Page 2 of An Omega Fox for Walker (Beartastic Summer of Love #4)

Fennec

I didn’t know true desperation until I became a shifter without an animal. My body and soul were snipped in half in a moment of sheer terror and confusion.

And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get him back.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. I’d decided to take one last shot, a real shot, at getting my fox back before I made peace with the fact that for the rest of my life, I might just be a shifter with no shift.

“Are you sure about this? You don’t even like the mountains.” My brother sat on the edge of my bed while I packed, eating chicken salad out of the container with a spoon. No chips. No crackers. Just Zeke and a spoon.

“What are you talking about? I like the mountains. We are foxes.” Well, Zeke was. I, technically, used to have a fox. Was I still a fox? Thoughts like this constantly plagued me. A broken record of what-ifs and what could’ve been.

“Then, how come you’ve never taken a trip to the mountains before now?”

I scoffed and stuffed a pair of jeans into my duffel.

Packing comfortable items was at the top of my list. This wasn’t a business trip or a family trip.

There was no one to impress or worry about someone judging my appearance.

Comfort was on my mind as I threw swim trunks and my favorite hoodie into the bag.

In case it was cold at night or something. “I have.”

He threw the spoon into the plastic container and lifted one eyebrow. “Let me rephrase, Fennec. Why haven’t you ever gone to the mountains on a vacation before?”

“Do you have a point, or are you just here to help me clean the perishables out of the fridge?”

“Both. What I’m saying is, you don’t have to go on vacation to get your fox back. It isn’t like getting pregnant.”

I sighed and shook my head. My brother was exhausting in the most adorable, younger-sibling kind of way. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him, but most of all, he was simply exasperating. “What?” I plopped down on the bed beside him and took a spoonful of salad.

“You know, when couples are having trouble getting pregnant and they say there’s too much pressure and stress around making a baby, so they take a vacation. Get away for a while and while they’re relaxed, boom, they get pregnant.”

“And you’re saying my fox isn’t like that. I’m not going to go to the mountains and relax and, boom, my fox comes out.”

“Right.”

I sighed. “I also need a change of scenery, Zeke. There are days lately where I feel like I could go through with my eyes closed and be fine. Life feels robotic and automatic.”

“I didn’t know. How long has this been going on?”

I shrugged. I never intended to confess to anyone the way I’d been going through life lately.

I’d hoped this trip would renew my joy or at least give me a good reset.

No one knew the depths of my emptiness. My parents and even my brother could never understand the way losing my fox felt, so sharing the pain seemed moot. “A few months.”

“Since the car accident?” he asked. See, this was the thing I wanted to avoid.

Even though I wasn’t hurt beyond a broken rib and some swelling and bruising, the event had become the center of all conversations.

With family. With friends. And I was grateful they were concerned about me, but talking about it grew stale—fast.

The accident was over six months ago. Sometimes, it seemed like it hadn’t been more than a day.

“No. Not really. Maybe three or four months. But I’m not getting my hopes up.” An absolute lie if there ever was one. “I’m going to have some downtime. No expectations. No rules. Just relaxation.”

“Have you considered therapy?”

“I have and, if my outlook isn’t better when I get back then, yeah, I think I need that.”

We sat in silence for a bit, but I had to get on the road soon.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Fen. I really do. You deserve a good life.”

He patted his belly and, I had to admit, I was jealous of my brother.

He and his alpha had announced they were expecting a few weeks before, and everyone was elated about it.

That was the other reason I didn’t bring up what was going on with me.

I’d been the focus of family gossip for long enough, and talking about the accident felt like stealing Zeke and Brandon’s thunder.

“I do. Thank you for saying that.”

Zeke stood. “I’m out, then. We have an appointment in a few hours, and Brandon wants to meet for brunch. Text me when you get there, okay? Let me know what’s going on.”

“Hey, you too. Let me know how my niece or nephew is doing. Give Brandon my best.”

We shared a hug, and I took a look around the apartment. I was only going to be gone for a week, but as I scanned the contents of my minimalist home, I realized how much I didn’t like the place. It was sparse and not on purpose. Simply four walls that gave me a place to sleep and live.

The other part of not having a fox? What alpha would want an omega shifter who couldn’t shift or have any communion with their animal?

I’d had friends who told me I was ridiculous, but the thought still lingered in my head, no matter how I tried to dismiss it.

Maybe there was an alpha out there who would overlook that glaring fact.