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We’ll Be Right Back, Folks!

The screen stays black for a moment. Everything hangs, silent, still.

“Incredible! Just incredible!”

Talia singsongs as she bursts forth in a flurry of Sharp Purple swirls and trumpets—as if Marsh has just won the lottery, not discovered that Ren himself was the long-lost season two contestant whose season mysteriously vanished without a trace.

“What an exciting cliffhanger before our season finale!”

JesterG: Cliffhanger?! Don’t you mean train wreck??

LunaMágica : I can’t believe it! Ren has been the season two contestant all along!!!

Notamackerel: The show is totally out of control!

TopFan01: Come on, friends. We’re all on the same side—Marsh’s! Her most important episode is up next. Let’s stay supportive!

“Life has just gotten better and better for our heroine, even as it’s gotten more complicated. It wouldn’t be worth it otherwise, right?” Talia winks. “In the second half of her season, Marsh has embraced the magnificent power of All This and More to the fullest. She’s visited a hundred different paths, and tried a hundred different things, to discover the best possible version of her life at last.”

Monsterrific: Wait, Talia is seriously not going to address that last twist?!

YanYan242: Maybe she doesn’t know?

StrikeF0rce: How could she not?!

LunaMágica: Maybe Ren tricked her, too?

JesterG: I dunno—but I have a bad feeling about this...

“And now, the time has come for Marsh to make her final choice, and return the new, amazing life she’s built to the real world!” Talia cries desperately, and a montage of the last few episodes begins to play behind her, heavily sanitized—all mentions of Chrysalis scrubbed and clips where Marsh looks the most confused or afraid conveniently cut. It ends with Marsh, Ren, and Harper on the summit of Victoria Peak, awestruck by the panorama of skyscrapers and color and lush green below them, Ren’s engagement ring sparkling on Marsh’s finger as she puts a hand over her heart.

Notamackerel: We can’t let the show send her into the finale like this!

Moms4Marsh: For the love of God, shut up and leave Marsh alone! These are her choices, not yours!

LunaMágica: Her choices? What about Chrysalis?

Notamackerel: What about DYLAN???

Suddenly, everything inverts like a photograph negative, and Talia becomes a ghost of herself as the All This and More scrolling marquee behind her turns into a flickering roulette of random symbols.

StrikeF0rce: What the—?!

The music screeches, but Talia snaps into action, bending everything back into place with just a slight falter in her normally polished expression.

“With only the finale episode left until her season is over, will our darling Marsh manage to get everything she’s ever wanted? Or will she run out of time before she can make her life as perfect as it can be?” she asks, tossing her hair slightly so it falls just right again.

TopFan01: Quick, visit our fan page to enter your guess for what Marsh’s final choices will be!

“Hold on to your hats, loyal viewers, because you’re about to find out!” she cries as everything judders again, static snow falling as the background fractures into multicolored bars.

Notamackerel: The whole thing is glitching out! Marsh is in serious danger!

Talia’s red nails dig into the edges of the frame as she wrenches it back into focus, her dazzling smile clinging fiercely to her lips.

“Stay tuned for our exhilarating season finale!”