Page 36 of Atop the Faerie Throne (The Fifth Nicnevin #5)

Thirty-Five

Drystan

I t has been five interminable days since Ciara dashed my hopes of being able to trust Caed before Beltaine. I know my time is coming to an end. It’s made doubly clear when I drop my sword on my bed and find Jaro and Bree waiting in my room already.

The palace decided to make my space utilitarian, and most of the time I find the minimalism relaxing. Now, it leaves nowhere to hide from their knowing looks as I strip out of my rain-soaked clothes.

“You can save your breath,” I grumble, though I know they’ll do me no such service. “I’m aware .”

Four days. Beltaine is racing towards me at speed. Yet, despite forcing myself to work beside him, fixing up the city when I should be planning an invasion, the tattoo on Caed’s arm remains the same pale shade it’s been ever since that night in his cell.

Forced proximity was sufficient last time. Why is it no longer effective?

I know why, of course.

I might’ve forgiven Caed for Rose’s sake, but trusting him? That’s a wholly different beast.

Caed doesn’t have his name. Elatha does. Ergo, trusting Caed means trusting Elatha.

No one else seems to get that. And now they’re all up my arse about it.

The ships left Siabetha days ago, and yet they’re still a week from the northern shore, where our troops are gathering. I had to get Florian to go and oversee them personally, so he would take his new mate with him, and I could breathe. Praedra has been hounding my steps non-stop. Her ability to sniff me out even when I’m deliberately avoiding her is almost worthy of a place in the Hunt. If she weren’t so annoying, I might even consider offering her one.

“Rose’s heart will break if that curse isn’t dealt with by Beltaine,” Jaro tells me unnecessarily. “You’ve seen how she looks at him.”

Oh great. We’re stating the obvious now?

Of course I’ve noticed. I’d have to be blind to miss the secret little glances, the lingering touches, even her blush when he held a door open for her yesterday.

“She would’ve fucked him by now if she wasn’t so afraid of losing him,” Bree adds as I peel away my sodden shirt and toss it to the floor. “And he would’ve taken his chance if he weren’t tiptoeing around your sensitive feelings.”

“If you’re here to tell me to stop getting in their way, believe me, it’s not intentional. Do you think I would’ve just endured three days of him if it was?”

Just thinking about all the ways Caed has been going out of his way to be considerate pisses me off. We both know he’s a cocky, insufferable bastard. The fact that he keeps pretending otherwise isn’t helping.

“We’re both trying. I let him into the war room yesterday. He had access to all of our plans for the invasion.”

Goddess, it grated to give him that much, not knowing if he’d warn Elatha. What greater trust is there than the lives of the hundreds of fae crossing the Endless Sea?

It’s not enough. The looks they both level at me tell me as much.

“I hate to crash this party,” Lore says, cartwheeling into existence on my bed, stopping by the headboard, then blinking away with my pillow before returning. “But if we’re ganging up on the dullahan, do you not think one of you ought to have brought more knives?”

“We’re not going to torture him into trusting Caed,” Jaro groans, passing me a towel.

I wish they could. That would be simpler. At this point, physical torture would be less agonising than the internal war I’m currently fighting.

“Bring back my pillow.”

The redcap sticks his tongue out. “Make me.”

Deep breaths. His aura is more erratic than usual, spiking past his shield in bursts of chaotic colour. Already I feel a migraine coming on, and I wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.

“Whatever you’ve been doing, it’s not working,” Bree says diplomatically. “Which means you need a different approach.”

“You have a better suggestion?”

Lore pipes up, unhelpfully, “Stabbing you?”

“You don’t trust anyone,” the púca says, ignoring the maniac in the room.

“Not true.” In the months since Rose’s return, I’ve come to trust all three of these males for the exact same reason that they’re all here.

Rose is everything to all of us.

“So you’d trust us with your head?” Bree’s words make me freeze.

“Temporarily,” I grudgingly admit. “I’ve given it to Rose on multiple occasions. Caed and Praedra had access to it after Eero’s betrayal.” Those were the longest hours of my life. I’m never, ever giving my head to the Fomorian again.

The púca gives me a knowing look, and I hate him for the silent point he’s making.

Not trusting Caed enough to give him my head is probably the problem, but the second my head makes it into his hands, I’ll be treated like a football for the redcap and Fomorian to entertain themselves with…

Motion sickness is somehow so much worse when you don’t have a stomach.

“What made you trust him?” I demand, because like it or not, the similarities between myself and the púca can’t be denied.

He thinks for a second, then sighs, ears flattening. “He let me catch him.”

That makes no sense. “What?”

“When I found him about to take Rose, in Calimnel, there was a moment when he could’ve fought back, and he didn’t. I couldn’t see it while I was so angry, but after Rose insisted he was under Elatha’s control, I thought about it a lot. Looking back on it, he must’ve let Espen bite him. He chose a nathair’s kiss instead of escape.”

Something in my gut tightens, because a person would have to be mad to do that. Mad… or guilty… or…

“He loves her,” Jaro says, confirming my thoughts. “Can you not trust that?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I pace. “Do you think I don’t know how bad this is for her? Are you seriously all of the opinion that I am torturing my Goddess-gifted mate for no good reason? If there’s a logical solution, believe me, I’ve tried it.”

Just this afternoon, I deliberately turned my back on the male. That’s as good as a death sentence in Calimnel. What more does Danu want from me?

“We have a suggestion,” Bree says. “And you won’t like it.”

We? They’ve been discussing this without me? My shoulders stiffen, and I turn away rather than face any of them as Jaro continues where the púca broke off.

“What do you care about most in the world?”

Like he even has to ask. “Rhoswyn.”

Which is why this is all so fucked up. I love her more than I’ll ever admit, more than I even should, and yet…

“Then give her to him,” Bree whispers, but the words slam into me like hammer blows. “Let him have her for a night. Give up control. Trust him with her.”

“Absolutely not.” Their disappointment spears into my shoulders from behind, and I drop my head as my teeth grind together. “He could still be under his father’s influence.”

Jaro huffs. “He says he isn’t.”

“Which is exactly what he would say!”

“You would be able to tell if he was lying.” The wolf is seeping into his voice now, the anger in the room rising.

Bree interrupts before I can bring up that Caed’s still obviously under the influence of the geas. “The ultimate gesture of trust would be to give him the thing you value most, knowing he could take her.”

I turn and pin them all to the spot with a glare. “What precautions can we take?”

“None.” Lore blinks in front of me, grinning like this asinine plan is fun. “Not a single one, or it won’t be a gesture of trust, silly.”

He flicks my nose. I try to shove him away, but of course, he’s already gone.

That’s ridiculous. Even they won’t leave her with just one Guard right now. Not while there are Fomorians camping inside the walls and a war waging beyond. One of them would watch her. If they think I’m going to pretend otherwise to get this little trust exercise to work…

“You have to tell him, or he won’t do it.” Jaro runs a hand through his beard, eyes flashing gold. “And you have to be sincere, or he’ll still resist because he doesn’t want to piss you off and ruin his chances.”

“I’m not considering this.”

“You might not have a choice,” Lore singsongs. “Tick tock goes the clock.”

I will not set his ass on fire. I can’t blame it on errant power anymore. I am a Winter Court lord. I have better control than this.

“Give him Rose for a night. Make it clear he has your blessing to do whatever she asks of him. That’s the ultimate gesture?—”

My lips are a flat line as I hold my hand up to cut Jaro off. “No.”

Bree tries again. “Drystan, she’s going to?—”

“I KNOW!” I roar. Fire flares, coating every inch of me as the final thread of my temper snaps. It reaches the ceiling before I can suck it back, leaving scorch marks on the mural above. “I fucking know . I even asked Rose to charm me into trusting him. It didn’t work. I swear to the Goddess, I’m trying .”

Jaro steps forward, undeterred. “Are you? Or are you just giving lip service to the idea?”

“Look, it can be a last resort,” Bree tries to interject. “But consider it. For her.”

I’m locked in a staring contest with the obstinate wolf, whose eyes are gold with his beast. A huge chunk of snow drops onto my naked shoulders. The icy crystals go everywhere, melting on contact with my higher-than-normal body temperature, soaking me.

My mistake becomes obvious as the cackles of the redcap fill the space.

I took my eyes off him for one second. One !

“LORCAN!”

“I thought you needed help to cool off.” His voice echoes from the corner.

I send a fireball his way, but he’s not there. All I achieve is incinerating a potted fern.

Bree lets out a sigh and runs his hand over the valravn tattoo. Ink black mist forms into wings on his back. “This conversation is no longer productive. I’ve given you my thoughts. Do with them what you will.”

The púca leaves, jumping from the edge of the balcony room and soaring down towards the lamplit city below, as I wipe freezing water from my skin with jerky movements.

“Please,” Jaro whispers, and my head jerks up. “I can’t watch her lose him. You have no idea what that does to a female. I’ve grown up watching it. We won’t have Rose anymore. We’ll have a shell of her, and we’ll spend every day wondering if that will be the last one she chooses to spend apart from him.”

“Jaromir,” I begin, but his name falls flat. “I don’t want that either.”

He doesn’t answer me, just turns on his heel and leaves too.

A blade pokes between my ribs, drawing blood.

“Break my pet, and I’ll make eternity miserable,” the redcap promises, but when I turn, he’s gone.

Goddess damnit. “Fuck off, redcap.”

I can’t see the creepy little gremlin, so I wait for his response, another taunt, anything to tell me he’s still here. It never comes.

Alone in my room—pillowless and soaking—I groan at the ceiling. “Goddess, just…”

What? Don’t let him die?

Danu literally delegated the decision to us, to me, and I’m beginning to think she did that because she knew I’d be unable to cross that line. It’s like the Goddess has decided to punish me alongside Caed for his mistakes.

He’s earned Rose. He’s fought for her. Would I have done any better in his place?

I’m not so arrogant to disregard what the others have said, but I silently resolve that their suggestion is my last resort. If we reach Beltaine Eve, and that curse isn’t broken… I’ll do it. Leaving Rose and Caed alone together doesn’t have to be risky. It’s a public event. One of the others will surely watch from the shadows to make sure she’s safe, even if Caed gets… distracted.

My hands ball into fists at the idea, and I take a deep breath to clear my head.

Until then, I’ll try everything else. I’ll leave my head in the common room for the night. I won’t sleep, but it’s a gesture. It has to tip the scale slightly.

The tight, cold feeling in my gut tells me it won’t be enough.