Page 28

Chapter 28

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 1

Sitting in the library like every other day these last two weeks, I tap my marker against my forty-eighth blackout poetry love letter. By some miracle, despite STRIP’s waning reputation, a few of my regulars showed up for STRIP Time. After helping Zain, Xuan, and Jack with English literature essays, my brain is fried, but I have two more letters to finish by tonight.

Tonight we risk our sister academy delivery.

I smear my marker across the page as thoughts of Jasper percolate in my mind. Now that he’s taken residence on Xavier’s floor, I only see him in the halls or during class, where he stares out the window, never paying attention yet somehow staying Rank One. When I’m in Dix with Luis or Xavier and Robby, he walks right by. After our fight, he should have plenty of fuel to tell his aunt who I am, but I haven’t heard a word from her. Yet.

Peace from Jasper is what I wanted.

Now that I have it, something feels missing.

My watch strikes five just as I finish my fiftieth blackout poem. The most colossal sigh of my life heaves out of me. I deserve a medal. A crown. I quickly pack up my bag and head to the stacks for STRIP’s next delivery strategy meeting.

When I pull on the thin Cupid and Psyche booklet to open the crypt, a mixture of cable-knit sweaters and plaid blazers stands on the left side. Everyone huddles around a tome table where fairy tales and mythologies rise on the walls. Robby points at a sheet of paper spread before them, but the rest have their backs to me.

Xavier glances over his shoulder. “Just in time!”

Jasper does the same, but he stays silent. Not like I expected anything else after two weeks of separation, but still. Nothing? He can’t even ask if I finished my mixer letters without his help?

Trying to exude my best don’t-care energy, I approach and inspect the paper—a campus map marked up with black ink.

“Thanks again for asking your friend,” Xavier says. “Who is she, by the way?”

The incredibly awkward realization that I never told them who she is, let alone how well Xavier knows her, hits hard.

He’s Xavier, the big and strong. He can take it. “Delilah Miller.”

“ What? ” Xavier’s whole body jerks, and his foot catches on a book. He slips and falls, landing flat on his ass.

Or not.

I glance at everyone else’s collection of winces and frowns.

“What happened between you two?” I ask, although I’m unsure if I should.

Xavier readjusts his dark bangs so they split evenly across his forehead again. Robby helps him back to his feet. “The distance made me clingy, I guess,” he mutters. “Especially when Delilah’s so independent.”

“Even with the cockblockade in the way?”

“I used STRIP to constantly keep in touch with her. That didn’t scream independent. If I’d understood her, I would’ve let her live without me sometimes.”

Even if romance is illogical, Xavier seems like he learned from it. Unlike another person I know. I’m almost impressed.

“I’m glad she agreed to help us anyway,” Robby says. “We’re currently planning the delivery route. As of now, we’ll stuff the letters into two garbage bags and toss them over the checkout booth for Delilah to grab.”

I snort.

Everyone else blinks. Like that wasn’t a joke.

These are seriously the smartest guys on campus. “Right in front of the new security?”

“The cockblockade is too tall,” Xavier answers, pointing where the wall splits the academies on the campus map. His arm looks even more ripped in his tight knit sweater and next to Robby’s lanky arm. “It’s thirty feet. But the gate? Only twelve.”

“There’re no cameras,” Robby adds, “but it’s easier to be seen by instructors outside rather than in the seclusion of the equestrian center, which is why we’ve never done it this way. Unfortunately, we have no other choice now. We’ll need to distract the guard by splitting into teams. I’m on lookout with Xavier. As for tossing the bags, that’s on you and Jasper.”

“What?” Jasper and I say.

I expect to see my irritated expression on Jasper too, especially when we’ve worked hard at avoiding each other. Instead, though, he looks more uptight than anything else, his shoulders tense in his half-buttoned dress shirt.

Before I can process the reaction, Robby says, “Blaze is the vital piece. Our distraction.”

Blaze shoves his Ring of Ancestral Darkness in Robby’s face, then breaks into the butterfly gesture that he believes is a flame. “Only the Chief Magistrate of the Brotherhood of Ancestral Darkness could ever defeat—”

“Here’s a map.” Over Blaze’s shoulder, Robby hands me a smaller pamphlet version on the table. “You’re right that I don’t trust Blaze. He needs to be watched.”

“I’m talking!” Blaze shouts between us.

Robby clasps me and Jasper on the shoulders like he isn’t there. “That’s your other job, got it? Watch him. Especially with the way he’ll have to distract this guard.”

“Which will be?” I ask uneasily.

Robby grimaces in a way that makes my heart drop.

Thirty minutes before lights-out, the five of us make a break for the cockblockade.

By the time we reach the path that leads up to the checkout booth, the sun is already setting beyond the surrounding woods. We crouch behind a shrub by a lamppost, observing the alleged security guard inside, doing some sort of crossword puzzle on the desk.

“On three,” Robby whispers, his breath visible in the cold air. “Ready?”

Jasper and I trade a look. Tonight, we need to be partners no matter our feelings.

“One—” Robby starts.

Blaze lunges for the booth, his sneakers kicking up dust from the sheer speed. Once he’s almost there, he trips, falls, and face-plants on the ground. Grabbing his ankle, he wails to the treetops.

Robby worriedly reaches forward, but Xavier lowers his hand. Maybe Blaze’s execution was more extreme than planned, but this is what we wanted.

The guard scuttles outside. In the dull lamppost light, I barely make out her windbreaker that shouts SECURITY on the back. Same for her slightly confused but mostly concerned expression. No walkie-talkie on her hip. Just as we hoped with Valentine’s disdain for technology. “What are you doing out here?”

Blaze screeches again. “My ankle is… fragmented .”

“You need Health Services. Can you walk?”

Blaze rises on a shaking arm. “No…” He collapses again.

The guard pulls Blaze up by the waist, and they head toward the center of campus. Robby and Xavier split off to keep watch. Jasper and I snatch our bags of letters and race toward the cockblockade gate, but mine slips and hits the ground. A slew of letters falls out.

Jasper stops, his laugh as bubbly as always.

I shove my fists against my hips. “Focus, please?”

He kneels to help me fix the mess, but he’s still laughing under his breath. We shove a stack of letters back in at the same time, our fingers grazing, and my heart leaps.

“You all right?” Jasper asks, his words turning to fog between us.

It’s because we haven’t interacted in weeks. That’s all. “Yeah.”

The worried crease in Jasper’s brow doesn’t leave. He’s wearing a beige Valentine-branded sweater over his red dress shirt tonight—his number-one enamel pin still shimmering for all to see on the popped-out collar—and the lack of visible chest and collarbones strangely has me staring. Typically, he looks the way the Sexiest Poet of the Year should, but with this sweater up to his neck, he looks more charming and sweet.

My throat goes dry.

A whistle cuts through the night.

Our eyes open wide. The signal that the coast is no longer clear. Already?

I look both ways, but there’s nowhere to hide. No trees or buildings.

Jasper drops his bag of letters, then tugs my own out of my grasp. He scoops up my arm and drags us toward the booth.

“What are you—?!” is all I manage to say before we’re standing in front of the sliding door. He throws us inside, slamming it shut behind us. As I stumble to regain my balance, I scan the glass walls boxing us inside like a fish tank.

I face Jasper perfectly parallel, crossing my arms. He’s so winded that he’s leaned a palm against the door. “Hey.”

Jasper just keeps huffing and puffing.

“ Hey ,” I repeat. “Do I need to sound angrier to get your attention?”

“No offense, Charlie, but you tend to always be angry at me. I don’t exactly know when I’m supposed to be paying attention.”

My mouth whips back open, but I swallow whatever heated words were coming next. I refuse to prove his point. “You don’t see a problem with this hiding spot you’ve chosen?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re surrounded by glass .”

“I know, I know. I’m thinking.” Jasper’s gaze lands on a back cabinet that’s as tall as our hips. He goes to open it. The inside is empty except for scattered paperwork at the bottom.

We squish ourselves into the cramped space, Jasper clunking his head in the process. Our legs twist into pretzels, small enough that I can shut us in.

Everything goes dark.

Our synced breaths fill the quiet as we sit shoulder to shoulder. Jasper’s flowery fragrance and the cedar cabinet twinges my nose, and his hand presses up against mine. For once, he’s burning hot. He’s that scared?

Footsteps come from outside. Crunching gravel. Jangling keys on a belt.

My heartbeat pounds so hard that I’m positive Jasper can feel it in my wrist. The guard realized Blaze’s foot wasn’t broken. Or worse. She spotted us.

The booth door slides open with a squeak.

“Where are you?” the security guard mumbles.

I squeeze my eyes shut. We’re caught. Expelled.

Rummaging noises come from the desk, like a junk drawer being opened. The booth door slides open again, and more footsteps wander into the distance.

Furrowing my brow, I shift on my knees to peek out of the cabinet.

Jasper grabs my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure she’s gone.” I crawl out and readjust my glasses to check through the glass. Farther down the path is the guard’s backlit figure. She offers a flashlight toward Blaze, who’s leaning against a tree trunk with a limp stance.

That’s all she wanted.

Sighing, I fall back into the cabinet beside Jasper, our shoulders knocking again. He’s pulled his legs into his chest, staring at his knees like he’s becoming more scared by the second. “You’re this nervous about getting caught?” I ask. “She was only grabbing a flashlight. No need to be so tense.”

“That’s not why I’m tense.” Jasper looks right at me, and his soft, unsure tone speeds up my heart rate more. “I know you told me to leave you alone. I’ve been trying to respect that. But I also made it clear that I still want to explain my side of things from camp.”

“Wait, what?”

“Can I? Please?”

“Now?”

“Perchance.”

Panic seeps through me. Even in the dim lighting, I feel too on display as we stare at each other. The last few weeks, no matter how much my logic screamed at me not to, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jasper. But to talk now of all times? “Maybe when we’re not breaking the number one guideline here. We need to toss the letters.” I start to climb back out of the cabinet.

“It was my fault,” Jasper calls. He stays put.

Glaring, I whip my head back around. Guess his question of whether he could start explaining was hypothetical. “Yeah, Jasper, I think that’s been obvious since the start.”

“But I didn’t realize anyone at camp thought we were together. Let alone that you did.”

“You kissed me.”

“Actually, you kissed me. And that threw me off guard.”

My cheeks burn. Did I?

I flick my face away. I’d rather die than have Jasper witness me turn red. “Okay. Well. How could that have thrown you off? We’d been spending so much time together after our workshop. You flirted with me every chance you got. You called me beautiful, and you always sat so close to me, and—”

“I do that with everyone, Charlie!” Jasper says, tossing his hands.

The words stun me. I scoff and leave the booth.

He calls my name, but I don’t turn around. The rage inside me is too hot. I do that with everyone. Unbelievable. I keep going until I’m at the gate. Our bags of letters are still where we dropped them. Thankfully, the guard didn’t notice. When will she be back?

I pick up a bag. “Hurry up.”

“That came out worse than intended.” Jasper’s not picking up his bag. “Yes, I acted overly romantic toward others without realizing any of it was being taken seriously. That’s a problem. But after summer was over, you were all I could think about. None of them.”

I ignore him.

“We never met at the beach on the last day of camp,” he goes on, “so I didn’t have your number, and I couldn’t find your social media. That’s why I posted my poetry online. I hoped, someday, you’d come across my name.”

Clenching my jaw, I lift my bag over my head and align my aim with the bushes off to the side. “I deleted most of my pictures after that summer.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, Jasper, what do you want me to say?”

He finally picks up his bag, but he’s not tossing it. “I was just a poet back then, okay? I had an overemotional personality.”

I narrow my eyes at him.

“Okay, fine, I have an overemotional personality,” he says. “I didn’t even think those letters I sent to those other girls were love letters. I thought we were practicing poetry together. At a Shakespeare camp! Right? So, I apologize, Charlie. Truly. But now I’ve learned.”

I chuck the bag over the gate as hard as I can. “I’m glad that I could be your love tutor, Jasper, even though I didn’t sign up for it.”

“But I—”

A groan releases from my deepest depths. I snatch the bag in his hands to toss it myself. Mom’s varsity ring catches on it and locks with his bracelet, trapping us in place. I try to free myself. Nothing budges. I pull again, again, again .

“If you wanted to handcuff me, you could’ve just asked,” Jasper mutters.

Heat flares through my face. “Shut up .” Summoning my strength, I whip our conjoined arms up in one quick motion and fling the bag high into the air. Our ring and bracelet pull taut, snagging on something, and Jasper’s bracelet snaps in half. Crunching leaves come from beyond the gate as the bag lands, finalizing the mission.

We stumble away from each other, sticking out our arms to steady ourselves.

Jasper blinks at me. With only the moonlight and the distant lamppost light, his blue irises look so magically shimmery. I didn’t notice until now. “How’d we do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“I hope it landed okay.”

I scan the path again for any figures in the distance. “We need to go.”

Jasper steps forward. “Will you forgive me?”

“What? No, Jasper. What are you talking about?”

“What more can I apologize for? Tell me what I can do to fix this.”

“Nothing.”

“Then why won’t you forgive—?”

“Because I never want to forgive you!” The words erupt so loudly that my voice echoes through the night. I’m so past my limit that I don’t care if the guard hears. Anyone.

Jasper’s face goes slack.

An undeniable regret swirls inside me. The words I had to say to make him shut up hang heavy in the air, but they’re not how I feel.

Because now, logically, there’s a chance I did throw Jasper off with a kiss, and he didn’t realize we were anything more. That, logically, he then did grow feelings after that summer. And that, logically, he hasn’t been with anyone else since.

I don’t know what to do about that.

So, with nothing left to say, I head back through the campus, leaving Jasper behind. Xavier and Robby run into me on the path. They toss me high fives.

“Where’s Jasper?” Xavier asks. “He didn’t get caught after our whistle signal, did he?”

“No, he’s”—I readjust my glasses—“on his way. He’s fine. We’re both fine.”

“Nice. And with six minutes to spare until lights-out.”

Robby smiles. “Then tonight’s a winning success.”