Page 20

Chapter 20

North

I said I was going to call Dad, but I realize halfway outside that he isn’t the person I actually need in this situation. It’s funny, because I’ve been trying to avoid bringing Wylder into this any more than I already have—I definitely haven’t wanted to tell him any more about Ranen…

But there’s really only one way I’m going to be able to figure out exactly who the fucker after him is. It’s a favor I don’t want to ask, because I know it’s going to mean Wylder owing someone else a favor, but at this point… I can’t do this anymore.

The asshole used his name.

He knows where he lives.

He knows exactly how Ranen looks when he’s hurt…

And…

I’m in too deep.

I can’t control my emotions—I can’t keep on the mask that keeps Ranen from seeing exactly what kind of monster I am.

I need to know he’s safe. I need to have my hands around the neck of the motherfucker who keeps terrorizing him. It’s a twisting, dark emotion in my chest, and if I don’t sate it soon, I’m going to slip.

I’m going to break.

I scowl and flip off the creep who runs the apartment, as I go outside and take a few steps to the left so I can lean against the wall. I don’t like leaving Ranen alone, even if it’s only for a few minutes. From my position, I can watch the door and make sure no one untoward goes inside. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can do. I have to go outside, because I can’t risk Ranen hearing what I’m going to say.

And honestly, if I’d stayed in the apartment, I probably would have followed him into the shower and fucked him again.

Wylder answers on the second ring, and I can tell by his tone that he knows what this is about.

“You really do have it bad, huh?”

Fuck . What’s the easiest way to get what I want here?

“Yes,” I finally answer, and I hear him let out a breath like he didn’t think I’d actually be honest about it. “Wylder, listen… I need your help.”

I hate the tone of my voice, the way it sounds like it did when we were kids and I’d end up picking a fight with someone bigger than me. I was more than ready to slit their throat, but Wylder was always there to have my back, always there to make sure I didn’t make a mess I couldn’t clean up.

Maybe I missed him more than I thought I did.

“North…” His usually deep voice is softer than usual, and I’m not sure if it means he’s going to tell me to fuck off for my own good, or that he actually wants to help me. I wait silently for him to answer, and I think he’s actually trying to figure out which one it’s going to be too. “You know I’m always here when you need me, North.”

The relief that sweeps over me is almost instant, some of the tension running out of my shoulders and making me lean fully against the brick front of the apartment.

“Thank you. I just… I need you to figure out who’s after Ranen.”

There’s another moment of silence, and when Wylder answers this time, his voice comes out slower, unsure. “I mean… I can probably do about as much as you can. If you need someone to watch him while you hunt—”

“It’s not that.” I cut him off. “That’s the problem. This shit is virtual. I can’t just track him down as easily. I’ve tried. He covers his ass more than the other ones did… Wylder, I need you to find someone who can track him down if I give you access to Ranen’s profile.”

I know what I’m asking. Wylder knows what I’m asking. He has contacts, but in our world, nothing really comes for free.

“North…” He takes a breath and pauses, a low groan coming from his chest. “How important is this to you?”

“I… fuck. Wylder, nothing has ever mattered this much.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own. It’s low and growly, but there’s a streak of pain and confusion running through it that reaches into my chest and threatens to drown me in the enormity of my confession. The words are there on the tip of my tongue, but I have to say them to Ranen first.

That seems important.

“It’s like that, huh?” My brother knows. I don’t have to say it. He sighs again and blows out a breath. “I’ll make some calls. And when whatever asshole I connect with tells me I owe them a favor, I’m coming after your ass to help me return it, understood?”

He sounds reluctant, but determined.

“I do. Thank you, I—”

“I’m not done yet.” This time, he’s the one who cuts me off. “I’m coming to town. If I’m going to throw myself to the wolves, I want to meet this Ranen.” His voice lowers to a mutter, and I think I hear the words “going to be my brother soon, anyway , ” but I ignore them.

“Whatever you want, Wylder.” I’ve never made a promise so easily. I’m willing to give whatever it takes to keep Ranen safe. I’m willing to have my brother call in favors that I know he doesn’t want to call in.

I’d risk it all.

“I’ll call you once I figure something out.”

“Thank you.”

“You owe me, brother,” Wylder grumbles, then hangs up before I can say anything else.

I blow out another breath, running my fingers through my hair with a soft sigh. His connections will take a while, and I know that. It’s one of the other reasons I hadn’t asked him for help yet. I was sure the fucker after Ranen would make a mistake by now, but he’s only threatened him.

Made him uneasy.

Been a presence in our life I can’t seem to erase.

I send off Ranen’s website and login information to Wylder with a low grumble. This is another reason I didn’t actually want to ask my brother for help. He’s going to have access to all of Ranen’s information—his shows, his life. I’m not ashamed of what he does, but the thought of my brother seeing my man naked is…

I don’t like it.

I stuff my phone into my pocket and head back inside, wondering whether Ranen is still in the shower. I’m halfway to the apartment when I feel something before I see it—something’s wrong. And like my brain is just taking a second to catch up with what my instincts are telling me, I’m running before I realize what’s going on.

The door is open, and I barely have the mind to close it behind me as I race inside… But there’s someone in there with him, and I know…

I know that what I’m about to do has to be done behind closed doors.

No one can know.

No one but Ranen and the dead man, who’s standing in front of him with a knife.

I’ve felt a lot of things while I was killing people before—satisfaction, ambivalence, rage.

I’ve never felt this . It’s some strange mixture of pure fury and a deadly chill. It’s a coldness that settles into my stomach and spreads throughout my body, a sensation that’s almost numbing even as I step forward and grab Ranen’s landlord—because of course it was his fucking landlord— and jerk him toward me. I don’t even feel it when the knife he’s holding runs across my arm and leaves a trail of blood sluicing down my wrist. It doesn’t matter. I raise one hand and hear a loud snap as the knife falls from his broken wrist. The other lifts and wraps around his throat, cutting off the sound he was about to make.

My eyes drift to Ranen. Ranen, who has a splotch of red on his face. Ranen, who is seeing me without my mask for the first time. Ranen, who all this is for to begin with.

Is it appropriate to tell someone you love them while you’re squeezing the life out of their attacker?

The words die on my tongue, and I turn my eyes back to the fucker in my hands. I can feel his pulse thundering beneath my fingertips, can hear the ragged little gasps of air he’s trying to draw in beneath my grip.

“You don’t know how much I want to take my time.” I lean in, starting to squeeze. His eyes bulge, his face going a mottled red. “You don’t know how much I would love to tie you down and keep you screaming for months. You’re lucky he’s here. You’re so fucking lucky I don’t have more time.” I squeeze harder, and he whines in my hand like some broken thing before a loud, terrible crunch sounds through the air. His windpipe caves in, and he scrambles at my arm, his fingers tearing at the cut he left behind, his body jerking and attempting to free himself.

His lips work like he’s trying to say something, and I just shake my head.

“Fuck you. Ranen is mine , and you’re a dead man.” I squeeze harder, until the violent pounding beneath my fingers stops. Until he’s dead.

When I drop him unceremoniously to the floor and look up, Ranen is staring at me, pale and wide-eyed.

And there it is.

The moment I was trying to avoid.

The thing I wanted to keep from him—the thing I needed to tell him.

“Ranen, I—”

“You’re… North…” He stumbles forward, his steps uneasy, his lips trembling. “You’re hurt.”

You’re hurt , he says.

Not you’re a monster.

Not you’re a killer.

Just you’re hurt.

His fingers are so gentle when he takes my hand and pulls me over the dead body on the floor so he can look at my arm. He’s pale and shaking, but he’s touching me.

“Ranen,” I say his name carefully, because I realize something is happening inside me. Something more feral than the kill I just made. “Stop.”

“No, you’re hurt. I need to call a doctor, or…” His eyes drop to the ground and he goes even paler. “No, I can’t do that. They’d see… I need to wrap it up, at least, I—”

“Ranen,” I pull my arm out of his grip and raise my bloody hand, taking his face and turning his eyes up to look at me. It streaks crimson across his pale skin, and that thing in my chest twists again. “I just killed someone.”

“I know. I know, and it’s okay. It’s okay, because you’re okay, and I’m okay. It’s—”

I can’t think straight. My blood is on his skin, and there’s a dead man behind me, and Ranen isn’t pushing me away. He isn’t calling the cops.

They’d see , he said.

Like he wants to keep me safe.

Like he wants to keep this a secret.

He…

My lips crash forward, my tongue demanding entrance into his mouth before I have a chance to think about it.

It’s wrong . He was just nearly attacked again—he was hit. I just killed someone, and there’s a dead body on the ground behind us, and all I can think about is crawling inside his skin and eating him from the inside out because he was worried about me instead of pushing me away.

He looked my monster in the eyes and still took my hand.

He saw me and didn’t run.

I’ve never wanted to keep something as much as I needed to keep him.

He’s stiff in my arms for just a second, and I worry I read the situation wrong. And then a small, wild, desperate sound escapes his throat and his arms wrap around me, his mouth opening to my demands. My tongue plunges into the heat of him, licking deep enough I wonder whether he can breathe around it. It’s not enough.

I need more.

I sweep everything off his countertop and lift him without thinking, and my blood makes him nearly slip in my arms, spattering in droplets across the counter as a low sound tears from his chest.

“North—” He gasps my name when I dive to his throat, sucking a bruise against his skin like a man possessed. “North, your arm.”

“Don’t care,” I rumble, and then bite down on the juncture between his shoulder and neck. It makes him cry out and leaves perfect imprints of my teeth against his skin.

It’s still not enough.

I step back long enough to tear his clothes from his body, getting little punched-out hitches of his breath as I do. I don’t have it in me to be careful or easy; I just know Ranen saw me and he isn’t pushing me away.

I just know if I don’t claim him right here, right now, I’m going to fucking die .

My mouth drops to his bare skin and I suck a bruise against that paleness. I keep doing it in a low trail along his chest, across his abdomen. I lick and bite until his upper body is covered in my marks—fuck, he marks up so easily—and my cock is leaking with how much it turns me on.

How much I want to write my name on his skin.

I settle for stepping back long enough to unfasten my pants so I can pull my cock out. My bloody fingers are warm when I stroke my length, and Ranen’s eyes drop to the motion. He doesn’t tell me to stop when I step forward and take his dick in my hand. He doesn’t try to stop me at all when I start fucking us both with my blood and the evidence of the dead man still warm on the ground.

He doesn’t stop me. He just wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer, rolling his body up like he can feel the desperate emotion roaring through me… like it’s bleeding into the air and wrapping him in the same frenzy that’s completely sweeping me up.

We’re both lost in the same ocean, riding on the waves of death—a thing so solid, so real, so present that I feel fused to Ranen. I cut myself open and offered up my heart, and he held it in gentle hands and said I see you without saying anything at all.

This is more than words.

This is everything.

This is forever .

“I need more,” I groan out, and he nods and presses back, laying on the countertop and spreading his legs so I can step into him. I take a moment, painting his stomach, his legs, his thighs with red.

Red, red, red. My blood’s on his skin, and he’s not pushing me away.

Ranen is perfect.

When I look up, the crimson of my handprint stands stark against his cheek, and his pupils are so blown I feel like I could get lost in the darkness of that eternity. I don’t think when I drop my hand so blood can pool in my palm, slick across my fingers… and I don’t think when I lift them and tunnel into his ass without warning. He’s still a little loose and slippery from us fucking less than an hour ago, but I pump my fingers in and out of him greedily, watching him whine and work his body, fucking himself on my hand until I can’t stand it anymore. I pull back and replace the digits with my dick, thrusting hard and fast.

The air punches from his lungs, and he gasps my name as I start fucking him.

I can’t be gentle. I can’t be easy. I can’t do anything but fuck him like the animal I am, grabbing his hips and jerking him to the edge of the counter so I have access to all of him, every part, every piece.

The sound of skin smacking skin, the wetness of blood, the hitching of his breath, and the low growls tearing from me pounds in my ears.

When Ranen lifts his hand to grab his cock, I shake my head, and my fingers wrap around both of his wrists, using them as leverage so I can drive even deeper into him.

I want him to come on my cock alone.

I want to see him fly apart.

I want—

“North,” he whines, his voice high and thready, desperate in all the ways I need it to be. “Fuck, fuck, fuck .”

“Mine.” I growl it out—a word I’ve said before that holds so much more weight now. “You’re fucking mine Ranen. Every part of you. Every piece of you. All mine. Only mine. No one else gets to touch you.”

I fuck into him harder and he squirms. Trying to get away. Trying to get closer.

“North—”

“Tell me you’re mine.”

“Yours.” He gasps it.

“Even though you’ve seen me.” My hips piston into him until I’m sure if the counter wasn’t anchored to the floor, it would be jumping across the room. He looks at me with wide eyes and nods.

“Yes.”

“Even though you know me.”

“Fuck, North, yes.” He cries it again, fingers trying to twist, to get hold of me. His legs wrap around me instead, like that will bring me closer.

I finally let go of his wrist and lift my hand, pressing it over his heart.

Leaving a bloody print there, like it can somehow seal the next words I’m about to say.

“Even though you know I’m a killer.”

Ranen’s eyes go wide, but his hands fly up and he takes hold of my wrist.

“You’re mine, North. You’re mine too.”

Too much.

It’s too much. The way he holds me, the way he looks me in my eyes and drinks my confession down with greedy touches. His body spasms a second before mine, and I angle my hips and get drunk on the feel of his heart thundering beneath my palm as he comes on my cock without his dick being touched.

He comes from my words.

From my blood.

From our need .

And then I’m coming too at the feel of his tight little hole squeezing and clenching around me with its own unspoken demands, filling him as he cries out my name and he clings and writhes and rocks on my cock until he’s all wrung out beneath me.

And when I pull out, the mixture of cum and blood that leaks from his ass is… fuck. Intoxicating.

My gaze lifts from his leaking hole to the perfect print of my hand on his chest, my teeth marks and hickeys scattered all across his skin… and finally to his eyes. He’s panting, wrung out, face flushed as he lifts his gaze to meet mine. It takes him three tries to speak, licking his lips and finally drawing enough breath to get the words out.

“North… I think we need to talk.”