Page 75 of Arseni

So instead, I just push onto my toes to kiss him, softly weaving my hands around his neck.He takes my waist and guides me to the wall while his tongue strokes mine.

Too many times he’s brought my body pleasure against my will, but this time I can’t say he’s even trying.There’s nothing sexual about the way he kisses me.Nothing hurried.It’s an end to a first date make out, and it just occurs to me in this moment that that’s exactly what he tried to make this night.A date.Our first date.

I ruined it with my self-consciousness.

But then again, I didn’t.This is better than polite conversation and a candle-lit burnt dinner.This is real.

Not lust.Not a dirty fantasy.But real.

Finally, I know what to say.

I break away from him, my arms still snug around his neck.

“I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life,” I whisper, inhaling cologne special for this occasion.“I’ve never felt more understood… You’re a fantasy, Arseni, but not in the way you fear.”

You’re the man of my dreams.

The chaos that broke up my rigid life.

The haven I can lie with.

The freeing of my soul.

“I care about your past,” I add, my voice still pillowy soft.“I care about everything you are and everything you’ve ever been, but I care about your future even more.”

“I care about yours too.”

“I know.”I nod, my eyes stinging.“That’s why you’re going to let me go.”

His gaze breaks away from me as he tucks my hair behind my ears.

My eyes close as he kisses me, his hands smoothing down my body to rest on my hips.I don’t interrupt the kiss again.Neither of us say a word as we slowly undress each other, handling each article of clothing with care.

I whisper his name as he fucks me against the wall, and he peppers kisses to my neck.When I come, he squeezes me like my pleasure is his.When he comes, I do the same.

Afterward, he takes me upstairs and lays me in his bed, snuggling his front against my back.

The light is off, and my energy is spent.I can feel myself falling asleep, and he must be able to sense it too.Because the words he whispers as he strokes my hair are so full, so agonized like an admittance of some sort, that I’m certain he isn’t saying them for me to hear.I’m certain he thinks I’m asleep.

“I love you.”

26

MARGOT

“Margot.”An insistent hand nudges my shoulder, rousing me from sleep.“Margot.”

Immediately, my brain registers that the voice isn’t Arseni’s, but I still don’t startle as I blink open my sleepy eyes, my hand lifting to shield them from the brutal light of the lamp.It shines over Nikita, perched at my bedside, and casts his shadow over me.I gasp like it itself is here to strangle me.

“Shhh.”He presses a finger to his lips.“The kid is gone, but he’ll be back soon.We don’t have much time.”

Wide-eyed, I turn to the empty spot next to me, my hand slapping the cold space like Arseni could possibly still be there.

“What’s going on?”I ask, my voice panicked as I scoot away from Nikita’s hand, warming the space Arseni occupied when I fell asleep.

He looks panicked as well, his eyes darting to the door, his hands fidgeting.“If you’re going to go, you have to hurry.”

“What?”I squint at him, then at the door, then back at him.Who is he afraid is coming?