Page 23 of Bearly in Love

eighteen

BO

It took the rest of the day to pack everything in my cabin.

Artie drove my truck to our new place that night, while I took the moving truck.

Madison and Emily picked up dinner around nine PM while Artie and I unloaded the furniture.

They ate while we worked, and they carried some boxes in while we ate after them.

By the time my best friend and his mate left, it was nearly midnight.

I sat on the edge of our bed while Madi changed in the bathroom. Like she didn’t want me to see her body again.

That didn’t bode well for me.

I’d donated her mattress and bedframe, assuming that would clue her in on the fact that I wanted to share. She hadn’t said anything about it yet.

She came out in a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt a few minutes later.

She was clearly putting walls up between us. We both knew she didn’t sleep in that much clothing .

“I can take the couch,” I forced myself to say.

I didn’t want to sleep on the fucking couch.

I wanted my mate in my arms, proving to me that she was safe and that no one was going to take her away from me again.

“You’re already sitting on the bed.” Madison gestured to the mattress.

I looked down.

Right.

I stood up, but she was already sliding beneath the blankets on the other side.

“There are dark circles under your eyes. Just share the bed with me tonight. We can go back to the thrift store for my mattress tomorrow.”

My jaw clenched, but I forced myself to breathe normally as I sat back down and joined her beneath the blankets.

She was nowhere near as close to the middle as she had been when we slept together while we were snowed in.

I was going to have to be okay with that. Or at least get used to it. The woman didn’t want me.

Though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I stayed on my side of the mattress and didn’t reach for Madison.

It was fucked up that we were closer before we were mated, but that was my fault. I was just going to have to learn how to deal with it.

Madi was quiet for a few minutes after we got comfortable.

I itched to pull her into my arms, but resisted. Which made sleeping nearly impossible. I ended up just staring at the ceiling, wrestling my inner beast. It was getting more difficult as my exhaustion compounded, but I’d survive.

Eventually, she spoke up.

I hoped she was going to ask if I was okay with cuddling.

“Emily thinks you’re in love with me,” Madi said.

I blinked up at the ceiling.

What?

For once, I wished my female would dance around the conversation rather than just coming out and asking. Her bluntness was usually great. Not this time.

“If you are, we need to figure out how we’re going to deal with it,” she added.

I blinked again.

Then cleared my throat.

“What do you mean?” I still sounded gravelly. There was probably no helping that.

“We can’t screw casually if it means something to you.”

“Why not?”

She rolled onto her side, a little closer to me.

I didn’t dare do the same.

If we looked at each other head-on, she was going to see through to the battle that was going on inside me.

Probably.

Or she’d just realize how much I wanted her. Needed her.

“Because it’s not fair to either of us, Ambrose.”

“I don’t see how consensual sex that’s pleasurable for both of us is unfair.” My voice strained.

“If you have feelings for me, having sex would mean something to you.”

“If I know you don’t have feelings for me, I’m aware that it doesn’t mean anything to you. That cancels out whatever it might mean to me.”

“I don’t think it does.”

“Why not?” I couldn’t stop myself from meeting her gaze. The moment I did, she had me ensnared.

“Because we’re mated.”

“Not officially.” We hadn’t made vows yet, though we did plan on doing so.

“Is she right?” Madi asked.

“About what?”

“Don’t screw with me,” she warned. “I deserve better than that.”

I let out a harsh breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I held her gaze. Couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to. “I’m not sure. I’ve never been in love with someone before. I have a hard time imagining it could be any more intense than the way I feel.”

Madi’s eyes widened just a little.

She rolled onto her back again.

I once again fought the urge to reach for her.

“You should’ve told me that before you bit me.”

“I was ignoring it.”

“Not very well.”

“Apparently not.” I looked back at the ceiling. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have claimed you the way I did.”

“I told you to stop apologizing.”

“Did you?”

“I think so.”

I made a noncommittal noise.

“Do you regret it?” she asked, a moment later.

“Do I regret what?”

“Biting me.”

“Fuck, no.” The response slipped out before I could consider the consequences. “I should, though.”

“But you don’t.”

“No.”

“Then stop apologizing and own it. You didn’t mean to bite me, but you did it because…” she trailed off.

She wanted me to finish the sentence. To give her an answer.

I didn’t think the truth was going to get me anywhere I wanted to go with her, but she deserved it anyway.

“I didn’t plan on biting you. I did because I wanted you to be mine so fucking badly that I couldn’t stop myself.

You were wrapped around my cock, sitting on my lap, letting me take care of you.

I thought about you leaving me, and I lost control.

I was biting you before I could consider the outcome. ”

“You let the skulk take me away right afterward.”

A growl rumbled my chest. “If I had started a fight, those fuckers would’ve hurt you to get you away from me. There were too many of them for me to handle without risking your life.”

“Did you plan on interrupting the wedding when they got there?”

“No. I didn’t have a plan at all. I was trying not to lose my mind. If Artie hadn’t shown up when he did and forced me to let the other grizzlies make a plan, I would’ve shifted and tracked you down that night. Consequences be damned.”

Madison exhaled softly. “Alright. Good to know.”

A silent moment passed.

Then another.

“Good to know?” I finally gritted out. “What does that mean? I tell you I’m in love with you, and all you can say is good to know ?”

“You didn’t tell me you were in love with me. You said you weren’t sure. And that you bit me because you couldn’t handle the idea of me leaving you.”

“So?”

“ So , I don’t know what love is or sounds like any more than you do,” Madison said bluntly.

“But you can’t just keep things like that from me and expect me to fall into your arms. Good to know seemed like a better response for the man I’m practically mated to than I’m glad you didn’t come after me alone and die before you could save me from my wedding . ”

There was another moment of silence.

A tense one.

“Okay,” I finally said.

“Okay.” Her statement sounded final.

I didn’t know what else I could say or add to make her understand how badly I wanted her or needed her. Even if I did, I didn’t think she wanted to hear it.

So I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

Even though the only thing I really wanted to do was pull my mate into my arms, breathe in her scent, and refuse to let go.