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Day Nine

When we arrived at the parking lot, I was full of nerves, and this was hardly the most romantic place, but I had to tell him how I felt.

I was so worn out with being walled off and iron-willed, second-guessing his words to protect myself.

I wanted to be with him, to be happy. I had to be brave, to open my heart. I couldn’t wait any longer.

We filled the cart with almost everything on Mum’s list, then wheeled around the fruit-and-veggie section. Declan had a system for grocery shopping, leaving produce to the last. Mine was completely random, which explained why I usually arrived home with squashed bananas.

“I was thinking about, you know, how you mentioned the kiss?” I nervously picked up a bag of oranges, studying them so intently I might have been auditioning for the role of orange broker.

“Well, I did feel it, too, and I thought, we could…” I forged on with this stumbling jumble of words.

“I do n’t know… maybe try it out? After this is done?

” The stakes were so high I was tongue-tied. “That would be… okay.”

“No.” He stopped and turned to me.

The word no shot through my heart.

Two nearby shoppers stared.

I put down the oranges and froze. What had I expected? Last night, all that snot and tears on his T-shirt had not been appealing. Not to mention hearing about my ugliest moments at high school.

“No?” I asked, peering sideways.

“I don’t want just okay.” His gaze tugged mine upward to his.

He stepped closer, the warmth of his breath on my lips.

“I want to do it properly. I want it to mean something. When we get back to London, I want us to go on a proper date, and at the end of the night, when I ask to kiss you, you say, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ I back you up against the tree outside the restaurant, and we might be there for hours kissing, desperate to do more than that, but somehow not wanting to move from that spot.

Finally, you say, ‘Let’s go back to your place,’ and before we even get in the door, we tear off each other’s clothes, stumble toward the bedroom, and fall onto the bed.

And it would be anything but just okay . ”

Declan’s green gaze held mine, not with his usual diplomatic gentleness but steely and challenging.

“Jeez, I’ll have some of those oranges,” said one of the other shoppers.

All the nerves in my body were on end. I think I was panting.

“Oh God, yes,” I said to Declan. “That sounds much better than my idea.”