Page 8

8

Bee

"Ahhhh Eeeee" Glenn comes speeding in my direction. His little legs moving faster than his body can keep up with.

I drop to my knees and crawl to him.

I've only been gone a week, but I swear it feels like this little tyke has grown half a foot since I last saw him.

I love me some Glenn and he loves me. We always have the best time.

"Ahhh Eeee!" He slaps his hands on my face, probably much harder than he intended to. I laugh at his exuberance. He's not saying many words yet, but I like to think those vowel sounds translate to "Auntie" and it makes my heart swell every time I hear it.

"Hey, Buddy! How've you been? You been a good boy?" I squeeze him tight to my chest and watch as both Addison and Hardy come out of the back room. He's putting his shirt back in. I'm sure my arrival interrupted a good time. I can't help but smile.

It's not the best feeling having a cop coming in and out of the clubhouse, but Hardy is so good to Addison, all of us overlook it. On top of that, Hardy is one of the good ones. After all that shit went down with Riggs, he stood by us. It's nice to know that we've got back up with the big gang. That's all the local PD is, one big lawful gang.

"He's been a menace." Addison hisses, but her face breaks out into a wide smile. No one could ever say that she doesn't love this little boy, and I see the same proud look on Hardy's face. He may not have been here from the beginning, but there's no denying that man loves this little boy.

"That's what I'm talking about, Glenn! Make them work for it." I tickle his little Buddha belly, and he squeals in my arms.

The hug time is over, Glenn wiggles out of my grasp and takes off for another area of the house. Hardy chases after him, leaving Addison with me.

I stand up to my full height and look at Addison, just to gauge how she's feeling about me at the moment. I've done a lot of fucked up shit, and just because I'm on the straight and narrow now doesn't mean she isn't still upset about what went down.

I should've known.

Her face breaks into a full smile, and she rushes to pull me into a hug. "I'm so happy you're home!" She squeezes me almost as tight as Glenn did.

"Yeah, had to get myself together." I nod and pull away.

"Vexx was freaking out."

I cringe and shove my hands into my pockets. Addison isn't the first one to tell me that Vexx was mad. I did the one thing that could probably get under everyone in this club's skin. I disappeared. While I was at Rye's house, I was so focused on getting through the withdrawals that I didn't think to call anyone to let them know where I was. Then when I was through the worst of it I was too embarrassed to make the call. I knew eventually I'd have to deal with the girls, I just kept pushing it off.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. You did what you needed to do. From the looks of it, it was the right thing." She reaches up and pushes some of my hair out of my face.

"Yeah?"

"Are you kidding me. I can see the old Bumblebee in there now. You look fresh...healthy." She nods, and I take that as the compliment she meant it as. Although there's a part of me that wonders what I looked like before. I'm sure I was a mess.

That's the past.

"So, what's been going on?" The last time I saw any of the girls was two days ago at the farmer's market.

I spent the night with Rye again, but I couldn't keep staying there in his space. Not because he didn't make things comfortable for me, but it honestly felt like I was getting too comfortable. Like I was seeing his place as my forever home instead of just a place for me to get back on my feet. I don't want Rye to only see me as someone he has to take care of. Even if nothing more comes from our time together, I don't want to be his burden.

"Actually, things have been rather quiet. We got a lot of donations from the last farmer's market. Vexx should be calling church soon to discuss how we're going to get it to them."

It feels good to get back into the swing of things here. Like I'm taking the steps to get my life going in the right direction.

"Okay, I'll be-" My words cut off as Vexx swings the door to her room open and glares at me.

"Bee." She states.

I can't read her expression. I'm not sure if she's mad. Relieved. Surprised. She's always been a tough cookie to crack.

"Hey, Prez. I just got in." I say already trying to explain what I'm doing here. When we were at the farmer's market, she told me this would always be my home, but I have to wonder if she meant it.

"Church." She says and starts walking in the direction of the room where we all usually meet. Addison turns to follow us, but Vexx puts her hand up. "No, just Bee."

Fuck. I'm about to get reamed out. I can feel it.

I sigh and square my shoulders. I fucked up, which means I have to deal with the consequences.

"You're so strong."

Rye's words echo in my mind and I fight to believe them. I don't feel very strong right now. In fact, I feel like a little girl about to get screamed at by the principal. In the past I'd dull the sting of anything bad with booze, but I don't want to do that now.

My eyes drift to the side. Down the hall and to the corner is a large section where we keep the liquor. The good stuff. It's like my body is attuned to where it is. It takes everything in me to keep my feet moving forward, following behind Vexx and not to run to get a drink.

If I thought the hard part was the actual withdrawal, I was wrong.

Vexx pushes open the door and I follow behind her.

"Shut it." She orders and I do so.

Vexx walks to her seat and drops down. For a moment, I'm not sure what I should do.

"You just going to stand there with your thumb up your ass?" She raises an eyebrow.

"It's much better than trying to sit with it up there, don't you think?" I joke, but she doesn't even crack a smile. Talk about a tough room.

Slowly, I make my way to my seat. I used to be comfortable in the chair, but now it feels like I'm sitting on spikes. I don't know what she's going to say. She can have my patch for what I've done.

The heavy wooden table in the Church room feels colder than usual under my arms. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just the way I feel like I’m under a damn microscope every time I sit in this chair now.

Vexx is sitting across from me, her fingers drumming lightly against the table’s surface. She doesn’t say anything right away, just looks at me. Stares, really. Her pretty eyes unreadable, sharp.

It grates on my nerves.

“What?” I snap, leaning back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest. The tension is too thick.

Vexx tilts her head, still watching me, still thinking. “You still clean?”

My first instinct is to be pissed. To let the frustration crawl up my throat and spit out something sharp in response. But I swallow it down. Because this is just my life now. This is the reality I chose.

I was a drunk for so long, of course people are gonna ask me if I’m still clean.

So instead of biting her head off, I take a slow breath and nod. “Yeah, I’m still clean.”

Vexx’s fingers stop drumming. “Good.”

Silence stretches between us for a second, but it’s not uncomfortable. Not really.

I wonder if she believes me. After all, it's only been a week. How many people have promised that they'd stay clean only to fall right back off the wagon days later. I know it's going to be the fight of my life, but right now, at least, I think I'm up for it.

“You thought about what living clean’s gonna look like?” she asks, her tone softer now.

I exhale, running a hand through my hair. “I know I can’t be around the same shit I used to be. I know I gotta keep my hands busy, my mind busy, or I’ll go crazy.”

Vexx nods like she already expected that answer. “Then we’ll make sure of it. We can change some things around here. Keep the bottles out of sight, at least.”

That surprises me more than it should. “You’d really do that?”

Vexx shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You’re family, Bee. And family takes care of each other. I’ll do what I can to help you stay sober.”

Something tight in my chest eases just a little. I’ve spent so much time trying to do this alone, trying to prove to myself that I could stay clean without anyone holding my damn hand. But knowing that someone’s actually got my back… it feels good.

I nod, clearing my throat. “The best way to keep me clean is to keep me busy.”

A slow grin spreads across Vexx’s face. “Good, because I need you to go on a run.”

I blink. “A run?”

“Yeah,” she says, leaning forward. “We need to get our hands on some infant medicine, and there’s a supply across the border. You in?”

I stare at her, waiting for the catch. Waiting for the part where she tells me she doesn’t trust me to handle shit like this anymore. But it never comes.

“You’re still trusting me to do my normal club duties?” I ask, almost not believing it.

Vexx lifts a brow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Because I fucked up. Because I spent years drowning myself in booze instead of being a reliable member of this club. But she doesn’t say any of that. She just looks at me like she already knows I can handle this.

And fuck, that feels even better than the offer of help.

I smirk, shaking my head. “Guess I better get my shit together, then.”

Vexx grins. “Damn right.”

We sit there for a few minutes, and she tells me that Catori has been bitching about the fact that we're not doing enough for the little ones in the community. The women's outreach is going strong, but she feels like we've been neglecting the ones that can't do for themselves at all.

I shake my head at that. She's not wrong, but honestly it feels like nothing is ever enough for Catori. She's a hard woman, but her heart is always in the best of places. If she thinks the babies need more love from us than that's just what we're going to do.

Vexx shows me a map of where I need to go and it dawns on me that she's not just allowing me to go on the run she's trusting me to take lead. Usually, it's Duchess or Riot who takes the lead for out of town business. Free and Vexx stay here to make sure home is good. I've always just been a bystander mostly because I couldn't be counted on. Now that I'm sober I guess she feels like she can trust me to do this.

It's a heady feeling.

I make mental note of everything that she's telling me and take a photo of the map so I know exactly where I'm going. The run is not for a couple of days but I want to make sure I'm completely prepared.

Finally, Vexx stands up having told me all I need to know. I stand as well ready to go do my research. "You know how much you mean to us right? I'm so fucking proud of you." Vexx says and I'm frozen in my spot.

I know that my club cares for me. Where a sisterhood after all but I always think maybe I'm not good enough for them to love me as much as they do. It's hard to accept sometimes.

"Uh... thanks." I smile and turn to the door, wanting to get out of this uncomfortableness.

I don't get far. The second I open the door, Free is standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

This expression I know.

Anger.

My sister is going to have a lot to say.

I'm looking forward to every word of it.