Page 14 of Barn Burner (Love The Game #2)
Brayden
“I don’t want to leave, Jude.”
My brother gives me a sympathetic smile through the camera. “I get it. I was the same when I had to leave Cody and fly back home. Have you told him you live in Calgary?”
I shake my head, and he sighs.
“Brayden, you should tell him. At least if he knows, it leaves the door open for things to develop. Yeah, there’s a chance it might not go anywhere, but it might end up turning into something amazing. You won’t know unless you try.”
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any less nerve-racking. The guilt has been eating at me for being so open about everything else except where I live and what I do for a living. Jesse deserves better than me lying by omission.
Scrubbing my hand over my face, I let out a frustrated groan into my palm. “This sucks.”
“It does, and I fully understand why you decided not to tell him. You were in a vulnerable position when you met, but only you can decide whether the connection you’ve got also includes trust.”
“I do trust him,” I say immediately.
“So why not start by telling him you live in Calgary, then see how things go from there. If it continues to go strong, then you can find a way to bring up the fact you play in the NHL. I’m sure he’ll understand why you kept that part of your life a secret for the time being.
You’re in the public eye. It’s hard to find people who are genuine when you have people waiting with popcorn for your downfall.
And if he doesn’t get it—” He shrugs nonchalantly. “—then I’ll set Cody on him.”
I tip my head back and laugh. “Like Cody fucking Clements would defend my honour.”
Cody’s head appears on the screen. “I would.”
I flip him off, and he returns the gesture with a grin. It still weirds me out to see him smile because I don’t think I ever saw him express anything but a frown in the ten months we played together for the Calgary Bobcats.
“Jude’s right, though. If he cares about you, he’ll understand, but telling him you live in the city will give him the knowledge that it’s possible, if you both want it.”
I narrow my eyes. “I don’t like it when you speak words.”
Cody snickers. “Want me to tell you to go fuck off instead?”
“Yes!”
“Fuck off,” Cody replies.
“You fuck off,” I retort.
“Alright, pack it in,” Jude rolls his eyes, but there’s a soft smile on his face. He pushes Cody’s face out of the frame and raises an eyebrow at me. “Seriously, Brayden. Tell him. You leave in two days. You don’t have time to waste.”
Sighing, I sit back against the couch cushions and run a hand through my hair. “Okay, okay. I’ll tell him.”
And I’ve just got to hope he doesn’t get too mad at me for not telling him before now.
Something heavy and warm lands on my shoulder and gives me a gentle shake.
“Brayden, wake up.”
Stirring awake at the deep rumble of Jesse’s voice, I roll over and find him sitting on the edge of the bed, completely dressed.
“What time is it?” I ask around a yawn.
“4:00 a.m.,” he murmurs, carding his fingers through my hair. “There’s something I wanna show you.” With that, he stands up and hands over the plaid shirt I’ve claimed from his closet and my jeans.
I sit up and take the clothes from him as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
Once dressed, I head into the bathroom to take a leak and brush my teeth.
The house is completely dark as he leads me through to the kitchen.
The only light is from the moon shining through the windows.
Grabbing my ball cap from the dining table, I slip my feet into my Converse when we reach the front door, and I let out another yawn.
“Holy shit, how are you so awake right now?” My words come out all garbled as I stretch my arms up over my head and let out a grunt. “Wait, how long have you been awake? I didn’t hear you get up?”
“About an hour ago. I had to get these two ready,” he says and opens the door wide. Prince and Dakota are standing there, munching away on the grass by the porch. They’re both saddled up in the same way they are when we go on trail rides.
“We’re going out?” I ask.
“Mhm.”
Jesse shuts the door behind us and leads me down the porch steps to where the horses wait patiently. I head over to Dakota, who bobs her head in greeting. Holding out my palm, I let her shuffle her lips over my hand.
“Hey, girl. You alright?”
She answers with an exhale that tickles my skin, and I can’t help but smile. Jesse holds her reins as I hook my foot into the stirrup and throw my other leg over her back, settling into the saddle. Jesse hands over her reins, then gets onto Prince before leading us toward the foothills.
I’m not sure if it’s a different trail from the ones we’ve been on before because it’s so dark.
Jesse uses a light when we pass through some heavily wooded areas, and then we make our way up a steep incline.
Dakota stays close to Prince, and Jesse checks I’m alright as we head further up, and the sky slowly starts to get lighter.
Once we reach a plateau, Dakota lets out a disgruntled huff, almost like she’s letting us know she’s glad it’s over, and I laugh. Leaning forward, I give her neck a pat. “You did good, girl.”
Jesse chuckles quietly. “She loves it, really.”
We continue our trail for a little longer, and then he gently pulls on Prince’s reins to bring him to a stop. I do the same with Dakota, and she stops beside them.
“We’re here,” he announces, and my jaw drops at the view before me. The sun hasn’t risen yet, but the lake below is almost like a turquoise mirror, reflecting where the sky kisses the mountain peaks.
“Whoa…” I gasp, completely floored that such beauty exists.
“If I’ve timed it right, we should start to see the sunrise in about twenty minutes.”
I snap my gaze away from the stunning view to look at the incredible man next to me.
He might not be a man of many words, but he’s a man of action.
Every little thing he’s done for me has been thoughtful and meaningful.
He’s listened to everything I’ve said, and sometimes things I haven’t said, and made sure I felt nothing but happiness every day.
He’s seen me for me. Not the NHL player or the guy who lost the Stanley Cup, but the guy who appreciates the small gestures and has a love for nature.
A small smile plays on his lips as he watches me with those glacier-blue eyes.
The bridge of my nose stings as guilt burns in my chest at everything that’s gone unsaid.
I swallow around the lump in my throat a couple of times, trying to think of the right words to say.
But I don’t think there are enough words to tell him just how much all this means to me.
How much he means to me.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice coming out all raspy.
The corners of his eyes crease as he smiles again.
“I don’t know what the future holds, Brayden, but what I do know is the next sunrise is never guaranteed.
When you leave, I want you to promise me you won’t allow anyone, or your insecurities, to stop you from living in the moment.
From enjoying your life.” He glances out at the vistas, fingers flexing around the leather reins.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, willing to stop the tears from forming in the back of my eyes.
“Here,” he whispers, pointing to the eastern side of the mountains. The sun begins to crest over the top of the mountains, illuminating them in a golden glow. The lake sparkles as it breaks over the peaks, warming the dense forestry and my heated cheeks from holding back my tears.
I’m feeling so fucking emotional at the realization of how strong my feelings are for Jesse, as well as this breathtaking view, that I’m unable to stop myself from blurting out, “I live in Calgary.”
Jesse’s head snaps toward me. His brows furrow beneath his hat, lips parting slightly in surprise. “You do?”
“Yeah, I moved there almost a year ago.” I suck in a shaky breath and let it out slowly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I didn’t expect any of this.
I didn’t expect you , but I can’t leave tomorrow without telling you.
” My hands tremble around the reins as I say, “I really want this, Jesse, but my job is going to make it hard for me to see you. I travel. A lot. So I don’t know how it’ll work or how often I’ll get to see you.
I might not get to see you until Christmas.
” I swallow roughly, then let out a laugh devoid of humour.
“I don’t even know if you want that. You might be counting down the hours until you’re rid of me?—”
“Brayden,” he interrupts, but I continue.
“But I don’t wanna not speak to you.”
He presses his lips together, the corners hitching up slightly. “Can I say something?”
I give a jerky nod.
He dismounts, and I follow, my feet landing on the soft ground with a thud. He takes my face in both hands and grazes his thumb over the high of my cheeks.
“I do want that. I don’t know how it’ll work either. You know my life is hectic, but if it means only seeing you occasionally but speaking to you often, then I’ll accept that. I’m not going anywhere, Brayden. I’ll be here, waiting for you when you’re ready.”
I can’t help but wonder if he’s referring to my career. I haven’t told him what I do outside of working in athletics, but he’s not a fool. He knows I’m not telling him something, but he’s continuously shown me patience, allowing me to tell him in my own time.
He presses a kiss to my lips, and I slide my tongue into his mouth. Our kiss is unhurried. Just slow and savouring. When he pulls back, he wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him. I lean my back against his chest, and we continue to watch the sun rise over the mountains.
“Look.” Jesse points toward the lake. I follow his gaze and let out a loud gasp. There’s a moose at the edge of the lake, drinking from the still water, and right next to her is a calf.
“Holy shit,” I whisper, even though I’m sure they won’t hear me from all the way up here.
He squeezes my waist and kisses the side of my head. “You finally got to see your moose.”
Resting my head back against his shoulder, I let out a choked laugh and allow the emotions of the last few months to wash over me.
The pressure and expectations placed on me by the fans and the media.
The heartbreak at losing the Stanley Cup.
The endless media articles and comments questioning my worth and my place on the team.
My car breaking down and feeling like the world was against me, to finding this man who picked me up and breathed life back into me. Who showed me kindness without limitations. Who showed me something I didn’t know I needed.
I wish I could stay here forever, nestled in this tiny corner of the world among these mountains. This land.
This man.
But I can’t. Because his life is the ranch, and my life is hockey, and in a few days, I need to report to training camp.
A month ago, I came to Huxley Creek Ranch feeling lost, needing somewhere to ground myself in order to move forward, but in doing so, I uncovered a big part of myself that I discovered in the process.
And I’m pretty sure having to say goodbye to Jesse, no matter how temporary, is going to be the biggest loss I’ve experienced so far.