feel?”

I push out of bed and walk around to his side. I’m stiff and sore, but I don’t feel any of that weakness I had when I heard them talking and couldn’t get my eyes to open. “I’m fine.”

He leans forward to adjust the bedside lantern. The room is flooded with light. When he lifts his gaze to mine again, the color drains from his face. “What happened?”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

“What did that bastard do to you?” He unfolds from the chair and cups my face in both of his hands, sweeping one thumb from the middle of my cheek and up around the outside of my eye, his eyes wide.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I place my hand atop his. “I’m fine. Don’t look so panicked.”

His throat bobs. “It’s a new scar.”

Maybe I’ll just cut these pretty eyes out. Then you’ll have to look at me.

I step back and rush across the room to the small mirror that sits over the dresser. My hand shakes as I lift it to the ragged, puffy scar extending from the center of my cheek and hooking up around my eye.

I’ve never been particularly vain—at least not since living in Faerie. I never cared that these scars from years-old wounds were appearing from nowhere. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care about this body that has fae blood. I didn’t care about this life trapped in a realm I hate or the fate I never asked for.

But that was before I knew what it felt like to want something other than numbness and revenge. That was before Kendrick.

My eyes burn with the tears of the weak girl I won’t let myself be, and I squeeze them shut so I don’t have to see. I grip the edge of the dresser and hang my head.

It doesn’t matter. It’s just another scar. In nine months, none of this will matter anyway.

I’m so lost in my self-pity that I don’t realize Kendrick is behind me until he wraps his arms around me, pulls my back against his front.

I lift my head to meet his gaze in the mirror. “Everyone will see,” I whisper, and I didn’t realize until now that it bothered me so much. “Everyone will know I was a victim.”

His eyes meet mine in the mirror as he traces along the edge of my jaw. “Everyone will know you are a survivor.”

I swallow the lump of emotion threatening to choke me.

“I wish I could go back and make myself think twice about everything,” he says, his breath feathering my hair. “I wouldn’t assume that I knew what was happening. I wouldn’t assume that your only wounds were the ones I could see.” He buries his face in my neck, and his words become a prayer whispered into my skin. “Every time they brought you back, you were fine, and I didn’t...” The band of his arms tightens, like he’s trying to will us back in time so he can change things. “Of course he was healing you. Every time. Healing you so I wouldn’t know how bad it was. Why didn’t you tell me what was happening?”

I swallow. He’s holding me almost too tightly, but I hope he never stops. “I would pass out, and when I’d wake up, the blood would be gone, and the pain was just a memory.” I turn in his arms and look up into his searching eyes. “I didn’t know if it was real or all a nightmare.”

He bends his lips to the scar, like it’s a fresh wound he’s trying to kiss better. When he brings his mouth to my ear, his voice is deadly quiet. “I will kill him myself when we find him.”

I close my eyes. It feels good, I realize, having someone share my rage. I’ve carried it alone for so long.

And maybe... maybe that’s where I went wrong. Maybe holding it inside, hiding all the twisted, broken pieces—maybe these old wounds festered in the dark.

“I want to ask you what happened before I collapsed, but...” I look to him, hopeful.

“You don’t remember either?” he asks.

“I was having terrible nightmares. Nightmares about...” Nightmares where I was Mordeus. Nightmares where I could feel what it was like to have his kind of power and to be willing to destroy everything to keep it. Except they didn’t scare me. No, the nights when my mind imagines what it would be like to be him—those are some of the most restful nights I have. It feels good , and I don’t like to think too much on what that says about me.

“You had nightmares about your time in the dungeons,” Kendrick says.

It’s not a question, and I don’t want to correct him. I stare down at my hands. The hands of a girl who was once tortured by a monster have now become the hands of the monster. “I went to sleep and was dreaming, and the next thing I remember was you bringing me to consciousness in the forest.”

“You don’t remember leaving?” he asks. I shake my head, and he draws in a ragged breath. “We all woke up after the sun. You must’ve put on the ring and told Skylar to go to sleep before you left camp, because you were there when she started her shift and the next thing she remembers she was waking up on her bedroll.

“When we realized you weren’t there, we searched for you. The camp, the woods, calling your name.”

“And then I reappeared with my goblin.”

He turns me to face him and shakes his head. “I don’t know. The next thing I remember is pulling the ring off you.”

Panic seizes my chest in a sweaty fist. “Where is it? The ring?”

“Natan has it. He’s researching.”

I swallow down my panic at being separated from the only real power I have.

Kendrick reaches for my hand and toys with my fingers. “Do you know where you might’ve gone?”

I shake my head. But then remember the rebel camp nearby, and my mind flashes with images of the dead bodies lined up outside of the captain’s manor. What if I blacked out that night too? What if...

“Have you blacked out like this before?” Kendrick asks.

“I was at Captain Vauril’s the night they all died— before they all died.”

There’s a long beat of silence. “You were?”

“Wearing my ring. I was following the proprietor. I wanted to...” I swallow. “I hated the way he treated his wife, and I needed to make sure he didn’t hurt my sister. I only remember killing him. I left the rest. But then the next morning...”

“That’s why you were so shaken when they were all dead? You suspected you were responsible.”

“Yes.” I stare at my hands. “But I didn’t know. I only ever killed one at a time—or so I thought. But...” I snap my head up. “The rebels camping near us. What if I went there? What if I—”

“You didn’t. We searched the camp when we were looking for you.” He pulls me into a hug and lets me rest my cheek against his chest. “The rebels were alive and well. Wherever you went, it wasn’t there.”

“I need to call my goblin. I saw him after I came to. If I had him take me somewhere, he can tell us.”

Kendrick grimaces. “As much as I’d like to know what he could tell us, we can’t ask.”

“Why not?”

“Goblins’ loyalties are too divided. We can’t risk the information about this place getting back to the Elora Seven.”

“So we just have to be okay with not knowing?”

He nods. “For now.”

Swallowing, I glance around the room. “And where are we?” I can make out voices beneath us and the sound of flatware on dishes.

“Ironmoore. It’s an Eloran settlement. It’s the safest place we could find for you while we figure some things out.”

“Elorans? In Faerie?”

A ghost of a smile passes across his face as he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “Why’s that so hard to believe? We’re all here.”

“Yes, but you’re just...” I wave my hand in the air as if to indicate him and the friends I can hear below us. “There are only a few of you.”

“Many Elorans have been displaced under the rule of the Seven,” he says. “More than you can imagine. Believe it or not, Faerie is a good option as far as temporary homes go.”

I don’t argue for fear of him pointing out the hypocrisy in my feelings toward the shadow fae. Maybe his friends are right. Maybe what I feel is nothing but prejudice.

“Let’s get you some dinner,” Kendrick finally says.

“I still want to go with you,” I blurt, registering the rest of what he said. The safest place for me. Are they planning to leave me here? I lift my chin. I won’t lose my chance to end Mordeus. “I want to be there when you go to Feegus Keep.”

Kendrick huffs out a breath and shakes his head. “What happened to that timid little girl from the dungeons?”

I know he means to be flippant, but I hold his gaze as I answer, “She didn’t make it.”

Remme and Skylar are sitting at a small table in the home’s main floor kitchen, steam rolling off bowls of stew in front of them.

“Going before the ball still feels risky,” Remme is saying. “The king’s sentinels will be watching for anything suspicious.”

“That’s why we’re sending Shae and not you,” Skylar says. “ He isn’t suspicious.”

“You found your friend?” I ask, and their eyes turn to me.

Skylar’s face splits into a grin as she looks me over with an arched brow. “Sick scar. How are you feeling, Slayer?”

I pull back, surprised. She’s never used that nickname before. “Better. Where’s Natan?”

“He’s doing some research,” Remme says. “He’ll be back soon.”

I frown. “About the ring?”

Remme nods. “We don’t make a habit of engaging with magic we don’t understand. And after what happened yesterday...” He shrugs.

I frown. Yesterday. “How long was I sleeping?”

“A day and a half,” Kendrick says, and there’s a tenderness in his eyes that makes me want to prove I’m not helpless or weak.

But is that even true without the ring?

“Do you always get that sick after using it?” Remme asks.

I shake my head. “No. It’s using it during the daylight that comes with complications.”

“What kind of complications?” Kendrick asks.

“Nausea, lethargy, a little weakness.”

“You collapsed and slept for thirty-four hours,” Skylar says. “That’s more than a little weakness .”

“Death’s kiss and now this?” Remme asks.

I look to Kendrick, who shrugs. “They needed to know,” he says.

“Any other details you’d like to share with the class, Princess?” Remme asks.

“Just that one. It’s a tool meant for the dark.” I glance around the small kitchen, desperate to change the subject. “Is there coffee?”

“On the counter,” Skylar says, but Kendrick is already heading that way.

He fills a mug and hands it to me. “You need food too.” He nods to a chair—the only available one at the table. “Sit and I’ll get it for you.”

“Aren’t you going to eat?” I ask, lowering myself into it.

“Already did,” he says.

“Never once has he brought me my dinner,” Remme says.

“He doesn’t look at you like that either,” Skylar mutters.

I squirm and reach for a change of subject. “Where’s Shae going, then?”

“To the Wild Fae Lands,” Remme says. “To check in with Felicity.”

“Have you heard anything?” I ask. “About how Felicity’s faring at Castle Craige?”

Remme shrugs. “Seems like it’s going great.”

“Misha isn’t suspicious at all? Or is she just keeping to herself like I told her?”

Kendrick slides a fresh bowl of stew in front of me, and I flash him a grateful smile.

“Relax,” Skylar says, poking at her dinner. “She’s fine. She’s been winning the king over just like we need her to.”

I straighten. “Excuse me—what? I told her to stay in her chambers. If she spends too much time with him, he’ll figure it out, and if Misha figures it out, he will tell my sister.”

Remme and Skylar exchange a look, and he sighs. “Listen, I appreciate where you’re coming from,” he says, “but Felicity is good at what she does. You saw her yourself.”

“And Misha is really good at what he does. He reads minds. Don’t you get that?”

Skylar folds her arms. “He doesn’t read yours.”

“Well, yeah, because he trained me how to block against him.”

“Then he can’t be all that skilled with it,” she says.

My fist tightens around my spoon. “Brie says she’s watched him break people.”

Remme sighs. “But he hasn’t broken you because he respects you. He trained you how to shield your mind, and he respects that shield—and he’ll respect Felicity’s shield because he believes she is you. You have nothing to worry about.”

I stir my stew, shaking my head. “Why does she need to get close to him? That seems like an unnecessary risk. No one told me this was part of the plan.”

“We need to get into the Eloran Palace,” Kendrick says, leaning against the wall behind Skylar. “There are only two ways to do that: with the Sword of Fire, which we may or may not be able to acquire, and through a Hall of Doors, which holds portals to many places in many realms. The location in each court is a closely held secret.”

I shake my head. “If each court has a Hall, why not use the one in the shadow court?”

“Because the Halls are hidden,” Skylar says, “and the location passed along from one ruler to the next. But Mordeus didn’t exactly leave notes for your sister.”

Remme nods and scrapes the last of his stew from his bowl. “If we can’t find the sword, we’ll need a portal.”

“If there’s another way to get to Erith,” I ask, “why have you been looking for the sword for so long?”

“The sword doesn’t just open portals,” Remme says, putting down his bowl and leaning back in his chair. “It’s the almighty weapon. Having the sword would guarantee Erith’s defeat. He has no defense against it.”

My gaze flicks to Kendrick, who’s watching me. “So if you find the sword, you don’t need me.” I don’t know why that revelation makes me feel so sad. I didn’t come along because I wanted to kill some Eloran supermage. I came to find Mordeus. But now I want to be part of their mission.

“If we find the sword, then we find the sword,” Kendrick says slowly. “But who’s to say what will happen between finding it and getting to Erith? There are too many variables, and like I’ve said before, if I can choose, I’m going to go with the oracle every time. If we can go to Erith with you, one fated to bring him down, or with the sword he can’t defend himself against, I’d rather have”—he grins, dimples popping—“well, both .”

“We still need Felicity to search for the Hall,” Skylar says, “because our time is running out. We don’t know when they’ll tap the next novitiate for the Seven, and taking them down when they don’t have a seventh will be much easier.”

Kendrick points to my bowl. “Eat.”

I scoop up a bite. “Yes, sir.” My stomach is still unsettled, and I’m not sure about eating, but the stew is rich and flavorful and seems to warm me from the inside out. I scoop up another bite right away. “So if only Wild Fae royals know how to get to this Hall, why would Misha share the location with Felicity?”

Remme chuckles, and Skylar grins. “Males will share most anything with a good lover,” she says.

“A lover ?” I sputter. “But he thinks Felicity is me !”

“If I had to guess, he’s been carrying a torch for you for a while,” Remme says.

I gape. “Then you’d guess wrong. ”

Remme shrugs. “Either way, the king is falling fast.”

“But when this is all over—when I go back... do you expect me to keep this secret?” I shake my head. “No. No one told me she was planning to seduce Misha in my form. This isn’t okay.”

Remme shoves his bowl to the side and leans forward, elbows on the table. “Once you kill Erith for us and Felicity is out of that castle, you can tell Misha and your sister and whomever else whatever you want about all this.”

And then they’ll all know I was part of this. Did I think I’d never have to face the consequences of my choices? Did I think no one would ever find out?

Will it even matter by then? Will we finish our mission before my time runs out?

“Don’t pout,” Skylar says. “That king is delicious. Tall, dark, and powerful? Consider it a favor and just pick up where Felicity leaves off.”

I draw back. “You’re disgusting.”

“No. You are unimaginative. Word has it your sister fancies marrying you off to him. Embrace it. You could be a queen .”

“Hard pass.” I glance toward Kendrick. Surely he’ll have something to say about her outrageous ideas, but he’s turned toward the window and is frowning out into the setting sun.

“At least as the Wild Fae queen, you’d be safe,” he says, not looking at me.

My heart sinks. When we kissed, I thought there was something between us—something more than the one-sided feelings I’ve been wrestling with since seeing him again—but he hasn’t touched me since I woke up. Not in that way, at least.

Kendrick pulls a vial from his pocket and puts it on the table in front of me. “Natan left a potion for your glamour if you want it.”

I flick my eyes up to meet his and glance to his elven ears. The rest of them are glamoured, why wouldn’t I want to be?

“It’s probably a good idea that you continue with the disguise,” Skylar explains. “Humans are safe here, but there are too many people to guarantee they’re all trustworthy. Only a select few here know about our mission, and it would be better if the whole village didn’t realize we’re traveling with the shadow princess.”

“Finish your dinner,” Kendrick says. “I’ll meet you all outside after.” He strides out of the kitchen and disappears down the hall.

“Way to go, Skylar,” Remme mutters, elbowing her before standing and taking his bowl to the sink.

“I didn’t mean to strike a nerve.” She glances toward the stairs and grimaces. “Think I should let him be or go talk to him?”

Remme frowns. “Let him be. He’s struggling.”

“With what?” I ask before I can stop myself.

Skylar exchanges a look with Remme before leaving the table and taking her dishes to the sink. “Hale is a good person,” she says. “You won’t find better. He’ll figure it out.”

She didn’t answer my question, but I don’t push.

Remme studies me. “I’m glad you’re okay, kiddo,” he says softly. “You really worried us.”

My vision goes blurry, and I have to look down at my bowl to hide the tears burning my eyes. I never expected these people to care about me. I never expected their opinion of me to mean so much. “I’m fine,” I whisper.

“You are most definitely not fine ,” Skylar says, “but you’re still with us, so we’ll figure out the rest as we go.” She squeezes my shoulder. “Sorry for being an ass about the sexy king thing. I forget not everyone can joke about stuff like that. I’m just jealous.”

“Finish eating, and we’ll show you around,” Remme says. “We have an old friend who’s eager to meet you.”