Page 28

“My Sexuality (a bi-ographical update)”

Walter Holland Speaks

(Open on Walter awkwardly perched in a chair in the center of a frame—a navy-blue wall is visible behind him, featuring several

larger-than-life framed pictures of his cat, Vinny.)

Hi! (waves awkwardly) So... as you can probably guess from the title, I’ve got kind of a different video for you guys today. (nervous laughter) Yeah.

Anyway, first of all—hi, I’m Walter Holland, welcome to my channel—and I will love you very dearly if you subscribe, comment,

click the bell, appease the algorithm gods, you know the drill.

Um, yeah. (double thumbs up) Okay, jumping right in. (laughs nervously) This feels so weird.

(Quick cut—Walter’s in the same spot, but he’s pinned a bi flag in the background, and he’s wearing a t-shirt that reads:

“I’m bi, actually” with a picture of Nick Nelson from Heartstopper.)

So... BI the way (exaggerated nerdy wink ), I have a bit of an announcement.

I, Walter Joshua Holland, am what’s known as a useless bisexual.

(applause sound effect)

Which basically means two things: 1. I am up for dating people of any gender, and 2. I have no rizz and will absolutely be single forever despite my theoretically expanded dating pool.

(finger guns)

So—hi! I’m bi!

(a few speech bubbles pop up in the background reading: “he’s a poet” “is that you, lord bi-ron?” “groundbreaking”)

And since I’m me, I’m gonna walk you through my whole “journey” (air quotes) with a level of detail literally no one asked for.

(more applause sounds)

Seriously, feel free to skip this—I have no idea if anyone even wants to know this. But! In case it’s helpful—

(Title card pops up: Our Hero Bi-wakens)

(Back to Walter, with the camera zoomed in a bit closer than before.)

It’s wild, because there really weren’t any clues.

(Camera zooms out to show Walter sitting in an unhinged pose on his bed, with one leg triangled up and the other triangled

flat beside him. We then get a few quick cuts showing:

— his bookcase full of queer YA books

— David Bowie poster

— Converse sneakers

— cat photos

— a rapid series of still frames from videos where he’s giving finger guns, ending on one from earlier in this video)

(Back to Walter, camera zoomed back to normal)

For real, though. I... despite (gestures vaguely) everything, I didn’t know. Up until the point that I did. Which—I know, it’s the opposite of a revelation, but—

I guess what I mean is denial is REAL. Like. When I tell you I had, like, full-on crushes on several dudes...

But then (finger up) I also had full-on crushes on girls.

Which seems like a pretty straightforward equation, right?

(typed words pop up: crush on my gender + crush on different genders = some kind of queer (duh))

You would think!

(letters tumble out of frame)

I just... spent a pretty long time overthinking it, I guess. Like I’d have these cycles of uncertainty, where one day I’d

be like, “Huh, I guess I’m definitely bi.”

But then two days later, I’m like, “Wait, maybe I’m GAY.”

Except then it’s like, “Okay but did I ACTUALLY feel attracted to that dude though?” Because, like—this is hard to explain, maybe it’s just my weird brain, but—I don’t know, maybe you get it.

Because it’s impossible to remember an actual feeling, right?

Like, hear me out. I’m not saying that I forgot I had a gay thought. It’s more like—I remember the inner monologue but not

the feeling itself. You know what I mean? Like, I remember the internal experience of my brain saying, “Whoa that dude just

made eye contact and I sure am feeling a certain way about it!”

But that’s not the same as remembering the FEELING. Because you don’t actually remember feelings—you remember their echoes.

And eventually it all just starts to feel like a thing you made up. Like a story.

(long-haired black cat jumps onto bed, backs into Walter’s lap with his butt in the air)

Oh, hello, Vinny Vidi Vici, Lil Stink. Fancy meeting you here. Say hi to the people. Yeah, that’s right—you are a stinker.

(Vinny snuggles and purrs)

(cuts to a minute later, with Vinny settled in Walter’s lap)

Anyway, for me, that made it easier to second-guess everything. Does that make any sense at all? Leave a clown emoji in the

comments if this sounds like bullshit.

No, don’t—oh my God, don’t. Be nice in my comments, pleeeeeease. This is weird for me! Coming out is weird! Picking a label is super weird, because what if I pick wrong, and it’s like, well! Now it’s on the internet.

(Vinny looks up)

(finger guns at Vinny)

So yeah! I guess a part of me thinks I just have to rip the band-aid off and say it, just to see if saying it feels right.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I love you guys. Thanks for being here. I know I’m still finding my footing here, and it’s not

exactly the Drama Clash content you guys are used to, but I’m just really grateful to have this community.