Page 21 of An Offer of Marriage (Engaged to Mr Darcy #7)

SCENES MIGHT ARISE UNPLEASANT TO ALL

M ore than anything did Elizabeth wish to return home to Longbourn, even if it did mean she had to explain things to her mother and father.

Her mother would take to her bed with an attack of nerves, but her father would manage things sensibly.

He would know how it must be done to minimise whatever damage her reputation might suffer.

Alas, she had Jane to consider as well, and Jane was assiduously compensating for the months of misery with days now spent by Mr Bingley’s side.

He had, most recently, invited her to call on his family in Grosvenor Street and Jane agreed, though the notion of it gave her great anxiety.

Elizabeth sat on her bed in their shared bedchamber, helping Jane prepare for the visit and doing her best to reassure her sister.

“How can I be easy knowing how little they wish to see me?” Jane asked. “For I know just how much the idea of me with their brother displeases them.”

“They would not dare be cruel,” Elizabeth said with great certainty, although in fact Mr Bingley’s sisters had not scrupled at being cruel to her .

“If they have no wish to heal the breach, then there is little you can do about it—but I suspect they know, as I do, that Mr Bingley has made a choice and there is no sense being at odds with him about it.”

“I hope you are correct.”

“I do not think Mr Bingley would take you there if he had not first taken them in hand.” Elizabeth rose and kissed her sister on the cheek. “Now go, for Mr Bingley has been without you now for nearly twelve hours. I fear for his health!”

“Oh, Lizzy,” said Jane. “And what about you? How will you spend your day?”

“My uncle means to take me shopping,” Elizabeth told her. “I suspect he pities me. Either that or my aunt has grown weary of me. Perhaps both are true.”

Elizabeth congratulated herself on her ability to seem well and light-hearted, for in truth, she felt quite the opposite.

She continuously sank into melancholic thoughts, felt constantly on the verge of weeping, and in all ways was tedious company.

Her uncle likely wished to talk to her about it; she hoped, rather than believed, he had hit upon some solution for her.

She joined Mr Gardiner in his carriage not too long after Jane departed. “Where shall we go, Uncle?”

“Oh, down about Piccadilly and Bond Street,” he replied cheerfully as the carriage began to move forwards. “I mean to buy my niece a gift.”

She smiled faintly. “You need not do that. You and my aunt have done far too much for Jane and I already. One sister’s sorrow has been remediated just as another has formed; it must be tiring for you both.”

“You know how much we adore you. We want only to see you happy.” Mr Gardiner paused then and added, “I went to see him.”

Elizabeth let out a little gasp. “Mr Darcy? When?”

“Yesterday afternoon. He was not at home…or else would not receive me.” Mr Gardiner shrugged. “Either way, it was a failed endeavour.”

“I am so very sorry.” Elizabeth felt her tears, ever present, well in her eyes. “That must have been embarrassing.”

“Not a bit,” said Mr Gardiner with a wave of his hand. “I choose to believe his man was in earnest, that Mr Darcy was away from home.”

“Mr Darcy is not a liar,” said Elizabeth. “I have to imagine he would rather his man tell you he did not wish to receive you, than construct a falsehood about it.”

“I agree. Regardless, I could be of no use to you.”

“I am not sure anything or anyone can be of any use,” she admitted. “I think perhaps I ought to return to Longbourn. My mother will be displeased with me, but there does not seem to be any sign of rapprochement here, so why stay?”

“Is rapprochement what you wish for?”

She had asked herself the very same question, many times over the last days.

What she wished for was a return to the way they were, when Darcy had openly made love to her, declared his feelings for her, and she had felt her entire world being made brighter by his presence.

That was surely impossible to imagine ever happening again.

But would she want to marry him as they were now?

She supposed if nothing else she would not wish for a husband who would greet problems with unbounded rage and a refusal to speak of it.

“I do not think my wishes signify at this point,” she said with a sigh.

“He is very angry and thinks me vile and cruel?— ”

“Which is nonsense,” Mr Gardiner retorted.

Elizabeth shrugged. “I am ashamed of how I was to him. Truly. His good opinion of me has been lost, I fear, and might never be altered. So it is not so much rapprochement for which I hope, but rather a new beginning.”

“I do not know if what you say is true, but to persuade a person to enter into an unhappy alliance?—”

“Injures more than just the two,” Elizabeth finished. “As I know very well. When one partner in the marriage does not at least like and respect the other, it is unhappy for both. But I do like and respect Mr Darcy. And in time I would have grown to love him. Perhaps I already did.”

There was a short pause while Mr Gardiner considered that.

“Do not wave the white flag just yet,” Mr Gardiner advised. “I have no doubt the shock of all of this has produced something of a righteous fury. But it will ebb, in time, and then you might have a rational conversation with him.”

“I do not know,” she admitted. “It surely does not seem that time has done anything to help any of this as yet.”

As the carriage came near the busy area which surrounded the exclusive area of shopping, movement came to a near halt.

They inched forwards for nearly a quarter of an hour, accomplishing little in the way of progress.

It was growing warm in the carriage, and eventually Elizabeth suggested to her uncle that they remove from the carriage and walk the rest of the way to the shops.

“A fine notion,” Mr Gardiner agreed and knocked on the ceiling to let the coachman know.

He helped Elizabeth out and then instructed his driver on where to wait for them.

Then they began a pleasant stroll among the throng.

They were on a street Elizabeth had never travelled before, even though she had been in the area many times with her aunt.

“Ladies ought not to walk this street alone,” Mr Gardiner advised. “Only in the company of a man. There are a number of gentlemen’s clubs on this street, and for a woman to walk among them unescorted looks…unseemly.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I think I understand you, Uncle.”

“You see there? That one is White’s club, which I daresay is London’s most exclusive gentlemen’s club.” Mr Gardiner smiled at Elizabeth. “It will be a cold day in Hades before the likes of me is sitting in the bow window, no matter how much money I make.”

“The bow window?”

“You see how that one area juts out? I am told it is a matter of great honour to be sitting there, seeing and being seen. I daresay if they permitted women to join, you would wish to sit there, eh?”

Elizabeth looked over at the aforementioned window—and immediately wished she had not. There, in the window, sat Mr Darcy.

It surprised her, the pang she felt for him, sitting there so still with his cousin Saye, and other men she did not recognise.

Alas, she permitted her eyes to linger too long.

He had been sitting at an angle but suddenly turned and looked out on the street, directly meeting her gaze.

She yelped and nearly stumbled backwards.

“Lizzy?” Mr Gardiner hurriedly put his hand on her elbow. “What is the?—”

“Mr Darcy,” she choked. “He is sitting in the window. He saw me.”

“No, no,” said Mr Gardiner. “I doubt he did, it likely only seemed that way. ”

“We have to go,” she said urgently. “Right now, hurry, let us go.”

She would have broken into a run, right there, but Mr Gardiner grabbed her elbow. “Slow down,” he cautioned. “This is London, not a pasture, and we must behave decorously. Take my arm, and stroll with as much nonchalance as you can.”

She trembled with fear and embarrassment but did as her uncle asked, praying that he was correct, that Darcy had not actually seen her.

Perhaps there was a glare , she thought hopefully.

Or maybe his attention was drawn by something or someone else.

He would likely wish nothing to do with me even if he did see me.

Mr Gardiner spoke in low, reassuring tones as they began to move as if they had not a care in the world. “If he did not wish to speak to you before, he is unlikely to wish it now either.”

“I hope you are?—”

“What in the blazes are you doing here?” A deep, loud voice interrupted them.

Elizabeth turned to find a terrifyingly furious man standing in front of her. She was struck mute by Darcy’s presence, his rage. There was nothing in her mind that seemed an adequate speech; indeed, she felt as if she might vomit.

“Are you attempting to insert yourself here?” Darcy demanded.

“Into a gentlemen’s club?” She managed a weak laugh. “No, I was not thinking?—”

“Mr Darcy, see here,” Mr Gardiner began.

“You will stop following me,” Darcy hissed with a jab of a pointed finger towards her. “Leave off! ”

“I am not following you,” she protested.

Very calmly, Mr Gardiner said, “My niece and I were merely walking here, Mr Darcy. She had no more idea of you being on this street than anyone.”

Darcy did not acknowledge him. “Letter after letter,” he said through a clenched jaw. “Where was so much devotion before? Is it all still a joke to you?”

She made, then, the mistake of raising her gaze to behold his face.

The lines of his countenance bespoke fury, but in his eyes, there was far worse.

Despair, desolation, his own pain naked for her to see.

It was much, much worse than seeing his rage and she stepped backwards, then turned on her heel and began to run.

Darcy called after her, “Elizabeth, come back here right now!”

She heard Mr Gardiner say something but she could not care and certainly would not stop.

A group of three men impeded her progress and she pushed through them, going faster and faster to get this fresh humiliation behind her.

She kept her head down, which occasionally caused a stumble or a bump into someone in the crowd, but she kept going, mumbling apologies as needed.

Mr Gardiner’s carriage must be lingering near, if she could only get to the carriage and throw herself in it.

In it, under it…she no longer cared either way.

She saw Mr Gardiner’s carriage as soon as she rounded the corner. A sob of relief escaped her as she hastened to it, not waiting for any assistance before scrambling inside and nearly falling into the plush squabs. Then she sat, trying to catch her breath and suppress the tears that threatened.

When Mr Gardiner arrived some minutes later, he was clearly agitated. His colour was high and his mouth, which was almost always bent into a smile, was set in an unfamiliar grim line. He rapped on the roof and barked out, “Drive on” before even looking at his niece.

As soon as they were moving, Elizabeth blurted out, “I am so sorry.”

“No, no.” Mr Gardiner removed his hat and rubbed a gloved hand across his face. “It is I who am sorry. I persuaded you to go down there and now this! I could not have imagined Mr Darcy to behave in such a way, and right in the middle of the street!”

“Was he very rude to you after I ran off?”

“He was not rude,” said her uncle. “He is…it is clear he is very distraught over…you.”

“Over my cruelty is more like it.”

“You said some things in a time of high emotion that were unfortunately put to paper,” said Mr Gardiner dismissively. “And to a dear friend, no less. Alas, I tried to explain that to him…” Mr Gardiner shook his head which described enough the lack of success he had had in that endeavour.

“Thank you,” Elizabeth said in a small, meek voice. “I confess, Uncle, that your kindness in this regard notwithstanding, knowing that I have hurt him so…” Further words fell into a hiccoughing sob, but she did not give way to more tears.

“In any case, I tried to reason with him, but it was clear he is not yet prepared to hear sense. He…well, he rather dressed me down in reply?—”

“Oh no! I am so sorry!”

“And I soon realised you had had the right of it in fleeing from him. No use standing there creating a scene. In truth I am sorry I attempted to intervene. I only hope there were not too many of my associates there to see it.”

Elizabeth did not know what to say to that save to offer further apologies. She was embarrassing everyone in her family and leaving ruination in her wake.