Page 34 of Before It's Too Late

“Because, you know me better than anyone, including all my flaws. I mean, be honest. If I was gay, would you date me?”

Cael’s heart sputtered in his chest.I would do so much more than that. “Of course I would.”

“Yeah, right.”

Zach turned away. Cael reached out and grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving, having no clue what he was doing. His brain had checked out of the conversation. “Zach—”

“Don’t. I don’t need you to lie to me to make me feel better.”

“I wasn’t—”

Taylor’s sudden, ear-piercing cry cut off the conversation and drew both their attention.

“Shit,” Zach muttered, dropping his head.

“You know what, I’ll take care of her. You need a break. Go…” Cael paused, sighing heavily, as Zach looked back up at him, waiting. “Go grab another beer if you really want.” Cael turned and started down the hall, leaving Zach to his own devices.

Entering Taylor’s room, Cael turned the light up just enough to see clearly and found her standing in her crib, crying hard and shaking her head back and forth as she smacked at her ear.

“Hey, Tay-tay. What’s the matter, sweetie?” He spotted her binky on the floor beneath her crib and bent to scoop it up before lifting her out. The moment she saw it, Taylor grabbed the pacifier from his hand and jammed it in her mouth. That seemed to calm her a little, but she continued to cry intermittently as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Cael wandered back and forth around the little room, swaying as he went, hoping to soothe her back to sleep. Poor thing. He wondered if maybe she was teething or something. That cry sounded like one of pain and though her cry had softened a little, it was clear something was still hurting her.

With Taylor resting against him, Cael made his way back out to find Zach. Standing in the kitchen, staring across the open space toward the living room fireplace, Zach rested back against the counter.

“Hey,” Cael said.

Zach looked at him, his eyes strained and almost lost. Cael hated that look, and it had been happening far too often lately. Cael vowed to fix that in a few, after he took care of munchkin. Not sure how yet, but he couldn’t have Zach thinking he was ever alone in this.

“You still have some of that baby ibuprofen?”

“Yeah,” Zach breathed more than said. He pushed off the counter and opened the cabinet near the stove. As Zach prepped a dose of pain reliever for her, Cael slowly rocked behind him.

Cael didn’t understand how Zach could think no one wanted him. He’d dated a handful of girls. He just hadn’t found the right person yet. Cael wished he could be that person for Zach, but it was obvious that wouldn’t ever happen. He couldn’t tell him either, even though Chloe kept telling him that he needed to. She’d said it would help, but he didn’t see how it would do anything other change the way things were between them, and not for the better.

His gaze lingered on Zach’s face as he turned with the half-filled medicine dropper in his hand and came over to him and Taylor. The poor thing didn’t even lift her head. With some effort, Zach pulled the binky from her mouth, and she opened for the meds—something to which she’d become fairly accustomed after breaking her arm. Zach leaned in closer as she sucked the purple liquid up, then he replaced the binky in her mouth and stepped back, away from Cael and toward the sink.

Cael let out the breath he’d held from the moment Zach stepped so close that he could smell the subtle, fresh citrus scent in his hair. God, he had no freakin’ clue how much Cael wanted him, and these little moments that shouldn’t have been intimate but were, made his heart beg him to do the unthinkable and just tell him how he felt. Cael wanted desperately to tell Zach that he never had to worry about him getting married and starting his own family because he couldn’t imagine doing that with anyone other than him.

But when he knew that only rejection waited on the other side, it simply made more sense to keep all those wishes and secrets to himself and just live for those little intimate moments for as long as he could.

After rinsing the medicine dropper, Zach turned and came back to stand in front of Cael, raising both hands toward Taylor. “I can take her if you want,” he said softly.

“I’ve got her, Pook. Grab a beer and go relax.”

Zach shook his head, putting his hands down, then slowly backed up until his back hit the granite countertop. He gave Cael that deep, contemplating look again. One he’d seen more than once over the last few weeks, but this time, it was a little different, and it made Cael smile.

“What?” Cael whispered.

Zach quirked his lips, his gaze dropping for a few seconds before coming back up to meet Cael’s again. “Nothing.”

“What, Zach?” he said, his voice more commanding but still caring.

Zach huffed a sigh. “Would you mind staying tonight? I haven’t slept well in days. Taylor’s been up every few hours crying for the last few nights, and I could just really use some sleep.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Cael snorted. “Especially after your little melt down a few minutes ago.”

“Shut up. I don’t just melt for anyone you know.”