Page 45 of Beg For Me (Morally Gray #3)

He could make good on his threat to take her away from me.

I force myself to breathe and push down the panic ballooning inside my chest. “I need to find out for sure,” I say, more to myself than her.

“Just be careful who you talk to,” she says, giving me a pointed look. “You can’t trust anybody around here.”

I nod, my head spinning with possibilities. Alex goes back to her desk, closing the door quietly behind her to leave me alone with my thoughts. As I’m sitting there, Carter sends me a text message.

Can’t stop won’t stop thinking about you. Happy Monday, beautiful.

He signs it with a heart emoji.

Needing to hear his voice, I quickly dial his number, unsure if he’ll be able to pick up. When he answers, relief floods through me.

“Hi! This is a surprise.”

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

His voice softens. “Nothing’s more important than this. How are you?”

“Not so great. My assistant just told me she heard Hartman’s looking for my replacement. Word is, he hired an executive search firm.”

“That fucker,” he mutters. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Thank you for not saying I told you so.”

“For the record, I wasn’t thinking it either. Do you want me to come over there and break his nose?”

Tempted by the offer, I laugh. “Better not. I don’t want you getting arrested.” When he’s silent too long, I add softly, “If you’re thinking I’m regretting us, you’re wrong.”

“I just hate the thought of me being any kind of problem for you.”

“You’re not. Besides, he could be looking to replace someone else on the team. I don’t know anything for sure yet.” I pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. “I need to say something to you.”

“Holy fuck, that sounds terrifying.”

I wince at the fear in his tone. “I’m sorry, I should’ve prefaced that by letting you know it’s nothing bad.”

He exhales, then chuckles. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I know it can’t be easy dealing with an emotional wreck like me.”

“You’re not a wreck, Carter,” I say sternly. “You’re a wonderful man who’s trying his best. And I don’t like it when you talk badly about yourself. I wouldn’t let anyone else say negative things about you, so I don’t want to hear you do it either. Deal?”

His swallow is audible. “Deal,” he says, his voice husky. “Can I tell you that I adore you now or should I wait for the next time I’m inside you?”

I picture him doing every filthy thing to me that either of us can imagine and smile. “I adore you right back, handsome. Here’s what I was going to say before: I think you’d be an amazing father.”

His silence is stunned. Frozen. I can’t even hear him breathing.

I carefully choose my next words and keep my voice gentle.

“I wasn’t backtracking there. I still don’t want more children.

And I’m not trying to convince you that you should want them either.

All I’m saying is that I think it’s a credit to your character that you’re working on yourself.

My ex-husband has never once considered the needs of others before his own or how his shortcomings might affect other people.

And I know it’s not fair to compare, but he’s got all the confidence in himself when he shouldn’t have any.

You’re the better man by far, but you don’t give yourself enough credit. ”

I pause to take a deep breath and close my eyes. I don’t know why this suddenly feels so imperative to say, but it does, so I’m saying it. “If we keep seeing each other—”

“If?” he interrupts loudly.

This stubborn, sensitive man. I don’t know if he’ll ever get comfortable with our relationship enough so that he doesn’t panic over my every choice of word, but I do know that I’m going to need a lot of patience to show him he can trust me.

And I am going to show him he can trust me, because he’s worth it.

“Rewind. How’s this: because we’re crazy about each other, and we’re both on the same page about where we hope this relationship is going, I spoke to Harlow about how she feels about that.”

“Oh God. She hates me. You’re breaking up with me. I knew this was too good to last.”

I have to stifle my sigh of exasperation. “Carter?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything,” he answers instantly. “What is it?”

“The next time you think I’m about to say something that will upset you, I want you to give me a little space to get the words out before you jump to conclusions. It’s not helpful to either of us if you always assume the worst. Can you do that for me?”

He groans. “I’m sorry. I’m such a—”

“Good man with a good heart,” I interrupt before he can insult himself. “Who makes me happy when he says nice things about himself instead of mean things.”

We sit in silence for a moment before he says cautiously, “So…you like it when I…”

“Demonstrate self-respect, yes.” Lowering my voice, I add, “It pleases me. And I know how much you like to please me, don’t you?”

As I knew they would, those words leave him breathless.

“Yes,” he says, his voice thick.

I whisper, “Good boy.”

He groans again, only this time it’s broken. “My dick is getting hard. When can I see you?”

Alex knocks on my open office door. I hold my finger up to let her know to give me a moment, then focus again on Carter. “Hopefully soon. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“You got it. Good luck with Hartman. My offer to break his nose still stands.”

Smiling, I decline, then we hang up. I look over at Alex waiting in the doorway. “What’s up?”

“Denise from HR called. She asked if you had any open time on your calendar today to stop by for a chat with the manager.”

A chat? That sounds suspiciously friendly coming from HR, especially in light of the rumors about Hartman and the search firm. “Did she say what she wanted?”

“No. But you’re open after lunch. Should I schedule it?”

I nod, steeling myself for what’s sure to be an interesting conversation. There’s no dodging this. Whatever’s coming, it’s already in motion. “Do it.”

When she leaves, I sit musing. Will there be attorneys present at this meeting? Maybe I’m about to be fired and humiliated in front of the entire company when they have security escort me from the building. Maybe Hartman’s going to scold me about Carter again, hoping this time, I’ll back down.

Or maybe I should follow my own advice and stop jumping to conclusions.

Only one thing’s for sure. I didn’t get this far in my career by kissing ass, playing it safe, or being intimidated.

If I’m going down, I’m going down swinging.