Page 19

Chapter 18

Meera

Wrapped in the warmth of the fur-lined cloak I hadn't seen since the night I had left with Prince Damon, I walked through a garden hedge of indigo snow dahlias.

Once Corvo led me outside, it was easy to follow Vareck’s footsteps in the snow. Snowflakes fell in an unremarkable way, slowly coating the lands in a new layer of white. No storms or howling winds tore through Faerie. Other than the brutally cold temperature, the atmosphere felt calm.

A stone mausoleum had been built about two hundred yards from the castle. As I approached, the winter hedges came to an end, the ground opening up to a fenced graveyard. Headstones and sculptures lined the open grounds uniformly, and to the side of the crypt entrance, Vareck stood in front of two large feminine statues.

He kept his back to me as I cautiously approached. “Corvo mentioned you were coming.”

“I don’t want to interrupt . . .” I paused, and he turned to look at me over his shoulder. I angled my head at the statues, suddenly feeling like this was the worst idea. When Corvo said he was outside, he didn’t mention this . Invading a personal time of respect and grief to make it about myself? That felt gross, and it wasn’t my intent. “I should go.”

He returned his attention to the women in front of him, not responding to what I had said. “This is my mother and sister,” he said, holding his hand out to each one of them as though it were a true introduction. I took it as an indication he wanted me to stay, so I walked up beside him and admired the carved faces that looked down on us.

The taller statue had grand wings and soft eyes, small lips, and round cheeks. Her intricately braided hair draped over her shoulder and came down to a deep curve in her hourglass waist. Gentle hands looked as though they were conjuring a spell, but instead, a carved glass lily sat in one of her palms. There was a delicate nature to the way her features had been portrayed. The second statue was just a few inches shorter. She had no wings, and her features were stronger. Beautiful, but in a harsh way. Her hair was long and flowing in waves. It was the only soft thing about her. She’d been given high cheekbones and sharp eyes. Fuller lips curved into a smirk that likely held many secrets when she’d been alive. The names Lore and Maeve were etched beneath each figure, respectively.

“They were beautiful,” I said quietly, clasping my hands together in front of me.

“Yes, they were,” he agreed, the words barely audible.

I glanced to the left, wondering why they hadn’t been buried in the family tomb. I hadn't noticed it when I initially arrived, but now that I was paying attention, new details stood out. The mausoleum doors had charred marks around the edges, traveling from the sides and marring the stone in what looked like black flames. The surname Einar had been carved above the entrance, each letter filled with a similar shadowy film.

“That's where my father is buried.” Vareck’s darkened tone startled me, and when I looked at him, a different man stood beside me. One I hadn’t seen yet. His jaw was clenched, and his icy blue eyes were filled with unspoken hatred. “I burned his coffin and everything else on the inside. I haven't opened the door since that day.”

Even having grown up in the human realm, I had been taught about his father. The Mad Fae King. He was the reason the land was cursed and the people suffered. The lands had once flourished, experiencing seasons and bountiful crops. Rumors spread about how it had all happened, and how he was killed, but my mother said no one knew what had actually happened or why he chose to curse the lands. The tales were only spoken in hushed whispers, and she would remind me that some secrets aren’t meant to be told.

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could say, and it was a weak consolation considering the kingdom was now Vareck’s to govern. It was his people that endured the continued effects of that day.

“Why are you here, Meera?”

I flinched at his coldness. He didn’t even look at me when he said my name, still focusing on his mother and sister.

“I . . . got your invitation.” I said stupidly, wishing I could suck the words back in the moment they left my mouth.

He turned, raising a brow as he looked down at me. “Don’t tell me you came all this way to tell me that? ”

I sighed, shaking my head. I couldn’t fault him for being distant. “No, Corvo said you were outside, and I didn’t realize . . . now really isn’t a good time. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“Well, you’re here now. What did you want to say?”

This wasn’t going at all how I planned, in so much as you could call it planning. I took a deep breath and tried not to lose my nerve. “I came to say that I'm sorry. Not sorry like I just said a minute ago about this,” I said, gesturing to the graves in front of us. “I meant I'm sorry for how I've been acting.”

Vareck rubbed his gloved hands together, fighting against the cold, but he made no move to leave. “What brought this on?”

I hesitated. “Kaia ripped me a new one, and Corvo agreed with her. She made me see something about this that I wasn't willing to admit. So basically I decided to pull my head out of my ass and come talk to you.”

Vareck huffed a small laugh, muttering, “Of course she did.”

“Look,” I began, turning to him slightly. “You have every reason to not trust me. I've done nothing to earn your trust, and she helped me realize that. Quite bluntly, I might add. I knew it already, but I got so caught up in us . . .” My cheeks heated, but I forced myself to keep going. “I lost sight of the reason I was here to begin with. I thought I was justified in my rage. It felt like a betrayal, but none of this would have happened if I hadn’t kidnapped Damon. So I might have overreacted a little bit. Or a lot. I've never had my powers bound before and I don't like it. The feeling . . . it doesn’t matter. That’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to say I’m sorry I've been blaming you for it, when I should be blaming myself. ”

He looked down, nodding softly. “I didn't want to take your powers from you. That’s not the man I am. You left me with no choice.”

“You had a choice,” I said, tilting my head at him, giving him a tight smile. “You just didn’t have good options. And if I’m honest, I would have done the same thing if I had a nephew and he’d been kidnapped. I would burn down the world to find them. It’s part of the reason I've been so angry.”

“I don't quite feel that way about my nephew. But I see what you're saying,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I can’t imagine that. Truth be told, I’m surprised my own family hasn’t shown up and tried something crazy. They’d need to know where I am though, to do that.” I pulled my cloak tighter, swallowing the emotion that formed a knot in my throat. “I told Sadie I’d meet her at the safe house, but then I never showed. They’re probably worried sick.” Guilt ate at me, because this really was my own damn fault. I knew better than to work with Lou and yet I took every job he offered.

“You never said anything about wanting to get word to them.”

“I hadn’t thought . . .” I paused, thinking about my words carefully. “None of this was meant to happen. That's why I kept testing my powers. It wasn’t really to persuade you. I needed to know when they returned to full strength so I could find Damon and bring him back.”

“You were going to say you hadn’t planned on staying.” When I didn’t respond, he scoffed, looking away. “Still not telling the entire truth. You were going to leave. Once you gained the use of your powers, you were going to disappear without saying goodbye.”

Vareck returned his gaze to me, waiting for a response. I bit my bottom lip. No matter how uncomfortable it was, Vareck deserved honesty from me. Looking away from him, I nodded. “Yes, I was going to leave.”

“Would you have compelled me to stay if I caught you?”

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“And there’s the truth.” He sounded bitter with hurt. I hated it, but I understood it. There was a reason I lost sight of why I was here. Vareck hadn’t treated me like a prisoner. While Kaia had been searching for Damon, Vareck had been . . . wooing me? Getting to know me? Whatever it was, feelings had started developing, and he wasn’t the only one.

“I would have come back.”

Vareck glanced over, his expression unreadable. “To drop Damon off before you left again?”

I shook my head. “I . . . I want to know you too. But I want to do it without my actions between us. I know I can’t undo the past, but I guess I thought maybe once Damon was back we could move forward.” I pressed my lips together in a self-deprecating smile. “I suppose that’s stupid now that I say it out loud. Even though you haven’t thrown me in the dungeon, you’re still a king and I’m still the asshole that kidnapped the heir to the throne.”

Vareck stared at me with an intensity I didn’t understand. Part of me wanted to hide from it, but the other side won out. The side that wanted to be brave.

“Why are you telling me this now?” His voice gave away nothing. “I’ve made it painfully clear how I’ve felt since the moment we met, and you’ve fought me at every turn. Why admit this now?”

“Because I want you to trust me. I want to trust each other. Being honest seems like a pretty good place for me to start.”

Vareck turned to face me, his shoulders releasing the tension they'd been holding, his body language finally changing for the first time since I'd arrived. “This isn't how I imagined it,” he said, gesturing between us. “You and me.”

“Me either. To be fair, I didn’t know you were real. But when you found me, it was under the worst possible circumstances and everything since has spiraled out of control.” I smiled, thinking about the four years I’d dreamed about him. “I think the way that we met in our dreams was a much nicer introduction than what reality provided us.”

His eyes darkened for a moment, and when he spoke, there was a small growl in his voice. “On that we agree.”

An idea formed. I wiped the palms of my hands against my pants as nervousness followed it. “What if we started over? Like you tried when you first brought me here.” He raised a brow in question. I held my hand out to shake his, and said, “I'm Meera Wylde. I was born in Faerie, but my family moved to earth when I was a baby. I’m the youngest of six kids. Kinda. Sadie and I are the same age, and we don’t actually know who was born first.” I let out an awkward laugh because I was totally rambling like a damn middle schooler trying to talk to her crush. “Anyway, Twizzlers are my favorite candy. Blue is my favorite color. I have a somewhat unhealthy addiction to romance books, especially the morally gray kind. I own a failing antiques store and my favorite thing to collect is antique jewelry.” I turned my head slightly so he could see the antique comb that he had given me, tucked away in my hair.

“Vareck Einar,” he said with a playful smile. “My affinity is spirit. I have an annoying cat as a familiar. I’ve never had Twizzlers, but I love a good red velvet cake. I’ve never thought much about having a favorite color, but it would be anything other than white. I’m sick of white after being surrounded by it for so many years. I don’t really have hobbies. It’s hard to, with the realm and all. When I was younger, I enjoyed horseback riding and archery. Kaia was better at both and never let me forget it.” He chuckled, smiling with fondness at the memories. “My talents lie more with strategy and problem solving. Useful in ruling a realm, but not very flashy. When I’m not in meetings or reading proposals I've been searching for this woman I've been dreaming about for years.”

“That's so weird. Me too.” I placed my hand on my chest, enjoying the moment.

“You've also been dreaming about a beautiful woman with red hair?”

“No, I see her in the mirror every day.” I pressed my lips into a coy smile. “I've been dreaming about this guy. He has the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. I never knew what he looked like, though. Not until recently.”

Vareck chuckled. “I hope you weren’t too disappointed upon that discovery.”

I snorted. “Not at all. Tall, dark, and handsome—he’s really the perfect cliché.”

“Cliché, huh?” He scratched jaw then ran a hand over his short beard. “Never heard that as a compliment.”

“Well it is. He also gives very thoughtful gifts.”

“That so?” Vareck grinned.

“The books were really nice, by the way. Good selection. I read all of them. And the clothes fit well,” I said, opening my cloak slightly to show him the new pieces I was wearing.

“I’m glad you liked them.”

“I’m sorry about the flowers,” I said, feeling my cheeks flush with shame as I looked at the glass lily in his mother’s hand. I felt like I had dishonored her somehow.

Vareck reached out and grazed the side of my cheek gently with his knuckles, the supple leather caressing my skin. “She would have liked you.” When I tilted my head in question, he elaborated. “My mother. Glass lilies were her favorite flower too. That's why I have them everywhere. They remind me of her.”

“Well, now I feel worse for having stomped on them in the hallway,” I muttered.

Vareck shook his head gently. “Don't. You were upset. Even if I had good reasons for the necklace, you’re allowed to be angry about it. She never wanted anyone to feel guilty for their emotions. Not even when we reacted to them poorly. She said it was part of growing and learning.”

“She sounds like my mom. There has never been a point in my life that I felt adopted. Sometimes I forget that I am. But there were times in my youth when I wanted to rebel in anger, you know, say stupid, hurtful things like ‘you’re not my real mom,’ and she accepted that from me without shaming me afterwards. She said discovering where I fit into the world was part of growing and learning too.” I glanced at the statue of Lore, thinking they might have been friends. “It didn’t take long to realize I fit in just fine with all of them. Since then, I don’t even think about where I came from, or why.”

He listened without judging, letting me talk freely.

“She was a good teacher. Redcaps are spirited and reactive, but she taught and encouraged us to have a range of emotions, never giving into just one. I think it’s what helps my sister win fights. Sadie isn’t ruled by her anger, even when provoked.”

“And you? How does it help you? ”

“It lets me see outside of myself. Think about others.” I huffed a laugh. “Helps me recognize when I’m wrong, despite the fact no one enjoys being wrong. I think there’s strength in that though. Doing the hard thing.”

Vareck’s eyes flick to my lips briefly before returning. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t admire that about you. My mother was similar. Where my father lashed out and couldn’t care less, she owned her mistakes and actually worked to do better.”

“She sounds like a good mom,” I said, feeling an ache in my heart for his loss.

He smiled faintly. “She was. Everything that is good in me, I learned from her. She was the one that believed in equity among the fae and abhorred the elitists who looked down on others. She reminded us that we were all specks of dust in the vastness of the nine realms, and only for a blip in time.”

“I wish I could have met her. Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened if . . .” I motioned to the snowy landscape, then fell silent. “I’m sorry. Again. Shit, I’m saying that a lot right now, but I didn’t mean to imply?—”

“I know,” he cut me off, saving me from sticking my foot in my mouth again. “How much do you know about the curse?”

“Very little,” I admitted. “My parents said it came on very suddenly shortly after the Mad King died.”

Vareck nodded. “There was a prophecy about him. It’s what started everything, but no one could have predicted how it ended.” His gaze was a thousand-yard stare. I didn’t know for certain, but I suspected he was seeing the past.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” I murmured, giving him an out. I wanted to build trust, but it was too much to ask him to relive that for my own curiosity .

“My mother insisted he wasn’t always mad. That paranoia poisoned his mind. I don’t know if I believe that, though. My mother saw the best in people, and someone like my father . . . you don’t become a monster overnight. Deimos Einar was cruel. Power-hungry. Long before I was born he had made a name for himself.” Vareck clenched his hands at his sides, the leather of his gloves pulling taut. “He was quick to anger and fast to kill. The few times a coup had been attempted ended with him making a horrific and inhumane example of the traitors. For better or worse, Faerie bowed beneath his power. My father wasn’t content with simply ruling this realm.”

“He tried to overthrow another?” I asked, unable to help the question from bubbling up. My parents had taught me the history of Faerie, but this . . . I’d never heard this version of events.

Vareck laughed coldly. “No. He tried to overthrow them all . Deimos believed that they were a threat, and in time that they would turn on us. He claimed they would steal his throne. In truth, I don’t know if he actually believed that. My father lied as often as he told the truth.”

“He could lie?” I frowned. “How? He was high fae.”

Vareck glanced sideways at me, his ice-cold stare heavy. “He was also a descendant of the goddess Amoret. The first Queen of Faerie. Most aren’t aware that my bloodline has certain abilities other high fae don’t—including the ability to lie.”

I struggled for words. “Why would you tell me that?”

Vareck didn’t look away. I felt like a spotlight was shining down on me, revealing every part of myself to him. “Trust has to start somewhere.”

My lips parted. “So, your father,” I said, steering us back to the history lesson at hand. “He wanted to lord over all nine realms?”

Vareck nodded. “Powerful as he was, he couldn’t go up against a god—let alone eight. That left him with a problem to which he scoured the lands to answer. When his search came up empty, he went to oracles, thinking that they might be able to lead him to what would bring him that power.” He looked me up and down, huffing through his nose. “Good thing he never found someone like you. If there was an artifact out there that could have done it, he’d have enslaved you for your power.” A shiver wracked my body, but I didn’t comment. “Eventually he found a banshee who claimed to have the answers he sought. She didn’t. When he brought her to court, she laughed at him and told him his search for power was all for naught.” Vareck’s jaw clenched, old anger rising to the surface. “She prophesied that he would never become a god and instead meet his end by a fury’s sword. We knew he was depraved, but no one realized the extent of his evil until then.” Vareck swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the action. “He ordered the execution of every fury in the realm. No exceptions.”

My jaw dropped, and I looked at the statue of Lore. The wings. “But…”

He nodded solemnly. “My mother was the last.”

I swallowed thickly, feeling my mouth dry. “And your sister? Was she . . . a fury too?”

“Yes. She was a hybrid. Part witch and part fury.” He trailed off, his eyes becoming distant.

“The rumors say you killed your father . . .” I paused, not sure if I should finish my question, but half of it was already out there. “If that’s true, you are also . . .”

“Part fury,” he answered .

“But the wings.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, but Vareck understood.

“Unlike my mother and most other furies, I can summon mine at will.”

“I thought you were full dark fae. I had no idea.” All high fae fell on one side of the spectrum or the other. Some were light, others dark. There was no gray.

“What I am is rarely discussed anymore. I'll ask you not to repeat any of what I just told you.”

“I won’t,” I whispered, looking at his sister’s grave. “She died that day as well, didn’t she?”

“Maeve was incredibly gifted, even as a child. Her power was the kind that hadn’t been seen in living memory. When she started to go through the passage, my father gave her an amulet. No one knew that it was spelled,” he said, staring at her statue. The way he looked at her made me think he was reliving that day. He cleared his throat. “He siphoned her power to kill the furies. With a single command, the entire race went extinct, apart from my mother and myself. He didn’t believe I would harm him, and he’d chosen to poison my mother instead. He claimed it was because he loved her and wanted her to have the chance to say goodbye. My sister wasn’t given the option. Once he killed the furies, he could have stopped, but instead he chose to drain her to the very end. It was her power that allowed him to curse the land as he died.”

My heart broke for him. I could have sworn there was a crack that sounded. “But why? If he killed all the furies . . .”

Vareck shook his head. “As the only living Einar, I would inherit the crown. He died at the end of my sword, and he cursed Faerie to punish me.”

I let out a stuttered breath. My eyes blurred as water filled them. I tried to blink back the tears, drawing him into focus again. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered. “The curse. Their deaths. None of this is on you. If anything, you were the greatest victim of all. To lose your family all at once,” I shook my head. One of the tears fell and turned to ice partway down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

Vareck kneeled down, wiping the snow off the plaques with their names. He remained there, his arm resting across his thigh while he stared at the quote beneath his mother’s name.

Spring will come on shadowed wings.

“Is it a part of a poem in her honor?”

“Those were her final words to me. She said it was how to break the curse.” My heart jolted. If the curse were broken, the entire kingdom wouldn’t be on the brink of starvation. My family could come back home. That tiny ember of hope winked out when logic kicked in. If he knew how to break the curse, he would have, and the sorrow in his eyes told me what I already knew.

“Nobody knows what it means, do they?”

With a single shake of his head, he stood up, dusting the snow off himself. “I’ve sought out fortune tellers, soothsayers, oracles, and witches. Not one of them understands it and I don’t know how to find the answer.”

A thought occurred to me. It was a stretch, but worth trying.

“What if I could help?” I murmured, thinking through it as I spoke. “I don't know if it's possible. But at first, I thought my powers could only help me find objects. Then I learned it could find a person. Maybe there is a way for me to use my power to find the answer? It's not a concrete thing I can search for, but maybe if I figure out how to ask the right questions, it can lead me to where we need to go. ”

Vareck’s eyes were cautious as he thought about what I’d suggested. “Would this be something we do together?”

I bit my lip. “After we find Damon.”

“You’re trying to leave again.”

I shook my head, trying to find the words to explain. “I am used to working alone. I took a job I shouldn't have simply because I wasn't willing to ask my family for help, and I wasn't willing to throw in the towel on a business that's been sucking me dry. I'm the epitome of ‘I can carry my own fridge.’”

“You’ve lost me now.”

“It's just a saying in the human realm. It means that something is heavy, and you shouldn't be lifting it by yourself, so you should ask for help from people you trust. It’s a metaphor. Instead of asking for help, I am more likely to find a way to carry it myself.”

“What’s that have to do with you leaving?”

“I’ve always done things by myself. It’s not meant to be an excuse. It just is. To find Damon, I will need to leave again. But I’m coming to realize I may not need to carry the fridge on my own.” I gave him a sad smile. “Damon's the fridge in this scenario.”

“So we would do this together?”

I nodded. “Assuming you wanted to come with. I know you have kingly duties, but given you’re not keen on me leaving you behind, I’m guessing you do.”

Vareck stood slowly. “I do.” He dusted the snow from his gloves. “You can’t find him with the necklace on.”

I inclined my head, sensing his wariness. “I need my powers. Otherwise I’m no better than an amateur sleuth.”

“I want to trust you, Meera. I have a duty to my people and my kingdom, and he’s the heir. I don’t want to bring him back because I'm related to him. He's a twat and his overbearing mother has put him on a pedestal where he can do no wrong. Honestly, this might do him some good. Introduce him to hardship in the real world. Until he's willing to act like a man, he wouldn't make a good king. But he’s the only other Einar alive. I swore…” He stopped, looking up at the statues of Maeve and Lore before finishing his thought. “I swore I'd take care of our people. That I would put them first. This is difficult at the moment, because every instinct I have tells me to fuck everything and not let you leave. That if I remove the necklace, you’ll leave without a trace, and I’m not willing to let you go.”

Part of me wanted to rebel against the notion that he could keep me, and yet another part of me melted over the possessiveness of his admission. I blamed it on my romance books, bleeding into my reality. I had to shake it off. It was doing funny things to my decision-making skills.

“You’re not the only one with a promise to keep. I owe it to you and everyone else to bring Damon back. But I can’t find him without my power. “

He glanced down, rubbing his thumbs over my hands. After a suspended moment, he nodded to himself. “What if there was a way to do this?”

“Remove the necklace?” I was confused. He should be able to take it off me. The only one that can’t remove it is the one wearing it.

“That, but also ensure that you didn’t go back on your word.”

“I’m listening.”

“You're not going to like it,” he warned.

“Something I like less than wearing this? Doubtful.” I squeezed his hand playfully, but when he met my gaze, he didn’t smile. “Ah hell, you're serious.” I blew out a sharp breath. “Okay, what is it? ”

“A blood oath.”

I squinted at him. “What’s a blood oath? I’m not familiar with it.”

The intensity of his stare made me want to squirm, and not because I was uncomfortable. “It’s a vow forged with blood magic. You can only form two in your life, and they are permanent.”

“As in lasts the entirety of our incredibly long lives?” My voice sounded breathy, even to my own ears. The warmth that was coiling low in my belly dissipated beneath the anxiety.

Vareck nodded. He released my hands and tugged off one of his gloves. The red tattoo I’d noticed before took on a new meaning.

“I’ve already forged one—with Kaia. You would be the only other person I would have this with, if you agreed.”

A minute passed, then two. What he was talking about sounded serious. I mean, it was permanent. You don’t get much more serious than that. Marriages could be undone, even tattoos could be removed, but this couldn’t.

I should say no. Damon needed to be found, but this was asking too much.

I opened my mouth to decline, except those weren’t the words that came out. “What exactly does this do? Will I still have free will?”

“Of course,” he answered without hesitation. Something dark flashed through his gaze and he looked away. “I would never take away your will. I want you to trust that, just like I want to trust you. This lets us have that.” He turned back to me, and whatever ire he felt about my question wasn’t in his eyes anymore. “A blood oath prevents us from betraying each other or knowingly causing harm. ”

“That’s very . . . broad.”

A slight smirk quirked his lips. “Much like your contracts. It’s a magical binding that is set around intention.”

“Would I be forced to tell you the truth about everything?” I knew how it sounded. Guilty as fuck. But there was more than just our situation with Damon to consider. If this lasted forever, it would surpass our partnership in finding his nephew.

Vareck hesitated. “Yes and no. Inconsequential things, trivial lies, those usually aren’t affected because it’s not a betrayal. Something larger, like telling me you won’t disappear on me—that would require the truth. Blood oaths aren’t an exact science. Magic rarely is. But let me ask you this, could you honestly see me and Kaia doing one if it would take away our choices or trap us?”

“No.” I didn’t even have to think about it. While I’d only met Kaia a few times, it was pretty clear that she would never let someone take advantage of her that way. “Just to be clear, this won’t let you control me in any way? I can’t betray you or do something that I know would hurt you, but that’s all?”

Vareck dipped his chin. “You want the necklace off. This would allow me to do that without having to question your motives or what you’ll do when it’s gone.”

I mulled that over. “What about after we get Damon back? What does this sort of oath look like then? Does it prevent me from returning home?”

“No. Kaia has traveled to earth and a few other realms several times over the years. It doesn’t force a certain proximity.”

I blew out a breath. This is a terrible idea. Sadie would tell me to let Damon rot before committing to something like this.

But I wasn’t my sister.

And for reasons I wasn’t ready to acknowledge, I wanted to trust Vareck. The oath went both ways. I couldn’t lie to him about important shit, but he also couldn’t lie to me.

Fuck it.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”