Page 17

17

Bee

To say I wasn't expecting that is an understatement.

Rye is everything that I never thought I'd have for myself.

My entire time here I've seen the girls with their significant others. Riot with Treble. Free with Jag. Even Sugar and her little group of lovers. I've always wanted something like that. A commitment but I never thought it was for me.

In fact, after Cage, I completely gave up on finding anyone that would fill that role for me. I thought I was content with just being on my own and having fun. I mean, I'm still young.

Yet, Rye is offering me all of that, and I still can't seem to take the next step.

He made it abundantly clear that he didn't want this to be a one time thing, and honestly neither do I.

That dick is just way too good for me to only have one ride.

But a relationship?

I just can't understand why he'd want a relationship with me. He's seen me at my absolute worst. He's held my hair back while I threw up my guts in his toilet. He patted the sweat off my head when I was going through my detox. He's seen me out of my mind drunk.

I don't want to be just some project for him. The next woman for him to have to save.

Is that what he thinks I am?

A victim?

I shake my head from side to side as the wind pushes my hair over my shoulders and I rev my bike to go faster. I need to get all of this off my mind. I was telling him the truth when I reminded him that we both had other things on our plates right now. I'm not trying to hurt him.

Soon he'll see that I'm right and a relationship with me isn't the best thing for him.

Feeling good about my decision by the time I make it to the clubhouse, I'm a little lighter when I walk in the doors.

"There she goes. Stress-free and walking funny." Duchess chuckles from where she's sitting with Press on the couch. Glenn squeals and run from side to side in the space.

An instant smile appears on my face. I love that little kid.

"Ahhhh Eeee!" He shouts when he sees me and rushes over to me with his hands up. I lean down and capture him in my arms to cuddle to my chest.

My heart squeezes a bit when I realize that I may never have the opportunity to feel my own child in my arms. How can I expect to have a kid if I can't even get over myself enough to commit to one man.

"How you doing, buddy? Taking care of everyone?" I ask the little boy, who is more interested in putting his hands in his mouth than the words I'm saying. I press a kiss to his head before I set him down again and make my way to the couch to sit with Duchess.

"I'm surprised we even are seeing you tonight. From the look of that man carrying you up the stairs earlier, I would've thought you were out for the night."

"Nah, we've got business."

"True." Duchess nods and crosses her legs so she's facing me.

I look around the clubhouse and notice a few people's doors are open. They must be out on a ride. "Where's everyone? Did we get any more information?"

"Riot and Vexx are out talking to one last business owner, but it seems like what you told us is all accurate. This Sonny bastard is really trying to take over shit that doesn't belong to him. Vexx isn't going to let that shit fly. It's only a matter of time before he goes from harassing the businesses to showing up on our doorstep. We need to get ahead of this before it gets out of hand." Duchess' expression is dead serious.

This is what I wanted. What we all joined Eve's Fury to do. Protect our community. How can we call ourselves community activists if we allow some bully to come in and set up shop?

"So what's the plan? I'm sure we're not just going to go in guns blazing?"

"It might come to that." Press says from the back. "I've been around his type for a long time. Sonny is just coming up in the ranks, so he's going to take everything to the extreme. He probably thinks he needs to show everyone who's boss. The only way he's going to back down is if we show him he's not the big dog around here."

It's not what I want to hear, but I'm prepared for it. I've got no problem joining in a fight if it means that everyone is safe. That Rye is safe.

Just thinking of him brings my mood down. I hate the way I left things with him.

"Uh oh, what's that?" Duchess nudges me and I quickly try to fix the expression on my face. It's too late.

"Nothing. I'm good." I force the words.

"Bullshit. You don't have the glow you should have. Don't tell me...he's a big man everywhere except where it counts?" Duchess chuckles and Press groans.

"And that's my cue." He stands from where he's sitting, shaking his head as we both laugh at him.

"Oh don't go! What's your take...how big is big enough?" I shout in his direction. In return, he flips me off, and I clutch my stomach with laughter. I love poking fun at the guys. This is an all female MC club, so sometimes the conversation that we have are a little too much for the men who spend time here with their women.

Once Press leaves the room though the atmosphere in the room changes. The only joy coming from Glenn who is still running around.

"Now spill, what's wrong?" Duchess doesn't even pretend like she's going to let anything go.

"Nothing, I swear it."

"If nothing was wrong, you'd be much more exuberant. Honestly now that I'm looking at you, it seems like someone ate the last slice of cake or something."

"Duchess..." I don't want to bother her with my small problems, especially when I know we all should be focused on other things, but I've never really told anyone my feelings about this subject. Any other time I was feeling bad about not having someone I can call my own, I found relief in a drink. I can't do that now.

"It's silly." I sigh, and she gets more comfortable in her seat. "I've always known that I was the fun girl. The one people went to for a good time."

"That's what he did? The fucking asshole!" Instantly, Duchess is up in arms.

"No, no, no... he didn't." I let out another breath before I continue. I don't even know how to explain this to her, "It's me. I was so sure that I'd never have someone who wanted to deal with me on a long term basis. I mean, let's be real, I'm a mess. Rye wants...more. He said it straight out without being creepy about it. Like I don't see what he sees in me besides the crazy fun girl. The drunk. The victim. I don't want that for me or for him. I don't know if I'm capable of giving him more."

With it all out in the open, I wait for Duchess to tell me I'm right. To tell me that I need to do more work on myself before I even think about starting anything with Rye. Instead, she sucks her teeth together and rolls her eyes. A very Riot-like expression.

"Bee, you're always going to be the fun girl. You're always going to be a mess in one way or another. It's just in your genetic makeup but let me let you in on a secret. We're all a mess in our own way. I don't know much about this man, but Rye sees that. There's no way after spending all this time with you that he doesn't see that. You told us before that he didn't even touch you while you were detoxing. If all he saw you as was a victim, nothing would've stopped him from pushing while you were vulnerable. I don't think he sees you like that at all. I think he sees the strong woman you are. That's why he's so into you now. That's why he wants more now. You're scared that he's going to be exactly what you need. We've all been through it." She reaches over and takes my hand. "Do you think I thought Press was going to be my one and only when I met him? No ma'am. But there was no denying it. We just completed each other as cheesy as that sounds. From what I saw and what I know about you and Rye's relationship... I'm thinking it's the same for you, too."

"I don't know how to do this. I've never..."

"There's nothing to it. If it's what I think, then it should be as easy as breathing. All you have to do is let it happen."

Let it happen?

When I was with Cage, it felt like I was forcing everything. Sure, the sex was out of this world, but it never felt as good as what I have with Rye and I think that's because of the connection between us.

My mind jumps back to a few hours earlier when he told me our connection would always be there.

I know he's telling the truth. I can feel it in my soul. Even if we don't stay together, I know Rye and I will have a connection that will never disappear. Maybe Duchess is right. Maybe all I really have to do is let it happen.