Page 44 of Before It's Too Late
Zach couldn’t remember anyone ever kissing him before the way Cael had. He also couldn’t remember ever feeling this excited over someone before or wanting anyone the way he knew he wanted Cael.
Sure, he’d been with several women in years past. Most of the time though, kissing and even sex had always felt like a mundane chore. With Megan, there had been a little excitement at first, but over time, he’d lost interest in sex. Zach loved spending time with her though, and they got along great, never fighting or anything, so being with her had made sense to him. He really did love her, but now Zach understood what she’d seen. She’d been right. Zach hadn’t been in love with her. The entire time, he’d been in love with Cael.
Zach had been so nervous when he arrived earlier. He’d known he wanted Cael but had no idea if Cael even saw him anything more than a friend. It fucking shocked the hell out of him when Cael kissed him. But then, when Cael told him he loved him, Zach swore his heart had stopped beating for a few seconds.
The soft pounding of fast footsteps on the stairs distracted Zach from his thoughts. He blinked, looking at the TV, and laughed to himself when he realized he’d been staring at Pitfall Harry swinging back and forth on the vine for who knew how long. In the kitchen behind him, the fridge opened and closed.
Cael dropped down beside him with two cold beers. “You left the one on the counter,” he said, “so I assumed you didn’t have one.”
“Thanks.” Leaning back, Zach took a swig. “Pizza should be here in forty.”
“Cool.” Cael stared down at his beer cupped in both hands between his legs. “So, um, can we talk about what happens next?”
The way his voice shook a little as he spoke made Zach worry. Zach’s stomach knotted at his first thought—that Cael couldn’t be in this with him—and it scared the fucking hell out of him. “Uh, yeah. I suppose that makes sense.”
Cael kept his gaze laser-focused on his bottle as he rolled it between his palms. The silence stretched on, and with each passing second, Zach’s heart broke a little and he admonished himself for beginning to hope in the first place.
“Be honest with me, Pook,” he said, ending Zach’s internal reprimand, and the heartache subsided a little from his simple use of his nickname.
Zach stared at the side of Cael’s face, wondering where this conversation was leading. “Yeah?”
“And if you can’t answer me now, I understand, but I need to put this out there. We’ve been friends far too long for me not to.”
“Okay.”
“You’ve always told me how much you wanted to get married and raise a family. I know how important that is to you.”
“Um… yeah.” Tiny tremors took over Zach’s body.
“You’ve also always said you could never just fool around with someone.”
Zach nodded, his pulse racing as his eyes teared up a little. His chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. Fuck, he hoped this wasn’t going where he thought it was going.
“That’s right,” he choked out the words.
Cael lifted his head toward him, meeting Zach’s strained gaze with his equally worried one. Cael grabbed Zach’s free hand, squeezing it.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, can you see yourself with a husband instead of a wife? Can you see yourself marrying, I don’t know, me, for example?”
Zach’s brows pinched together, his eyes still locked on Cael’s. He took a deep breath, his tension easing.
“Honestly?” Zach paused for a few seconds, losing himself in the eyes of the one person he’d always known deep down he could never live without. He knew that now. “For the first time I can remember, I’m seeing clearly, and truthfully, I can’t see myself with anyone but you.”
Cael stared back at him as if Zach had spoken the words in another language.
“But I know you don’t want any sort of relationship, let alone to get married,” Zach added, looking away. “So I don’t expect you…” The words died in his throat.
“Zach.” Cael’s soft voice beckoned.
Zach blinked slowly and looked at Cael, waiting, his insides twisting in fucking agony.
“I told you all that because I’ve only ever wanted those things with you. If it couldn’t be you, I didn’t want any of it.”
Zach’s eyes went wide as his heart pole vaulted in his fucking chest. Not the words he ever expected to hear from him, but now, they burned into his memory and Zach knew that even when they were old and gray, those words would be there, reminding him of what he almost missed.
“I want everything with you too, Zach” he continued, shifting his body sideways on the couch to face Zach more directly, only to drop his gaze to their linked hands. “But you’ve always dated girls, so I never thought it would be possible.” Cael took a deep breath, combing his free hand through his hair.
Without a second thought, Zach lifted his hand to his cheek and guided Cael to look at him. After everything Cael said, Zach couldn’t help it that his lips curved into a humorous smile.