Page 92 of Ballad of Nightmares

Her name.

But… not her full name.

Not Deianira.

Only Ana.

It weakened her to know that he would never call her by her real name. She would never hear the word ‘Deianira’ come from his beautiful lips in that whispered rasp that made her wild and caused her heart to tremble.

She needed him like she needed her next breath, although if she was given a choice between the two, she was sure she would have chosen him.

Shewouldchoose him.

Him. Over everything she’d ever known. Everything she’d put herself through. All her promises and vows, be damned.

The realization slammed into her like cold water to the face, and Ana’s heart stopped in panic.

“Ravens,” she hissed urgently, her entire body staggering and splintering. “Ravens.”

Sam’s body went wholly still. Still in the way that always caught her off guard. She swallowed, her body in a tremble as her chest ached at his touch. How she wanted him to consume her existence and burn her skin with every grace of his fingers.

And yet, she had never been more terrified in her entire life.

The way he kissed her, the way she craved his eyes on her and his laugh… how she could think of nothing more than their next moment together. He had derailed everything she’d ever worked for.

“What’s wrong?” came his breathless voice.

“Doesn’t this scare you?” she asked, avoiding his gaze.

“What?” He grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze, making her heart flutter at the gesture, but she continued to stare at the ground. At the singular spot she’d picked out as a comfort to her staggering soul.

“Ana, will you look at me?” Sam whispered.

She felt her jaw trembling, but she forced her head to move with the gentle tug of his finger on her chin. His dark eyes darted over her, weakening her knees even though she sat on his lap. She was sure that if she’d been standing, gravity would have evacuated beneath her limbs, and she would have become a puddle of heartbreak and fear.

“This,” she finally replied. “Us.”

Sam’s throat bobbed, and he held her gaze, his gaze softening slightly, and she felt his fingers tighten around her own. “Terrified,” he admitted. But he leaned in, placing a kiss to the top of her shoulder and her jaw, which relaxed her body slightly as he said, “I am terrified of the things I would do to keep you,” he whispered, then looked directly into her eyes. “And I am terrified that one day you’ll decide I am not enough.”

It was Ana’s turn to stiffen. His words repeated themselves over and over in her mind, a broken record crying out to be saved. She reached to his face, her thumb grazing over his high cheek, and he moved his head to kiss her palm.

Enough.

Was this enough?

Was whatever they had… whether it was love, obsession, or something deeper… was it enough for her to give up everything she’d worked for? All the murder, the chaos, the destruction, and seductions… Everything she’d been born to do. Everything her father had taught her. Everything she’d learned in Icemyer before striking out on her own.

Was it worth it… Or was this the thing she’d been searching for all along?

Her entire body faltered as she looked over his solemn face, memorizing the lines of his cheekbones, the stern of his brows, and the dilation in his darkened eyes.

Maybe she didn’t have to do all those things.

Maybe she could befree.

Maybe she could have this. She could have a life without pleading for death at every waking second. Maybe she could be herself as she’d never been before, fall in love and actually live.

“I’myours,” came her breathless whisper. “Whether the sun rises or dies, or if night encompasses us all into eternal darkness, I will be yours. Every minute. Every hour. Every moment until my dying breath, and should Death offer me a reprieve after, a choice to continue living in an eternal cycle of love and pain, I will be yours an eternity more.” She paused, her thumb brushing the bottom lid of his eye where a tear had collected, and she gave him a small smile. “For as long as you’ll keep me.”