Page 35

‘Let’s raise a glass!’ cries Vic. The bar at the Sunset is mobbed with lifeguards, spa techs, trainers and more. Vic put the word out among the staff that drinks were on the house, and let’s just say that everyone showed up thirsty. ‘To our very own hero, Lily Lennox!’

‘To Lily!’ everyone shouts, followed by a staccato rainfall of glasses knocking against each other. We all drink. The whiskey makes a trail of fire down my throat.

The band strikes up ‘For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow’, and everyone sings along, not just the staff at the bar, but guests as well, standing at their tables, beverages aloft, the sea of glasses catching the light.

I smile on them all.

It’s strange to be the centre of attention when I normally seek to avoid this kind of notice, but it hasn’t escaped me that Daniel is right over there at a table of his own. The more he can see me in a positive light, admired and respected, the less likely that he’ll assume I’m a killer.

‘Lily, what you did today was exemplary,’ says Kenton, grasping my shoulder as soon as the song ends, his expression sincere. He has to lean close and shout to be heard over the eruption of whistles and whoops around us. ‘You’re a credit to the team.’

‘Thank you,’ I say, also shouting. ‘I’m just glad Herb is OK.’ Herb Tulaine was the name of the man. He got whisked away to the small island hospital, and I’m hoping we’ll hear an update on him soon.

‘So proud of you,’ says River, sidling up to me and giving me a sweet side-hug that I return. Something about her fresh innocence touches me. Some of the other lifeguards– Hannah, the English chick, a few more– chime in with, ‘Yeah, awesome job,’ and ‘Way to go out there, Lil.’

‘Thanks, guys,’ I say, and notice my whiskey glass is empty. I turn around and set it back down on the bar. Even though I’m not intending to drink any more– I really shouldn’t drink at all while on benzodiazepines– Vic immediately gestures to the bartender. ‘Another for the lady!’

The kitchen is bringing out free snacks and placing them up and down the bar– bowls of salted nuts, hummus with pita, chips and guac.

I snag a soft wedge of fresh pita and drag it through the hummus.

Wow. It’s probably the best hummus I’ve ever had.

Immediately, I’m trying to break down the flavours.

Chickpeas and tahini, obviously, olive oil and lemon and garlic—

‘The woman of the moment,’ teases the bartender, interrupting my reverse-engineering as he thunks another whiskey in front of me, sparkling amber in its cut-crystal glass. ‘Anything else I can get you?’

‘Nah, I’m good,’ I say with a grin as I take a tiny sip.

‘There’s some fresh oysters in from Maine…’

‘Too salty,’ I laugh. ‘I’m a West Coast oysters kind of girl.’

He laughs. It’s the bartender from that night when I got the ginger ales for River. He’s cute, and I feel like he’s trying to flirt. But he doesn’t hold a candle to Daniel.

I smell him before I see him– pine and salt with a little earthy layer of pure man. Speak of the devil.

‘Big morning for you, huh?’ says Daniel, leaning his forearms on the bar next to me. A warm wave travels through my body. He’s drinking something pink and frothy, as per usual, and I nudge my shoulder into his.

‘You could say that.’ Maybe it’s the buzz of whiskey, but in a strange way, I feel relaxed about the whole Daniel problem.

This morning I felt our natural enmity. Now, I’m feeling our alignment, our similarities.

We could really understand each other, I bet.

If we trusted each other enough to open up.

After all, we’re both here trying to do what’s right.

We’re just working off different compasses.

No, stupid! a sensible though annoying voice in my head pipes up. These soft nice feelings? It’s 100 per cent booze! This man is still a threat!

But… is he? Really? He’s so… nice .

And since I’m not killing anyone this year, he won’t have anything on me.

‘I was just getting to the beach when I saw you jump down from the chair,’ says Daniel, looking at me intently. ‘I watched the whole thing.’

‘Well.’ I pick up my whiskey and give Daniel a long look. See? I’m a good person. ‘I was just doing my job.’

His lip lifts in the familiar subtle smile. ‘Yeah. I know. It was actually really cool to watch you in action.’

I raise an amused eyebrow. Contrary to the sensible voice’s possibly valid concerns, I’m feeling really good about this interaction.

He’s looking at me differently, I can feel it, and maybe there’s some wishful thinking involved, but I’m daring to hope I’ve fallen right off his suspect list in one fell swoop.

Which would mean our cat-and-mouse game is over, and I don’t have to grill him any more or be grilled…

just enjoy him, and his newly refreshed vision of how good-hearted I am.

Maybe tonight could end in his arms. Maybe soon we’ll be laughing about him ever suspecting me…

Yeah, remember when I thought it was you? Oh, it’ll be so funny…

‘Excuse me, young lady,’ says a wavering voice, and when I turn to see who’s talking, I nearly swallow my whiskey down the wrong tube. I come up spluttering.

‘Oh– hi Mr Tulaine! I’m so happy you’re back from the hospital!’

It’s the man I saved, looking pale and tired, but alive. It’s great to see him upright. He thrusts out a hand and I grasp it. He keeps hold of my hand, sandwiching it between both of his.

‘I can’t thank you enough.’

‘It’s what I’m here to do.’

‘I would be dead if it weren’t for your quick actions on the beach.’

‘It’s just my training,’ I say. ‘It’s what any of us would have done.’

‘My family thanks you too. In fact, they insisted I get you on FaceTime…’

Before I can object, he’s pulling out his phone and dialling and holding up a screen that pops suddenly with a bouquet of happy faces. At the centre is a round-faced woman with sparkling dark eyes.

‘I want to reach through the screen and hug you!’ she cries through a smile. ‘Thank you for saving Pappy’s life! You have our eternal gratitude! Anything we can do for you– anything– you tell us, OK? You want a place to stay in Tampa, you’ve got one.’

‘That’s so kind,’ I say, smiling back at all the faces. I can feel their genuineness, even through the grainy picture. ‘But it was nothing. I mean, I was just doing what I’m here to do.’

‘Well, it wasn’t nothing to us,’ says the woman, with a tone of kind reproof. She puts a hand on her heart. ‘It was everything.’

After Herb hangs up, we exchange a few more pleasantries, and he insists that we exchange numbers so that we can stay in touch. Finally, he retreats.

Daniel leans in. ‘Can I confess something?’ His arm goes around my waist, and his voice is soft in my ear. ‘I think I may have misjudged you.’

‘Oh?’ I say, my heart immediately picking up its pace. Does he mean what I think he means? Is this confirmation that I’m off the hook in his mind? But before I can enquire further, Serena comes crashing into me with a vice-like embrace, forcing Daniel to step back.

‘Let me steal you!’ she says, and leads me without much choice to a table where the remains of her dinner are still sitting– a salad, it seems. She indicates the chair opposite her, and I sit.

‘Listen, Lily, I love what you did this morning, and I totally want to do a TikTok with you tomorrow!’ She frames her hands in the air like she’s seeing the shot already.

‘We’ll do a quick recap of what it felt like to save the old guy’s life, and you can be all humble like you’ve been this whole time– I love how you keep saying, “It’s just my job,” that’s so appealing to people—’

‘His name is Herb—’ I try to interrupt.

‘And I’ll post it to my account. Of course, if you’re on TikTok I’ll totally tag you. You’ll get a huge boost in your followers, trust me. This is going to be one of those win-win-win scenarios—’

As if I cared about any of that.

‘I don’t know, Serena. I think I’d prefer not to, if that’s OK with you? It just seems... I don’t know.’ I wince. ‘Exploitative? Of his privacy?’

She reels back as though I insulted her. Which… maybe I just did?

‘It’s an uplifting, sweet story, Lily. Anyway, this is your final year at the Riovan. Why not leave one last mark, you know?’

… Excuse me?

For a second, my vision really does go fuzzy, like a temporary loss of consciousness.

I can’t have heard that right.

‘Sorry… last year?’ I finally manage.

Her lips make an O, like she’s just realized what she said. She leans across the table, her hand wrapping around my forearm and squeezing, her look suddenly all compassion.

‘I am so sorry to tell you this way. Me and my big mouth! Vic was going to have this convo with you next week, and I totally just blurted it out.’

‘You’re not rehiring me next year?’

‘I’m sorry, but… no?’

‘Why?’ It comes out aggressive, but I’m feeling aggressive.

From warm and relaxed, and possibly even ready to slip back into bed with my podcaster enemy and explore whatever new sexual heights we’d be sure to achieve, my chest is lurching in painful, jagged beats.

What the fuck is happening? I just saved a life!

How dare they– how can they– take away all of this!

Jessica , I think, Jessica, you have to help me , but she’s the one who needs my help. She’s not at peace.

I’m sorry, Jess. The words gush out of my heart like hot blood. I’m sorry I wasn’t your hero. I’m sorry I let my guard down when it was your turn to need saving… I’m sorry I couldn’t put your pieces back together…

I picture Jessica, perched on a wall like Humpty Dumpty in that old children’s rhyme I’ve always hated.

The part where he ‘had a great fall’? The cause of the fall is hidden, the actor never disclosed.

Yes, I failed to catch Jessica, and I’ll be sorry for that every single day for the rest of my life.

But before that? Someone fucking shoved her.

I can’t be done here, just like that. Serena can’t take this away from me– from Jessica—

‘It’s nothing personal…’ Serena says. ‘It’s a business decision.’

‘Based on what?’ I say, not even caring to hide my anger.

‘Our branding image.’

‘You just wanted to do a TikTok with me two seconds ago!’

‘That’s what makes this so awkward.’ She leans back and sighs. ‘But you have to understand. You’re turning thirty next year, Lily!’

I take a swig of whiskey and then slam my glass down.

‘Yep. Thirty. Just… put me in my grave.’

‘That is not what I meant.’

‘What did you mean?’

Her voice is pitched high in frustration. ‘That most of our lifeguards are college age.’

I pinch the bridge of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut.

‘This is so…’ The booze and the emotion and the benzos are making it hard to think clearly. I lower my head into my hands and take a deep breath, then another. Serena says nothing.

I don’t believe everything happens for a reason.

Hell, no. Open your eyes: there’s too much chaotic tragedy in this stupid world.

But what I’ve been doing here for the past five years?

It’s forcing meaning out of a meaningless tragedy.

I’ve made my loss into something. I’ve squeezed a legacy out of the pain that Jessica went through.

And now, Serena is going to take that away.

Serena, who just said…

… why not leave one last mark?

I lower my hands to the table and lift my face, slowly.

Serena is still making a concerned expression, even though in reality she doesn’t give a shit.

Yes. I think I will make one last mark.

‘Sorry.’ I smile slowly, with an embarrassed little laugh, as though I feel bad for my outburst. ‘I didn’t mean to freak out on you. You know what? I’d love to do that TikTok.’

‘Oh!’ She seems taken aback, but in a good way. ‘OK. Amazing! And Lily– you’ve done so much for the Riovan. I know it, and Vic knows it too. Thank you for understanding. It’s not personal, you know!’

‘Of course!’ I smile even wider. ‘I get it. It’s just business.’ Just like what I’m going to do to you. ‘So we could do the video really early tomorrow morning? Maybe shoot it on that jetty? It’s so pretty out there…’

‘Oooh, I love it!’ She shimmies in her chair. ‘Yes, that would be perfect.’

We make our plans to meet before sunrise, and I return to the bar with my nearly finished drink, still buzzing, but not in the soft, golden way from before.

I scan for Daniel, but he’s disappeared.

All for the best. I can’t worry about him right now, in case it gives me cold feet.

Nope, we’re all systems go. I’m off to bed now. I need my wits about me for tomorrow.

I leave the Sunset with no fanfare– everyone is having so much fun, they don’t notice my departure, and that’s just fine with me.

As I take my usual rocky path to Vista West, inevitably, I start thinking about Jess again.

This is my last year in the place that destroyed us.

Earlier today, on the beach, after saving Herb, I thought I could wait another year to kill.

Now I see I was just repeating an old mistake.

I waited to get engaged when I should have proposed right away.

Waited to get married when I could have just whisked Jessica to Vegas.

If I’d taken my shot, Jessica could have been mine– legally, in the eyes of the doctors, her family, the world. But I hesitated.

How could I tell myself earlier that good things come to those who wait? It’s bullshit. I can’t believe I was about to make the same mistake that ruined my life and Jessica’s five years ago. But I’m recentred now.

All good things to those who take them.

I repeat it like a mantra, whipping it into my brain over and over as I snap my elastic until it’s all I can hear, all I can feel.

All good things to those who take them.

All good things to those who take them.

Time to take one final life.