Page 44 of Annabel and Her Sisters

Ginnie was in her favourite part of the garden, the parterre just to the side of the house, when I arrived unannounced, which was a godsend. She had her back to me, her blonde hair blowing in the breeze, but an airplane overhead and the brisk wind muffled my arrival.

‘Where’s Mum?’ I asked, after I’d stopped the car in the front drive and hot footed it over to the box hedge where she was bottom up amongst the lavender and roses. She straightened up and turned, surprised, wiping hair from her eyes.

‘Oh, hello, you. Lara’s taken her down to the river– one of the mares has had a foal. They took the dogs with them.’

‘Oh lovely. And she’s better?’

‘Much. Lara got into Sandhurst, by the way.’

‘Oh Gin, I’m sorry.’ No matter what, children took precedence over parents, and I’d seen her face when she’d turned. It was clenched with worry.

She stepped over the little box hedge to join me.

‘No, I’m sort of fine about it, actually,’ she said dejectedly.

‘I’ve got my head round it. Am getting my head around it,’ she corrected.

‘I have to. And you know when your child lights up like a beacon…’ She gave a sad smile.

‘You should have seen her face when she ripped open the letter.’

I gave her a hug. She was a bit limp in my arms, though, and she felt very thin. Ginnie didn’t eat when she was upset, whereas I hogged for England. I realized she’d been gardening to distract herself. ‘She’s bound to be thrilled, it’s what she wants,’ I told her.

‘I know. But I also know it’s not just horses, despite what everyone tries to tell me.

She’ll be in tanks if she joins the cavalry, armed up to the eyeballs and deployed who knows where.

And the world’s kicking off, isn’t it?’ she said sadly.

‘That’s always been my major reservation.

I’m scared. It’s bad enough with Tom. How would you feel? ’

I thought of Polly in uniform, somewhere war-torn. ‘Concerned,’ I admitted. ‘But proud too, it’s a hell of an achievement.’

‘I know. She’s one of only a handful girls to get in, you know.’

‘You see? You’re proud already. She’ll show those boys a thing or two.’

‘She’ll certainly show them how to ride,’ she observed. ‘D’you know, Toby McNamara got in– he’s after the same regiment– and he’s never even been on a horse!’

‘Stop it.’

‘Apparently the army teaches them in six weeks. Talk about a crash course.’

‘Crash being the operative word. And Toby Mac is a drip, I’m surprised he got in at all.’

‘Exactly. Coffee?’

‘Please.’

She picked up her trug full of weeds and we linked arms and walked towards the front door; she left her compost on the steps as we went into the house.

As we wandered through the front hall, then the sitting room towards the kitchen, I bit around my thumbnail silently, wondering how I was going to phrase this.

When I started on the other thumb, Ginnie glanced at me as she put the kettle on the hob.

‘You all right?’

We knew each other too well and I’d stopped that bad habit years ago. In the event, it came out in an almighty rush as it always did with my sister. I sang like a canary.

Ginnie stared at me in silence, standing stock-still. The kettle whistled loudly on the Aga behind her but she ignored it.

‘Fuck off. Clarissa’s not Dad’s?’

‘Swear to God.’

She took the kettle off, functioning on automatic. Then she felt her way to a stool at the island and sat down, the coffee forgotten. Her hand went to her mouth. She couldn’t speak and her face had gone very pale.

‘I know,’ I said gently, sitting opposite her and taking her hand.

‘And obviously, Ginnie, I’ve had some hours to process it, but now that I have, it all slots into place, it all makes sense.

’ She still couldn’t speak so I got up and went across to the cupboards where I found the mugs, then got the milk from the fridge and made the coffee.

I put two sugars in hers and handed it to her.

She took it wordlessly and I sat down again and told her all the other details.

About Joan having had an abortion. About Mum and Pammy, and the terrible time they’d had in the back streets of Hull.

‘Thank God she didn’t go through with it,’ Ginnie said, turning huge blue eyes on me.

‘Yes. Thank God.’

‘Imagine Clarissa knowing, all this time.’ Ginnie’s eyes shone suddenly with tears. ‘And we didn’t.’

‘No. And Ginnie, we weren’t always…’ I hesitated, ‘well, we weren’t always that kind.’

‘No,’ she agreed. ‘Because she was so different.’

‘Exactly. Well, now we know why.’

There was a silence.

‘So what do we do?’ She looked at me beseechingly. ‘I mean, do we tell her we know?’

‘I think we have to, don’t you?’

‘Really?’

‘Don’t you?’

Ginnie blinked rapidly. ‘I don’t know. I’m still trying to get to grips with it. After all, she didn’t want us to know. She forbade Mum and Dad to tell us.’

‘So… what, we keep silent?’

We both regarded one another. I could tell she was still in shock. She gave a very great sigh. At length she threw up her hands despairingly. ‘Well, I’ll have to tell Hugo, obviously.’

‘Exactly.’ I would have had to tell David. We both had those sorts of marriages. Very close. No secrets.

‘And he’ll probably say… don’t tell her. If she didn’t want you to know, keep quiet.’

‘So would David.’

‘But they’re men.’

‘Yes.’ We communed knowingly with our eyes. I was further down the path than her and I knew it was only a matter of time before she not only caught up– but overtook me. Hugo was apt to say if you want to make a public announcement, tell my wife in complete confidence.

‘What did Ted think?’ she asked urgently.

‘He very sweetly didn’t. I don’t think he felt he was in a position to comment, but I’m having lunch with him next week, I’ll ask.’

‘Do. He’ll be good.’ She made a face. ‘Another man, though.’

‘Quite.’

She got up from her chair and paced about a bit, arms folded. Then she stopped and stared out of the window, ran her hands through her hair. She swung around abruptly. ‘Bloody hell. I mean– bloody hell , Annabel. What a complete and utter shaker.’ She stared at me. ‘Our entire lives!’

‘I know!’

‘Does Derek know?’

‘I’ve no idea.’

‘I’d imagine not.’

‘Me too.’ Suddenly her hand went to her mouth. ‘God. Wait. Do we tell Mum?’

At that very moment the kitchen door opened from the other side of the room, from the boot room, and thence the great outdoors.

Lara appeared, laughing and happy, still mid-flow in conversation, followed by Mum with Chippie, Latta, Hippo and Brown Dog.

I got up to greet my mother. Hugged her gently.

‘Mum. You look amazing.’

She laughed and smoothed her hair down. ‘Well, slightly windswept– it’s blowing a hoolie out there– but I feel so much better. And I’m so sorry, darling, for giving you all such a terrible scare– blasted waterworks!’

She did look great, surprisingly. The wind still in her mostly grey but gently highlighted hair, and there was colour in her cheeks.

I didn’t mention Raffles, at least, not right now.

My mother was of the ‘least said, soonest mended’ school of thought, and in that instant, it occurred to me we might not tell her that we knew about Clarissa: that it would be good for Ginnie and me to show some self-restraint for once.

‘ Tobes! ’ Lara was shrieking loudly into her phone, which had clearly vibrated in her pocket. ‘I know– isn’t it amazing!’ She pranced off, delighted, to take her call in private.

‘Well done, darling!’ I called after her, and she turned briefly to give me a beaming smile and a thumbs up, before dancing into the sitting room and shutting the door behind her.

‘Annabel’s just told me about Clarissa,’ Ginnie said in a sudden rush.

I shut my eyes. There was no stopping her. My mother stared at her. ‘Clarissa?’

‘You know, years ago, what happened.’

My mother froze. All the blood left her face. I led her to a chair in the bay window and sat her down gently. She’d gone extremely pale.

‘Sorry.’ Ginnie clapped her hand over her mouth.

‘I didn’t mean to say that.’ She shot me an apologetic look and I realized it would have come out sooner or later anyway, so actually, why not now?

The two of us drew up chairs around my mother and then I jumped up to make another sugary coffee.

I handed it to her. To give her time to recover, I rehashed the whole story again– editing the more horrific scenes and concentrating more on my father’s cameo– and Mum nodded and murmured in agreement with everything Pammy had said. When I got to the end, she sighed.

‘Well, of course, Daddy and I always wanted to tell you, or for Clarissa to, but she refused.’

‘Do you know why?’

‘Well… pride, of course. Not having the same father. Not being so much part of the family as you two, the very obvious reason. But also, she loved Daddy so much.’

‘And she never met Piers?’

‘Only once. And I tried to ask her about it afterwards, but she wouldn’t say.’

‘And Piers?’

‘Oh, I didn’t ask him. I didn’t think it was fair on Miranda.’

‘Is he still alive?’

My mother stared at me. ‘Did you hear Lara got into Sandhurst?’

I blanched, wrong-footed. ‘Um… yes. I just congratulated her.’

She got up briskly. The dogs clustered eagerly at her feet.

‘Oh yes, I know– you want your elevenses, don’t you!

They’re little terrors about their mid-morning snack, never forget, even if I do!

Come on then, let’s go and find the Bonios.

Hippo, Chippie– come! Latta!’ And out she sailed to the boot room, surrounded by four canines, shutting the door behind her.