Page 38 of Anchor

I swallow around the lump in my throat, but when I talk, my voice still breaks. “I-I don’t know.” I think she knows I’m lying, but she doesn’t call me out on it.

There’s an explicit emptiness in my chest and an iciness that has nothing to do with my wounds and blood loss. It doesn’t take me long to piece together that the feeling is what Jones wanted me to understand.

Because it wasn’t just his wife’s blood on my hands. Now it’s his, too.

An indeterminable amount of time later, Chloe helps me to my feet. She’s talking to me in a soothing voice, but I’m not listening and I don’t try to add to her one-sided conversation.

“Let’s get you back up to the wheelhouse, then we can radio Tyler and see where the hell the backup is. They would have heard the explosion by now, they should be here.”

The good thing about how I’m feeling is that I can’t feel anything at all. Including my gunshot wounds. Before, I could barely stay conscious they were so painful. Now…nothing.

There’s nothing.

Somehow she shoulders my weight until we get up the stairs and in the wheelhouse. Sensing my uselessness, Chloe deposits me on an empty chair and goes straight to the radio to call for Tyler.

My ears are ringing again, so I don’t hear their conversation. The only thing I can hear is the sound of Jones’ voice and the loudboomfrom the explosion that killed him.

Chloe’s feet appear in my line of vision and I follow her legs up to her waist and finally to her concerned face.

“I’m fine,” I croak out, but I don’t think she believes that either.

“They’re on their way. About ten minutes out. There were a lot of injuries from the last explosion and red tape to wade through. They haven’t found the captain yet, but they’ll send a search team out for him, too.”

I nod, but I don’t say anything. When the silence stretches between us, Chloe hops back up and says, “I’m going to see if I can figure out how to lift the anchor so we can meet them halfway.”

I close my eyes. Try as I might, when I try to call up Sheila Langford-Jones’ face, I can’t.

And it’s almost as bad as being responsible for her death.

I should remember her face. I have a vague recollection of a middle-aged woman, maybe dark hair? But aside from that, there’s not much else wiggling free in my fuzzy memories.

What bothers me is what I can remember. The weather. I can barely recall the face of the woman who died, but I can remember the goddamned weather. The awesome force of the gale that swept her boat out to sea. I remember the search grid. I remember the people, all of them, who are assigned to my team.

Apparently I can remember all of the things that didn’t matter, but the one supposed to be the most important of all, I don’t.

“Shit!” Chloe’s shriek breaks me out of my reverie.

I look up and find the wheelhouse empty. The hot lance of fear stabs through me so intensely, I’m up and across the room before a clear thought crosses my brain.

“Chloe?” I shout down the stairs. I take a few steps down and shout again. “Chloe!”

Her shadowed form appears at the bottom of the stairs. Her face is so white I can see it even though there are no lighted pillars near her.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

She opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but a choked sound is all that comes out. I start to go down the stairs to meet her, but she seems to shake herself out of it and she races up the stairs and past me.

“Chloe,” I say again. “What’s wrong?”

She doesn’t answer me. Instead she fumbles with the radio mic again and keys it up. “Tyler?” She slaps an impatient hand on the console and whispers “C’mon, c’mon” beneath her breath. “Tyler are you there?”

A garbled sound answers her and I take slow measured steps toward her. I didn’t think our situation could possibly get worse, but I should have known Jones wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily.

“We have a major problem,” she tells him. There’s another garbled response and then her shoulders heave as she steadies herself. “You guys need to keep back,” she says.

This time I can hear Tyler’s response because I’ve been taking steps closer without even thinking about it. “Keep back?” Tyler says. “What the hell are you talking about, Chloe? We need to get you two off of there. Gabe needs medical attention.”

“You can’t come near us.” She runs a shaking hand over her hair. “There’s a huge bomb in the engine room.”