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“Whatever’s going on—and I know I’ve been struggling; Nicky knows it too—it’s making him unfocussed. He’s going to lose the Championship again this year. Partially because of me.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

She’s nothing if not blunt.

“Tan, Nicky has and would sacrifice everything for me. He’d give me the world. I feel like it’s time to repay him.”

“By leaving?”

My heart aches in my chest at the thought. “It’s the best thing for him right now. ”

“Cherry, listen. Don’t decide anything now. Promise me you’ll talk to Nicky first.”

I nod and tell her I love her. We hang up the call and I do the exact opposite of what she’d just counselled me to do.

Pulling up the Webjet app, I find the next flight from Singapore to Melbourne and with shaky hands, I enter my credit card details.

I need to do this now, need to book this now, before Nicky gets his hands on me and I lose all sense of which way is up.

It’s time for me to do the right thing for the man I love. He needs to focus on winning races and getting his fifth title. And it’s clear that will not happen with me around.

· · · · ·

Rob, our driver for the weekend, takes me the three kilometres from the track to our nearby hotel, frowning at me when I ask if he can pick me up again in an hour.

“Where are you going, Miss Cherry?”

I bite my lip and look away from his confused expression. “If it’s not too much trouble, I need to get to the airport.”

He nods and agrees and I bolt up to the suite I’m sharing with Nicky, packing my suitcase while crying silent tears.

Over the last six months of travelling with the team, I learnt to pack lightly, so this doesn’t take long, leaving me with altogether too much time on my idle hands to think about and regret my decision.

“Going somewhere?”

Nicky’s deep voice pulls me away from the window, where I’d been lost inside my messy mind, sightlessly looking at the festivities down at the track. Even though the race is long finished, by the looks of it, the party is just beginning.

“Nicky—” My voice breaks and I let out a shaky breath .

He’s in front of me in two quick strides, his arms banding around me, holding me in place. “Why are you packed? I thought we were staying for the week.”

That had been the plan, and when we made it, I’d been so excited at the thought of spending a week exploring Singapore with Nicky. Now I can just see that time as a waste for him. As a distraction.

“Why aren’t you back there?” I wave to the music and lights and fireworks going on outside our window and he scowls.

“Rob called me.”

Ah.

“Nicky.” I take his hand and guide him to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m going home.”

His head jerks back like I’d slapped him.

“Why?” he grounds out.

My hands flutter in front of me, wanting to touch him, but knowing that would be a grave mistake. “I just think it’s for the best.”

His wounded eyes lock with mine. “You don’t want to be with me?”

This time I’m the one to flinch.

“That’s not it. It’s all just…too much for me. For the both of us. You need to concentrate on racing and…”

“And…?”

“I need a break.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and sniff.

His gaze dissects my face, pulling apart my features like he’s searching for something.

“A break from…?” He asks this in a low, pain-filled tone.

I stand up and pace in front of him. “From all of it.” I wave to the track outside the window. “I’m sorry. ”

He bows his head and takes in a long, deep breath. When he looks up again, pain like a thousand paper cuts runs through me.

“I’m sorry,” I cry, kneeling in front of him and pressing my hands against his stubbled jaw.

“Don’t be.” His voice is rough. He pulls my hands away from his face, his eyes boring into mine. “I knew it was a big ask, having you join me in this world. I was hoping we could fix this, to make it better. But if being with me hurts you, then you should go.”

My eyes sting and my heart pinches in my chest; the poor organ crying out for me not to do this.

“It’s not you. Being with you is more than I ever imagined. It’s just everything else. It feels like it’s…too much. I need to go, for both of us.”

His jaw clenches and his hands curl into fists at his side. “You should go, then. But just know you’re not doing it for me. I want to be with you. But more than anything, I just want you to be happy,” he forces out.

“I know,” I sob, salty tears dripping from my nose, my mouth, my chin.

Nicky wipes them away with gentle fingers, looking like each tear hurts him more than they hurt me.

He leans into me, resting his forehead on mine.

My eyelids flutter closed as he presses his lips against mine.

Our lips move together almost desperately, and when he wrenches his mouth from mine, I feel my heart crack right down the middle.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again wetly against his lips.

“Don’t be,” he whispers back, his voice breaking.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I know it’s a message from Rob. My time is up.

Standing on wobbly legs, everything inside me screams at me to stay. To talk to him. To figure it out. But I can’t. Something bigger inside of me is broken, and if I stay, I’ll only bring him down with me.

Nicky stands, shoulders drooping, watching me gather my bags, his dark brows furrowed. My hands shake as I wheel my suitcase past him.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He reaches for me, his hand finding mine, large, heavy and warm, holding me in place in front of him. I stand on my toes, my breath whooshing out of me as our lips fuse, kissing each other like we never want to stop.

“Nicky,” I breathe against his lips, my resolve mere seconds away from breaking. “I have to go.”

His throat bobs, blinking rapidly. He nods, not saying a single word.

“You go win this whole thing, okay,” I tell him, with a watery smile. “I’ll be watching.”

He remains statue-still and after soaking him in for another thirty seconds, I turn and make myself leave.

Sobs wrack my body as the lift takes me and my baggage down to the lobby, and I’m grateful to be alone in here with no one to witness this absolute mess.

Me, I’m the absolute mess.

“James.” I stumble to a halt when I see him waiting in the reception area.

He takes me in, snot, red eyes and all and frowns. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

So, Rob told Nicky the plan and Nicky told James. And here we are. “Please. I just have to go.”

He sighs and motions me towards the front entrance, where I can see Rob waiting for me .

“You don’t have to come along,” I tell him as he takes my suitcase from me. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

All on my own. Cue more tears.

“Nicky asked that I make sure you get to the gate safely.”

A loud sob escapes me, startling both Rob and James, and I feel like it serves them right. They’re the ones in cahoots with Nicky, after all.

“Can we go?”

The two exchange a glance and I huddle in the corner, wiping at the tears that just won’t stop falling. James sits in the backseat with me this time, silently passing me tissues while Rob drives us away from the hotel.

Away from the man I love with all my heart. A man who doesn’t even know how much I love him.

The drive to the airport is ridiculously short, not giving me enough time to pull myself together enough to actually get on the plane. In my current state, I’m pretty sure security will look at me and put me on the no-fly list.

“Are you coming back?” James asks while we wait in the drop-off line.

I shake my head, biting my tongue so I can maybe just stop crying already.

“It’s for the best.”

His frown is so fierce I have to look away. James is one of the people closest to Nicky. Surely, he can see how much easier things will be when he doesn’t have to worry about me.

No more distractions.

“Just look after him for me, okay?” I say when Rob pulls up to the curb in front of the departure terminal.

James nods once and follows me out of the car. I don’t bother arguing as he waits with me to check in and walks me up to the security area. We walk together and I’m so deep in self-pity and self-recriminations that I can’t even take in the amazingness of Changi Airport.

“You have to leave me here,” I tell him in a quivering voice, suddenly desperate for him to not leave me ever. He’s my last piece of Nicky.

James surprises me by pulling me into a big bear hug. “He needs you; you know?” he whispers gruffly into my ear. “More than racing. More than anything.”

He pulls away and I stumble through the gates, not risking a final look back. Because if I do, I know I’ll be following him back out of here, into the car and back up to that hotel room.

Back to Nicky, who I love more than anything.

More than even myself.