Page 12 of Always There Bayou (The BR Bayou #3)

So, instead, I wrapped my arms around their waist and rested my head on their chest, letting out a shaky breath as tears fell from my eyes.

I was overwhelmed and felt the bridge slowly cracking.

They don’t say anything but gently hug me back as I cry softly into their arms. After a few minutes, they coaxed me over to the bed, and they held me as I let myself become consumed by my emotions.

I can’t tell you how many times we’d been in this same position, but I was always thankful that they were never too far away when I needed them.

It was at that exact moment that I realized that their words from earlier might be more than just a drunken confession.

I could see what my family was pointing out and had, no doubt, been seeing for years now, yet I’d been too oblivious.

Shit.

“One sentence,” they whisper, and I look up at them. They wipe a few tears from my face and smile softly. “Give me one sentence about how you’re feeling right now. ”

I thought for a second and fought hard to say what I wanted to say. So, I went with a safer, more expected option by saying, “I miss my mom.”

“I know, Cory. I do,” they sigh, hugging me tighter. “I miss mine too.”

We lay there in each other’s arms as we thought about our parents.

It’s been about 15 years since my mom passed away from an overdose, and I’ve been trying my best to block it out since.

I never talked about it, and I hated when people brought it up because it hurt too fucking much.

I blamed myself for not trying harder to get her the help she needed, and in turn, she was consumed by the temptations around her.

I can still remember the day clearly as hell.

I’d come home from staying the weekend at Denny’s house to find my dad waiting for me, a somber expression on his face.

When I asked him what was wrong, he informed me that my mom had passed away only a few hours prior.

He was still her emergency contact at the hospital, so they called him, but by the time he got there, she was gone.

I was devastated because I’d just seen her a few days prior, trying to convince her one last time to get help.

I was depressed for weeks, blaming myself for leaving her apartment that night instead of trying harder to get her to come with me.

I felt like the worst daughter in the world, and I think that’s the most I ever cried in my life.

I think that’s also around the time when I decided that whatever bad luck I got in life was purely because I deserved it.

Part of me knew that’s why I allowed Christie to walk all over me like she did.

I knew deep down that the relationship was doomed from the moment she stepped out, yet I unknowingly decided that I deserved what I got.

Yes, it’s toxic, but it was a coping mechanism that I’d picked up years ago.

I blamed myself for waiting so long to tell my dad how bad things had gotten at home, resulting in my siblings being exposed to shit they shouldn’t have been.

I had so many regrets, and sometimes I felt like I was so closed off because of it.

I felt guilty about shit that I knew I shouldn’t feel guilty about.

It was just that anxiety and panic took control every time, and I had no idea how to stop it.

I knew that using Denny as my comfort person wouldn’t last forever.

Maybe I did need to go sit on that lady’s couch…

“You know she loved you, right?” Denny asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I sigh, nodding. “Cory, you are not to blame for what happened, and you never will be. At the end of the day, your mom was an adult and made her own choices. I’m sorry that she didn’t get the help that we both wanted her to get, but that is not your fault. ”

“I know, but…”

“Nope,” they say, pulling away a bit to look at me.

“I don’t care what your brain is trying to get you to believe; it was not your fault.

And it also wasn’t your fault that you and your siblings had to go through what you went through when you were younger.

It’s not your fault that that piece of shit hurt you while you were trying to stand up for your mom and siblings.

None of it is your fault, so don’t even go there. ”

“How are you always able to read my mind?” I chuckle nervously.

“Cory, you should know by now that no one knows you better than I do,” they chuckle softly. “I know every mood swing, every fidget, every look. You and I have shared a connection since we were eleven. We're like one person at this point. You’re the brain and I’m the heart.”

“Why am I not the heart?” I laugh.

“Because I’m nicer than you,” they smirk.

“Besides, you’ve always been the more logical one.

I mean, you’re moody as hell, like a grumpy Smurf, but you’re able to think fast under pressure.

If we were in the woods, you’d know how to help us survive while I’d be too busy somewhere admiring the birds. ”

“There’s so much shit to unpack here,” I continue to laugh as I sit up. They follow suit, a bright smile on their face. “First of all, did you just call me a Smurf?”

“Uh, correction, I called you a grumpy Smurf,” they giggled as my hands slowly traveled to their waist. Their eyes go wide. “Don’t you dare, Cory!”

“You know what’s coming, Bunny,” I smirk as I inch closer to them. They squeal as I begin to tickle them. They swat my hands away as their laughter fills the room and my heart. I wanted to fill a jar with it and keep it for hard times.

“Stop, Cory!” they continue to laugh, falling onto their back as I hover over them.

I let up on the tickling as I stared down at them.

They don’t say anything, but their cheeks are flushed from all the laughter.

They were so gorgeous as they lay there, and the only thing going through my mind was how much I wanted to please them in every way possible.

I wanted to care for them and their body, and I was tired of depriving myself of that privilege.

“What’s wrong, Corduroy?” they ask as they reach up to caress my cheek. I lean into their touch, never taking my eyes off them. “What’s on your mind?”

“Denny, what would you say if I told you that…”

Before I can finish, my phone rings and I groan, reluctantly pulling away from them. I sit on the edge of the bed as Denny sits up slowly. I pull my phone from my pocket and sigh deeply when I see that it’s Christie calling. I glance over at Denny and see their expression turning annoyed.

I answer the phone on speaker, never taking my eyes off Denny, who pretends to preoccupy themself with the lint on their pants.

“What’s up, Christie?” I answer nonchalantly.

“Oooh, is that any way to answer the love of your life?” she giggles. Denny scoffs, and I can’t help the smirk that appears on my face. “Where are you? I thought I could stop by to talk about some things with you. I miss you.”

“Yeah, I have to talk to you too,” I reply, leaning over to place a hand on Denny’s thigh.

They freeze, looking up at me. I wanted them to hear what I was about to say.

I felt like now was the perfect time to show them that I was ready to let go of my past. “Christie, I think we need to go ahead and stop playing with each other. I haven’t seen or heard from you in damn near a month, and I’m tired of this back-and-forth shit.

I’m tired of waiting for you to get your shit together. ”

“Cory, wait, what are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?!” she asks, and Denny’s jaw drops. With every passing second, I wanted them more and more. “Wait, Cory, baby! I promise I’m ready to be with you and only you-”

“Nah, I don’t care,” I say, cutting her off. “Just have your shit up outta my apartment by the end of the day.”

“Fuck you, Cory! Where the hell am I gonna go?” she screams, and I glare at the phone like she could see me.

“I don't know, and I also don’t care,” I tell her. “Wherever the hell you've been resting your head these last few weeks is exactly where you need to return to. I’m serious, Christie. We’re done.”

I hang up before she can reply and toss the phone on the bedside table before turning my attention back to Denny. They look unsure of what to do next, but I smile and motion for them to come closer. When they do, I lean closer to them. Their breath hitches, and my smile gets wider.

“Like I was saying, I need to tell you something. Would you like to hear it?” I ask.

“S-Sure,” they stutter, never taking their eyes off me.

I open my mouth to say what I want to say, but then a sudden wave of anxiety rushes over me.

My confidence vanishes at the speed of light, and I freeze, thoughts of never being able to be the perfect partner once again plaguing my brain.

It was overwhelming, and I quickly pulled away.

They were even more confused, and I hated myself for it .

“Uh, um,” I stuttered, trying to think of any excuse I could. They patted me on the shoulder, nodding.

“It’s okay, Cory,” they assure me, their voice soft but full of slight disappointment. “I get it.”

“I’m sorry, Denny. I just-”

“I promise, it’s fine,” they assure me, climbing out of bed. “Now come on and let's go make sure your ex doesn’t steal anything.”

I laugh at the joke, but I feel somber.

If I kept this up, I would never have Denny.

And I wanted them so fucking much.