Page 70 of Before Eve

“Don’tstart throwing up walls,” he warns. “Or I will do what I said. I will walk out, and you will nevermake this up to me.”

Irritation flares through me as I pull the tape out of my pocket and swing around. “You want to know why I put this on there? Because my FATHERused to watch me through a reverse peephole in my bedroom door.” And that’s the first time I’ve admitted to myself in a very long time who Grayson really is.

I trudge over and wave the tape at West. “You know why he did it? Because ‘Girls do things behind closed doors they aren’t supposed to.’ Whatever. What he really wanted was to know when I was at my weakest so that he could do his worst, or even better, watch the aftermath of his visits.” I fling the tape on his lap. “There. You wanted to know about that damnpiece of tape? Well, now you do!”

Silence.

Time beats by, filled only by the sound of my heavy breaths and his gentle look. But the more I breathe and the more he maintains that gentleness, the more my anger slowly fades.

I just yelled at West. I’ve never yelled at anybody in my entire life.

Defeated by the past weeks, by my memories, byeverything, I sink onto the edge of Anne’s bed and let out a long, exhausted breath.

“I can’t believe I yelled at you.” I give West a weak smile. “It felt good.”

“I bet it did. It certainly sobered me, and I haven’t even been drinking.”

I inhale a breath and let it back out. “I’m so tired of being who I am.”

West pushes out of the chair and comes to kneel in front of me. He slides his arms along the sides of my legs, loosely cradling me like he did on that park bench. “Is this okay?” he asks like he did before.

A sense of calmness settles over me, and I nod.

“I think you’re amazing, Eve. You have some awful stuff to work through, and you’re incredibly brave to do so.”

Brave.I like that word.

“Your father gave you those marks on your back, didn’t he?” His arms tighten around me. “Is that why you don’t like your wrists held? What did he use, Eve?”

I squeeze my eyes shut.

“It’s okay,” West reassures me. “It’s just you and me. No one’s watching. No one’s listening.”

Memories flash through my brain, and I flinch.

“Open your eyes and focus on me.”

I do, finding West searching mine with a sweet and understanding look. Like I can sink right in and confide in him.

“Did he use a belt on you?”

“Yes.” And that one simple word lifts a gigantic burden. “He favored the buckle.”

A muscle angrily flexes in his jaw. “What is your father’s name?”

“I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry. I just can’t. You have to accept that for now.”

“Are you scared for me to know his name?”

“Yes.”

“Okay… But will you tell me his name when you’re ready?”

“I will.”

West takes a deep breath. “Eve, did he sexually abuse you?”

“Not him, no.”