Page 53 of Beguiled
“Did I offend you?” Murdo asked, still frowning. “I didn’t mean to.”
David made himself look at Murdo, at his worried face. “No, not at all,” he said, smiling weakly, and turned his attention back to his coddled eggs, but it was difficult to eat when nausea ate at him, and soon enough he put his cutlery down and placed his napkin on his plate.
“Is that all you’re having?” Murdo asked.
“I’m not especially hungry this morning,” David replied. “In fact, I should really be going.”
It wasn’t untrue. He had to go and see Chalmers about Elizabeth, and then he had to discuss arrangements with Euan. He would have to see if he could get a ticket for the Theatre Royal performance too. He had a great deal to do.
And maybe a little distance between him and Murdo would be a good thing.
Murdo sighed. “David, please don’t go, I didn’t mean—”
“You didn’t offend me, truly,” David said hurriedly, rising. “But in truth, I have to go.”
Murdo rose with him. “Listen, wait a moment. When can I see you again?” He shook his head as soon as the words were out, as though annoyed at himself.
“I don’t know,” David said, adding after a pause, “And I’m not sure if it’s a good idea, to be honest.”
Murdo’s expression hardened, his lips thinning. “You said you weren’t having second thoughts about last night.”
“I’m not. I—”
“You said you wereglad, Goddamn it!”
“I was. Iam. It’s just that…” Was he really going to say this? “You’ll be leaving soon, Murdo. Maybe in a matter of days. And I don’t know how I—that is, I don’t want to make this any harder than it needs to be—” He broke off, his chest heaving as though he’d run a mile, to discover Murdo staring at him with a stricken look on his face.
Turning on his heel, David stalked into the bedroom and began collecting up his crumpled clothes, pulling them on in jerky movements. Behind him, he heard Murdo’s soft footfalls following him into the room, though he said nothing till David turned round, fully dressed.
“It’s true that I’ll be leaving Edinburgh,” Murdo said quietly. “I’m planning to travel up to Perthshire in a week or so, and I’ll be there for a while before I go back to London in the new year, but I could drop in on you on my way back down, and I’m usually in Scotland at some point every year—” He broke off, biting his lip before continuing. “I understand your reservations, but I don’t want this to end. At the very least, I’d like to see you again before I go to Perthshire.”
David stared at him. Murdo might talk about dropping in for brief visits here and there, but the truth was clear to David. If there was any future in this, it was a future in which they would have little more than moments together. Moments strung together with years and years of waiting. If he had any sense, he’d walk away right now and not look back. And yet…last night had been beyond his most vivid imaginings. The thought of havingthatagain, just one more time, was damn near irresistible. There would be a reckoning, yes, but it wasn’t one he could avoid now anyway. The only question was how much of Murdo he let himself have before that reckoning came.
Before he could say anything, Murdo spoke again.
“Come to the royal performance at the Theatre Royal with me on Tuesday. I’ve got a whole box to myself, and after, we can come back here for supper. Say yes, David. Please.”
Was this fate?
David wasn’t a superstitious man, but when something like this happened, you ignored it at your peril. He could see it all now. He would go to the theatre with Murdo, slip out of the box to meet Elizabeth at the designated time, and once he’d seen her safely outside and released her into Euan’s care, he would return to Murdo. When the performance was finished, they would go to Murdo’s townhouse and have another perfect night together, just like last night. And that would be it between them. When David woke up in the morning, he would say good-bye to Murdo, and that part of his life would be over. The reckoning would come then, of course, but this time he would be ready for it.
“All right,” he said carefully. “Tuesday. I’ll look forward to it.”
David went to see Chalmers straight from Murdo’s house.
The footman showed him into Chalmers’s study as usual and asked him to wait. Eventually, after twenty minutes, the door opened and Chalmers entered, leaning on the same footman’s arm. As before, he wore a dressing gown and looked drawn. David suspected he had been in bed.
“It’s good to see you, my boy,” Chalmers said.
“You didn’t need to get up,” David chided him, rising to greet him and guide him into the chair behind his desk.
“It’s good for me to get up,” Chalmers replied. “Lying in bed all day just makes me feel worse.” He turned to the footman. “Prentice, would you fetch a tray of tea?”
The footman bowed and withdrew, leaving them alone.
“So, is this just a courtesy visit, or do you have a purpose?”
“The latter, I’m afraid.”