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Chapter Thirteen

AYO

“Irving and I hooked up once.”

Ethan’s finger stops drawing the figure of eight he’s been making around the dimples just above my bum. I know he won’t like hearing this—I definitely don’t want to hear about any of his past lovers—but cuddled in bed in the dark, it feels safe to whisper this confession.

“It was a couple of years ago. I was eighteen, he was a few years older. This big, jovial Scotsman with a great smile. We’d worked together long enough that I knew he was an absolute teddy bear, and we were on an office night out.

It was my first one since I was legally old enough to go.

We danced for hours, and it was fun, and… yeah.

“Anyway, that was it. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, you know? We stayed friends, chalked it up to a night of fun with a bit too much to drink, and never went there again.”

Ethan stays quiet, a solid presence underneath me, his chest hair tickling my nose.

I manage a shaky exhale. “The night we were attacked, we really did just go out to get some air. Or, I did. He… suggested we hook up again.”

Ethan goes really tense beneath me, and I feel a bit shitty for unloading this on him, but I’ve been keeping it bottled up since Irving died. I need to talk about it, and I trust Ethan.

“Did he force you?” Ethan growls.

Ohhh, that’s why he’s tense. I hurry to reassure him. “No! Goddess, no. Teddy bear, remember? I turned him down, it got awkward, and we… we were heading back inside when we were attacked from behind.

“It’s just… I can’t help thinking that he wouldn’t have been out there if it weren’t for me.

If I hadn’t been dancing with him all night, he wouldn’t have gotten the wrong idea.

And if he hadn’t been out there, maybe he wouldn’t have been attacked the second time.

Maybe—” I choke on a sob. “—maybe he’d still be alive. ”

Ethan tightens his grip on me and holds me close while I cry on his chest. It’s the first time I’ve let myself cry over Irving. The first time I’ve let the guilt overwhelm me.

When I calm down and try to discreetly wipe my tears, sniffing, Ethan cups my cheek and tilts my face up to his. “It’s not your fault, sweet thing.”

“You don’t know that. It could be. They might not have gone for him otherwise.” A rogue tear slips down my cheek.

Ethan brushes it away with his thumb. “The only person whose fault it is is the person who killed him. Dancing with someone isn’t saying you want more, it’s saying you’re having fun dancing. That’s it.”

I nod. I do know that. I get up and go to the bathroom to clean up my face and blow my nose. I’m in the kitchen getting a glass of water, the city lights filtering in through the darkened window, when Ethan comes to find me.

He puts his arms around me, as solid and safe as always. “It’s not your fault, Ayo.”

I put my glass down. His words are starting to sink in, although it’s hard to let go of that insidious guilt. But if it were anyone else, I’d be saying the same thing.

Ethan presses a kiss to my temple. “I won’t let them get you.”

It’s half whisper, half promise. It helps.

I pick up my glass again and drink, then leave it beside the sink to deal with in the morning. I turn to head back to bed, but Ethan snags me around the waist.

“I mean it, Ayo. Even if my overprotectiveness drives you insane and you dump me because dating an alpha wolf is too intense for you, or I irritate you so much that you keep dating me but move out to get some space, I will keep you safe.” He whispers that into my hair, almost like a confession, and I suppose it is.

He loosens his grip enough that I can turn and look up at him. In the darkness of the kitchen, his blue eyes glow with his wolf.

“Thank you.” I press up on tiptoes to kiss him. “Although, I figured I’d be moving out anyway as soon as I can afford a place.”

His grip on me tightens, his stern eyebrows pulling down. “I suppose that would be a sensible, healthy thing to do this early in a relationship.”

I laugh quietly. “You hate the idea, don’t you?”

“I don’t want you to feel dependent on me…”

“But?”

“But yes. You’re mine. I want you in my life, in my home, in my bed. Consensually.”

I shake my head, still chuckling. “All right, big guy. I’ll think about it. You can start by taking me back to bed.”

I squeal when he picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, and does exactly that.

I think we might need to find a bigger training space. I jump out of the way as Raj chases Jet around the room, both in their shifted forms. Kit is shifted too, looking for all the world like an oversized, bored house cat, licking a paw and ignoring the antics of the other two.

Skye is perched on Cal’s shoulder, his brown feathers brushing against Cal’s ear as Skye chirps at him. I have no idea if Cal can understand what he’s saying, but he acts like he does, nodding occasionally.

Ethan is in human form, which is a pity because I absolutely love him in wolf form. He’s this gorgeous mix of soft grey and white fur, huge of course, and likes to rub up against me and lick me to show his affection.

“Pick someone, it doesn’t matter who, and see if you can hit them.” Ethan lets go of my waist and takes a step back, giving me room to work.

I really wasn’t sure about this plan the first time he explained it, but then he reminded me that they can all hear us and wouldn’t be down here if they didn’t want to be, and that taking my enemy by surprise is something that could save my life one day.

There’s nothing like training from your ex-SAS boyfriend to hammer home how ordinary your life used to be.

I prepare the concussion ball I’ve been practising.

The team go on full alert, because just like with fireballs, the concussion ball is visible in my hand.

Raj, Jet, and Kit all have their ears pointed in my direction.

I whip my arm back and throw it at where Jet is about to be because he’s making me dizzy running all those circles around the room, but he jerks at the last minute, changing direction and colliding with Raj.

The spell just catches the tip of Jet’s tail before harmlessly hitting the ward.

It wouldn’t be harmless if it hit the wall, which is why I beefed up the ward this time.

I huff, irritated that I missed.

Ethan, though, smiles like I did well. “That was good.”

“I missed.”

“He’s in a heap with Raj, isn’t he?”

Sure enough, by the time Raj and Jet have untangled themselves I probably would have had time to run away or prepare my next spell if this were a real life-and-death scenario. As it is, Jet is now too busy looking forlornly at his tail, which is dragging on the floor, to be considered a threat.

We try a few more times, and I get better at taking them by surprise, switching up who I target and the spell I use with no discernible pattern.

After half an hour, Ethan shifts and joins in.

After an hour, they’re still full of energy and my magic is starting to sing, my moonstone practically vibrating against my chest. I can’t remember the last time I was able to use my magic to its full potential before the night I did the seeking spell to find Irving.

Had I ever? Not since my parents died, certainly.

The questionable reliability of my magic back on the coven estate always meant I held back, never able to trust that I’d get the result I was going for.

Sometimes I would, but then I’d try to show off to Nyoka to win his respect, and it would all go to shit.

Maybe I was trying too hard? Or maybe Ethan’s right and I just needed daily practice with an emphasis on bigger spells. I got treated to a lecture from him and Cal last week about how important constant training is, whether it’s magical, physical, or weapons-based.

My magic is building, wanting to show these men what I can really do. Whatever the reason I used to have problems was, I don’t now. I can do this.

I add a camouflage layer to my personal shield so that they can’t see past it to what I’m doing. They all pause, then start darting about, making themselves more difficult targets. Skye remains perched on Cal’s shoulder as the vampire blurs past too fast for me to see, but that’s okay.

I create a concussion ball in one hand and a water ball in the other. I send them up into the air, split both of them into three, and ready an airborne shockwave as well, since Skye takes flight every time I aim for him.

In reality, I wouldn’t have this much time, because one of them could have taken me down easily by now, but as Ethan keeps saying, one step at a time.

I wait until my water balls are rotating at high speed, the shockwave energy has built up, and the concussive balls are vibrating with power. Then I release them all at once.

The result is spectacular carnage. Howls, yowls, and screeches fill the room.

Everyone gets knocked back by the shockwave, Kit and Raj get hit with water balls, Ethan and Jet are thrown against the wards thanks to a combination of the shockwave and being hit with concussion balls, and Skye flaps frantically, a water ball catching one wing before he can regain control and sending him tumbling to the ground.

For a moment I think Cal has managed to remain unscathed, but he’s now still and shaking his head as if trying to clear it, so I think one of my concussive balls must have actually clipped him.

I drop all the magic except the ward on the room and give them all a ridiculously proud grin. Then my grin falters as I realise I might be in a room full of six pissed-off supes.

Fortunately, when Ethan shifts and rushes over to me, he takes my mouth in a dominating kiss.

He tastes like coffee and the Thai food we all ate together before coming down here, and with all his yummy muscles pressed up against me, I’m quickly distracted from everyone else’s potentially negative reactions.

He pulls back far too soon, a look of wonder in his eyes. “You’ve been holding back, sweet thing.”

I shrug. “Maybe a bit?”

Cal gives me a dry look as he helps a shifted Skye get up off the floor. “I’d say more than a bit.”

I can’t help noticing that Skye and Jet have the same tattoo on their left shoulder as Ethan—the Soldati Security logo of stylised wings and a central star with the head of a howling wolf above.

I’ve noticed during previous training sessions that Raj has it too.

Do they all have one? And which came first, the company logo or the tattoo?

Before I can ask about it, Jet comes bounding over in human form, trying to put his leg in his jeans at the same time so it’s more of a hopping balancing act than a run. “Bro! That. Was. EPIC!” Jet gives up on the trousers and throws his arms around me, hugging me tight.

Ethan’s low growl has Jet backing up fast, hands up, trying not to trip over the trousers around his ankles. “What, I can’t hug him?”

Ethan stalks after him, expression menacing. “Not naked you can’t. Get some fucking clothes on before you go rubbing your scent all over my ma—my boyfriend.”

What was he about to say? I frown, trying to figure it out, but I’m distracted by Skye, who has already re-dressed and comes over, a shy smile on his face. “That was dead impressive. I’ve never seen a magic-user able to hit Cal before.”

Cal looks less impressed, but then he winks at me so I know we’re okay.

Skye and I turn to look at Kit and Raj, who are so wet they’re dripping all over the floor and look utterly miserable.

“They’re all fearsome until they’re wet, aye?” Skye says, laughter in his voice.

“They do look kinda pathetic,” I agree.

I regret my words almost immediately. Kit and Raj seem to have some sort of silent conversation before they turn their heads simultaneously towards us.

Skye and I back up, but we’re not fast enough.

Kit and Raj run for us, Kit aiming for Skye and getting him first because he really is insanely quick, pinning him to the ground.

Raj is on me almost immediately, knocking me to the mats and pinning me in place with a single paw.

Raj’s Bengal tiger is jaw-droppingly impressive. Sure, I could get him off with a spell or put up a shield, but letting him jump on me is probably fair after what I just did.

Ethan and Cal go to rush over, but stop and cover their faces when Raj and Kit shake themselves, spraying water all over us. I yelp and cover my eyes with my arm, regretting all the choices that led me to this point.

Jet laughs and I can’t help but join in, feeling more of a sense of belonging with these people than I have in my coven since my parents died.